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Just as Izumi was putting the finishing touches on her makeup, she heard a familiar pair of voices coming from the lounge.
“Dunno why you’re getting so worked up.”
“’Cause it’s fuckin’ weird, that’s why!”
“S’only weird if you make it weird.”
“If anyone’s making it weird, it’s YOU, dicknips!”
“’Dicknips’? That’s a new one.”
“Fuck you!”
“No, go back to ‘dicknips’. At least that one was creative.”
“Fuck you!”
Izumi sighed. She didn’t want to deal with Banri and Juza’s flirting this early in the morning, especially before she’d had her coffee. But Sakyo was out today on Ginsenkai business, so it fell to her to make sure the Mankai Company’s most infamous power couple didn’t murder each other before breakfast.
She squinted in the mirror for a moment, practicing her very best Sakyo glare – then with a satisfied nod, she strode out of her room and headed for the lounge.
She stepped into the room right as Itaru and Azuma entered from the first-floor hallway and second-floor staircase, respectively. The three of them shared a look of understanding; it seemed they’d all had the same idea. With a silent nod, Itaru made a beeline for the coffee maker; Azuma winked before heading for the fridge; and Izumi grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl before approaching the couches.
Juza sat at the coffee table, humming a tuneless melody and sprinkling his French toast with an obscene amount of powdered sugar. And next to him, Banri lay on the couch, face-down, mashing his head into the nearest pillow like he had a toothache.
“Good morning, Juza,” said Izumi, deciding to start with the boy who looked the least visibly distressed.
“Morning, Izumi,” Juza responded, before shoving two pieces of French toast into his mouth at once. (Izumi would have been alarmed were this not a daily occurrence.)
With a little trepidation, Izumi turned her gaze to Banri. “Good morning, Banri.”
“Nnnnnggghhhh,” Banri responded.
“Um…” Izumi looked back at Juza. “Is he feeling okay?”
“He’f phine,” said Juza through a mouthful of toast. Izumi waited for him to elaborate. He did not.
Itaru strode over to the couches, coffee cup in hand. He surveyed the scene with a cool gaze before speaking.
“Yo, Juza?”
“Yeah?”
“Any particular reason why our Autumn Troupe leader’s trying to suffocate himself with a pillow?”
To Izumi’s surprise, a smile spread across Juza’s face. “Funny you should ask.”
“No,” Banri growled from below him.
“Do you feel sick, Banri?” Izumi asked again, just to double-check.
Banri shook his head.
“Like I said, he ain’t sick.” Juza’s smile widened. “Just embarrassed.”
“Am not!”
“Embarrassed, you say?” Azuma had joined them on the couches by now. “Why might that be?”
Juza’s gaze shifted to his boyfriend – and suddenly, there was a spark of sadism in his yellow eyes.
“Hey, Banri, do you wanna tell them, or should I?”
Itaru choked on his coffee.
Azuma’s eyes widened.
Izumi’s jaw dropped.
And Banri launched himself up, grabbed the pillow, and walloped Juza with it with all his might.
“QUIT IT!” he hollered, flushing red all the way to the tips of his ears.
As Juza hunched over, wheezing like he was having an asthma attack, Izumi tried and failed to process what she had just heard.
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Itaru, his voice hoarse from the coffee he’d just tried to inhale. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
Juza was laughing too hard to respond; it took him several seconds to recover.
“Yep,” he finally said, grinning from ear to ear. “We’re on a first-name basis now.”
“No we’re NOT!” Banri bashed him with the pillow again. “He’s just bein’ gross for no reason!”
“It ain’t gross.” Juza tried to assume an air of seriousness, but the fact that he was giggling in between words took a lot of the gravitas out of it. “S’normal to call your partner by their first name. Right, Azuma?”
“It’s quite common, yes,” said Azuma, eyes shining with amusement. “Though you and Banri aren’t like most couples I’ve ever met.”
“You can say that again,” Itaru muttered.
“See? It’s normal. And ‘sides, you like it.”
“I HATE IT!”
“Sure you do.”
“I DO!”
“Uh-huh.”
It was at that moment that Kazunari strolled into the lounge. “Morning, fam,” he yawned. “Man, this new play poster really said ‘no Kazu rights’. Legit, I’ve been looking at logo colors since 5 AM and it’s just not happening. I never wanna see the color red ever agai…”
He trailed off as he slowly took in the scene before him – Itaru and Azuma’s overjoyed expressions, Juza’s piano of a grin, and Banri’s burning face.
“Whoa, Setzer, did you get sunburned or something?”
“Shut up,” Banri growled, turning away to furiously glower at the wall.
“Oi, Kazunari,” said Juza, snickering. “Watch this.”
“Huh? Watch what?”
Juza, practically glowing with delight, looked at his boyfriend with an expression that was absurdly fond.
“Banri,” he said, like he was talking to a very small kitten.
Banri went scarlet – the exact same shade as a tomato, or possibly a lobster.
Juza collapsed into another fit of laughter, and a second later, Kazunari joined him. “Oh my GOD!” he said, pulling out his phone. “That was so cute! C’mon, do it again!”
