Chapter Text
Minsoo knows he maybe shouldn't be so... obsessed with? fixated on? infatuated? He can't put a word to what it is.
The point still stands: XR's new soloist is far too familiar to him. It's almost uncomfortable.
That soloist, LUCI, looks far too much like Minsoo's old friend. Looks too much like Dongho.
But LUCI can't be Dongho. After all, Dongho's got short, dark hair- well, he did the last time Minsoo saw him- and not white-blond hair that reaches his shoulders, and he'd never be caught dead wearing the kinds of things LUCI does: crop tops and bright makeup and heels. Glittery heels.
It's hard to ignore it, with LUCI taking seemingly the whole internet by storm. After all, it's a risky move for XR to debut a new soloist, let alone one like LUCI. And yet they dropped a teaser, leaving almost no info about LUCI: their real name, their gender, their age, nothing.
There aren't even any posts on their official Instagram yet. Just a blank account with the name "LUCI_Official."
With a sigh, Minsoo shuts his phone off, staring up at the ceiling. There's still a week until LUCI's debut.
i'm going to lose it long before then.
———
MAYHEM is, by no means, popular with the general public.
we can thank Wyld for that.
They're a small group from a small company, and they only find themselves in headlines because of scandals. Wyld's scandals.
Minsoo can't help but think it's unfair. After all, Wyld took Dongho's spot in the group, took the role of the main rapper and visual, and then rubbed MAYHEM's name in the dirt at the first chance he got to.
What about Daehyun, their maknae who busks and helps fans and has, in Minsoo's eyes, a heart of gold? Daehyun's never getting the kind of attention that Wyld does, even as the main vocalist.
And, selfish as it may seem, why does he never get any attention? He's the leader, the one holding MAYHEM together it seems, and he's the main dancer. Minsoo doesn't like thinking about how that was Dongho's role — before Dongho left.
He's still not sure why the supposed-to-be oldest member of MAYHEM left shortly after Wyld joined the company. No goodbye or anything, Dongho just left and didn't even leave a note in his studio- Minsoo's studio, now.
Dongho never answered any texts after that. Seemingly, he just disappeared into thin air.
Minsoo's not sure if it's his fault or not. He knows he can seem a bit mean at times, but he's really just joking. Still, the worry that he took things too far, that Dongho didn't realize he was joking-
he just hopes that's not the case.
———
The week leading up to LUCI's debut is, in fact, pure hell for Minsoo. The title track gets revealed, and then the tracklist, and then another teaser and still nothing on Instagram or Twitter.
He's not the only one who seems to be losing their mind. It's a running debate as to whether LUCI's a girl or a guy, but the point still stands either way: people think they're hot.
Not to mention that they're skilled: LUCI's entire album is apparently self-produced, and, based off of the two teasers, they can apparently dance, sing, and rap.
It's driving Minsoo insane. He's got notifications on for all their accounts, and yet still worries about missing something. Daehyun surely catches on, noticing the way Minsoo's constantly checking his phone, and Wyld, as usual, is distant.
Eventually, it pays off. At 7:32 am on a Thursday morning, LUCI posts on their Instagram.
It's a picture of three cats curled up on a fluffy blanket. There's a sleek black one, a grey one with a somewhat squashed-looking face, and then there's a small black and white Scottish fold.
"Meet Boba, Squish, and Sketch. They're the only ones I've really been talking to recently TT-TT"
dongho said he had a cat, didn't he? what was its name. oh fucking hell i have to remember its name.
Minsoo groans in frustration but likes the photo anyway.
LUCI is going to kill him.
———
Their debut is a record-breaker.
LUCI gets close to 50 million views within the first 24 hours, and their album's sold out everywhere.
Minsoo's silently glad that he preordered it.
Really, their concept isn't one he's all that into— brighter and cheerier than he likes his music to sound— but he has to admit that they're good at pulling it off. Especially the styling for the music video.
Really, the styling is what has people screaming about them.
In one part of the video, their hair's up in an elegantly messy ponytail, simple reddish makeup smoking out their eyes and tinting their lips, and they're wearing a sparkling silver suit with a lime-green cropped turtleneck underneath and chunky platform sneakers in the same neon color. It's sharp and undeniably masculine. Minsoo's seen the comments people make on LUCI's abs. It's a bit excessive, but he understands the chaos.
In another, they look much more feminine, long hair curling around their face and bright, western-style makeup, winged eyeliner and all, sharpening their already fox-like eyes. They're wearing an oversized sparkling rainbow crop top, and the white stripes down its sleeves match their white miniskirt and thigh-high boots. That is what has Minsoo so convinced that this can't be Dongho. Dongho would never dare wear something like that.
The third look is what leaves people reeling, however. LUCI's hair is in a half-up style, and they're wearing a big white-and-rainbow striped T-shirt tucked into high-waisted loose blue jeans, rainbow Converse on their feet. It's so blatantly and unashamedly queer, and they look happy. Really, honestly happy.
Even if XR confirmed LUCI to be a girl or a boy, people would still argue that they were actually the other.
And Minsoo has to hand it to them— XR did a great job of scrubbing the internet of any photos of LUCI, any mentions of them besides their Twitter and Instagram and YouTube channel.
That only makes it harder for him, though.
After all, he's heard their song before, he knows their choreography.
It's the same stuff he and Dongho were working on together as trainees.
Before Dongho disappeared.
———
Exactly 1 day, 8 hours, and 32 minutes after LUCI's music video drops, Minsoo's posted a dance cover of it.
He knows he's being impulsive, he knows he's never going to wear the lime green platforms or the equally bright crop top or the silver high-waisted skinny jeans again, but is he really guilty for wanting possibly-Dongho to notice him?
Exactly 2 hours and 51 minutes after Minsoo posts his cover, LUCI themself retweets it.
Minsoo's startled from his evening gaming session by his phone buzzing. A text from MAYHEM's manager.
MAYEHM
Manager Choi
Congratulations, MAYHEM.
The Find A Way music video just reached 10 million views.
Wyld
oh!
it's probably bc of minsoo-hyung's cover ^^;
luci retweeted it and everything
leader minsoo >:D
THEY DID????
HOLY SHIT
NO WONDER WE GOT 10 MIL
daedae -3-
yay!!!
does this mean we'll get a comeback sooner?
Manager Choi
I'll have to discuss that with the CEO.
If your numbers keep climbing, maybe.
daedae -3-
ahh that'd be nice :D
Wyld
comebacks mean more practice, daehyun-ah
it'd be nice to have a comeback soon though!
daedae -3-
oh yeah
practice
(_ _|||)
leader minsoo >:D
COMEBACK
YES
PLEASE GO ASK THE CEO THATD BE GREAT
Manager Choi
That'll be sometime tomorrow.
Sleep well.
Minsoo couldn't sleep even if he wanted to.
Sure enough, LUCI's retweeted his cover when he checks Twitter, and he's gaining followers, and people want to see him in a crop top more often—
alright, maybe things are a bit more chaotic than he wants.
———
By some miracle, MAYHEM get put on the schedule for Music Bank to perform a special stage of their debut song. The same day that LUCI's performing.
Minsoo's practically vibrating with excitement in his makeup chair. What if he sees LUCI? What if they recognize him? What if it's Dongho?
The makeup artist clicks her tongue a bit. "Minsoo-ssi, please stop fidgeting. I'm trying to do your eyeshadow."
"...sorry, noona."
The fan in the corner rotates a bit, and Minsoo wishes for just a split second that he wasn't wearing a crop top. The fans want it, though, so here he is wearing a loose, cropped shirt made out of some sort of leathery-latex material.
Finally, the makeup artist lets him leave, and Minsoo hops out of the chair gleefully.
"Dae-yah, Wyld, I'm going to get some snacks from the vending machines, wanna come?"
Daehyun laughs a bit, heading to the makeup chair. "Can't. I gotta get my makeup done."
Wyld, as usual, just shakes his head, eyes glued to his phone.
"Aish... don't ask me for snacks later, then." Stumbling just a bit from the thick soles on his sneakers, Minsoo makes his way down the winding backstage hallways to the vending machines and-
LUCI's there. There's a camera pointed at them. They're laughing and smiling and i never saw dongho smile like that.
They glance up then, dark eyes sparkling even in the fluorescent lighting backstage. "...ah, you're Minsoo-ssi, correct? Sorry for blocking the vending machines, I'm just having a behind-the-scenes video filmed." LUCI clicks their tongue a bit, looking around the cramped hallway. "Here, just tell me what you want and I'll get it for you."
"Oh, LUCI-ssi, you don't need to-"
"Shhh. I know it's not much, but just think of it as part of my thanks to you for that cover. You did a great job, by the way," LUCI says, digging through their wallet. They've got lime green acrylics, and Minsoo's not sure he's ever seen nails that long.
"Oh... just the melon bread and a coffee. I can pay you back..."
LUCI grins at him, blond hair resting elegantly on their shoulders. "No need to, Minsoo-ssi. Nice shoes, by the way. Those are Demonia boots, right?"
Minsoo fumbles for a second, eventually picking up his foot to read the bottom of his shoe. "I think so? The stylists bought them, so..."
"They suit you. You can never go wrong with platform shoes. Trust me, I have quite a lot." LUCI punches the codes in for Minsoo's food and carefully feeds money into the machine. "Here you go, Minsoo-sii! Have a good performance!"
Minsoo accepts his food, and gives a polite bow. "Thank you, LUCI-ssi. I hope your performance goes well, as well."
The entire walk back to MAYHEM's dressing room, Minsoo is shellshocked.
It's only once he sits down on the couch does he remember that he doesn't like melon bread anymore-
after all, it's what Dongho always bought for him.
