Chapter Text
The smell of crab rangoon still drifted through Pagan’s little palace, along with the distant sound of meditative bells being rung far away over the mountains. The curtains waved graciously by the movements of the wind. Ajay had stood up from his chair in the room, but hadn’t left yet. He was struck by the beauty of the place, the serenity which was sitting deeply in the bones of this country.
Kyrat.
If only the sound of Darpan’s screaming hadn’t intervened Ajay’s stream of thought, he would’ve thought Pagan wasn’t so bad after all. The man was a contradiction by itself, that was for certain. Asian blondie. The King in a pink suit. Ridiculously enough, those sounded like bad pornos.
Ajay prodded at the food in front of him, wondering about what Pagan had said to him just seconds before. “Now your mother. Your mother understood me in a way no one else did.” Pagan had continued talking about things Ajay hardly understood. Things about Ishwari loving Pagan, accusations towards the Golden Path, whatever that was. And right after that, the king had decided to stick a knife in, what he’d called Darpan, Ajay’s ‘plus one’.
Ajay turned his head to look through the room, too afraid of a quick assassination if he were to move otherwise. Darpan didn’t sound very far away, maybe he could look for him. Pagan’s words echoed through his mind, however: “Please, stay right here. Enjoy the crab rangoon. Don’t move, I will be right back.”
The creaking sound of the floorboards underneath Ajay made him jump and he quickly turned around to see Pagan having returned, his pink jacket having been discarded as he was only dressed in a white shirt now. His hair looked a little disheveled, but fashionably so, nonetheless.
“Oh!” the king called, holding up his hands as he praised his guest, “Fan-bloody-tastic, you, sir, are a gentleman. We saw terrorists in the area and… yadda, yadda.”
Said guest raised an eyebrow, about to ask what was going on, but Pagan interrupted him by pointing to the table and walking up to it.
“The crab rangoon, right? It’s—” Darpan’s cries and howls broke off any further comments on the dinner.
Pagan sighed. “Fabulous. Mhm! Well, come on! Let’s go!”
Ajay stood up cautiously, holding his mother’s ashes close to his chest. He’d already seen Pagan licking out one stripe of it, he wouldn’t have anyone touch her again. Pagan and him were let out of the palace by multiple guards in tight fitting clothing. Ajay would’ve laughed if he hadn’t felt so damn unsure about how long Pagan would let him live. Everyone in the castle seemed to be dressed to some weird fashion-standard only Pagan had insight into.
The king started rambling again as the doors opened to the garden, with one big helicopter right in the middle. An odd contrast, but not a surprising one.
“… And that’s when I realised women were such complex creatures. Maybe Ishwari wasn’t the only woman as complex as she was, but she was… special. Utterly, decisively special.” he let out a sad sigh and stepped into the open helicopter, helping Ajay into it by taking his hand and pulling him up. “And like a said before, she could say she loved me and she would mean it. I can’t do that. Nor can you. Men only really love you in hindsight, when too much distance has built up.”
Ajay wondered about the meaning behind his words. Was it true? Fuck, he definitely remembered the heartache he felt after losing mom. He hadn’t realised he’d loved her so much and needed her as much as he did until after she had died. There were so many secrets Ishwari had kept from him, but only ever because she wanted to protect Ajay. And wasn't there just as much Ajay had wanted to tell her in return?
“Distant memories, my boy?” Pagan asked him, sounding almost rueful. Ajay hadn’t realised he had been staring into nothingness for probably five long minutes, mulling over his mother’s death.
Ajay shrugged in reply, deciding to stay silent. He wasn’t much a man of words. Emotions were difficult for him to voice, especially with a damn psychopath right next to him. Ah, but even if the latter wasn’t there, he would still have difficulties with it. Ajay already found it hard to express what he thought to mom. He had done it far too little.
A hand came to rest on his shoulder, warm and comforting. “We all have those. You’re not the only one grieving. I miss her just like you do.”
Ajay frowned, his mind insistent on shrugging Pagan’s hand off, yet he didn’t. He did snap back at Pagan, though: “How would you know? Have you any idea what’s been going on in my life before this?”
Pagan pursed his lips in thought, removing his hand from Ajay’s shoulder on his own accord, he placed them in his own lap, “I did my research, yes. Quite a story, don’t you think?”
“Don’t sugarcoat it.” Ajay bit, looking out of the helicopter. The fact he had to yell a little to let Pagan hear him over the sound of the chopper let off the steam just a little.
“It’s not that bad, Ajay. You didn’t kill your father.” a sharp, humorous laugh filled the air, but his voice steeled quickly afterwards, “You’re not the only one with guilt or regret, trust me.”
And maybe that was true. