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-There's not gonna be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down.
-I'll-I'll get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do.
-There's not enough time. This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York. I gotta put her in the water.
-Please don't do this. W-we have time. We can work it out.
-Right now I'm in the middle of nowhere. If I wait any longer a lot of people are gonna die. Peggy, this is my choice. Peggy...
-I'm here.
-I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance.
-All right. A week next Saturday at The Stork Club.
-You've got it.
-Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?
-You know, I still don't know how to dance.
-I'll show you how. Just be there.
-We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your-
-Steve? Steve? Steve?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the high pitched whistle of the tea kettle. Peggy had long since lost track of how many times she has replayed her and Steve’s last conversation in her head. Despite what everyone said, the pain did not get better with time. Quite the contrary, actually. As more and more time passed since Steve crashed, it seemed to hurt more.
She filled her mug with tea and sat at the small table in her apartment. Often times, she considered making a cup for Steve. Just to have some sense of his presence. Make it feel like he was there, enjoying the tea with her. But as she thought about it more and more, the notion seemed more and more ridiculous.
Despite all of the pain, loneliness, anger, and regret that she felt, frustration seemed to be the most persistent feeling. She was frustrated that he wasn’t here, that he left her, that she couldn’t have him, as selfish as that sounded.
It felt like something was missing, like a part of her was gone. She hadn’t known Steve for very long but he had quickly become a huge part of her life. He had done it so easily too, she noticed. She was sure he didn’t realize the impact he had on her. The way his smile lit up a room and made her heart ache for him. The way his hair fell into his face made her have to suppress a grin. She missed it, to be honest. Missed all of his little quirks. Everything about him was perfect. He had unknowingly crawled his way into her heart and she was incapable of getting him out. Not that she really wanted to.
The part that killed Peggy the most was that she would never get to feel him. Never feel his arms around her, holding her close to him. Never feel his breath tickle her skin as he whispers “I love you” in her ear. Never feel the warm skin of his chest against her cheek as she uses him as a pillow while they sleep. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair and kiss his nose. Wanted to rest her head on his chest and feel rather than hear him laugh. Although in Peggy’s opinion, Steve’s laugh was one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.
She would never know what it would feel like to be loved by him. The longing that she felt was unbearable at times. How had she let this happen? The armor she had spent years building around herself, shattered within a few months by one man, completely oblivious to what he had done.
Peggy often wondered how Steve felt about her. Did he feel the same way? She tried not to dwell on that particular question for too long. It never ended well. In fact, it usually ended up with her completely convinced that Steve hated her and that she had made everything up. Most of the time, however, she had enough sense to know that Steve did care about her. It was a comforting thought.
She was thrown back into reality when she accidentally bumped the spoon she had been using to stir her tea and knocked it to the floor. Sighing, she leaned down and picked it up, glancing at the clock as she did so. Twenty minutes had passed. Twenty minutes of her sitting and feeling sorry for herself. She was ashamed, in all honesty. What a waste of time.
Peggy quickly gulped down the now lukewarm tea and headed to get ready for the day. A day consisting of work. Carrying on Steve’s good work, to be exact. If she can’t be with him, she can honor him and continue his legacy. Make sure that everything he did wasn’t in vain.
Because Agent Peggy Carter can do everything that Captain America can. And she can do it in high-heels, without smudging her lipstick.