Chapter Text
“This is the next topic in the syllabus,” Jungkook said to Ms. Miller, the Calculus 1 teacher this year. “But, if I can make a comment?”
“Yes, yes, Jungkook, you can make all the comments, you’re the subject’s tutor,” the woman answered with weariness.
The two had known each other for almost two years. Jungkook had seen both Calculus 1 and 3 with her. And in this current semester he’d taken her section for Differential Equations. Trust had been built a long while ago, and Jungkook knew she would allow him to make all the comments he wanted and even suggest whole changes to the syllabus, yet still he had asked. Because he needed to be respectful at all times. Because asking for permission was the correct thing to do and what would be expected of him.
“I think it would be best to have another class about inequalities before we move on to functions,” he said, voice awkward. He normally was very confident when making these suggestions, but this one made him feel unsure.
“But inequalities are so simple!” Ms. Miller exclaimed, taken aback.
And this was exactly why Jungkook had felt awkward about giving voice to his thoughts. Yes, even he felt that dwelling further in inequalities was really pampering the students too much. The topic wasn’t even supposed to be expanded on for this long. Their main focus should’ve been functions. But some students hadn’t seen inequalities in their high schools and some others had needed to refresh the topic, so changes had to be made to the syllabus.
Now to make even more changes was truly asking for too much, Jungkook was aware. But as the tutor he was supposed to be the link between the students and the teachers, and his job was to report these things to the teacher.
“I know Ms. Miller. I think the same thing as you. But yesterday during the tutoring hours this student came up to me, and it was as if he didn’t attend the past two weeks of class. He was asking about things we had seen in the very first couple of classes. So, while I’m not saying you should teach everything from the very start, maybe you can do some exercises with them tomorrow?”
As much trust as there was between them, and as much as Ms. Miller valued his opinion, Jungkook really didn’t think the woman was going to agree. They were already behind schedule, and pushing functions back another class would make things worse.
Silence fell in between them, the chatter of the students walking past them becoming suddenly loud in the absence of their conversation.
Junkook’s heart felt heavy in his chest. The fact that Ms. Miller had gone quiet was yet another sign that, most likely, she would refuse his request.
Not for the first time, as sadness and powerlessness spread inside him, he wondered why the hell he’d thought that being a tutor was a good idea. Why was he doing this if he didn’t even want to take up a position as a teacher? All he wanted to do was draw his plans and maps.
But the tutoring positions he took up could be added to his curriculum when he graduated, making it even more appealing for the company he wanted to work in.
So the tutoring had a reason, and Jungkook needed to put up with it. However, he couldn’t help but bitterly remember that he hadn’t wanted to become a tutor for Calculus and Physics. Since he had to do this thing he didn’t want to do, he’d wanted to at least work with the two Descriptive Geometry courses, subjects he loved and adored. His plan was to balance something bad with something good so that he could power through the experience.
And then Ms. Miller had come to personally ask him to become the tutor for Calculus 1 and help her teach the class, leaving him unable to refuse. Not content with that, she had also promised one of the General Physics 1 teachers that Jungkook would be the tutor for his subject. Needless to say, he’d, again , been unable to refuse.
Thus, here he was, caught between a rock and a hard place, and feeling like crap because he wasn’t going to be able to help his students like he’d promised to do.
How was he going to tell them that he couldn’t get the teacher to agree to his request?
How would they react?
Internally sighing and pushing that horrible scenario to the back of his mind, Jungkook looked up at the green space in front of the open air hallway he and Ms. Miller stood in. He loved the fact that this college was full of walkways and hallways that had no walls, only roof, and allowed him to see all the gardens and the sky. The views helped calm him when he was feeling stressed, and they worked their magic this time too.
He saw the people sitting on the grass, some with books and notebooks open, others just enjoying the sun. He saw the many students walking through the paths, hurrying to this place or that.
And then he saw a familiar tuft of silver hair.
It was the guy he’d told the teacher about. The one that had come up to him and asked about inequalities as if he hadn’t seen the first few classes.
He was turning around and around, clearly trying to talk to the people walking past, but not getting any of them to stop and hear him out. For a moment he stood still, sighing and moving his head as if he was searching for something. When he looked down to stare at a piece of paper he’d been holding in his hands, Jungkook understood what was going on.
“Teacher,” he said to call Ms. Miller away from her musings, “That’s the student that I was telling you about, the one that approached me during yesterday’s tutoring session. I think he’s lost.”
“Lost? After two whole weeks of classes?” The woman asked incredulously, turning to look at the person Jungkook had mentioned. “Huh? He’s a student here? I don’t think I’ve seen him before. And you say he approached you? That means he’s supposed to be in my class. But I swear I haven’t seen him at all.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, professor,” Jungkook answered helplessly, wanting to go help the guy, but not wanting to cut off Ms. Miller and seem rude.
“Alright, fine. I’ll do some of the more difficult exercises with the students tomorrow,” Ms. Miller said with reluctance. “But I swear Jungkook, if I ask those kids whether they have questions and none of them answer, I’m going to start with functions.” She glared at Jungkook as if he was the one responsible for the idiot first semester students that never asked anything in class. “I’m working through the exercises with them because they supposedly want the help and have questions. So tell them to bring their mouths and tongues with them into the classroom and voice those damn questions. If they become suddenly and inexplicably mute, I won’t keep on having consideration for them.”
Rejoicing on the inside, Jungkook was still working on what to say when Ms. Miller shooed him away with an amused smile.
“Now go on, go help that young man. I’ll see you later.”
“Thank you professor, have a nice day.”
Free to leave without being disrespectful, Jungkook hiked his backpack further up on his shoulder and briskly walked over to the silver-haired guy.
“Hello?”
The lost guy turned toward him as if he’d been zapped, obviously startled. But before the brunet could apologize, the biggest smile split his lips and his face lit up with happiness.
“Hi!” he said, voice excited and elated. It was the first time that Jungkook saw someone be so honestly happy when they saw him. “You’re… uhh… the guy! From yesterday! The tutor!”
“Jungkook,” he supplied, slight smile curving up the corners of his lips. This guy’s buoyancy was very contagious.
“Yes! Jungkook!” You’d think he’d just won the lottery from how happy he seemed. “Can you help me please?”
“Sure, what do you need?” Looking down at the piece of paper Silver Hair was holding, he saw that it was a first semester schedule.
“I need to find,” Silver Hair brought the paper up to his eyes, nearly touching his nose with it, “Classroom A111? In a building named Thomas Green?”
“Ah, that might be why you’re lost. The Thomas Green building is the one where you see all the core classes,”Jungkook explained and then rolled his eyes. “I always think that putting in the name of the building, that nobody uses, is completely useless and will just confuse students.”
“I see,” Silver Hair said with a few nods. “Which one is the building where we see the core courses?”
This question left Jungkook speechless. After two weeks of classes, how could this guy not know something as basic as that?
“You really don’t know?” Was this some kind of joke?
After his question, Silver Hair’s happiness dimmed considerably, eyes turning towards the floor and head lowering. Immediately, Jungkook felt like a horrible person. He realized belatedly, that he’d voiced his question a bit harshly due to suspicion. Even if it was a joke, that was no reason to speak like that to a first semester student. Much less since it was quite obvious that Jungkook was older. What he’d done wasn’t correct.
“Yeah, I really don’t know,” the guy answered, voice awkward. “I wasn’t here for the past weeks of class, I literally arrived yesterday afternoon.”
But, wait…
“So then, how did you know about the tutoring hours, and how did you know that I was your tutor?”
