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On the 24th of June 2011, the Marriage Equality Act was signed by the Governor of New York, just as it had been the first time around. Back then, Niki had been 21 and much more concerned with where next week’s rent was coming from than who she was or wasn’t allowed to marry. Now, at 72, everything was different.
An enthusiastic cheer rose from the crowd of guests at the party she and Vina had held in anticipation of the announcement, and Niki let go of the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. Vina squealed and clapped her hands, doing a little jump, and for a moment Niki saw the 25 year old she’d fallen in love with in the 60s. Niki quickly took off her ring and put it into the box she had in her pocket while Vina was distracted. She slid the box back into her pocket just as Vina turned to her.
“It happened just like you said it would!”
“Told you…” Niki said, feeling her heartbeat quicken. Why was she so nervous? She forced herself to take a deep breath. This was it. “Uh, can I have everyone’s attention?” She said, projecting her voice over the cacophony of excitement. Vina gave her a quizzical look as the noise died down and the guests turned their attention to her and Vina. “Davina Katz, love of my life… now that I’m finally allowed, I have a question I’d like to ask…” With only a little difficulty, Niki managed to get down on one knee. Getting back up again would be much more difficult, but it was worth it. She wanted to do this properly. Vina deserved that. She took out the box and opened it, holding it up to Vina. “Will you marry me?”
Vina gave a small laugh, then frowned in confusion. “But… we’re already married…”
“Yeah, I know, but now we can get married for real.”
“For real?” Vina cocked her head and her frown deepened a little. “The past 42 years wasn’t real to you?”
Niki swallowed. This wasn’t going at all how she’d planned. She certainly hadn’t meant to diminish the life they’d had together. “Of course it was real. I just meant now we can make it official… y’know, legal.” She gave Vina a little smile, hoping she’d be satisfied.
“Is that your ring?” Apparently not satisfied then.
“Yeah, it’s your Grandmother’s ring. I thought it’d be fitting to propose to you with the same ring you proposed to me with.”
“You told me you’d wear it forever.”
“Okay, fine!” Niki snapped the box shut. She tried not to get frustrated. Vina had chosen a really inconvenient time to pick a fight. What had caused this sudden bad mood? She was perfectly happy a few minutes ago. Niki should be the one in a bad mood, her knee was starting to ache. She took a deep breath and tried to power through it. She could still salvage this. She tried to gentle her tone. “Fine… You don’t want this ring? I’ll get you another one. We can go ring shopping tomorrow, it’ll be fun!”
“You’ve had 42 years to give me a ring, you never did before!”
Now Niki was getting frustrated. “You wanted a ring earlier? You never told me, how the hell was I supposed to know?”
“I don’t want a ring!”
Niki pursed her lips. What the hell did Vina want from her then? Her knee was really starting to hurt now and she just wanted this argument to be over.
“Mom, just say yes, come on…” Saul pipped up. Niki tried to ignore the vindication she felt at Saul taking her side. It’s not like it would make Vina any less upset.
Vina looked at Saul, then at their friends who were still watching her, waiting for her answer. “No.”
Niki blinked. “No?” Surely she’d misheard. Surely Vina hadn’t really just said…
“No.” Vina repeated, looking right at her.
Niki felt light headed. She kept her eyes on Vina’s face as her periphery went dark. She took a few deep breaths and tried not to faint.
“Mom…” Saul began in a bewildered tone.
“What?” Vina snapped, looking back at Saul, then eying the other guests. “What, you expect me to say yes just because you’re all staring at me? I don’t have to say yes if I don’t want to. I already did that once because I didn’t want to cause a scene, didn’t want to be a bother. Well that’s not me anymore. Sorry if this isn’t what you were expecting, but maybe somebody should have asked me how I felt about it first!”
Vina stormed off and Niki didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how long she was just kneeling there dumbfounded when Saul and his wife Katie took her arms and helped her up. Out of politeness, the other guests started turning their attention to other things. “Whoa, what was all that about, huh?” Saul said nervously. “Are you okay, Mama?”