———
Minsoo feels so guilty.
He knows LUCI's song, knew the choreography before LUCI had even been a name people knew of-
and to him, it had just been a joke.
It was a joke choreography that he had come up with to what he had thought was a joke song Dongho had written, some sort of wannabe-girl-group song.
But it's not, now. It's LUCI's debut song. And they're sparkling up on stage and being so fearlessly themself and the choreography that they're performing is a sick joke that Minsoo made.
He wishes he looked anything like them when he performed it. He wishes he looked happy and proud and looked like he belonged in those clothes on that stage.
Minsoo rolls over in bed, squinting at the bright light of his phone screen. His parents still haven't texted. Unsurprising.
They weren't happy about the dance cover. Or the special stage. They especially weren't happy about the fact that Minsoo didn't care about what they had to say.
Surely, they're going to call him eventually, right? They can't stay mad forever over some shoes and t-shirts, can they?
It's so much lonelier in his apartment when it's dark. Too quiet, too dark.
The light from his computer fixes that, though. The voices of his online friends fill the silence with noise.
He won't think about the rest of it.
———
"Well, MAYHEM, you're going to ISC."
Minsoo stands up at the conference table, jaw dropped. "No way! How did they choose us?"
Manager Choi looks up, unamused. "You're somewhat of a viral hit, recently. Between that cover and the special stage, you three have gotten pretty popular."
"Woah.... really? I should go busking again..."
"We need to prepare for ISC first! When is it, again?"
"A week, Minsoo-yah. Don't overwork yourselves, eat healthily. If I suspect any of you are on one of those ridiculous crash diets, you will get pulled out of participating. Am I understood?"
Wyld gives a polite nod, and Daehyun follows. Minsoo gives a thumbs-up and smiles.
Manager Choi flips through his clipboard and pauses on a specific sheet. "I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but you're competing in two events: the relay and wrestling."
"Dae, you get the relay."
Daehyun groans, glaring at Minsoo. "Hyung, why me?"
"Longest legs? Duh... all three of us have to do wrestling, right?"
"...That's correct. I should also probably mention that you're going up against SA1NT for the-"
Minsoo pushes back from the table, eyes sharp. "We're what?!"
"You're going against SA1NT...?"
"That's it," Minsoo says, slapping the table. "I'm making a training schedule. We're going to win this."
Wyld and Daehyun stare at him for a second, eyes wide, and Manager Choi just sighs, flipping through his clipboard. "That's all I had to tell you. Now, I'm just going to say this one more time: take it easy with the training. Alright? Minsoo-yah? You hear that?"
"Yes... I won't work them too hard..."
Sighing, Manager Choi leaves the room, muttering something as he looks through his clipboard again.
Minsoo takes that chance to march to the front of the room with an expo marker and start writing on the whiteboard. "Wyld? Dae-yah? Here's our training plan. We will win this."
———
Everything is going perfectly. Daehyun and Wyld are following the training plan, and, according to their texts, both of them heading to bed early.
ISC's the next day, after all. They need to be well-rested.
Minsoo settles into his gaming chair, relaxing against the firm cushions and listening to the familiar leather creaking as he stretches.
His phone buzzes.
It's a notification from LUCI's Instagram. So Minsoo opens it.
"See you at ISC :]"
It's a mirror selfie, as many of LUCI's pictures are. But this-
They've got the oldest three members of SA1NT posed around them- the one with navy hair draped over their shoulder, the one with long caramel hair hugging their arm and then there's him. Minsung. Pressing his cheek against LUCI's and smiling for the camera and throwing up a peace sign.
that's dongho. minsung took him. minsung took my best friend. he takes everything it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's not-
Minsoo takes a deep breath. His blood is boiling. He wants to punch something (preferably Minsung) and he wants to scream or cry or something but instead, he clicks his phone off and places it facedown on his nightstand.
Usually, he'd start gaming. But that always makes him sleep worse. Minsoo just sighs, furrowing his brow. He'll just go work out for a bit. More training never hurt anyone.
———
The moment Minsoo wakes up, he just knows ISC is going to be a disaster.
His late-night workout had somehow resulted in him twisting his knee- not too bad, it doesn't hurt, he can still walk- and he had hoped he'd be able to just sleep it off, but here he is, (maybe) 8 hours later, and his knee still feels off.
He'll just have to power through it. They have a break after ISC. He can rest then. But not now, not when he's finally got a chance to prove himself.
And so he gets up and gets dressed and walks to the subway- and no, he totally doesn't drink two energy drinks during the train ride- and makes it to the company building just in time.
Manager Choi ushers him over to the van, where Daehyun and Wyld are already sitting in the back row. Minsoo takes shotgun, eyes trained out the window at the city. He ignores the way that his knee aches the entire ride to the stadium.
When they arrive, the event staff are quick to pull them away from any fans who might spot them and direct them to a small changing room. Three purple tracksuits are folded on the table.