“The Dean for the faculty of Engineering told me the names of all the tutors for my courses and said I should ask you all for help with the content I’ve missed.”
Ah, of course, that made sense now that he thought about it.
“So,” Silver Hair began, unsure and nervous but still somehow finding the courage to keep talking to Jungkook, “Can you tell me which is the Core Courses building? Please? I should’ve been in class since more than half an hour ago.”
“I’ll walk you over and talk to the teacher for you.” It was way more than he needed to do, and he too had things he should be doing, like completing the assignment for his topography course, but this was his way of apologizing for being a jerk earlier. “Come on, let’s go.”
With wide eyes, Silver Hair rushed to follow him as Jungkook began walking again.
“This blue building is where you’ll be seeing almost all your core classes.” Jungkook didn’t give silence a chance to settle. Mainly because an apology was stuck in his throat, wanting to come out, and he wanted to speak about anything else to keep it locked away. But also because, if this guy arrived yesterday afternoon, then he didn’t attend the tour and introduction the engineering students’ association had organized for the first-semesters. “When the classroom number has a capital A in front of it, that means it’s one of the auditoriums. There’s two of those in the Core Courses building. One on the first floor and one on the third floor. Yours is the one on the first floor. You can tell because of the number. Third floor classrooms start with a three.”
Silver Hair just nodded like a chick pecking rice, almost jogging to keep up with Jungkook’s pace.
By then, they’d come to stand outside the room in question, but right as Silver Hair was going to step through the doors, Jungkook held his shoulder and stopped him.
“Tutoring hours today are from three to six in the afternoon. I’ll be in the Maths department in the lobby. Come find me as soon as your classes end. You need to work hard to catch up after missing two weeks’ worth of classes and assignments.”
Happiness came back to Silver Hair’s face, eyes becoming little crescent moons and smile so wide that Jungkook thought it had to hurt.
“Yes! Thank you!”
The exclamations reverberated through the quiet halls, echoing and becoming almost deafening. From all around, including the inside of the auditorium, came a harsh “SHH!”
Covering his mouth, eyes wide and panicky, Silver Hair looked around guiltily before turning back toward Jungkook. However, instead of getting angry, the brunet just chuckled silently.
“Come on, let’s go in.”
After stepping up to the wooden platform and quietly informing the teacher of Silver Hair’s situation, Jungkook left, a pair of eyes boring into him and following him the whole time. He imagined that if he had turned to meet the guy’s stare, he would’ve been received by another wide smile, crescent moon eyes, and maybe even an enthusiastic hand waving at him.
For some reason, his chest felt warm and he couldn’t control the urge to smile.
Silver Hair’s happiness really was too contagious.
Walking down the corridor full of doors on either side, Jungkook let his eyes roam as he thought about what to do now. For the nth time since he’d entered college he detailed the tiled walls. It was almost lunch time, so he should maybe eat right now and then start working on his assignment. Most of the tiles were white, but like little splashes of paint, other colored tiles, ranging all of the blue spectrum, were placed sporadically among the pure white. Plus, if he ate right now he might be able to avoid running into his friends. The floor was made of gray polished concrete, making the white of the walls and the small blue specks pop out even more. If he ran into his friends, they would no doubt ask him to help them with some concept, exam, or homework and he wouldn’t be able to do his own homework.
Going down the stairs, he took in the lobby, floors also dark gray and walls mostly white; however, the specks of color in this floor ranged all the green spectrum. He would also go eat in the Drawing department instead of in the Maths one. They wouldn’t find him there. He peeked into the aisle that held some of engineering’s departments as well as the students’ association room, but it was empty, most people probably still in class. Passing through the glass partition that separated the departments from the common area of the lobby, Jungkook hurried through reheating his lunch and walking into the Drawing Department.
Once inside, he finally realized what he’d done and felt like crap, the food he’d already swallowed feeling like lead.
It’s not that he didn’t want to help his friends… It’s just that he didn’t want to have to stay up until very late today as well. He had already stayed up until almost three in the morning yesterday, and then gotten up at six a.m. because he had an early class.
The excuses fell flat in his mind, not only not helping him feel better, but in fact making him feel like more of an asshole. He stopped eating all together, his stomach churning. These people depended on him. He had to help them. It was the correct thing to do. It was what was expected of him.
But he also really needed to work on his assignment, it was due tomorrow and he’d made very little progress with it.
He would just work as fast as he could and try to finish quickly so he could go help his friends, if there was anyone that needed his assistance, before the tutoring hours began. With this new course of action decided, he also dashed through eating so he could get to his homework already.
Things didn’t go as planned though, because he ran into something he didn’t know quite well how to do. Luckily, the professor of his Topography Oriented to Civil Works class walked into the department and Jungkook was able to ask him for help. The two of them worked together on the questions and exercises, and before Jungkook realized it was almost three in the afternoon and he needed to be in the Maths Department room.
Mr. Zhang watched him with a smile as Jungkook put away his things and thanked him for his time.
“You can come whenever you want Jungkook,” the man said with a smile, looking, even though he was only a bit past forty, like a benevolent grandpa. “And maybe next year you can be a tutor for the Drawing Department. Your teachers were confused when they saw you go for Maths and Physics, you know. And maybe even a bit sad.”
Feeling awkward yet again, Jungkook fumbled for something to say. He couldn’t just come out and admit that he didn’t want or like his current tutor positions.
“I know,” the man said with the same placid grandpa voice and expression. “It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. I just hope you can think more about your happiness in the future.”
Once more not knowing what to say, Mr. Zhang smiled at him after a beat of silence.
“I thought you needed to be somewhere? Don’t wait around for me, just go on and leave.”
“Thank you again for your time professor,” Jeongguk said before walking out of the department.
Think more about his happiness? Wasn’t that exactly what he was doing? It would’ve only brought him misery if he’d refused Ms. Miller’s request as well as her recommendation. So by going along with what was asked of him, wasn’t he thinking about his happiness?
Clearly even though Mr. Zhang wasn’t too old, he didn’t understand much about how the current times worked.
Stepping into the Maths department that was just a few feet away, on the opposite wall, he ran into a cluster of first semester students. Sigh, time to get to work.
Until around four in the afternoon, not many people came, only the ones that had either skipped classes to come see him, or students from the other math sections. This second group should’ve gone to see their section’s tutor, but sometimes it happened that they couldn’t attend their tutoring hours and so they were forced to get help from a different tutor. Or, also, it could be that they didn’t like their tutor, so they choose to seek another option instead.
Since there weren’t too many of them, he chose to stay in the Maths Department to work with them, instead of going to find an empty classroom to use.
When the first-semesters from Ms. Miller’s section arrived and they all could no longer fit into the department's room, he had to relocate.
If he maybe stalled a bit as left, well, hopefully nobody noticed. He didn’t see Silver Hair among the students around him, and he didn’t want to leave in case the guy wouldn’t be able to find him.
But he could only do so much without giving himself away completely, and in the end left with his first-semesters to find a classroom.
As luck would have it, after all the students had gone into the chosen classroom and Jungkook took one last sweep of the first floor’s corridors, he heard quick steps coming near.
“Jungkook!”
Like in a movie, he turned, smile already forming in his face, and saw a harried guy with silver hair running toward him.
“Don’t run,” Jungkook called, more as a reflex than because he really cared. His happy tone and amused expression rendered his words useless though, and Silver Hair didn’t stop running until he was in front of the classroom’s door.
“I’m so sorry, I got-”
“Tell me later,” Jungkook interrupted, gesturing him into the room. “I have a class to teach, and you have tutoring to attend.”
With more nodding, Silver Hair walked past Jungkook, and the brunet was able to close the door.
