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“Hiya, Keeley!” Ted said with great enthusiasm as he bounced into Rebecca’s office, a smile plastered on his face and a pink box in his hands. Even though Keeley had left to start her own PR firm several months ago, it wasn't unusual to see her around Richmond, so he didn’t miss a beat seeing her in Rebecca’s chair. “It’s great to see your smiling face around here again! You da boss for today?”
Keeley, who was sitting at Rebecca’s desk, giggled, “Yeah how do I look? Mad fit and in charge?”
“Absolute-a-tootley!” He shifted the pink box of biscuits from one hand to another and looked around. “So where’s Rebecca?”
“Oh, she called out this morning.” Keeley said. “Texted me last night that I could use her office though. They’re painting me new one. Nice inn’t? Me being back that is. Feels like I never left!”
“Seeing you is always a ray of sunshine in my day, Keeley,” Ted said. “Any idea why Rebecca’s out? Is she not feeling well?”
Keeley frowned. “I dunno. She was kinda all mysterious about it, really. Said something about it being a hard day but absolutely wouldn’t talk to me about it, which is weird see, cause she tells me everything.”
Ted’s smile wobbled for a moment, but he managed to save it. “Alright. Well then. Well I’ll just send her a text and make sure everything’s alrighty.”
He scurried out of the office, the pink box now being spun in worried circles in his hands. He headed down to his office but stopped just outside. The hallway was thankfully empty, so Ted took a moment to do some of the 4-7-8 breathing exercises that Dr. Sharon taught him. Slowly in and out until he could feel the pounding in his chest subside.
He shoved the box of biscuits into his puff vest and pulled his phone out. Over the screensaver (a picture of Henry) was the date: September 13. He hastily swiped and unlocked the phone, punching in a message to Rebecca. Heard you were out. Everything okay?
He waited a minute but there was no reply. He shoved the phone back into his vest, shook out his hands, pushed off the wall, and headed in.
“People don’t answer texts for all sorts of reasons.” Ted said to Beard as he entered, shaking his phone.
“Right, Coach.”
“So if I am trying to text someone today and they don’t get back to me, there are a lot of perfectly good explanations for that.”
“Generally speaking.”
“What the fuck are you going on about?” Roy asked, entering from the locker room.
Coach Beard blinked at Ted.
“Rebecca is out for the day and hasn’t answered my text.”
“How long since you texted her?” Roy asked.
“Oh, ‘bout three minutes ago.”
“Fucking hell,” Roy turned and went back to the locker room, where the team had started filing out to the pitch.
Beard stood, grabbing his whistle and clipboard, then nodded toward the door.
Ted pocketed his phone, grabbed his own whistle and followed out.
Practice with the team seemed to stretch on forever but at the same time also passed in a blur. He couldn’t rightly tell you what they did, but he did know that every time he checked his phone there was absolute silence. The two additional messages he sent during the practice had gone just as unanswered as the first.
As the players left the field to shower off, Coach Beard walked over and gave Ted a quick pat on the back. Most might have read Beard’s expression as blank, but Ted knew him well enough to read the subtleties and replied with a short nod. Beard raised an eyebrow and Ted replied with a slight shake of the head. Beard left him behind and took off to the locker room to oversee the team.
Ted followed behind at a slower pace as he pulled out his phone and started texting Rebecca yet again. He found himself bumping into a wall. Looking up, he found that the wall in question was in fact Roy Kent.
“Normally I don’t care. But you barely said a word since you got out here an’ that's not natural. Unnerving really.” Roy said. “So listen: as I learned with Keeley, sometimes a girl needs her space. If she isn’t talking to you, she doesn’t fucking want to.”
“Rebecca and I aren’t dating.”
“Point still stands.” Roy abruptly turned and lumbered away.
Ted stood still for a moment before closing the phone. The date, September 13, blinked back at him so he hastily stashed it back in his pocket. His eyes narrowed in thought for a moment, then widened and he started walking purposefully for Rebecca’s office. Rebecca might not be in the mood to talk to him, but he did know someone she was always in the mood to talk to. And if Rebecca was talking to Keeley, then it would ease his mind to know that.
But apparently she wasn’t talking to Keeley.
“I don’t know anymore than that.” Keeley said, as she gestured with her pink fluffy pen. “I sent her a text around lunch but she didn’t get back. She’s probably busy. Or maybe went to one of those spas that takes your phone, yeah? Or maybe she’s just doing something that she doesn’t want interrupted.” Keeley grinned broadly at her own innuendo but it was lost on Ted.
“Doing something that she doesn’t want interrupted.” Ted repeated, feeling his body go numb. He flexed his hands. He closed his eyes and could see the light beige walls of his parents’ bedroom. He hastily opened them.
Keeley eyebrows furrowed. “Ted are you-”
“I’ve got to go.” Ted exclaimed, turned, and raced out.
Time seemed to warp for a second time that day because the next thing he knew, he was pounding on Rebecca’s door. No one was answering. Was she inside? Was she-
His phone chirped. His hands were shaking so much he dropped it as he took it out of his pocket and had to scramble to pick it up, only to find it was Beard. Beard had apparently messaged him fifteen minutes ago about dinner, then another five minutes ago with a joke. It had now escalated to an outright question over his general wellbeing. He closed the phone just to see the date blink back at him: September 13th.
Detached, he barely registered how much his hands were shaking as he turned the phone back on and pulled up Rebecca in his contacts to give her a call.
“Rebecca,” he panted. “Been tryin’ reach you all day. Where are you? You okay? Gimme a call when you can.”
He closed his eyes, hastily opening them again when he said beige. When did breathing become this hard? He started skimming the local news on his phone. Then googled Rebecca’s name for good measure. That was a good sign, right? Or it just meant they hadn’t yet found her bo-
Ted heaved and barely made it to the bushes before losing his lunch.
He should have seen this coming, he thought as he shuffled back to the stoop. With her father passing away recently and her ex-husband’s recent manipulations, she’d had so much stress in her life. He should have been more aware, more supportive. He failed her and so she abandoned him.
Ted curled in on himself, the world around him dissolving in a sea of beige and red…
Rebecca took a deep, cleansing breathe as her driver pulled out of her mother’s driveway. Turning off the phone and spending the day with her mother seemed like a good idea at the time, but while she wasn’t exactly regretting the decision, her mother clearly wasn’t in the same headspace as she was as the day had no real significance to her. So while Rebecca hoped to pass this September thirteenth with her one remaining parent, eking out what fond memories she could of a father she still struggled to forgive by watching old home movies, her mother fluttered about the house, fussing over every little thing and generally drove her up the wall.
“Still, it was good to get away, I suppose,” she muttered under her breath though as if to convince herself. After all, if she couldn’t count on her mother to help her through the day, what else was there left to do? In the past she had always just gone to work, plowing through the day, determined to get through it by sheer force of will but now, with her father gone, that just didn’t appeal. Perhaps a trip next year…maybe France?
She huffed. She had a whole year to figure that out, however there were doubtlessly a million emails waiting for her attention so it was time to focus on the present. As she turned on her phone she wasn’t exactly surprised to find a barrage of messages and calls awaiting her attention. So: texts, voicemails, and then email.
“This is what I get for unplugging for the day.” She grumbled, skimming through the texts. She smiled at Ted’s first message and gave a quick response to a couple of business messages. She frowned a little when she got to Ted’s third message. He seemed a bit overly concerned. It was swiftly followed by a message from Keeley apparently confirming that Ted was more than a little concerned about being unable to contact her, so she sent him a quick message confirming she was alright and would see him tomorrow.
Next she tackled her voicemail, for which there were far too many. Once again, most were business related calls, but nothing she felt the need to respond to this late in the day. She was about half way through when she was interrupted by an incoming call. “Keeley? How was it back at Richmond for the day?”
“Rebecca, have you heard from Ted?”