"...aish, purple? Whose choice was it to give us purple..." Minsoo grumbles.
"Purple looks good on you, hyung!" Daehyun smiles, picking up his tracksuit. "Maybe you should dye your hair purple?"
Minsoo fake-gags, glaring at the clothing. "No way."
Daehyun rolls his eyes a bit and heads to the changing stall in the corner.
———
The relay's started.
Daehyun's running as fast as he can, but that navy-haired SA1NT member the one hugging LUCI he took dongho is faster, and Minsoo wants to scream, to yell at Daehyun to just run faster.
They have to win. They have to.
And then Daehyun comes crashing to the floor and he's grabbing his ankle and they're done for.
Minsoo leans back in his chair and groans.
"...look. Daehyun's going to make it."
Wyld's quiet voice is barely heard over the commotion, but sure enough, Minsoo looks up to see that navy-haired SA1NT member carrying Daehyun down the track and they're faster than everyone else and-
"We have two first places today! Young J, from SA1NT, and Daehyun, from MAYHEM!"
The crowd goes wild.
Wyld hurries over to collect Daehyun from YoungJ, and Minsoo just glares at the navy hair retreating back over to SA1NT.
"Ah... I'm sorry for tripping, hyung, it-"
"Don't worry. It doesn't matter if you lose your wrestling match just as long as Wyld and I win ours. Best out of three and all that stuff..."
Wyld and Daehyun exchange a look, but say nothing as they follow Minsoo to their seats.
Minsoo sneaks a glance toward the artist seating, and sure enough, the SA1NT member with long caramel hair is talking to LUCI.
The sight makes his blood boil.
we have to win the wrestling. we have to.
They just sit there for a while. Daehyun turns around to wave at some fans in the stands, and Wyld just fidgets with his hands in his lap.
Minsoo's glaring at SA1NT from across the stadium. He can see the oldest three all walking up to LUCI and talking with them and that's his best friend.
Finally, the voice over the loudspeakers announces the wrestling competition, and as Minsoo stares at SA1NT he just knows that they're going down.
Wyld's up first, against SA1NT's maknae, a skinny purple-haired kid named Taeseok. There's at least a two-inch height difference, and Taeseok looks like the wind could knock him over, and it's an easy match for MAYHEM.
Sure enough, the whistle blows, and Taeseok hits the mats in seconds. Wyld stands up quickly, though, and helps him up, and seems to make sure the younger isn't actually hurt.
Taeseok smiles and shakes his head, waving back to Wyld as he bounds back over to SA1NT's seats. Minsoo frowns. He's about to scold Wyld for being friendly to the enemy, but then Wyld's phone rings and he darts off to answer it.
Daehyun's up second. His ankle's still wobbly, and Minsoo wishes Dongho had debuted with them, wishes there was someone he could send in instead of Daehyun.
The maknae stands on the mats regardless, and his opponent is none other than Young J.
Minsoo buries his head in his hands. it's fine. i just have to win against minsung.
He doesn't look up again until he hears the sound of someone hitting the mat, and as he expected, Daehyun's laying flat on his back and Young J is the victorious one.
He watches, rage still simmering under his skin, as Young J helps Daehyun off the mat and leads him over to MAYHEM's seats.
"Be sure to get some ice for your ankle, Daehyun-ssi."
"I will! Thank you, Young J-sun-"
"Hyung is fine."
Minsoo stares very pointedly at the mat, ignoring the fact that Daehyun is— as expected of the maknae— befriending the enemy.
"...oh, did I miss Daehyun-ah's match?" Wyld's back from his phone call, eyes wide and almost sad looking.
"Ah, it's fine hyung! I lost... not much surprise there..."
Wyld settles into the chair next to Daehyun and leans over to glance at Minsoo. "...hyung, you're up next, right?"
"...yes, Wyld, I'm next. Against Minsung. And we're currently tied 1-1." Minsoo knows he's maybe being a bit snappier than he should be. He's a bit too angry to really care.
Daehyun glances at Minsoo, concerned, and then back at Wyld, who's fallen silent as usual.
Finally, the announcer calls for Minsoo and Minsung to step up to the mats.
Minsoo's glaring. He knows he is. And Minsung's smiling back at SA1NT and they're laughing and then Minsung looks at Minsoo and his face twists up a bit.
He's worried about him.
oh isn't that rich of him. worrying about me now that he's taken my dream AND my best friend.
They step into their positions regardless, hands grabbing at each other's harnesses, and finally, Minsung says something.
"Is something wrong, Minsoo-yah?"
Minsoo laughs, but it's mirthless. "...is something wrong... never thought I'd hear that coming from you."
"...I should have apologized already, huh. It's... really not the best time to now, I know, but I'm sorry about the song, Minsoo, I-"
"Don't even start." The whistle blows, signaling the start of the match, but Minsung and Minsoo stay frozen. "Believe me, if it was just the song, I might be willing to forgive you."