“Alright, so, the first order of business is-”
“Dude, don't sit so close to me. You in love already or something?” The harsh tone rose loud and clear in the small room, completely interrupting what Jungkook had been saying.
Having turned towards the whiteboard, he turned back around to face his audience just in time to see Silver Hair’s slightly angry and confused expression.
“I’m… not? I’m not sitting close to you at all, what are you talking about?”
“What’s going on?” Jungkook asked firmly as he walked across the wooden platform the teacher’s desk sat on, closer to the sea of seats in front of him.
“I don’t know, this fag has been sticking to me in all of our classes,” the first guy, Martin, said with disgust.
“I literally have not?!” Silver hair exclaimed with indignation.
No need to ascertain whether First Guy’s words were true. In case Jungkook couldn’t see with his own two eyes that Silver hair was sitting well away from him, just knowing that Martin was the one making claims would have sufficed. The guy was a troublemaker and thought he was still in high school or at home, where his bullshit would be tolerated.
“Martin, stop interrupting the class for unimportant things,” Jungkook chided, resolutely shutting down the issue. “As I was saying, first I have an announcement to make. Ms. Miller has accepted to dedicate one more class to inequalities. But! There’s a condition. You all need to…”
Jungkook wanted to say that class resumed peacefully, but the truth was that it didn’t. Silver Hair, having missed so many classes, had about a million questions, and whenever he so much as moved Jungkook would without failure hear some quiet snide comment thrown at the guy. And if the brunet heard them, Silver Hair no doubt heard them as well. Still, courageously, Silver Hair didn’t stop raising his hand or stepping up to the teacher’s desk.
The older one almost felt like clapping, deeply touched by the way Silver Hair paid no mind to the things said ‘behind his back’.
When someone said that Silver Hair would probably fuck his way through the career in order to obtain the degree, however, Jungkook couldn’t stop himself from slamming his marker onto the desk.
Tense silence fell over the room as the tutor glared at the students in front of him, Silver Hair nearly shaking where he was standing beside him.
“If y’all are only going to make rude and wildly inaccurate assumptions about another student, then get out of my classroom this instant. I came here to hear questions about Calculus 1, not gossiping. And for the past thirty minutes the only student interested in the class has been the one you're all so unhappy about!"
“How can we not be unhappy?” It was Martin raising his voice yet again. “Have you seen him? He looks right down like a girl! I don’t want people like him around me. I haven’t even been able to use the bathroom for fear he’ll follow me in!”
Sounds became distorted, as if a door had closed and the world at large was behind it, in their place a thumping sound overwhelmed Jungkook’s ears. It was the sound of his blood rushing as his heart made it race through his veins. His jaw went so taut that he thought he’d break his teeth and his body trembled slightly from the effort of holding back.
Jungkook had never been this angry in his whole life.
His emotion must’ve showed because Martin closed his mouth abruptly, staring at his tutor with fear.
“If you don’t want people that are homosexual or look a certain way around you, then I can assure you that this college doesn’t want you here. We have a strict policy of no discrimination towards gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, religion, culture… Just no discrimination of any kind allowed. And if you, Martin, or any of the other students that had a few select things to say about this student beside me, feel like you cannot accept that, then I urge you to find another place to study.”
His words and tone were extremely pleasant and calm, almost sweet and gentle.
“However, if for whatever reason you decide to stay within this institution, but continue making these disgusting comments towards this student, or anyone else, then I myself will report you to the Dean of the Faculty and have you suspended or, better yet, expelled.”
Not even the students' breaths could be heard in the silence that followed.
“Did I make myself abundantly clear?”
Still, the thick silence persisted, no one answering.
“Did I make myself clear?!” Jungkook asked forcefully, volume rising abruptly as his hold on his anger slipped a little.
“Yes!” Came the immediate answer, heads nodding urgently like their lives depended on it.
Silence fell again.
“Class dismissed.” More than a statement it was an order. He wanted them all gone from his sight, before he strangled each and everyone of the small minded, disrespectful, little fucks. “If I hear from Ms. Miller that none of you asked anything during the class tomorrow, I will never again step in to make requests for you lot.”
No one answered him, the only sound came from the chairs scraping, the steps getting away, and the door’s creak as it opened and closed. It was alright, Jungkook didn’t need their affirmation. He’d given a warning, if these idiots took it lightly, then he could not be blamed for his actions hereafter.
The body beside him shifted and before it could step away, the brunet spoke softly.
“Stay.”
Whenever the door opened the wind would carry into the classroom the words of the people outside. Just from hearing a few things Jungkook could tell what was being said. His barely slowed down heart began pounding again, but this time with panic.
"I thought he was different…"
"... Thought he'd be on our side…"
"... Don't think I'll come back…"
"... It's because he's like that too…"
For a moment, just a tiny couple of seconds, he questioned his actions. Maybe he shouldn't have…
But then the searing anger came back, this time aimed at himself.
What the fuck was he thinking? He'd done nothing wrong! Discrimination was not allowed and if he turned a blind eye or condoned it, then he'd be punished along with that bunch of filth.
No. Defending Silver Hair had been the right thing. No matter the consequences.
When the room was finally empty except for Silver Hair and him, some of the tension in Jungkook’s body released. There were no more hostile eyes looking for chinks in his armor.
"Thank you for standing up for me."
The words were soft and full of emotion. They almost tore a hole in Jungkook's chest.
This was the tone of someone deeply and honestly grateful for something Jungkook had done.
Yet again he realized that he'd never been in this situation before either.
Of course, many people had said thanks to him, but none were this sincere.
"What's your name?" It was already time he stopped referring to the guy as Silver Hair.
"Park Jimin," the younger man answered.
"You're welcome, Jimin." Jungkook made his voice as gentle as he could manage, but still he couldn't help a bit of sadness from tainting it. "I'm sorry this happened to you."
"I want to tell you that it's all good, that I expected it or something like that, but the truth is I didn't see it coming at all." Jimin's voice also sounded sadder the more he talked. "I'm used to getting those comments because of how I look. And I would deal with the situation, just like I did back in highschool. But I admit that I thought college would be different. More accepting."
"It's engineering as a whole," Jungkook admitted with a sigh. "There's a lot of…"
Did he really want to go into just how small minded people were in this major? With a first-semester?
"You know what? It doesn't matter. They can be however the fuck they want. And you just be whatever the fuck you want. Don't mind them. I'll keep on standing up for you. And I will definitely report them if this keeps going on."
That sounded a lot better. Far more comforting.
"Thank you." Again, Jimin's voice went soft, making Jungkook's chest ache.
Why did this guy cause this reaction in him?
"Since there's still about one hour left of tutoring, let's give you a quick review of everything that's been taught so far."
Luckily, Jimin didn't give him a hard time about the obvious and abrupt change of topic, instead smiling and nodding enthusiastically.
Perhaps by fate, Jungkook ran into Ms. Miller in the Maths department.
He'd finished his tutoring hours, said goodbye to Jimin, and come to the department to sign his assistance sheet. The teacher walked in right as he was filling in the topics he'd taught today.
"Jungkook!" The woman said, pleasantly surprised to see him. "How was the tutoring session today? Did you tell those pampered babies to engage with the class tomorrow?"
Upon remembering what had happened, the brunet couldn't stop himself from grimacing. Which of course Ms. Miller saw.
"What happened?" She asked, voice grim.
Thus, Jungkook retold the whole incident, telling his professor about Jimin's situation along the way.
