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“Are you really leaving?” Venti could explain to me fifty times the reason for leaving for good and I would never understand for real.
Or maybe, deep down, I just don't know how to accept your choice. The boy smiles. His smile is so beautiful that it hurts, mainly because he remains the same as always. As if we weren't saying goodbye. If he loves me like he always said, how could he keep all that calm and composure? I really wanted to have that strength, maybe if I were like him I wouldn't be suffering as much as I am now.
“Yes, Xiao.” He confirms the obvious. “Don't make that face, you know I'm heartbroken too.”
I sigh at your answer. I trust Venti… He can be many things; sloppy, playful, lazy… But a liar isn't on your list of traits. But my heart needs a correct closure; and that calm smile does nothing to help. My heart pounds and my stomach turns over. In a few minutes, our relationship will be just a memory.
“Why go then?” I insist.
I try to be a reasonable person, but it's hard. I never had many friends, mainly because I was a reserved, serious and introverted person. Discovering that I like men also only made my desire to socialize worse, for fear of being rejected by a cruel and homophobic society. So when I see my boyfriend leaving, I throw all my pride away and persist until my most pathetic face appears.
“Well, sometimes love just isn't enough.” Venti explains.
Your sentence breaks my heart even more. Our relationship was an impeccable and a precious time for me. We hardly ever fought, and we were always reasonable and fair to each other, and we always had time to see each other and talk about everything. The pain is indescribable; it's like someone burning my whole body, and I feel a gnawing and continuous pain in every particle of my being. My eyes fill with tears, but I don't allow myself to cry. Not in front of him.
“You sound like we have a lot of problems here…” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat with some difficulty.
“As much as I love you and as much as you feel the same way, I couldn't live in Liyue, in any other town or even just with you. My heart is free as the wind, and all I want is to wander around the world aimlessly, meeting new people, cultures and having fun in various places.” he explains to me calmly. “I have to follow what my heart desires, and I can not be that selfish to the point of asking you to go with me.”
The life Venti wants is incompatible with mine. All I wanted was peace and quiet in any city. No surprises, no constant news. A sweet and desired routine with the person I love. And when he explains that he couldn't force me to do what I like, I finally give up on convincing him. It would be selfish, and I'm better than that. It's like he says: love isn't always enough.
“Are you ever going to come back?”
A thin little thread of hope remains in my heart, however. In case he ever got tired of his fickle journey, he could settle down somewhere with me, years later. I would wait for him if he asked. Venti worth it.
“No promises, Xiao. I don't want a life tied to anything.” he doesn't accept my silent suggestion. “Go on with your life, you deserve to be happy.”
After Venti popped a kiss on my cheek, he whispered something in my ear. I'm so stunned by his parting that I can't understand what he said, but before I could call him to say anything again, Venti was already too far away.
When he turned his back, he didn't look back. Venti left, searching for his happiness. And, as much as seeing him though only makes my sadness worse, I must let him go.