Minsung sighs a bit. It's barely heard over the crowd. "...I did something else?"
"You really can't even think of anything else... Damn. Guess stealing my best friend didn't mean anything to you."
"I- what? Minsoo, I... I didn't-"
"Just... give him back, hyung," Minsoo growls, tugging on Minsung's harness.
"Who? Give who back?"
Minsoo laughs again, still yanking at the harness in a pitiful attempt at catching Minsung off-balance. "Jesus. Just fucking give him back already. You've already got him to go to your big fancy company instead of mine, and-"
"...you're not talking about Dongho, are you?"
"Who else would I be! Of course, it's Dongho!!" Minsoo tightens his grip on the stupid harness, nails digging into his palms, and he blinks back tears. "You took him, and he's been gone for 6 years and he never even said goodbye— we were supposed to debut together, hyung! Now I'm leading by myself and-"
Minsung pulls at Minsoo's harness, almost managing to push him off balance. "Surely you're not this much of a dick, right? Surely you've got a fucking clue as to why I'm mad?"
Minsoo braces his footing. His knee twinges, and he can only pray it doesn't give out. "No?! You haven't had to deal with a fraction of what I have, and now you're parading around your fancy, rich company with my best friend and-"
"Fucking hell, Minsoo, just let it go. Maybe Dongho wanted to leave, you-"
"You fucking stole him! Just like the stupid fucking song that got you into your stupid boy group in the first place. I fucking hate you, you know."
Minsung scoffs, yanking at Minsoo's harness yet again. "Forget about it. There's no way I'm letting you talk to Dongho if you're going to be this rude."
Minsoo stares at Minsung and he's shaking with rage and he's seeing red and-
"Give him back!"
Minsoo pulls up on Minsung's harness, his shoulder pushing Minsung down, and Minsung's foot slips out from under him and he's falling, Minsoo pushing him down, and then-
his foot slips out and hits Minsoo in the knee.
Minsung hits the mats hard, and something (Minsoo, most likely) falls onto him. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment, head swirling, and listens to the crowd cheering, but something is wrong.
He raises his head. Minsoo grabs the front of his hoodie tighter, his other hand clutching at his left knee, whimpering something about it hurting.
"... I'm going to help you up, ok?"
"No-no, hyung please no, it hurts, please-please don't, I-"
Minsung tries to sit up more, and Minsoo yelps, curling up even more and biting his lip and — oh. Minsoo's crying.
Kyunghun glances at Minsung, confusion clear on his face. Minsung just raises a hand up, clearing his throat. "We need a medic? Is... Is there a medic team or...?"
He watches as Kyunghun's eyes go wide and the younger runs over to some staff. The message gets relayed over their walkie-talkies and, sure enough, a small medical team soon comes running over.
Wyld and Daehyun are just watching from their chairs, worried, but don't start to approach the mats until the medics are there.
Minsoo can taste blood in his mouth, probably from how hard he's biting his lip. It's the only way he can stop himself from screaming.
Someone's trying to talk to him. He can hear voices— a lot of them, if he tries to think about it— but they're fuzzy and blending together and it hurts.
dongho... please, you're good at taking care of this, you did it when we were trainees, please
He squeezes his eyes shut as whoever it is talking tries to move him. A stretcher, probably. There's no way he can walk.
Dully, he wonders where Minsung went. But then the stretcher's moving and someone's gently grabbing his free hand and intertwining their fingers together and that's much nicer to think about. Much nicer than the throbbing, burning pain in his knee and the ache in his heart and the way his head just hurts.
Minsoo doesn't know when he does, but eventually, he passes out.
———
His head's still foggy when he wakes up. He blinks a bit, staring around at his darkened bedroom, out of the open windows to the dusk sky, and sighs.
How long was he out for?
Minsoo rests his head back against the pillows. Daehyun's asleep next to him, and he can see a thin black brace on Daehyun's ankle.
There's a much thicker brace on his own knee. It doesn't hurt now, and Minsoo has a sneaking suspicion that someone gave him painkillers. It'd explain how foggy his head is, at least.
they probably took me to the hospital... I didn't get to see LUCI... minsung's not going to let me talk to dongho...
Beside him, Daehyun yawns a bit, and blinks sleepily at Minsoo. "...g'morning, hyung..."
"It's like... 6pm or something."
"We're both waking up, so it's morning... you're feeling better now?"
Minsoo shrugs a bit. "'m not in pain. Feel bad about... y'know, getting hurt and all that..."
"Jaewon-hyung collected the medals for us," Daehyun says cheerfully. "I went to the hospital with you, he came later... I put yours on your dresser!"
"Ah. We... beat SA1NT, didn't we..."
"Yep! Ooh, I should order us takeout to celebrate!"
Minsoo laughs a bit, but it feels hollow. Their victory does, too.
He lets Daehyun order them food anyway— just two pizzas and a bottle of soda— and watches as Daehyun hobbles around the room to grab more blankets and cushions to put on Minsoo's bed.
