Work Text:
Spiderman and Deadpool were sitting on top of one skyscraper or another while eating their celebratory chimichangas. They had just stopped some high scale bank heist. “So Petey boy, when do I get to meet your Aunt?” Deadpool asked in between bites.
“Never,” Peter managed to get out after saving himself from chocking.
“Why not?” Wade wined.
“Number one, she doesn’t know I swing this way. Number two, she is not getting any hints about me being Spiderman,” Peter said counting them out on his hand.
“But, Peter, I want to meet her. She sounds awesome. Don’t you think you should introduce your boyfriend to your relations?” Wade nudged his shoulder.
“Wade, no. Now come on I think someone’s getting mugged two blocks over.” They tugged their mask back on, Deadpool stashed the food in one of his pockets, and they went racing off. Peter thought that was the end of that conversation.
It wasn’t. Two weeks later and Peter entered his room to find Wade Wilson in a hoodie and blue jeans sharpening one of his swords. Peter threw his back pack in a corner. “Wade what are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious, baby boy, I’m sharpening my sword.”
“But why in my room? How do you know where I live?”
“I trailed you a couple days ago, you made it pretty easy.”
“Well not many people know who I am.”
“Yeah but so how badly do you want that idiot who punched you un-alived?”
“Don’t you dare.”
“So he has to stay alive?”
“Yes, he does.”
“Okay.”
“Please don’t torture him.”
“No promises.”
“Wade!”
“What?”
Peter through his hands up, “I give up. I’m doing my homework.” He said sitting down at his computer.
“Oh can I help?” Wade said wrapping his arms around Peter.
“Yeah, go away so I can study for history.”
“What are you learning about?”
“Korean War.”
“Oh that wasn’t any fun.”
“How old are you?”
“That’s debatable. It depends on the universe.”
“You’re such a strange person.”
“Didn’t you already know that baby boy?”
“Yeah, yeah I did.”
Wade left a few hours before Aunt May called him down stairs for dinner. Peter was on edge the whole time just expecting Deadpool to knock on the front door and introduce himself. His aunt picked up on it. “Peter you seem a little off.”
“How so?”
“You’re barely eating and you keep glancing at the door. Is something wrong? Do you want to talk about it?” His aunt asked smiling at him.
“I’m fine, I’m just a bit nervous about a test that’s coming up.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Aunt May said with a bit of sarcasm.
Peter decided to ignore it and try to eat everything as quickly as possible. “Thanks Aunt May, your meat loaf was delicious, I need to go study now.” He said throwing his dishes into the sink and rushing back up to his room. Wade was sitting on Peter's bed again cleaning the blood off of one of his sword.
Peter sighed, “and where did you go?”
***
The boy who had beaten Peter up earlier was walking down the road with three of his friends, talking about how awesome Spiderman was and how much the chicks digged him. Deadpool dropped from the roof top to in front of him.
“Who the hell are you?” The tall blond shouted.
“That’s not very nice,” Deadpool scolded. “Now my name is Deadpool. What’s your name?”
“Is this some kind of joke?” The guy asked.
“Um, sir, do you want us or do you just want Flash here because if you don’t want us I need to get home. My mom’s cooking lasagna tonight.” One of the guys on Flash’s right asked.
“You guys can get going I just want to have a discussion with Flash here.” Deadpool said.
“Thanks dude,” the guys said as they went running back down the street.
“Now Flash is it?” Deadpool said turning his attention to the dude that was left. “You seem to have a problem with bullying.”
“I- I don’t know what you mean.” He stammered.
“And now you’re lying,” Deadpool said in mock shock and he pulled out a knife and started flipping it back and forth. “I can’t stand liars and I know a certain superhero who isn’t too fond of bullies either.”
“What do you want?”
“I just would like to inform you that my name is Deadpool please look me up when you get home. I know where you live, where you go to school, where you like to hang out on the weekends and if you do anymore stupid bullying shit then I will have to just make your life a living hell. And don’t think I won’t see you. I will. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.” Flash stammered.
“Good. Now you should probably go to your house. Yes?”
“Yes, sir, I’m going to go if that’s okay with you,” Flash said looking down at his hands and when he looked up the man was nowhere to find.
***
“Out, I got you some ice cream to help you with your studying,” Wade said gesturing to a grocery bag.
“Did you get a spoon?”
“Yes, I did,” Wade smiled out of pride.
“Thanks, babe,” Peter said giving Wade a kiss on the cheek.
Wade hummed happily and pulled out a pint of ice cream for himself and started eating it with one of his knives.