She too was trembling with rage by the end, absolutely indignant about this batch of first-semesters and their boldness. To interrupt a class like that. And to be so proudly and loudly biggoted. She knew it was an issue in engineering, but it had never manifested within a class until today. Students so far made sure to keep their issues among each other outside of the classrooms and away from the tutors and professors.
Ms. Miller, for as much trouble as she'd caused Jungkook with the whole tutoring thing, was a good woman, and ultimately swore to give these first-semesters a thorough talking to.
Lesson learned, the first-semesters left Jimin alone.
Quite literally.
They shunned completely.
Jungkook knew not because he was paying close and special attention to this year's first-semesters, but because he often saw Jimin alone.
The guy would sit alone in the gardens with his backpack, books, and notebooks. He'd sit alone in the faculty's canteen. And, the most impossible thing yet, he'd sit alone in the Core Courses study hall. The space was incredibly tiny, the tables big but limited, and somehow, whenever Jungkook saw him poring over a book, he would have the long table all to himself.
Heart aching yet again, Jungkook took it upon himself to keep him company. The poor guy was only just in his first ever semester in college. Much like Jungkook, he'd probably had dreams of making the 'true friends' people claimed to make in college and university. And here he was a month into classes and not even the dust wanted to be near him.
Maybe through Jungkook's example, more people would join and come over to make friends. He had no hope for the first-semesters, but he knew quite some open minded people in his fourth semester classes, as well as others in the more advanced semesters that might be willing to befriend Jimin.
At first the two of them would mostly just stick to the things they were doing, each dedicated to their assignments and coming exams. But then, one time Jungkook saw Jimin yet again sitting alone in the faculty's cafeteria. So, instead of taking his food to the Drawing Department, a habit he'd taken up this year, he went to sit by Jimin.
After the usual exchange of greetings, silence settled between the two as they ate their lunches.
Brain working as fast as it could to think of something not-class-related to talk about, Jungkook almost jumped out of his chair when the silver-haired younger man spoke.
"I have a dumb question."
Heart softening, the brunet smiled.
"There are no dumb questions, there are only dumb people that don't voice their questions."
"You can't laugh at me," Jimin insisted, eyes earnestly searching Jungkook's face.
"I won't, I promise."
"Alright." Taking in a big breath and letting out slowly, Jimin worked himself up to speak. "Why do we have student tutors? It's the first time I've heard of this."
"Ah, that's a system implemented in this college," Jungkook explained with patience. He'd had the same questions back in his first semester too, so he understood. "The main reason is to help the teachers. Right now, since you're only just starting the career, you might not see the importance of tutors, but later on, as you enter classes pertaining to your major, you'll see that some of the 'class hours' will be taught by the student tutors. For example, you'll have a class that is supposed to be seen twice a week: one of those classes will be all theory taught by the teacher; and the other class will be all practice or 'lab', taught by the student tutor."
"Anyone can be a tutor?”
"No. First you can only become a tutor for a class one year after you've seen it. For example, to become a tutor for Descriptive Geometry 1, you have to go through second and third semester. And then in fourth semester, you may apply. The other requisite is good grades. When you took the class, you had to have finished among the top ten final grades. So, if you're in fourth semester and when you took Descriptive Geometry 1, your final grade was among the top ten, then you can apply for the tutor position."
"That means your grade was among the top ten for Calculus 1 and General Physics 1?” Jimin asked, deeply impressed.
"Yup." He'd occupied the first position in all his classes, each and every semester since he entered college. But there was no need to mention that. For some reason he didn't think it was very important with Jimin.
"Wow." There was a beat of silence as Jimin processed the information and then he looked up at the brunet again. "Wait, I have another question, why are you the only one that's tutoring for two classes at once? All the other tutors have only one class, why are you different?"
"Ah." For some reason the explanation got stuck in Jungkook's throat, the words unwilling to come out. He'd just said he wouldn't mention this, but this keen little guy had to go and ask. "That's because… Because I'm a good student. Tutoring for one class is already difficult. Only people that have shown themselves to be responsible and capable are allowed to take two at once."
"Which means that…?" Jimin asked with confusion.
"It means that…" Oh, Jungkook, just come out with it. You sound like you're hiding some shameful secret. "That I've had the best grades in all of my classes so far."
This was a known fact among his friends, teachers, and the people that attend classes with him. He talked about it often. But why, when it came to Jimin, he felt so unwilling to mention his grades? Why was his heart racing? Why did his chest feel tight?
"Ahhh, I see," Jimin said with a few nods.
Awaiting to be asked the usual favors, Jungkook stared at his food resolutely. Next would come the fervent pleading for Jungkook to help him with this and that course, the questions about the exam answers, and all the other things he usually got asked about.
"Is the canteen's food not very good?”
Startled by the question, the brunet turned to meet Jimin's slightly concerned and bewitching brown eyes.
"I can give you some of mine if you want. I made it at home."
"What?” It was the only thing that managed to get past his throat.
"It's just, you keep playing around with your food. So, I think you didn't like it much? I can totally share mine with you if you want. I don't mind."
Where were the questions about whether he knew the exam answers for X course?
Where was the begging for free, private tutoring sessions?
Where was the interest in his position as top student?
He didn't ask though. Not wanting to jinx it.
Another slight smile graced his lips, his chest feeling warm.
"Truth is, engineering's food is very greasy. I wanted to buy something to eat in Architecture but the queue was too long. Their cafeteria cooks a lot healthier than ours."
"Yeah, it doesn't look very yummy," Jimin said, giving the platter of food in front of Jungkook an unveiled disgusted look. "My financially-struggling-student cuisine is healthier than this."
"What did you bring?” Jungkook asked with interest, pushing his aluminum container away.
"Nothing very complicated, just pasta with meatballs. Here, have a try!"
Moving on closer to Jungkook, Jimin set out to place some of the food on the lid of his food container before pushing it over with a delighted smile.
Jungkook wasn't sure what had caused the shift, but from that day on the reason he kept on sitting and searching for Jimin changed. He now looked for the silver tuft of hair whenever he had a spot of free time in between his tutoring hours and his study sessions with his friends, not because of pity for the first-semester, but because he genuinely wanted the other's company.
Not only did Jimin not try to take advantage of their friendship, the brunet practically had to beg the guy to let him help. Only when the first-semester truly didn’t understand something and couldn’t work through it, did he let Jungkook step in and explain. Other than that, he insisted on doing everything on his own.
It was a very refreshing change for Jungkook.
And gave him a second safe place in which to spend his time when he didn’t want to have to help anyone.
Months of classes, exams, and assignments went by. The two began to shape and plan their free time around each other. Be it studying, eating, or the tiny moments in which they could sit around and do nothing for a bit, they began to spend them all together.
One might think that the two years of difference between the two of them would make conversation hard, but it wasn’t. Somehow the two managed a balance.
“... Tutoring is like a job, and it gets registered in the faculty.” Jungkook was watching Jimin as he talked, while the other guy played with the blades of grass like a five-year-old. “So when I graduate, I can add my years of working as a tutor to my curriculum, and the company can call to check. Exactly like a job. And I’m planning on working as a tutor until at least eighth semester before I begin working on my thesis during ninth and tenth semester. That will give me two years and a half of tutor work, sweetening up my resumé for when I apply at Architeca.”
“You really... do have it all planned to the last little detail,” Jimin said, dumbstruck, looking up at the brunet’s face. “I’d asked as a joke. I didn’t expect you to really know exactly how many years you’d work at Architeca before opening up your own business!”