They have a surprisingly quiet dinner, just sitting in relative silence in the nest of pillows and watching some movie. Minsoo has to keep his knee propped up the whole time, and maybe he wouldn't mind it if it wasn't for the stupidly clunky brace.
He doesn't even know how badly he's injured— there's probably a text from their manager filling him in on the details— but instead of worrying about it Minsoo just leans back into the pillows and relaxes.
It's not like he can do anything else.
———
Daehyun visits every day over the next week. They've got time off, and Jaewon's going to visit his mom, so it's just the two of them.
A pair of crutches are propped up in the corner. Minsoo hates looking at them. Ugly grey plastic things.
He and Daehyun have watched through far too many movies, and even more drama episodes, and then they watched all of the music videos for Daehyun's favorite band.
Daehyun sighs a bit, flopping back onto the pillows on Minsoo's bed. His eyes spot a shelf of albums.
It's mostly MAYHEM's own albums, and one from MARSHMELLO, but at the end, there are three white albums that Daehyun can't quite figure out.
"...hyung? Whose albums are those? The white ones, I mean?"
Minsoo looks up from his phone, eyes wide. "You know who LUCI is, right? Those are their albums— well, their debut album. I've got all three versions." He perks up a bit, reaching for his laptop. "I think they've been on some reality shows recently! We could watch those?"
"Ah... I've never seen their music videos," Daehyun chuckles. "You could show me?"
"Hell yeah!"
It only takes a minute for Minsoo to pull up LUCI's music video, and his recommended page is full of their interviews and performances. It's a little scary.
But Daehyun sits and watches and seems to genuinely enjoy it— mostly, he's just happy to see Minsoo smile— and before he knows it, an hour has passed and they're watching LUCI's most recent interview.
It's lighthearted, mostly questions about their training period and who in XR they're closest to. But then the host shuffles his cards a bit and clears his throat.
"So, LUCI-ssi, a question many fans have been wondering: what gender are you?"
LUCI just smiles, their white-blond hair flowing over their shoulders. "I'm sorry?"
"Are you a boy or a girl?"
"Neither. I'm just LUCI," they say honestly.
The editors clearly tried to hide it, but the host frowns a bit and looks LUCI up and down. "...you certainly don't look like either, that's for sure."
LUCI just laughs, eyes curling up as they grin. "That's the point, isn't it?"
Daehyun, too, laughs a bit, and turns to nudge Minsoo. "I like their shirt, do you think I'd look good with my shoulders out like that?"
Minsoo stares at the screen for a while longer— it passes as him just considering whether or not Daehyun would look good in a loose, glittering shirt that hangs off his shoulders— a sense of dread settling in his brain. "Hm? Oh- I... I dunno, Dae-yah. I think you're too much of a stick."
"Yah! I'm not that skinny."
"Get some biceps, then you can consider it."
Daehyun squawks in indignation, hands gesturing wildly. Minsoo laughs a bit.
Really, he feels horrible.
"...you're not talking about Dongho, are you?"
"Surely you're not this much of a dick, right? Surely you've got a fucking clue as to why I'm mad?"
"Forget about it. There's no way I'm letting you talk to Dongho if you're going to be this rude."
Minsoo gets it now. He understands why Minsung was so upset.
i fucked everything up, didn't i
———
Minsoo
Minsoo
Minsung-hyung
i get it now
i get why you were mad
im sorry
I didn't know they're not a guy
please don't keep me from seeing Dongho-ssi
i miss them so much
hyung?
please don't ignore me
im really sorry
sent 5:41 pm
Minsung sighs, staring at his phone. What the hell is he supposed to do here?
The tile's cold under his feet as he wanders through the apartment. Boba trails after him, meowing for attention.
What the hell should he do?
"...Sungie? Is everything ok?"
Minsung looks up and somehow, he wandered back to the bedroom. Kyunghun's looking at him, worry clearly painted on their face.
"It's nothing, Kyung-ah, don't worry about it." He turns his phone off, setting it on the nightstand as he sits down on the bed.
Dongho hums sleepily, Youngjoon combing his hands through their hair. "If it's bothering you, it's clearly something."
Minsung just shakes his head, trying to ignore the way Youngjoon's staring at him. "It's fine, starlight. I promise."
Sighing, Dongho pushes themselves up and stretches. The hoodie they're wearing— clearly one of Youngjoon's— slips off their shoulder, and Minsung can see the black lacy straps of one of the tank tops they love to wear.
"...hyung, are you sure?" Youngjoon sits up a bit, eyes trained on Minsung and worried.
"'s fine, Joonie. Nothing that you need to worry about."
"...I think you need some cuddles," Dongho says, pushing Minsung into Youngjoon's lap. "Have fun."
Kyunghun laughs and pulls Dongho over to them. "If he's getting Joonie cuddles, I get to cuddle you."
