Work Text:
“I’d make yourself scarce,” said Ferb, “Isabella is on a warpath.”
Phineas tilted his head.
Buford sighed. “What happened this time?”
“Their boyfriend cheated on them,” said Ferb plainly.
“Wait, Dimitri?” Buford exclaimed. “That Greek nerd?”
“The very same,” said Ferb.
Baljeet sighed, opening his phone to text Isabella. “I swear, she is going to something stupid.” He typed away as the others looked at each other.
Buford broke the silence. “I do not wanna be in the path of that tornado. She hurts me enough as it is.”
Baljeet stood up and began to stride toward the gate. “Buford, you’re coming with me.”
“Did you not hear what I just said?”
Baljeet paused at the gate and looked back at Buford. “She needs someone to take out her anger on, she says.”
“Again,” Buford emphasized, “did you not hear what I just said?”
“Okay, well if you'd rather see Isabella get arrested - ”
“ Ugh, fine.” Buford got up and followed Baljeet.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Buford asked.
Isabella sent him their trademark death glare before resuming her pacing. “Make it a quarter and I’ll consider it.”
“You are not gonna feel any better unless you get this thing off your chest,” said Baljeet, teetering on the edge of bored and concerned.
“How would you like to donate a pint of blood through your nose,” Isabella threatened. She stopped her pacing and looked up. “I’m gonna need some, actually. Do either of y’all have a pint of blood on hand?”
Buford and Baljeet exchanged a look.
“Seriously, Isabella,” Baljeet said, exasperated. “What exactly are you doing?”
Isabella was laser focused on her work. “Do you have a light?”
Buford immediately handed her a lighter with skulls all over it.
“What, are you a smoker now? Surely this breakup could not have been that bad.” Baljeet asked.
“No,” Isabella said casually, “I’m gonna throw this molotov cocktail into that asshole’s car.”
“I thought we were trying to avoid getting arrested,” said Buford.
“Can’t get arrested if we don’t get caught,” Isabella said, putting the flame to the wick.
“Ah, fuck,” said Buford, before hugging Baljeet to his chest and turning away from the car.
Isa had already begun their sprint; Buford looked up and immediately hiked Baljeet onto his back and began run-walking after her.
Static
“Breaking news, an unknown person has blown up a citizen's car. It appears the explosive used was a Molotov cocktail containing alcohol. The entire incident was recorded on a Ring doorbell.”
“As you can see, three masked people first placed a tarp on the side of the car, facing the camera. The sign simply reads, “F**k you.” During the investigation, it was found that these words had been painted on using blood. Investigators are still testing the sample to discover the source of the blood.”
“It seems as though the perpetrators knew that there was a camera watching them, which explains the sign, and their foresight to wear masks.”
“The perpetrators fled the scene very soon after the explosion. At the moment, authorities have no solid suspects, except to say they believe the perpetrators were teenagers or young adults.”
“Now on to Perkins with sports…”