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Every once in a while, Kaidan looked so far removed from the man Shepard had fallen in love with that he was taken back by it.
There were the physical things. The tattoos, the spattering of scars Shepard didn’t recognize. His hair was shorter and he didn’t bother styling it as often to hide the curls that lurked there.
But it was also in the way he carried himself, wound tight and ready to snap at any given moment. Most soldiers and veterans were aware of their surroundings, but Kaidan’s hypervigilance had been turned up to eleven.
Back on the SR1, his biotics were something he only used in the field. He had started to become more accepting of them after they met, but they were still a source of anxiety for Kaidan. A feeling of ‘otherness’ that Shepard only had a fraction of experience in.
Now, he was always ‘on’. Even if his corona wasn’t visible, Shepard could feel it if they stood close enough, like a tiny static shock to his skin. The other biotics on board knew it, too, and it had taken weeks for them to get used to him.
Kaidan wasn’t the same man Sidney had fallen for in the days chasing Saren. But still, he loved the man in front of him so fiercely it took his breath away.
There was a twin set of burn scars on Kaidan’s shoulder blades. They were faint from a distance but became more visible the closer Shepard got to him.
“Hey,” Sidney said softly as he approached. He’d learned quickly that this new version of Kaidan didn’t like being taken by surprise. A couple members of the crew had gotten a bit of a biotic shock when they’d approached him from behind without announcing their presence.
Kaidan peered at him over his bare shoulder, a t-shirt in hand. Sidney reached up, gently tracing the skin between the scars. He wanted to know if the scarred area would feel different under his fingers than the smooth flesh between, but he didn’t want to push it. They were both still trying to navigate the new reality of their relationship.
Shepard smirked, letting his fingers trail southward. “A set of angel wings would look good here, if you’re thinking about some new ink.”
Kaidan snorted, making no move to stop Sidney’s ministrations, so he didn’t. His fingers dipped to the small of Kaidan’s back, goosebumps rising in their wake, before skirting around his waist to rest below his belly button.
“I don’t know if I fit the nickname anymore.”
Sidney hummed, fingers ghosting up Kaidan’s ribcage. He pressed a kiss to the unmarked skin between his shoulder blades. “Sure you do. There are different kinds of angels, after all.”
It had started as a joke. Throwing out increasingly over-the-top pet names for each other, just to make the other one laugh. Sometime – after Virmire – ‘angel’ had just stuck.
Kaidan grunted, nonverbally disagreeing but not wanting to push the point. Sidney flattened a palm over his chest, right over the steady beat of his heart. He nuzzled into the crook of Kaidan’s neck, pressing a kiss there.
“I remember teasing you about wanting to get a tattoo. You’d study mine and just blurt out about getting one.”
“Yeah. Now look at us.” Kaidan twisted a forearm, one covered in a tapestry of jewel tones that formed the gorgeous cosmic piece on his arm.
Sidney smiled against Kaidan’s neck. “It’s pretty fucking sexy. Have I mentioned that?”
Kaidan huffed, and Shepard didn’t have to see his face to know he was rolling his eyes. Kaidan had never been vain, but he’d never been self-conscious either. He’d always been one of those infuriatingly gorgeous people that didn’t realize just how beautiful they were.
He used to blush when Sidney complimented him. Shepard hadn’t tried again, to see if he still did.
Sidney traced the edges of the scars on Kaidan’s shoulder blade with his free hand, coming close but neve touching the marred skin.
“May I?”
Kaidan nodded, and Sidney gently ran his fingertips against the scars. They were softer than he’d imagined, only slightly puckered against the unmarked flesh. They were a shade or two paler than Kaidan’s natural skin tone, and Sidney imagined they’d stick out a little more if Kaidan tanned.
Kaidan shivered slightly under his ministrations but didn’t tense up or move away, so Shepard leaned in and pressed a kiss to one of the scars. Kaidan released a slow, steady breath, and Sidney moved to the other shoulder to press a kiss there, as well.
“It’s like a story,” Sidney murmured, tracing fingers down Kaidan back and finding a small, thin scar near his spine. “Of how strong you are,” He pressed another kiss against Kaidan’s spine. “How brave,” Another kiss. “You’re amazing. And beautiful. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain how much I love you.”
Kaidan shifted on his feet, and a hand closed over the one Sidney had rested on his chest. A pink flush spread across the back of his neck and Sidney smiled.
Not everything had changed.