Peter laughed at him.
“So when do I get to meet your aunt?”
“When she figures out I’m Spiderman. Which is not an invitation,” Peter added once he saw the look on Wade’s face.
“Damn it Petey,” Wade said as he lied down on Peter’s bed.
“Sorry babe.”
“Join me?”
“When I finish my homework,” Peter said as he began to eat his ice cream.
Wade huffed at him.
“Oh shush you.”
A couple hours later Peter climbed in beside Wade. Wade took both of their ice cream cartons and threw them into the trash can while hitting the light switch on the way. Peter snuggle closer to Wade, “If my aunt comes in I’m throwing you out the window.” He threatened sleepily.
Wade chuckled, “Okay love bug.”
“I don’t like that one,” Peter yawned before falling asleep.
On his way home Deadpool dropped down in front of Peter, “How was your day?”
“Pretty calm. What did you do to Flash?”
“Nothing, why?”
“He seemed nice, it was weird.”
“We might have had some words.”
“Wade, what did you do?”
“Nothing,” he said holding up his hands. “We just talked I swear.”
“Okay… how was your day?”
“Oh you know the usual, I got kicked out of a Mexican restaurant, a movie theater, a bar, and the wolverine threatened to kill me.”
“Is that all?” Peter laughed.
“Yep, oh and I stalked some guys for fun.”
Peter stopped walking suddenly, which made Wade walk into a light pole. “Smooth, hey this my house, so, um, I’ll see you later I guess.”
“Are we going patrolling tonight?”
“If you want to,” Peter shrugged.
“I do,” Wade smiled.
“Okay, well bye,” Peter said before he reached up and gave Wade a quick kiss.
“Bye, Petey!” Wade shouted as Peter went into his house.
His Aunt May greeted him at the door, “Who’s that boy?” She asked curiously.
“Um, my friend,” Peter said blushing.
“Can I meet him?” she asked.
“Um… I don’t know,” Peter stammered.
His aunt walked out to the porch and yelled after Wade, “Hey! Yeah you, you’re Peter’s friend aren’t you?”
Wade turned around with a shit eating grin on his face and jogged up to the porch, “Yes ma’am.”
If the sight of Wade’s scars threw Aunt May off she didn’t let it show, “I’m Peter’s Aunt May, what’s your name?”
“Wade, ma’am,” Wade said.
“Would you like to stay for dinner? We’re having left overs but still.”
“Left overs are wonderful, Ms. May.”
Peter’s jaw dropped, he had never seen Wade that polite the entire time he had known the guy. It was creepy and slightly scarier than watching the man slice through people’s skulls. Peter then remembered that it wasn’t quite normal for someone to have two swords strapped to his back. “Um, Wade. Your swords…”
“Oh, yes,” He said pulling them off. “Ms. May is there anywhere I could put these, I don’t want to be armed in your home. I just got done with a sword fighting class.”
“You could lean them against a wall or something, it doesn’t really matter.”
“Thank you,” Wade said as he leaned them against the wall underneath the coat hanger.
Peter and Wade then helped Aunt May set the table for dinner. Aunt May then managed to interrogate Wade and Peter completely politely. They met when they ran into each other outside the Bugle’s office, which wasn’t completely a lie. They had known each other for a year give or take, which was true. Wade works at a fast food Mexican restaurant. All in all Peter thought it could have gone a lot worse. As soon as they cleaned up Peter asked if the two of them could go out.
“Yes but be home before ten,” his aunt said.
“Thanks Aunt May!” Peter shouted as he grabbed his bag and shoved Wade outside.
“Thanks for dinner Ms. May!” Wade shouted.
Aunt May just laughed and shook her head.
As soon as Peter stepped a foot back in the house he was ambushed. “So Wade seems like a good guy.”
“Um, yeah he’s great.” Peter stuttered.
“You two seem to like each other a lot.” His aunt said.
“We do.” Peter said warily.
His aunt pointed at the sofa, “Sit Peter.”
Peter sat down.
“Peter, are you dating that man.”
“No,” he said quickly.
“Don’t you lie to me, I saw you two outside this afternoon and I’m not blind I saw how that boy looked at you. Now are you two dating?” Aunt May said while pointing a finger at him.
“Yes Aunt May.”
“Good, tell him he’s welcomed when ever and I mean it, I want that boy over at least twice a week.”
“Um, okay.”
“Good, now go do your homework.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Peter managed to get out before practically running upstairs to his room. Well that could have gone worse.