“Banri,” said Juza in a sing-song voice.
“NO!” With an indignant snarl, Banri tugged his leopard-print hoodie over his face as high as it would go.
Izumi glanced at Itaru and Azuma. Itaru was sniggering into his coffee, having completely abandoned any pretense of being on Banri’s side. Azuma, however, still appeared sympathetic.
“Now, now,” he said, as calm as ever. “No need to be embarrassed, Banri. Why don’t you have something to drink to cool down?”
He produced a glass of orange juice from behind his back, and Banri quickly yanked it out of his hands. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he mumbled something that was probably “thanks” before raising the cup to his lips.
Izumi could see the gears turning in Juza’s head as he watched Banri like a hawk.
Uh-oh, she thought.
Right as Banri took a sip, Juza spoke. “So, Banri, about today’s practice-”
Orange juice sprayed out of Banri’s nose onto the coffee table.
Kazunari and Itaru both burst out laughing, and Juza pounded Banri on the back, cackling with glee. Banri, meanwhile, was coughing too hard to speak. He’d surpassed “lobster” and was now heading steadily for “freshly-painted fire engine”.
“Goodness,” said Azuma, not even attempting to hide his smile. “Are you all right?”
“FUCK YOU!” Banri finally gasped, murder in his eyes. He balled his hands into fists.
Izumi decided it was probably time to intervene. “All right, all right. That’s enough, Juza,” she said. “Leave him be.”
“Sorry, Izumi,” chuckled Juza, sounding the least sorry Izumi had ever heard him.
Banri let out a moan of pure frustration and put his head in his hands.
Azuma suddenly straightened up, as if a new idea had just occurred to him. “Banri?”
“What?” Banri whined through his fingers.
“If you and Juza are on a first-name basis, do you know what that means?”
Banri looked up, confused.
“It means that you can give him a taste of his own medicine.”
Banri’s eyes lit up as the implications of Azuma’s words hit him. “You mean…”
“Yeah, Setzer!” Kazunari chimed in. “Hit him with that Uno reverse card!”
“If you can, that is,” Juza added.
Banri whipped around. “Course I can!” he spat. “Watch and learn, dumbass!”
Juza laid back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Fine, then. Do your worst.”
With a confident flip of his hair, Banri locked eyes with his boyfriend’s, blue to yellow.
He opened his mouth.
His brow furrowed.
He closed his mouth, considering.
He opened his mouth again.
He took a breath.
“J-” he said.
Then he closed it again and looked to the floor.
Juza smiled as wide as the Cheshire Cat. “Any day now.”
“Shut up!” Banri snapped. He inhaled, sharply. Then exhaled.
His lips parted. “Ju-”
Juza raised his eyebrows.
Then Banri, red-faced, clamped his mouth shut once more.
Itaru snorted. “You can’t do it, huh?”
“SHUT UP!” Banri sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “Just gimme a fucking second!”
“Okay, okay,” said Itaru, holding up his hands in a placating motion. “It’s okay, dude. You’ll go when you’re ready.”
“Take all the time you need,” Izumi added.
Banri made a noise somewhere between a growl and a seethe and ran his hands through his hair. He closed his eyes and inhaled. Izumi couldn’t tell if he was about to talk or about to puke.
For several seconds, the lounge was silent, holding its breath in anticipation.
Finally, at long last, Banri spoke.
“Juza,” he said, like he was spitting out a hot coal.
“Yayyy, Setzer!” Kazunari exclaimed, clapping his hands. “You did it, buddy!”
“Yayyy,” Izumi, Itaru, and Azuma all echoed, and joined Kazunari in applauding for Banri’s big accomplishment.
“DON’T PATRONIZE ME!” Banri yelled, somehow turning an even darker shade of crimson than before.
Kazunari jumped about three feet in the air. “That’s it!”
Banri blinked. “Huh? What’s it?”
Beaming, Kazunari pointed at Banri’s face. “That’s the shade of red I was looking for!”
“WHAT?!”
Quick as a wink, Kazunari snapped a picture. “Thanks a million, Setzer! You’re the best!” With that, he turned tail and sprinted up the stairs.
“FUCK YOU!” Banri bellowed after him.
Juza, laughing louder than ever, wrapped both his arms around Banri, drawing him into a hug. Izumi expected Banri to fight back, but amazingly enough, he didn’t. It was clear that his efforts to say Juza’s name had sapped the very last ounces of his strength.
“I love ya, asshole,” said Juza, giggling.
“Fuck off,” Banri snarled back, ramming his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder.
It seemed that neither boy was in immediate danger of murdering the other, and so Izumi considered the situation resolved.
She pushed herself off the couch and headed for the coffee maker, which had just enough coffee left for two more cups. As she retrieved two mugs from the overhead cupboard, she found that her gaze kept wandering back to the couches.
Juza, patting Banri on the back and beaming like Christmas had come early – and Banri, squirming in his grip, yet refusing to leave his embrace.
Izumi sighed, though not unkindly, as she poured a generous cup of coffee for her and an extra-generous cup of coffee for Banri.
It looked like he had a long day ahead of him.