“I won’t ever open up my own business. I want to work at Architeca and progress up the ladder until I get to…”
“Yeah, okay, I get it!” Jimin interrupted with a laugh, throwing a dried leaf at him. With a sigh he laid down on the grass, looking up at the tree above them. “You… I just don’t get it. All these life plans, all the knowing exactly when you will marry and how many children you will have and where you’ll buy your first house, all these plans of yours, they’re completely incomprehensible to me. I didn’t know I was coming to this college until I got accepted. This was the first acceptance letter I got, and I just said, ‘Cool, let’s go to this place.’ I mean, Jungkook, I don’t even really know what engineering major I’ll go for.”
“I thought you said you wanted to get a degree in mechanical engineering?” How could someone enter a college and not even know what they wanted to study? How did they get anything done?
“Sure, that’s one of my options, but I’ve been looking into the syllabus of the other engineerings and I also like electrical and metallurgical and hydrometeorology and…”
“That’s a long list,” Jungkook interrupted this time, as dumbstruck as Jimin had been earlier. “Those options have next to nothing in common, Jimin.”
“I know,” the guy said, turning his head to the side to give Jungkook a carefree smile. How could someone that didn’t know what his future held look so relaxed and unworried? The engineering branch you were planning to major in affected your courses as early as the next semester. Which was only two months away!
“But what will you see in the next semester?” Jungkook asked, voice strained with stress as if Jimin’s unplanned future were his.
“I’m not sure.” And for some reason, maybe it was the chuckle, the shrug of shoulders, the smile, the eyes that turned into little crescent moons, or a mix of everything, Jungkook’s anxiousness settled.
Did it really matter?
Was it really that important?
Later on, as the semester came to an end, and these moments in which Jungkook completely relaxed because of a gesture or sentence from Jimin became more common, the brunet began thinking his friend was half-witch. Or maybe even full-witch.
There was simply no other explanation for the way being around Jimin made him feel happy and content. Or for the way he got lost watching the little things the other did, like reading a book, or writing down notes in his notebooks, or even the way he would lie down on the grass and look up at the sky. Neither was there an explanation for how mesmerizing every tiny feature of Jimin suddenly became.
In particular his eyes drew Jungkook like magnets and held an incredible amount of power over him.
That gaze was able to make or ruin his day with the emotions hidden behind them. Whenever Jimin was happy the brunet felt like he could do absolutely everything and anything. On those days, he was convinced that if he jumped off a building, he’d sprout wings and become able to fly like the birds.
But on the days Jimin was not in a good mood, the whole world seemed off. His skin didn’t fit quite well. His hands itched with the need to do something but he didn’t know what it was. Everything that was said was wrong and rubbed him the wrong way.
Like today.
The silver was gone. In its place was waves upon waves of black hair.
Actually liking the change and finding that the black contrasted well against Jimin’s pale skin, Jungkook would’ve offered compliments had it not been for the dullness in the other’s eyes.
Instinct told him that something was wrong, and that it no doubt had to do with the change of hair color.
Silence extended between them. The newly-black-haired young man had only nodded in greeting before sitting beside Jungkook by the study hall table, taking out his things, and getting down to work.
Not wanting to push Jimin to talk about whatever had happened, the brunet tried to keep on studying for his Basic Chemistry final in two weeks. However, his concentration was shattered, brain filled to the brim with thoughts about the guy beside him.
He’d run through N amount of possibilities for what could’ve happened, when Jimin spoke, voice so quiet that Jungkook almost didn’t hear it over his loud thoughts.
“Is it wrong that I dyed it?”
A thousand answers came to Jungkook’s mind, and as he was parsing through them in order to gauge what to say, the other continued.
“They’ll all think that it’s because of the nasty shit they say where the teachers can’t hear them. But that’s not it at all. I just dyed my hair because I don’t have time to take good care of it right now. All my focus is on studying and passing my courses and maintaining the silver hair was too much work. So, I dyed it black. Because that’s a lot easier to manage, and if I get lazy with my roots the difference won’t be too obvious. And they’ll think that I did it because of their stupid words.”
Watching Jimin’s frustration and anger grow as his words progressed, Jungkook suddenly realized that the guy wasn’t as impervious as he’d thought. That he did care, at least to a certain degree, about the things being said about him.
And then the brunet had a thought.
“Since when do you care about what they think?”
Their eyes met when Jimin turned to look at him, gaze no longer dull, but confused and searching.
“I don’t. I don’t give a damn what they think about me.”
“So why do you care whether they think you dyed your hair for them or not? You know why you did it. I know why you did it. Nothing else matters. None of them matter.”
Shock coursed through the young man’s features for a second, then understanding, and finally blinding happiness, which settled completely onto his face.
“You’re right,” Jimin said simply, smile as carefree and joyous as usual.
Within Jungkook’s chest, the knot that had been getting tighter and tighter with his spiraling thoughts, suddenly unwound. Abruptly the brunet could breathe deeply again, no more panic inside him. Instead, his chest got warm as he watched the way Jimin’s eyes twinkled happily.
Just like that, all was right in the world again.
The semester ended and the grades were published in the billboards of the Core Courses building. His grades were no surprise at all, so instead of looking at them, he searched for Jimin’s.
Jungkook had to come in at ungodly in the morning to settle his tutoring applications for Descriptive Geometry 1 and 2. And Jimin was supposed to be coming later in the day just to see his grades on the billboard. So, since the grades were already up and Jungkook was here, he could do the black-haired man a favor and save him the trip.
It was only halfway through taking pictures of the charts in front of him that the brunet realized: Jimin had gotten top grades in all his classes.
He didn’t think that Jimin would be a bad student. Not at all. Jungkook saw how much effort he put into his classes.
He just didn’t expect the guy to ace everything.
Because how could he score such high grades with that untroubled attitude of his? The guy didn’t even know what courses he’d see next semester, how could he be a top student like Jungkook?
How could he be like Jungkook, but without the constant pressure to be perfect?
How could the two things coexist in harmony?
‘[5 Photos Attached]’
‘Congratulations on getting the best grades for all your courses. We need to celebrate.’
Messages sent, Jungkook went on with what he should’ve been doing.
As he was stepping out of the Drawing Department, his application forms signed and accepted, his phone rang in his pocket.
“You’re angry, aren’t you?” Were Jimin’s greeting words.
“I wasn’t hiding anything, I swear,” he went on before Jungkook could even begin to form an answer. “Grades just aren’t as important to me. If I get top grades, if I get medium grades… If you get top grades, or medium grades… None of it matters to me really. I just want to pass my courses and understand the topics that were taught. If I had managed to do that and passed the course with the minimum grade, I would be just as happy as I am right now.”
There was a beat of silence as Jungkook’s brain got scrambled all over again. Jimin didn’t care about his grades? He would’ve been happy if he’d passed everything with the minimum grade?
How?
“I’m not angry,” he managed to get out through his swirling thoughts. “Just surprised. And happy for you. You did that all on your own.”
A lot of Jungkook’s friends got good grades, but it was all the brunet’s doing. His coaching, and his helping, and his tutoring. Yet Jimin had refused his help time and time again, and managed to get top grades.
For a moment, confusion forgotten, a sort of sweet tasting admiration travelled through Jungkook’s veins, filling up his chest, brain flashing only one thought: Jimin was incredibly smart.
“Thank you.” And even though they weren’t in front of each other, he could accurately imagine the smile with which Jimin said his words. Alone in the white, green and grey corridor of departments, Jungkook smiled, for the sole reason that he thought Jimin was smiling too.
During the couple of week’s break they got before the next semester, the two of them were practically glued together. They spent their days in either Jimin’s tiny rented room, or in the, equally tiny, studio apartment Jungkook was renting. And did… absolutely nothing.
Really.