Rebecca blinked. “Well, yes. I had a few text messages from him. I just sent him a text back a minute ago.”
“Has he responded?”
“Well, no.”
She heard Keeley sigh heavily, “I think he had one of his panic attacks. Ran right out of the office. I told Coach Beard, but Ted’s not responding to him either and we can’t find him. Roy checked the Crown and Anchor. We even found the spare keys to his flat and Higgins ran over to look. No Ted.”
“Alright. I’ll be right over.”
“No, Rebecca. If he was here we would’ve found him already. But he seemed overly concerned about you. Could you check an’ see if he’s at your house?”
“I’m on my way,” Rebecca nodded.
“An’ call me back, yeah? If you find him?”
“Yeah, okay. Bye love.”
She skimmed through the rest of her voicemail looking to see if Ted called and found that he left one about a half an hour ago. The relief she felt from finding a recent communication from him was short lived however, her face fell as she listened to his message.
“Rebecca,” he said and she could hear him gasping for air between words. “Been tryin’ reach you all day. Where are you? You okay? Gimme a call when you can.”
“Shit,” Rebecca said. Of course of all days for Ted to actually reach out to her during a panic attack, it would be the one day that she turned off her phone. She double checked, Ted hadn’t responded to her text yet. Right. Call.
But after a few rings, it went straight to voicemail.
“Fuck.” She tossed her phone into her purse in frustration. Looking out the window she could see that, thankfully, she was nearly home already. She fished her phone back out and stared at the date on the screen. “I knew I couldn’t trust you, September 13.” She scowled. It had to be a Friday to boot. She stared the date down while willing the phone to ring. After a few minutes of silence she sighed and turned her attention out the window, watching as they made their way closer and closer to her house, passing by familiar pubs and shops until they gave way to the upscale neighborhood where she lived until the were finally-
“Driver stop!”
The car stopped short and her chauffeur said, “Ma’am, but we’re right next to the gara-”
But Rebecca was already out of the car and beelining it for her front door.
Ted was on her stoop, slumped against the white wall. He remained so still as she rushed up the stairs calling him that for one dreadful moment she thought he was unconscious.
“Ted! Ted!” She kneeled down in front of him, grabbing his legs, and was about to try and shake him, when he lifted his head up stiffly and looked at her, blinking. It seemed to take a moment for him to focus on her, his breath short and irregular.
Remembering Liverpool, Rebecca took one his hands in hers and placed her other hand gently against his cheek. It helped ground him then, so she hoped it would ground him now. His breathing was labored, but not quite as bad as she expected, and he looked exhausted. He leaned into her touch and struggled to slow his breathing.
“That’s it. It’s okay. You’re having a panic attack,” Rebecca soothed, though she could tell the worst had probably already passed by this point. Ted had the same half dazed look her mother would get back after a particularly bad one. “You’re okay.”
She shifted closer to him as he continued to focus on his breathing, his body leaning into hers. She could feel his body tremble through her coat. She shifted, moving her hand away from his face and pulling him against her. And for a moment the two just sat there, Rebecca cooing comforting words as Ted sagged against her, his breath slowly calming.
“Ma’am?”
She looked up to find her chauffeur standing above them, holding the purse that she left in the car. Behind him, the car was gone, obviously parked.
“Can I help?” He asked.
“Yes,” she said gratefully. Glancing quickly around them, she was thankful that she didn’t see any reporters. The last thing Ted needed was more publicity over his mental health. Thankfully the walls surrounding her stoop gave them some privacy and the streets were empty now, but they might not stay that way. They needed to get him inside.
Rebecca had the driver get out her keys and open the door, then they both helped Ted up and into the house. Though still quiet and hunched over, Rebecca was relieved that he was moving on his own steam. Once they got Ted settled on the couch, Rebecca thanked and dismissed her driver.
Rebecca took a moment to look at Ted. He sat hunched over, head in his hands, making a mess of his hair. She sighed and took a seat next to him. When she gently placed a hand on his, he turned to face her.
“Any better?”