Dongho's more than happy to settle in Kyunghun's arms, the younger gently scratching at their scalp.
Minsung glares at the two of them a bit. Youngjoon just laughs, pressing a kiss to Minsung's hair. "Do you want me to play with your hair?"
"...yes."
It's relaxing, sure, soft moments like this always are, but even when Dongho and Kyunghun and Youngjoon are all there and there's quiet music playing from somewhere and Sketch and Boba are curled up together at the foot of the bed (Squish, as usual, is staring at them from her perch on top of the cat tree) Minsung still feels wrong.
There's a pit growing in his stomach. He feels guilty.
But he tries to ignore it, relaxing into Youngjoon's arms and laughing as Dongho manages to pull Kyunghun's long caramel hair out of its ponytail.
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
———
Comeback preparations are the worst, Minsoo decides. It's not made any better by the fact that he still has to take it easy with his knee and wear a brace during practice and go to physical therapy once a week.
It's certainly made worse by the fact that Minsung won't text him back. He's been left on read for weeks.
He doesn't have anything to really do while getting his hair dyed. So he opens his messages in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, he didn't get a notification when Minsung texted him.
New messages: 0
Minsoo groans, opening Twitter instead.
And LUCI's got a comeback announcement. Two days after MAYHEM's.
i shouldn't get my hopes up i really shouldn't...
They'd have a very similar schedule for music show performances. There's a chance they might be at the same place on the same day. A slight chance, but a chance nonetheless.
Minsoo likes the tweet.
———
Tensions are high in MAYHEM's dressing room.
Wyld got into a scandal two weeks before their comeback and then their comeback got moved forward a week and a half to cover the damage. The stylists put him in crop tops for almost every performance.
Minsoo's mad at Wyld for the schedule change. He's mad that Wyld's "upset" about the crop tops. He's mad that his chances of meeting LUCI are lower now.
Daehyun's trying to mediate, but Wyld's closed himself off and there's only so much he can say before Minsoo gets annoyed.
Needless to say, Minsoo is more than happy to roam the halls under the excuse of looking for snacks. His boots— one thing he's happy about: getting to keep the platform shoes, even if Wyld's got them too— tap against the flooring as he paces furiously backstage. Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair, grimacing when purple strands cling to it.
why purple. i look like a SA1NT member.
Thankfully, SA1NT isn't promoting. Minsoo's sure that if he saw Minsung— especially now that Minsung managed to royally fuck up his knee— he would deck him on sight, witnesses be damned.
Angrily, Minsoo punches the code for a coffee into one of the vending machines. The machine rattles a bit, and thankfully the coffee does actually dispense. He sits on the bench next to the machine and sips at the overly sweet drink.
The nicer dressing rooms are upstairs. That's where SA1NT usually is. Wouldn't LUCI be up there?
Minsoo pauses for a moment, then two, his eyes trailing up the staircase to the second floor. Surely it wouldn't hurt to explore a bit, would it?
His feet guide him down the hallway, up the stairs, into another hallway lined with doors. It's different than the dressing rooms downstairs, though. These are bigger, and they've got name tags on the doors, and Minsoo feels a sudden rush of anger that Minsung gets to have this, not him, and then —
he passes a door marked "Kang Dongho - LUCI."
Minsoo stops.
Kang Dongho - LUCI.
The security guard at the end of the hallway notices Minsoo standing there, and walks over. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Oh- yes, I wanted to say hello to Dongho-ssi? We trained together for a while, and I just wanted to say hi, it's been a few years and— oh, I'm Lee Minsoo, by the way— I know that Dongho's been really busy and-"
"...wait here. I'll ask them."
The guard quickly slips into Dongho's dressing room, the door shutting behind him. Minsoo's left in the hallway. Alone.
All he can really do is fidget— he left his phone in his backpack— and wait and he's terrible at waiting.
Thankfully, it doesn't take long for the guard to return. And he holds the door open.
"Dongho said it's fine for you to come in."
"Thank you," Minsoo says quickly, giving a polite bow. He slips into Dongho's dressing room. The door shuts behind him.
There's a privacy screen blocking off a small entryway-like section that Minsoo's standing in. He can see glimpses of clothing racks and hear the gentle chatter of a few stylists.
He takes a deep breath. Then he steps out from behind the screen.
Dongho's sitting in an armchair in the corner, silver hair tied half-up. They're already staring back at Minsoo, fox eyes brighter and happier than Minsoo ever remembers them looking.
"...Dongho?"
They stand up— even without heels and Minsoo wearing platforms, they're a good 2 or 3 inches taller— and hold their arms open.
Minsoo doesn't hesitate to run over.
Dongho's here. They're here and they're warm and they still smell like pine and now something sweeter and Minsoo wishes he could stay in their arms forever.
"Don't leave me again," Minsoo says. He's already getting choked up. "I thought I upset you or that you'd died— didn't get a single text, Dongho. Not one."
