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The vids coming in from Thessia were brutal. James was numb as he rode the elevator down to the shuttle bay once the Kodiak landed. Shepard off-loaded first, followed by Liara, Major Alenko, and finally Steve.
They all looked…miserable. Haggard. Defeated.
James couldn’t really blame them.
Shepard and Liara headed for the elevator immediately, not sparing James a backward glance. Tears streaked down Liara’s cheeks. Shepard looked ready to kill something. Cortez began to do his post-flight checks, mouth pulled in a thin line.
James glanced back at the shuttle hatch. Kaidan sat heavily on the edge, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.
“Hey, Kaid. You alright?”
Kaidan’s smile was sad, so James took a seat next to his friend. After Mars, they had bonded. James felt partially responsible for what happened to Kaidan with the mech that was now responsible for their life support systems and had visited Kaidan in the hospital so often one of the nurses eventually asked James if Kaidan was his partner. They joked about it later as Kaidan shared some of the better tasting snacks he’d managed to charm the nurses out of.
During the standoff on the Citadel, James’ heart sank to see Kaidan and Shepard on opposite ends of their guns. He lowered his weapon a moment before Shepard did, eyes locked with Kaidan’s. James was so relieved they both came out of it alive he hugged Kaidan outside the Spectre office later. They both laughed and brushed it off, but James couldn’t help but notice a blush on Kaidan’s cheeks the next time he caught his eye.
Once Kaidan rejoined the Normandy, they began to spend more and more time together. Working out, playing cards, or watching old vids. They were together so often that James began to get side-eyed looks from the crew when he’d leave the Starboard Observation late into the night cycle.
It was nice, having someone on his six on and off the field. They sought each other out in their downtime, as if it was natural.
“Just…a really shitty day. We haven’t had our asses handed to us like that in a long time.”
James clasped Kaidan’s armored shoulder, shooting him an easy smile. Kaidan returned it but it didn’t reach his eyes, didn’t crinkle the corners the way it did when he laughed or beat James at poker.
They were running out of time. Time together, time to say things that had been left unsaid. For James, the things he’d left unsaid included that his feelings at least surpassed friendship at this point. That Kaidan was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing he thought of before he went to sleep. That their relationship as it was meant the world to him, but he wanted more.
They hadn’t talked about it. James had no idea if Kaidan felt the same way. He suspected he might, but neither of them had made a move to do anything about it.
The front of Kaidan’s chest plate was splattered with blood. It wasn’t his, but it made James’ heart pick up beat all the same.
“Go get cleaned up and meet with in the Starboard. I’ll bring the booze and cards.”
Kaidan’s smiled deepened, just a little. “Are you sure? I don’t know if I’m going to be great company tonight.”
James knocked knees with him, let it linger. Kaidan blinked, eyes darting from their knees to James’ face. There was something soft in his eyes, James noticed.
“You’re always great company, Kaid.”
“Thanks, James,” he replied, smile turning lopsided. “I’m uh…really glad you’re here.”
“Feeling’s mutual,” James said. Kaidan was watching him intently, and James figured now was the time to make his intentions known. Kaidan could decide what he wanted to do with the information.
Closing the distance between them, James pressed a soft kiss to Kaidan’s forehead. His skin was clammy but warm and tasted faintly of salt. He smelled of expended heat sinks and eezo. It was intoxicating.
“I’ll see you later?” James said softly, heart in his throat.
Kaidan stared at him, a soft expression on his face, lips slightly parted.
“Yeah,” he replied at length. “Looking forward to it.”
Grinning, James stood to leave, throwing one final look over his shoulder. Kaidan was still watching him.
Yeah, he thought. First thing he’d been looking forward to in a long time.