Ted nodded before adding in a rough voice, “Yeah. Getting there.”
“Good.” She gave him a slight, encouraging smile. “Can I get you a glass of water-still water.”
Ted gave her a weak smile. “That’ll be nice, thank you.”
Rebecca took advantage of the trip to the kitchen to shoot off a brief text to Keeley and Coach Beard letting them know that Ted was safe and with her. By the time she returned, Ted was looking up finally. She could see his face was pale and his eyes suspiciously red rimmed, but he gave a little smile when she handed him the water and drank it greedily.
“I’m sorry to trouble you,” Ted mumbled as he set the glass down.
“Ted, this was no trouble. I’m glad you reached out to me and I’m so, so sorry my phone was off.” Rebecca said, resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Mm,” Ted abruptly stood. “GuessIbestbeheadin’out” he mumbled the words all running together.
“Ted, you aren’t going anywhere tonight.” Rebecca said. Though she was concerned for him that night in Liverpool, but she knew he’d be able to make it back to the hotel on his own steam, but she was quite certain he wasn’t up to the journey tonight.
“I dont’ want to im-”
“It will not be an imposition, but I shall be quite cross with you if you left now.” Rebecca stated in her no-nonsense voice. She arched an eyebrow at him and gave a look.
Ted slowly sank back down to the couch.
The two sat in silence for a moment, Rebecca uncertain what to do to help him. Ted was clenching and unclenching his hands, so she gently took Ted’s hand in hers, using her thumbs to rub slow gentle circles. She had never seen him so quiet before. It unnerved her.
She was debating whether or not she should just give him the space, or encourage him to tell her about what happened when he spoke up.
“Today isn’t a good day.”
Rebecca huffed. “Tell me about it.”
“No, I mean September 13ths aren’t good for me. Especially when they land on Fridays.”
Rebecca felt her skin prickle and her eyes widened. Her thumbs stilled. “What do you mean?”
Ted seemed to look around at everything in the room but her. He opened his mouth once or twice but nothing came out. He shook his head and sighed. Rebecca’s hands subconsciously tighten around Ted’s though he didn’t seem to notice.
“1991.” She finally whispered.
“What do you just say?” Ted said, his eyes opening wide.
“1991. September 13th was a Friday in 1991.”
“How did you remember that?”
“I-I That’s the night I came home to find my father, well, he-Ted!?”
Ted had grown so pale that for a moment Rebecca thought he was going to pass out. She dropped his hands and grabbed him by the shoulders just in case. “Ted, are you okay?”
“Killed himself,” Ted said, in a dazed voice.
“What? No, he, oh fuck!” Rebecca said as it all slotted into place. Ted’s father killed himself. She stared at Ted in horror for a moment and then did the only thing that made sense. She wrapped her arms about him, pulling him into a sideways hug. She could feel his body shake as he sobbed against her. Unbidden, she felt herself tear up as well, her own nerves raw from what the day already meant to her and her worry over Ted and now in sympathy.
She was not really sure how long they both sat that, clinging to each other as they cried, but eventually both of their sobbing ebbed and the two slowly parted, smiling awkwardly at each other.
“So what now boss?” Ted finally asked.
“You are going to take a shower,” Rebecca said. “I’ll order us dinner and have some of your things brought over. As I said before, you’re staying the night.”
For a moment Ted looked like he’d protest, but he wisely changed his mind with a nod. Rebecca got him situated in the shower. Once she heard the shower turn on she got to work. And that started with a call to Higgins.
“Keeley told me you found Ted. Is he alright?” Leslie said by way of greeting.
“Yes, or rather I think he will be. I’m making him stay the night and I was wondering if you still had the key to his flat.”
“Yes. In fact I’m still there.”
“Still there? Didn’t Keeley tell you I found him about…” she checked the time, “forty-five minutes ago?”
“Yes, well,” Higgins cleared his throat, “to be honest his flat was a bit of a mess. I felt compelled to tidy it up for him. And I thought that if he was having a rough day maybe it would have been best for him not to come home to an empty flat.”