Niki tried to help them as they lifted her up, but the world felt a little off balance so she gripped them tightly. “She doesn’t want to be married to me…” Niki couldn’t look either of them in the eye. She thought they were happy. She thought Vina was happy.
“Oh, no, I’m sure that’s not it…” Katie said.
“Why is Grandma Vina angry?” Little Nicole stared up at Niki with her wide, five year old eyes. “Am I still gonna be a flower girl?”
Saul and Katie looked at each other. They helped Niki to a nearby seat, then Katie took a seat next to Niki while Saul took Nicole by the hand. “Hey you… why don’t we go take a look at the food? Do you want some chicken nuggets?”
Niki was glad it was Katie who stayed with her and not Saul. It wouldn’t feel right to talk about her marital problems with her son. She didn’t even know she was having marital problems until now.
“Y… y’know,” Katie ventured nervously, “I bet if you go talk to her, the two of you can get this whole thing sorted out.”
Niki didn’t look up from her lap. “What if I go talk to her and she tells me she’s miserable and wants to leave me?” Suddenly Niki’s every flaw bombarded her mind all at once. There were so many of them that Vina had put up with over the years. Niki was a terrible wife, really, when it came right down to it. She’d lucked out with Vina, who was so patient and kind. Vina had put up with her for so long, but even she had her limits, it seemed.
“Vina loves you.” Katie said. “I really don’t think she wants to leave you.”
Niki looked up at Katie. She was so sweet, much like Vina. Saul really was a chip off the old block when it came to his taste in women. Niki just hoped he was a better partner than his old Mama. But then, he’d been raised by Vina too. Niki was sure he’d be fine. “You’re right,” she said, putting her hand over Katie’s. “I should go talk to her.” Niki looked towards the hallway that lead to their bedroom and tried to make herself stand up. She was dreading what Vina would say. The longer she waited, the longer she and Vina would still be together. But Vina deserved to break up with her properly, if that’s what she wanted. Niki swallowed, and made her way after Vina.
———
Niki brought her fist to the door. Knock. Just knock. She tried, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her breathing was already unsteady and she was blinking against the tears that threatened to spill and for the life of her she couldn’t get her lip to stop trembling. Maybe she should just take some time to collect herself before she talked to Vina. She only took one step towards the bathroom when Vina opened the door.
“What?” Vina asked angrily. Her expression softened for a moment when she caught sight of Niki, but then it hardened again. She left the door open and stormed to the other side of the room. “I’m not going to feel bad about saying no, I have every right to say no!”
Niki nodded her agreement. Vina was right, she had every right to say no, if that’s what she wanted. Oh god, that was what she wanted… Niki swallowed. She tried to talk past the lump in her throat. “H-how long… have you… w-wanted… to leave me…?” What if it was years? What if Vina had been silently reseting her for years? Or maybe she’d done something recently that had been the final straw. She tried to think back on what it could have been.
Vina turned around. “What?” Her expression softened again. She came back to Niki and took her hand. “I don’t want to leave you.”
Niki was so confused. She felt her breathing become erratic now and her eyes welled. She brought a hand up to cover her face and allowed herself a little sob.
“Hey…” she heard Vina say gently. “Shh, hey…”
Niki wiped her face and sniffed. Her voice was still a little strained, but she could talk more easily now. “You don’t want to marry me…”
Vina pursed her lips, her expression oscillating between annoyance and sympathy. “I am married to you.” She said steadily.
“Yeah, but…”
“And don’t you dare say it wasn’t for real again!”
Niki opened her mouth and then closed it again. Was that what Vina was mad about? She sat on the edge of their bed and Vina leaned against the wall, folding her arms. “Of course it was real, Vina. We’ve been by each other’s side through everything, we’ve made a home, raised a son, built our own family. We’ve had 42 happy years together.” Niki tilted her head, still a little anxious. “We have been happy, haven’t we?”