Neither of them had a lot of money to spare, and thus preferred to just… be together. There was no need for expensive movie tickets, or paying to eat together in some restaurant. They were content with going grocery shopping together, cooking together, watching movies and series from the comfort of their laptops, or simply sitting down to talk.
On one such night, they were watching a variety show on Jungkook’s laptop, when the black-haired man hit the pause button abruptly.
"They weren't wrong you know," Jimin said quietly, fearful.
"Huh?" They'd been silently watching the screen and then the younger one suddenly said this. What was he even talking about?
"The people in my classes. They aren't wrong. About their assumptions. Well, some of them. I mean-” Pause. Deep breath in, and deep breath out. “What I'm trying to say is that I am gay. They weren't wrong about that."
What was Jungkook supposed to do with this information? And why was Jimin telling him this? And why was his heart beating faster? Maybe it was apprehension about how to react correctly? After all, the brunet didn’t think he’d ever been on the receiving end of such a confession. The people he knew that weren’t straight just… they weren’t straight. And it was obvious. No need to come out.
"Ah, I see." What else should he say? What would he like to hear if he said something like this to Jimin? "I don't mind. Whatever your sexuality. Or gender for that matter. Or just, whatever you are or want to be. That's okay with me. I’ll accept you no matter what."
At the end of Jungkook's awkward ramble he looked up to meet the other’s eyes, Jimin was giving him a gentle and amused smile.
"Thank you."
And there Jungkook's body went again, heart beating wildly for no reason at all, skin not fitting quite right, fingers itching with the need to act, chest warm and fluttery, face feeling heated.
“Let’s continue watching the show,” Jimin announced, hitting play and leaving Jungkook with the feeling that he should’ve said or done… something.
Classes began again. Jimin chose to keep on seeing the courses pertaining to mechanical engineering ‘for now’ (a concept still foreign for the brunet). Jungkook was more than over the moon with his first few tutoring classes for the Descriptive Geometries, and his classes that were almost completely specific to civil engineering.
But he ran into a small, little inconvenience.
His friends.
Why did he suddenly abandon tutoring for Calculus and General Physics? Why change to Descriptive Geometry 1 and 2, those needless, useless subjects? Didn’t he take up tutoring for his future curriculum? What glory was there in teaching something inconsequential like Descriptive Geometry? He should’ve taken up tutoring for Calculus 2 and Linear Algebra and Geometry instead.
Poor Jungkook he was probably forced to take up tutoring for those dumb courses. That was it, right? He should’ve refused if he didn’t want to do it. Jungkook was really too nice and people took advantage of him. Just like that Jimin kid that stuck to him like glue. He’d probably also asked for Jungkook’s help and Jungkook didn’t know how to refuse, and that was the only reason Jungkook spent time with him.
Poor, too-nice, and taken-advantage-of Jungkook couldn’t find it in himself to listen to their bullshit and progressively found more and more excuses to cancel their studying sessions.
It’s not that he didn’t want to help his friends. He did want to help. And he tried. But all they wanted to do was talk. So, when the brunet accepted to help them, and the group just sat there commenting nonstop about Jimin and the subjects he was tutoring for, Jungkook would find a reason to leave.
He had plenty of assignments to do, exams to study for, and classes to prepare to be wasting time sitting around doing nothing.
It was for his future and his good grades.
Hence, this semester he spent even more time with Jimin, the black-haired man often staying over at Jungkook’s apartment because it was close to campus and this way he could save time travelling and spend it studying.
With a sigh Jimin threw himself onto the bed, then crawled bit by bit over to Jungkook and, like a huge cat, put his head right on top of the book the brunet had been reading. The brunet had been laying on top of the covers on his stomach, propped up by his arms as he read. Thus, their faces ended up being just a few inches apart. So close that they could feel the other’s breath on their skin.
Immediately, Jungkook got that same feeling, like happiness mixed with something sweet and giddy. His heart beat so hard he was afraid Jimin would somehow be able to feel it. His whole body itched with the need to… to… He didn’t know. But the sensation drove him absolutely nuts.
His eyes met Jimin’s beautiful brown eyes.
“Jungkook, it’s three in the morning,” the black-haired man whined softly with a pout.
The elbows holding Jungkook’s torso up and away from the bed trembled. In fact, maybe it was his hands that were trembling. His gaze focused on that pillowy, full lip, almost noticing it for the first time. The urge inside him to do something grew, making the brunet’s body go taut with tension.
What? What was it that his body wanted to do?
“Jungkook.” His eyes moved away from Jimin’s lips for a second. “Come on, don’t be a kid. Let’s…”
But the older’s focus slipped yet again, watching the way Jimin’s mouth opened and closed. The way his pink lips moved. Had they always been this pretty? Had they always been this eye-catching?
Jimin’s tongue ran over his lips and Jungkook suddenly had a burning question: Did they feel as soft as they looked?
Like a guitar, his whole body seemed to twang, all his senses hyperfocusing on that one thought and from question it evolved into another thing. A thing that was far more desperate. A thing that felt like a matter of life and death.
He needed , right now, in this second, to know what Jimin’s lips felt like.
Before he could think, before he could analyze, his body moved, torso lowering slightly, and their lips met.
Electricity coursed through the brunet’s system, nerves singing, heart rejoicing, hands sinking into Jimin’s soft black hair.
This was the thing his body had been asking him to do. Finally, the irritating itch within him quieted down. His mind, his soul, his everything was in complete and absolute peace.
And he had his answer. The black-haired man’s lips were not as soft as he’d imagined them, but Jungkook found that he liked that.
Skin moved against his, tasting, maybe also seeing how Jungkook’s lips felt, and the older got lost in the sensations, in the peace and quiet within him, in the smell and ‘feel’ of Jimin surrounding him.
Only when wet muscle passed over his lips, the black-haired man’s tongue coming out to play and taste as well, did reality crash into the cloud of elation Jungkook had been lost in.
Kiss.
They were kissing.
He had kissed Jimin. Out of his own will.
In the blink of an eye, the brunet was sitting upright with the bed’s headboard against his back, breath labored.
For a few seconds, the other man just blinked in confusion, eyes dazed, expression utterly blissful. Then they seemed to focus on Jungkook, and the joy was cruelly erased from them.
His heart was busy racing with panic inside his chest, but it still found time to ache horrendously. Because Jungkook had been the one to destroy Jimin’s happiness like that. It was his very own doing.
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t even know why he was apologizing. For the kiss? For putting the present emotionless expression on Jimin? For being stupider than a bag of bricks and not realizing he was falling in love?
“I didn’t mean… I… I didn’t want…”
But no matter what words he chose, the black-haired man in front of him just became more and more like a wall.
The brunet’s heart hurt so much, so, so much, that he almost wanted to sob. He’d never felt anything like this.
“I’m going to sleep in the living room.”
Jimin had never slept in the living room. Not once. He’d always slept in Jungkook’s room with him. Sometimes they even shared the brunet’s bed when it was too late and they didn’t want to set up the air mattress.
Bang! The door closed after the black-haired man, leaving Jungkook alone with his deafening thoughts.
What did it mean for their friendship that Jimin was going to sleep in the living room?
Mind spiralling even faster and thoughts becoming a jumbled unintelligible mess, Jungkook didn’t catch a single wink of sleep. All he could do was go over what had happened and the way the black-haired man had lost all emotion.
By the time morning came and they had to see each other again to walk to campus, the brunet had reached a few conclusions.
Like a business proposal he explained them all serenely as they ate breakfast (food completely untouched).