“I see. That was very kind of you. I’m afraid I’m about to ask another favor.”
“Ask away.”
“Can you gather clothes and toiletries for Ted?”
“I can do that. I’ll be over in twenty minutes.”
“Good. Thank you, Leslie.”
Next she ordered take out dinner. By the time Ted padded down to join her in the kitchen, she was exchanging text messages with Keeley and Beard. She suppressed a little chuckle at the sight of Ted clothed only in one of her spare robes and his normally gelled back hair damp and falling every which way.
“That bad, huh?” He joked with a wiry smile.
“Oh no, just not used to seeing you like this. I kinda like it.” Rebecca passed Ted another bottle of water. He took a cautious sip and, when it proved to be bubble-less drank it with gusto.
“So, ah, where’s my clothes?”
“In the laundry. You won’t be needing them tonight.”
“No?” Ted said, looking surprised.
“Higgin’s is on his way with your pajamas. He should be here momentarily. So should dinner for that matter”
“Gotcha boss.”
A few minutes later, the doorbell rang.
“So how’s Ted?” Higgins asked, peeking past her.
“Good. Better. Just got out of the shower,” Rebecca explained. Normally the social one, Ted had instead chosen to stay in the kitchen. “Did you get everything?”
“Yes, I think so.” Higgins passed her a duffle bag. “Toiletries, pajamas and a change of clothes for tomorrow. And please ask him to check the inside pocket. I’ve added something else I think he’d want tomorrow morning.”
“Alright I will.”
“And give him my best.”
“I will.”
Rebecca had Ted pull out his pajamas from the duffle bag before insisting he change downstairs while she got everything set for him in the guest room. She was just coming back down the stairs from putting the duffle bag away when the door chimed again and moments later she was dishing out curry onto plates for the two of them in the kitchen.
“And I promise this won’t be nearly as hot as that Indian place,” Rebecca said.
“Smells amazing,” Ted said, digging right in.
Ted must have been as hungry as she felt. Rebecca watched Ted devour his dinner.
“Mm, this is good,” Ted said. “And not too hot!”
“Curry always makes me feel a bit better after a hard day,” Rebecca replied between forkfuls.
Ted looked up at her from his half finished bowl, catching her eye. “I take it from our conversation earlier and your need to unplug today that the day also has some significance to you too?”
Rebecca nodded slowly.
“Want to share?”
Rebecca met his gaze and though she could read his eagerness to help her in his eyes, it didn’t escape her that those compassionate eyes were also red rimmed and puffy. The color had returned to his face, but his shoulders were stiff, taunt and his movements slow. If Ted didn’t know when to stop giving, then the least she could do right now was create the limits for him that he clearly needed.
She lay her fork back down on the table. “I don’t feel like talking about it tonight, but maybe in a few days?”
“Alright. Just know I’m always here for you when you’re ready. Always. Anytime.”
And he meant it. Rebecca knew he did. Even when he was battling his own demons. Not for the first time Rebecca realized sometimes Ted needed someone to protect him from himself, from spreading himself too thin.
“What?” Ted asked in response to her lingering gaze.
Rebecca smiled. “You’re a good man, Ted Lasso.”
“Takes one to know one-er I mean you’re a good person yourself.”
“I got that.” Rebecca gathered the plates, “Next year, why don’t you and I spend the day together? And we can help each other get through this whole rubbish day.”
“Reinforcements; I like it.” Ted said. Then he yawned.
“It’s been a long day, why don’t I show you to the guest room,” Rebecca said, leading the way.
“I appreciate that,” Ted said, following her up the stairs.
“Mighty fine room,” Ted said when she showed it to him.
It was, in truth, fairly plain. When Rebecca first moved in after the divorce she assumed she would be alone. Always alone. She hadn't put any attention to creating an atmosphere for overnight guests and so the room was tidy, functional, but undecorated.
She was just so alone back then, felt destined to be alone. But given the choice between isolation and the kind of betrayal her father and husband showed, she was willing to accept loneliness as the lesser of two evils. But in the last two years it has hosted her mother, Sassy, and Keeley at several different occasions.
