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“Is th’ whole,'' Phil waved a hand for effect, “touching someone’s face actually a thing, ya think?” he ended with a hiccup.
Guess I’ll die now.
Instead of saying that, Techno tried to collect his thoughts enough to answer his question, futile as it was. “I’ve never tried it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a made up romance thing from abled people.”
“Ya think?”
Oh no, ohhh no no no no no, that tone of voice mixed in with all the beer they’ve slowly drunk amounts to ideas that give Techno a heart attack.
“Hey Techno,” crap, ”Wanna try it out?”
On one hand, everything’s fine. There’s nothing inherently wrong with touching Phil’s face. Over the time they’ve spent together, they’ve seen each other at their best and worst. From pulling Phil’s hair out of the way after one too many drinks, to comforting hands carding through Techno’s hair, voice soft and-
He violently stopped his line of thinking, Phil hadn’t brought it up so it will stay hidden until a migraine comes back to spill all his feelings for any to inspect.
Which is exactly why everything is not fine. How is he supposed to start caressing Phil’s face and act as if this is a ‘no homo’ moment?????
Fortunately, he was stopped from having to think any further by Phil’s brilliant idea.
“-should do it as well.”
“What,” he oh-so-eloquently put.
“Y’know, to act like a control variable.”
“Phil, this is starting to sound far too official just to test out whether or not I can “see” faces.” Phil was already letting out small giggles soon turning into cackles at the sight of Techno’s air quotes.
Techno smiled, ducking his head to avoid getting caught by Phil, though the action proved naught for he was still laughing. Pleasant laughter filled their space, filling him with warmth at making his friend happy. It reminded him of the promise he’d silently made to Phil.
Phil, finally catching his breath, managed to say, “rock paper scissors to see who goes first?”
Aaaand he takes it all back, Phil Za with a soon to be nursing degree, is dead to him. He will start packing his belongings and move to the countryside to start a farm and compete with the local potato farmer in a glorious battle that would last months and wreak havoc in the potato industry, effectively crashing the market.
He lost.
“Mmmm, alright, how ‘bout I go first?”
“Yeah, sure.”
How his voice didn’t sound as strangled as he felt was beyond him.
He heard some shuffling, Phil leaving the couch and instead joining him on the luxurious floor, and felt the vague presence of his friend sitting in front of him.
“You sure it’s ok?”
An out, and an obvious one at that. Bless his friend for letting Techno take everything back and go wallow in his room in relief while mourning the lost opportunity of having the closest person in his life touch his face.
Totally normal things to want.
But if there’s anything Techno is, it’s stubborn. He’s gonna follow through, goddammit.
Nodding, Techno swallowed as the presence of Phil started to get closer and closer until-
Warm, was his first thought.
Of course he is, he’s just as human as I am.
Unless he was a vampire, which, this would not be a fun way to find out. Not like Techno could really-
All thoughts left just as fast, Phil’s hand gently moving from where they cupped his face to hold his jaw, the other moving a thumb to trace his eye.
Everywhere his thumb moved, a trail of fire followed, lingering burns flaring and dying, leaving a pleasant tingling.
Techno wanted to cry.
He was so focused on Phil’s thumb swiping under his eyes- following the dip in skin going back and forth back and forth- that he completely forgot the one holding his jaw- practically his head at this point, feeling too limp and heavy to be holding it up himself.
He became very aware when it moved and joined the other’s actions to his other half, slowly dragging over his skin, as if wanting to remember all the bumps and catches. It dragged just as slow as his other, following his brow bone to the lid of his eye that he didn’t even notice closing. Gentle fingers went over his lashes, down to under his eyes, and back to his brow, repeating the path again and again and agonizingly again.
Having to keep himself from falling face flat, it was all Techno could do to prevent the whines caught in his throat.
It was so good.
Techno had always thought authors were exaggerating when he read how the main character fell to their feet at the simple touch of their lover, friend, family. He’d always scoffed at the poems describing the helplessness one was overcome at the gentle touch of a loving hand.
He was aware that he was just a tad bit touch starved, but he thought himself better, above them. Thought he wouldn’t cave at the careful caress.
And yet.
Phil seemed done with his eyes and brow, instead moving lower to his nose and cheeks. Slow, everything was so slow. Techno briefly wondered if he had died yet and this was a hallucination.
The thought was entertained for no more than a second, attention zipping back to the thumbs gently pushing against the slight baby fat on his cheeks, the opposite focused on the trail of his nose, going lower and-
The only thing keeping Techno from freezing was the pure jelly-like state his limbs were in, too loose and lazy to keep up with his mind, for Phil was going over his lips.
Oh, oh I am screwed.
They were so gentle, a small hesitance at the way fingers stopped for a moment, but hearing no protest, continued. Even at the brink of insanity, he was holding up pretty well, that is, until Phil’s finger slightly pulled his bottom lip.
He tried, he tried so hard, gods knows it, even the stupid authors and poets and wordsmiths he scoffed at would understand,
But,
How was he supposed to keep his composure when Phil did that?! His face was aflamed both figuratively and literally, most definitely a bright red, and still tingling with the aftereffects of Phil’s previous touches. His muscles were more relaxed than ever since before the incident.
So it was no surprise that a small whimper escaped his throat.
It was too much and not enough all at the same time, but compared to how Phil pulled his hands away faster than Techno could make an excuse for the sound, it was perfect. It was soft and gentle and just maybe loving if Techno lied to himself hard enough because now…
Now Techno wants to let out another whine. He wants it again, more, for Phil to keep going over his skin and to keep touching, his hands a bit calloused but perfect , not enabling an overload like so many others. He wants to plead and beg Phil to keep going please please please-
“Shit, you alright mate? Did I accidentally hurt you? Fuck you’re really red-” Phil’s worries, while nice, were unnecessary and only added fuel to the fire that was Techno’s face.
“I’m fine,” fuck, even his voice betrayed him, rough and raspy, as if he’d just finished a screaming shout with one of his professors like he’d always imagined when he was at his wit’s end.
Gently grabbing his hands, Phil led him to the kitchen, sitting him down on one of the stools before looking to find something to feed him, cabinet door opening and closing.
The night got darker and Phil never mentioned Techno’s end of the deal, the whole point of the stupid test.
Next morning, when Techno questioned him, Phil had only answered, “Didn’t give much information as I thought, so it probably wouldn’t have worked.”
And he knew that, Techno knew from the beginning that it wouldn’t work, humans aren’t that good, but still.
It didn’t erase the burning prickling that appeared on him whenever he thought about the test. It didn’t stop him from yearning to have Phil’s hands on him for longer. It didn’t stop the dreams of Phil grasping his chin and tracing the same path but with his lips instead, leaving his chest feeling empty when he woke up and realized it was nothing but fantasy.
Thankfully, nothing really changed, Phil still slung his arm around him, he still messed his hair up when he woke up late, he still leaned on him on movie nights.
Everything was still the same. Just now, Techno had the yearning for his best friend’s touch.
Y’know, the usual.
He let his head drop onto the table.
Techno registered the comforting pat on his head, Phil most likely thinking it was from law jargon and not from Techno’s own stupid pining heart.
He sighed.