“I’m sorry if it seemed in any way like I was playing with your feelings or giving you mixed signals or taking advantage of you for my own gain. I promise that this is not me using you to test my curiosity.” This is me being stupider than should be legally allowed and heartlessly hurting you.
“So what is this?” Jimin asked, face still without emotion.
This is me unconsciously falling for you.
“This is something I can’t do, something I don’t want to do. For you. I don’t want to hurt you further. I… Because…” How to put into words what was in his mind? How to explain the reason he couldn’t explore this further? “Architeca… They’re very conservative. They won’t… If… I won’t...”
This had never been an issue before. But now all his dreams, all his hard work, hung on a thin, thin thread.
“My life plans…” The things he’d been aiming for all his life. They would all be gone, dispersing like a cloud of smoke.
His friends would shun him first and then it would spread through all of college. Perhaps even some of the more renowned professors would shun him too. And he’d been counting on being able to get their recommendation letters.
He’d be all alone. Again. Without a purpose. Again. Not knowing what to do with himself. Again.
Just thinking about it his hands began shaking. His friends might talk a lot of crap, and stick their noses where they shouldn’t, but they were his friends. Had been his only friends for the past two and a half years. He’d known them since far before Jimin arrived.
Was it healthy to abandon everything, to destroy his whole world, for one person?
“I get it.” And the gentle voice with the soft look in Jimin’s eyes almost broke Jungkook.
Don’t , he wanted to beg. Don’t get it. Rage at me. Be mad. Cut me out of your life. Just, please don’t tell me you get it.
Yet his mouth betrayed him, giving voice to the growing, gnawing fear within him. Something even bigger than the thought of ripping up all his plans for Jimin.
“I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
I don’t want to lose you.
“You won’t. I’ll still be your friend.” The words were followed by something even worse than Jimin’s lack of expression: a fake, very forced smile, with eyes as lifeless as a corpse’s.
Immediately Jungkook wished harder than ever in his life that he hadn’t said anything. He would’ve preferred losing Jimin than making him look like that.
Why couldn’t he find the right words?
Why did his words keep on worsening things?
Why was it that he just could not stop hurting the black-haired man he cared so much for?
True to his word, Jimin didn’t stop spending time with him, or sitting with him to study, or any of those things they did, but things changed. And every different thing cracked Jungkook’s battered soul more and more. Because he hadn’t noticed them until he lost them.
For example, only when the black-haired man started to sit one foot or so away from the older when they sat together did Jungkook realize how closely nestled they’d sat before.
Like this, many things fell out of his routine and life. There was no more of Jimin cooking lunch for him, no more sleepovers unless Jimin had no other option, no more sharing a room, and the one that for some reason hurt the most: no more allowing Jungkook to explain things to him.
There was no being with Jimin, just the two of them, anymore.
People began to appear at Jimin and Jungkook’s table. Jimin’s friends. It was a very varied parade of characters from different majors, drama, literature, psychology, architecture, that left a bitter taste in the brunet’s mouth.
The other man had had friends this whole time. He’d just kept his time with Jungkook private and away from them on purpose.
The message was loud and clear, the line clearly drawn, and Jungkook understood.
As a way to help, he stopped spending every little stitch of his free time with the black-haired man, going back to the study sessions with his friends. But their bullshit had transcended to a new level.
It was a good thing that Jungkook came back. He was behaving more like himself these days. It was good to see him acting normally again. Yeah, he seemed happy now that he was spending less time with that Jimin guy. They’d said the guy was using Jungkook and they were completely right. Look at how he’d replaced him and turned to other people. That was probably because Jungkook had…
While their mouths flapped seemingly tirelessly, Jungkook just focused on his books and notebooks.
What acting like himself? What normal? What happy?
He felt restless and jerky, that insufferable itch from before making a comeback. He hadn’t been able to sleep at night and the food seemed to have lost its taste. He was struggling to keep his high grades because he couldn’t focus on anything, his body and brain fighting him at every turn.
Seriously, he couldn’t have been any farther happy. He was miserable. Completely and absolutely miserable!
How was it that these people didn’t notice?
Lying on the grass of the faculty’s garden and staring at the clouds in the sky, Jungkook couldn’t help but think about Jimin.
Because he would’ve noticed without a doubt.
The black-haired man had been the only one to feel happy when Jungkook became a tutor for Descriptive Geometry 1 and 2, even congratulating him. He’d known it was something the brunet had been wanting for months. Yet his friends could only come to the conclusion that he’d been forced to take the position.
Now that he thought about it, had he ever told his friends about how much he loved the subjects pertaining to the Drawing Department? His friends didn’t even realize that he’d taken to spending his free time in the Drawing Department, yet Jimin had always known to come find him there.
Unbidden, memories came to him: telling Jimin about his topography course from last year, practically begging the then-silver-haired guy to let Jungkook help him with Descriptive Geometry 1, passionately drawing polygons beside Jimin when there was an interesting exercise in the guide. Shining, curious eyes watching him, asking if Jungkook liked the subject, and then smiling tenderly when the brunet had forced him to hear an hour-long ramble. The black-haired man listening with honest interest to the things Jungkook had planned for his tutoring classes, head lying on top of his crossed arms, eyes dreamy, smile gentle.
Feeling a powerful, mournful twang of pain in his chest, for the umpteenth time he fought the urge to sob.
Those were all the things he loved the most. And Jimin had always, always lent him an ear and a smile.
Words about these things hadn’t left Jungkook’s mouth since they’d reshaped their friendship. Jimin had been the only one in his life with whom he could share the stuff he loved.
Clouds passed by in the sky, Jungkook half watching them, and half lost in his mind.
How lonely was his life, he concluded as a flock of birds flew overhead. He had only one person with which to talk about the things he loved.
He followed the birds as they crossed the sky, mind turning and turning.
And yet he was always surrounded by people , he added with snarky sarcasm.
The thought rippled and echoed throughout his mind, bouncing to and fro.
And yet he was always surrounded by people. His friends’ mouths yapping all day and night around him.
Bigger waves were made, his mind telling him that he was sitting on the edge of an important thought. A sense of urgency that he didn’t know what to do with grew inside him.
Abruptly, it hit him.
How was it that he couldn’t talk about the things he loved with his friends? Why did he find any and all excuses to not be around them? What did it mean that they so obviously knew next to nothing about him, not even realizing when he was sad or happy?
Easy, it meant they weren’t really his friends.
They had never been. Those people had been exactly what they called Jimin, a group of opportunistic jerks that were around Jungkook because there was something to gain. They wanted to ride on his coattails, they wanted to brag about being friends with the known genius, they wanted to get private tutoring sessions for free, and all the many other favors the brunet had done for them.
What did Jungkook get in return from them? The stiff mold of their expectations that he was being forced to fit into.
But no. To be very fair, the mold hadn’t only been constructed by them. The brunet had helped. He’d closed the shackles on his wrists all by himself.
For his dreams and life plans.
Which, now that he thought about it…
If they were his ‘dreams’ why did he feel so miserable making them come true? If they were what he wanted, why was he feeling so reluctant and unwilling?
If these plans were his happiness, why was it that the brunet could only feel bitter and lonely sadness?
Jungkook saw it so clearly now.
Finally, he got a glimpse of the bigger picture and discovered his whole world had been resting upon… nothing. A mirage without substance. Before his very eyes everything he’d constructed so far tumbled into the void, the land it was supposed to be sitting on vanishing like a mirror trick.
However, far from disconsolate, the destruction of his dreams left him feeling ecstatic. A wide smile spread his lips, his heart was dancing joyously in his chest, and an unnoticed massive weight lifted off his shoulders.
He’d never felt this happy in his life.