Rebecca gave Ted a fond smile. Now she had come to realize that with such wonderful friendships in her life, she wasn’t truly alone. How many times has Sassy and Nora stayed the night? How often did she and Keeley spend the night drinking and falling over with laughter. How often did her mother stay a few days. And now here was Ted. Perhaps it was time to redecorate.
“What?” Ted asked and Rebecca flushed slightly realizing that she was just standing there staring at him.
Rebecca gave herself a slight shake. “Nothing. Higgins wanted me to inform you that he packed something he said you’d want tomorrow morning in the inside pocket of your bag. He was oddly secretive about it.”
“Oh a mystery. I wonder what that could be,” Ted mused, but he didn’t move to check. The two stood there, Ted in the middle of the room, Rebecca in the doorway. Rebecca’s eyes narrowed a little. Ted looked more like he was trying to smile than actually smiling. Something desperate and lost in his eyes.
“I guess this is goodnight then.”
“Yeah,” Rebecca said. “My bedroom is just down the hall so please don’t hesitate…”
“I won’t,” Ted said.
Rebecca broke eye contact first, slowly shutting the door behind her as she walked the short distance to her room. As she dressed and removed her makeup, she couldn’t get the image of Ted alone in that room as she shut the door, looking so abandoned. She huffed and grabbed a book from her night stand. He was fine. She was just reading too much into it. She opened the book, placing the bookmark back on the nightstand. She found, however, that she couldn’t concentrate. Thoughts about the day, about Ted, about Ted alone on her stoop, hunched over and still. Ted’s body shaking in her arms as he cried on the couch. Ted’s eagerness-despite his own pain-to help her with her own in the kitchen. Ted, alone in the dark in a lifeless room…
“Oh, fuck it,” she put the book back down on her nightstand and walked back to Ted’s room. The light from the hallway glinted off the wetness around Ted’s eyes, solidifying Rebecca’s choice for her.
“Move over Ted,” said as she climbed in.
“What?”
“I’m sleeping with you.” Rebecca said. “You don’t want to be alone tonight and neither do I.”
Rebecca gathered him in her arms. Ted hesitantly wiggled up against her until she was spooning him.
“It’s been a long time since I had a sleepover,” Ted said. Rebecca was about to bring up Sassy, but that was different, way different than what they were doing.
“Keeley stays overnight on occasion,” Rebecca replied, “and we bunked together sometimes, especially if she and Roy have had a row.”
Rebecca could feel Ted relax against her, his breath evening out until she suspected he was sleeping. But then he took a deep measured breath in and blew it out slowly.
“When I couldn’t reach you, I thought-” He broke off. She waited. “I know it was silly. You’re fine.”
While Rebecca wasn’t sure she’d categorize herself as fine, she knew what Ted was getting at, so she replied, “Yes Ted, I’m fine. But it’s alright that you worried. I’m not offended. I can see, given what happened, how your mind could go there.”
He didn’t respond. She could feel him shifted further against her, their legs now curling together. Rebecca started running her fingers through his hair and felt him relax further under her touch.
“Rebecca?” Ted asked quietly.
“Hm?”
“Do you think you could sing to me?”
Rebecca was silent for a moment, trying to think over what she could possibly sing. What might possibly work with his mid-western mentality. She smiled when she hit upon the perfect song. She took a breath and began singing softly. “When you’re weary/Feeling small/When Tears are in your eyes...”
Ted sighed and she heard him softly say, “Bit on the nose, Boss.”
Rebecca smiled but didn’t miss a beat as she continued through the song. She could feel Ted’s body slowly melt against hers, so when the song came to a close, she started up again, then again. Only when she could feel him go limp against her, his breath slow and even did she grow silent. She nuzzled her head against his shoulder, allowing the soft rise and fall of his breath lull her to sleep.
When the morning came, the bright sun warming her she found Ted gone, a small pink box laying in his place.