Vina nodded. “We’ve had our ups and downs, but yeah, I think so…”
“Okay…” Niki said with a sigh, feeling suddenly much lighter. She hadn’t realised how much she needed to hear that. “I’m sorry I said our marriage wasn’t real, you know I didn’t mean it like that…”
“Good.” Vina said. Her arms were still crossed and she still looked a little angry. Niki could think of at least one other thing she might be angry about.
“And… I’m sorry I sprang this on you without talking to you first. I forgot that’s what Leonard did to you. He shouldn’t have done that and neither should I.”
“Yeah, well…” Vina shrugged. “It’s not like you were trying to trap me and guilt me into it like he was.”
“Okay…” Niki may be a shitty wife but at least she was a step up from Leonard, and Vina loved her and still wanted to be with her. Somehow, she continued to win at life. “So… now that it’s just you and me and we’ve established that our marriage is very real… what do you say we make it legal?” She was very careful to emphasise the word legal. Surely Vina couldn’t find any fault in that.
“Legal…” Vina muttered, rolling her eyes.
“Is that… is that a…”
“That’s a no.” Vina confirmed.
Niki shook her head, bewildered. “What the hell did I do wrong this time?”
“Nothing! But… since when did you become so law-abiding? What happened to the woman who kidnapped a baby with me, and helped me commit fraud to get a birth certificate? Where the hell did she go?”
“What, I’m not as exciting as I used to be? Uh, sorry I got old?! You’re no spring chicken yourself, yknow!”
Vina looked away and huffed.
“Okay, this is really starting to feel like a you problem right now.” Niki said bitterly. She’d gotten herself all worked up over nothing. Vina was just mad for no reason. She really wasn’t being fair! Niki rose to her feet again and oh fuck, her knee still hurt! And Vina didn’t even seem to appreciate it. “I’m going back to the party. You want to keep sulking in here, be my guest.”
“This is a slap in the face!”
Niki stopped in the doorway. She rolled her eyes. What the hell was that supposed to mean? She turned around. “What?”
“How dare they give us permission to get married now.” Niki leaned against the doorframe. Vina was really mad, but not at her. “I almost married a man I didn’t love because my Aunt made me feel like I should, and the law had no problem with that! But when I fell in love with a woman, who loved me back, who wanted to be with me forever and raise a family with me, where was the law then?” Vina’s hands were balled into fists. She was so upset she started shaking. “Where was the law when there was a baby abandoned and in need of a loving home, and two people who would’ve given anything to adopt him legally? Where was the law when Saul fell out of that tree and had to spend the night in hospital and they said immediate family only so I stayed and you had to go home?! “Where was the law when that teacher got fired for being gay because they said it wasn’t appropriate for children, and I worked myself into a panic that someone would find out about us and say we weren’t appropriate for children and take Saul away from us?! The law has never been there for us. You and I, Niki, we were the ones who had to protect our family from the law all this time, and I think we did a pretty damn good job without it. And now… now that we’re retired and Saul is grown with a family of his own… now they have the- the gaul, the fucking… audacity to tell us we’re allowed to get married, now?! Fuck them, we’ve been married this whole time, we never needed their permission, and I don’t want it now!”
Vina sat on the bed and huffed again, folding her arms. She looked like Niki probably had when Vina had opened the door, eyes welling and lip trembling. Niki sat down next to her and stroked her hair, then wrapped her arms around her, resting her chin on Vina’s shoulder. “We did do a pretty damn good job. Saul’s a good kid and we’re still happy… more or less… 42 years later. That’s a pretty big accomplishment.”
Vina sniffed and turned in Niki’s arms to face her. “Niki I’m so sorry I let you think I didn’t want to be married to you. Of course I do. I love you, I’ll always love you.”
Niki wiped the tears from Vina’s cheeks. “It’s okay, I get it. I had no idea you felt this way about it. You seemed so excited when they made the announcement.”
“I was. I am.” Vina sighed. “I’m really happy for the younger generation, that they won’t have to go through what we went through.” Her lip started trembling again. “But I’m… so mad that we had to go through it. The Governor just signed a piece of paper and that was it, it was that easy. Why couldn’t they have signed that paper when we needed it? Why did it have to take so long?”