Whatever those supposed ‘friends’ of his thought didn’t matter anymore. They could go fuck themselves for all he cared.
If Architeca regarded his tutoring for Descriptive Geometry 1 and 2 in a bad light, or if they had a problem with the gender of his romantic partner, then they could go fuck themselves as well.
None of that was important.
The things that were important were his love for the Drawing Department and for Jimin.
Other than that, nothing else mattered.
He laughed out loud as he stopped to notice what he’d just thought, yet another realization hitting him.
He loved Jimin. The way his heart did somersaults in his chest more than confirmed it.
He loved Jimin.
Regret dampened his joy suddenly and without mercy.
And he’d kissed him only to later claim to want to be just friends.
And he’d hurt him so despondently.
And he was losing him more and more with each day that went by.
Jumping into motion, Jungkook hurriedly stuffed his things back into his back, mind running over Jimin’s schedule for this semester.
He should just be getting out of Calculus 2.
As he ran, like before, his mind became a mess.
What did it mean that he loved Jimin? What did that make him? What was he going to do in the future? What would be his new life plans?
Hoards of students blurred in the periphery of his vision. His eyes were thoroughly focused on the people in front of him, on avoiding them as gently as he could while also trying to quickly reach the Core Courses building before the black-haired man left for home.
Really, to repeat himself again, what did any of this matter? He’d figure out his sexuality later. Being straight or not hadn’t been a big concern for him because he was too busy thinking about his life plans. The only moment in which it mattered was when it could mean not getting into Achiteca. But now? Now he didn’t give a single flying fuck.
Finally, the entrance of the blue building came into sight, and he hastened his pace, paying less attention to whether the people moved when he said excuse me. He needed to get to Jimin.
And as for his future plans, he didn’t have any at the moment. Other than finding Jimin to apologize profusely, he didn’t know what he was going to do. Maybe also continuing to tutor for the Drawing Department courses. He’d found that when it was a subject he cared for, he actually liked teaching.
The coolness of the building’s interior enveloped him as Jungkook stepped onto the gray concrete floors of the lobby, and drew him out of his mind.
Body thrumming with how close Jimin was, the brunet walked over to the stairs immediately. He didn’t remember well, but he seemed to remember that Jimin’s Calculus 2 section saw classes in the first floor. Before he’d advanced more than three steps though, a familiar melodious tinkling laughter reached his ears. Without his consent, his head whipped in it’s direction, body having already turned around. His eyes found him immediately.
Jimin was surrounded by his crowd of friends and walking over to the doors.
Leaving. He was leaving.
“Jimin!” He called, willing his body to move faster and the people loitering in the lobby to get the fuck out of his way.
Jerking as if zapped, the black-haired man’s head whipped around to find Jungkook, eyes lighting up when their gazes met. Then the happiness died, as the other probably remembered the stupid and hurtful things Jungkook had said the day they kissed. Instead of feeling the age-old pang of pain, the brunet felt determination as he resolved to either bring happiness back to that beautiful face again or not see it anymore. Those were their two options. Because as dramatic as it sounded, the older one was not willing to keep on torturing Jimin.
“Jimin,” Jungkook said loudly, urgently, trying to convey his desperate need for the other to stay, to listen.
Sadness forgotten, the black-haired man became concerned, probably not understanding Jungkook’s actions, and began to walk towards him.
In a few more steps they finally met.
“What? What is it? What ha-”
Poor man possibly couldn’t keep on talking from how tightly the brunet was hugging him.
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said into the crook of Jimin’s neck. “I’ve been stupid. So stupid. The stupidest. And I’ve hurt you so much. And I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it before.”
These were not the things he’d wanted to say to the black-haired man, and this was not the way either. He wanted to look Jimin in the eyes so the other could see his sincerity. So he pulled away a little, straightening his back, and their gazes finally met.
“Jungkook, what-”
“I’m so sorry for hurting you that day.” Jimin’s eyes lost a bit of their brightness. They both knew what day Jungkook was referring to. “I’m so sorry I was so blind back then. But I’ve come here, because I can finally see. I realized today that so far in my life there are only two things that I love.” Interest shone in Jimin’s eyes and Jungkook smiled because some life had come back to them. “The classes from the Drawing Department.” This made the black-haired man in front of him smile fondly, filling Jungkook’s chest with softness. Jimin was the only person that would be so happy upon hearing those words. “And you.”
Beautiful brown eyes went wide with shock and nervousness settled like lead into Jungkook’s stomach.
“Just those two things. Nothing else about my current life makes me happy,” he pushed on, mouth running off with his need to fill up the silence and not give Jimin a chance to react badly. “I don’t love any of it. This… This Perfect Jungkook that I’ve been living as brings me nothing more than absolute and complete misery. And that’s what I’m sorry about. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner and ended up hurting you. You can totally not forgive me. I know I said I wasn’t trying to play with your feelings on purpose, but that’s exactly what I wound up doing. So, I’d get it if you don’t want to-”
“Oh my God please stop rambling nervously so I can forgive you!” Jimin exclaimed with a heartfelt chuckle, eyes crinkling into crescent moons, smile wide and happy.
Swept by warmth and sweet, sweet delight, Jungkook suddenly ran out of words, only staring deeply into the twinkling joyous ebony eyes in front of him.
“I forgive you,” the black-haired man repeated, voice tender. “It's okay. You're human. You can make mistakes.”
The warmth in his chest spread throughout his whole body, and a smile of his own graced Jungkook’s features.
“Now can you please shut up about that already so I can tell you that I'm also in love with you?”
Love and care infused Jimin’s eyes with a special kind of spark that had the brunet bewitched. His heart began dancing in his chest, something fluttering inside him, and his whole body once more itched with need.
This time he knew what it was he wanted to do, and his muscles moved consciously.
His lips crashed into Jimin’s with demanding fierceness.
Again everything within him settled. He was home.
He was Human Jungkook, impulsive, vulnerable, unreservedly in love. And he felt that was just perfect.
Tender, soft skin moved against equally tender and soft skin as the black-haired man in his arms kissed him back. His hands hugged Jimin tighter, their chests resting against each other, making Jungkook able to feel their racing pulses. The brunet was in heaven. He’d never felt happier in his life.
A loud gasp sounded from somewhere to the side and suddenly, the hum of conversation around them crashed into Jungkook’s bubble of bliss. And possibly also Jimin’s, because smaller hands rested on his shoulders and pushed him away a bit.
Gazes meeting once more, the not-so-quiet whispers of nasty names and homophobic slurs flooding his ears, the two breathed harshly, trying to calm down their beating hearts.
Concern clouded the gorgeous brown eyes he loved so much, soft fingers ghosting over his cheek and lower jaw.
“Jungkook!” Jimin whispered urgently, searching Jungkook’s peaceful expression with growing confusion. “But… What about Architeca? What about your life plans?”
“Fuck Architeca,” he answered with heartfelt indifference. “Fuck those life plans. I threw them all away because more than dreams they were like a prison.” Inquisitive eyes kept on searching his face, listening attentively, ready to offer support and love, and Jungkook smiled tenderly. “I don’t know much about my future right now, to be honest. There is one thing I do know though: you’ll have a starring role on them, because whatever path I choose, whatever career I pursue, I need to be able to be with you and show you how much I love you whenever and wherever I want.”
Jimin softened like goo in his hands, eyes getting teary, smile becoming wobbly, and he rushed forward to hug the brunet tightly.
“Those sound...” The black-haired man’s voice was strained, like he was fighting to push out the words. “Those sound wonderful. I’m not really one for planning, but I might take up those plans as well.”