"'m sorry, Minsoo. Just... come sit down, I'll explain everything."
It's surreal to be here, to be sitting next to LUCI — Dongho — as they're pulling snacks from their bag and setting drinks on the table. Minsoo just sits and stares a bit— at the rack of skirts and sweaters and pants and shirts and crop tops, the array of makeup pallets and styling tools, the trio of stylists sitting at another table in the back of the room.
"...you've really got this whole dressing room to yourself?"
Dongho stops, glancing up at Minsoo. "Yeah? It's the same size as yours, right...?"
"Nah. We're not that popular."
"Oh... I... I'm sorry..."
"Don't be, hyu- er... noona...?"
Dongho just laughs, waving their hands a bit. "Don't worry about it, Soo-yah. I don't care."
Minsoo just nods, grabbing a packaged melon bread from the table.
"Oh! How's your knee doing? I heard you had to go to the hospital after ISC..."
"Eh. Bad sprain. Had to go to physical therapy for a bit." Minsoo frowns, tearing open the plastic wrap on his bread. "Don't let me anywhere near Minsung by the way, I'm gonna fucking deck him."
"...ah. Minsung told me you were on bad terms..."
"And then he went and fucked up my knee! I should make him pay for my physical therapy..." Minsoo tears a piece off of the small loaf in his hands, shoving it in his mouth.
"...I'm sure he can afford to. Do you want me to ask him, or...?"
Minsoo stares for a moment, mouth full of bread. Dongho looks serious.
"I mean, I'm all for taking his money. But he also doesn't seem to give a shit about what happened, so."
"...he told me he apologized..."
"He sure didn't! Enough about him though, you said you were gonna explain stuff."
Dongho pops open a canned coffee, smiling a bit. "I did, didn't I. Well, I'll just start from the beginning."
"Sounds good to me! I like things in order!"
"...I've seen your room, Minsoo. Did you forget that?"
Minsoo wheezes for a moment, Dongho's face breaking into a teasing smile.
"Anyways. From the beginning."
They take a moment to sip their coffee, eyes getting just a bit sadder.
"...you don't have to tell me now, Dongho."
"You've been waiting... what, 6 years for an explanation?" Dongho just shrugs. "I might as well just tell you now."
They clear their throat then, setting the can of coffee down. "As you've... probably realized, I'm non-binary. I realized that... I think I was 19? Took me a couple of years to really accept that, though, and then I actually had to worry about my future. Y'know, since I was going to be debuting in a boy group if I didn't do anything."
"...did you ask Manager Choi what to do?"
"Hm? Oh, no. I went to CEO Park. Figured that I might as well just go to the top to get things worked out." Dongho sighs again, now tapping one of their nails — they're pointy now, pointy and black — against the coffee can. "...I still wanted to debut with you, Soo-yah. There... there just wasn't any way I could do it if I had to pretend to be someone I'm not. And... and that's what I told CEO Park."
"...he told you to leave?" Minsoo asks quietly.
"Worse. I'm not going to repeat what he said, though."
Minsoo frowns a bit. "...you could've told me... I would've fought him..."
Dongho smiles again, still drumming their nail against the can. "I'll keep that in mind. I told my... my dad. He did what he could to get me out of the contract, helped me figure out what companies to audition for... Oh, yeah. The phone thing..."
"...Park-ssi didn't break your phone, did he??"
"Well, he's smart enough not to. I dropped it down a storm drain, actually. I was running too fast, tripped... had to get a new phone, and by then I had pretty much been banned from entering the High Class building."
Minsoo lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, eyes flickering over Dongho's face. "God... that... that sucks, Dongho... I'm so sorry..."
"You don't need to apologize, Soo," Dongho says kindly. "I'm doing better now, and that's what I like to focus on."
"...then I'm happy for you. Even if you're friends with my brother."
Dongho raises their hands in mock-offense, laughing a bit. "Listen, he's nice. If I had gone along with what he wanted, though, I'd be the sixth member of SA1NT."
Minsoo groans. "Thanks for saying no, then?"
"No problem! Oh, how are Daehyun and Jaewon doing?"
Minsoo looks back at Dongho, at the eagerness on their face. He almost feels bad as he fidgets with the now-empty plastic wrapper on the table.
"...well, I'm sure you know what Wyld's up to."
Dongho's face falls a bit at that. "...Jaewon's really... he's really like that now...?"
"Sure seems like it."
"...I'm sorry, Minsoo..."
"It's fine," Minsoo says, smiling again. "Dae's great. His ankle's doing much better now, and he's back to busking!"
"That's good... I missed all of you, honestly. That was the hardest part about leaving..."
"Wanna come say hi? We're the last to perform today, so..."
"...so you've got some time to kill," Dongho nods. "I... I'd like that."
Minsoo beams at them, gesturing towards the door. "C'mon, then! I'm sure Dae missed you a lot, he'll be so happy to see you..."
"Let me get some shoes on, then," Dongho laughs.