Niki pulled Vina into a hug and kissed the side of her head. She didn’t have an answer, but she didn’t think Vina expected one. Vina wrapped her arms around Niki’s waist. After a moment, Niki remembered another surprise she’d been planning which she thought Vina would be happy about, but now she wasn’t so sure. “Hey, uh…” She pulled Vina back a little. “There’s something else. I’ve been thinking… well, Saul and I have been talking about, uh…” Niki took a deep breath, looking down at nothing in particular. “About me… adopting him.” She looked up at Vina to see her reaction.
Vina cocked her head. “Oh…” She didn’t seem mad.
“How do you feel about that?”
Vina gave a confused little smile. “Saul is 38 years old…”
“Yeah, you can adopt an adult… there’s a form… Would you be okay with that?”
“Niki…” Vina smiled warmly. “You don’t need my permission, this is between you and Saul. But yes, I’m okay with it. If this is something you both want to do, I think you should do it.”
Niki let out a shaky breath and nodded.
“But… why the sudden interest in the law? I don’t understand…”
Niki shrugged. “Cause I’m getting old…” She sighed. “When Saul spent the night in hospital, and I couldn’t stay with him… it killed me, but at least I knew he had you. At least he wasn’t all by himself. There’s gonna come a day when my body will give out… I mean, I’m already on my way.” She gestured to her knee. “And when that happens and they say immediate family only… I don’t have anybody, legally. I’ll be all alone. You and Saul are my family, and I don’t want anybody to ever be able to say that you’re not.”
Vina looked at Niki for a few moments and then looked down at her hand. “Where’s your ring?”
“Oh, right!” She said, fishing the box out of her pocket. “Sorry, I forgot to put it back on.”
Vina took it from her. “Nikola Hargreeves, love of my life, now that I’m allowed to ask you… even though I already did 42 years ago…” She opened the box and presented it to Niki. “Will you marry me… legally?”
Niki smiled. “You’re not gonna get down on one knee?”
“No, I’m not that stupid.”
“Romantic.” Niki countered. “It was a grand romantic gesture, and you’re welcome, by the way.”
Vina rolled her eyes affectionately. “Will you marry me or not?”
“Well, I dunno, I mean, we’re already married… It’s kind of a slap in the face…” Niki teased.
“Alright, I deserved that… are you done?”
“I dunno… I’m kinda feeling like I guilted you into it now, with what I just said.”
“You didn’t guilt me, I changed my mind. I can do that.”
“Are you sure?”
Vina sighed. “I thought it was too late for us, but you’re right, there are still things we need the law for. And now that we have it, we might as well take it. It does us no good not to.”
“Wow…” Niki dabbed her eyes for dramatic effect. “That’s so beautiful, I think I might cry… Here I am throwing a party, inviting all our friends and family, trying to surprise you, getting down on one knee despite being in immense pain, and all I get is ‘we might as well take it.’”
Vina closed the box. “Fine, be in hospital by yourself then.”
“No, I mean, I genuinely love this, it does wonders for my anxiety. Today, you’re the shitty wife and I’m the good wife. Just let me enjoy this, okay? It happens so rarely.” Niki had spent a non trivial amount of time genuinely thinking that Vina was going to leave her, measuring all of her flaws against her perfect, wonderful wife. It felt good to remember that Vina had her flaws too, and that they didn’t diminish Niki’s love for her.
“Yeah, I’m your shitty wife. Do you want to make it legal or what?”
Niki held out her hand with a grin. “Yes I do!”
Vina slipped the ring onto Niki’s finger and smiled. “There, back where it belongs.” She looked up at Niki. “You didn’t have your heart set on a big wedding or anything, did you?”
“Oh, the romance never stops! No, I wasn’t worried about a big wedding. But I did sorta promise Nicole she could be flower girl and wear a big pink dress. Guess who gets to be the one to tell her that’s not happening.”
Vina shrugged. “Well, in lieu of ring shopping tomorrow, why don’t we take Nicole out and get her a big pink dress she can wear to the Registry office?”
Niki smiled and kissed Vina. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”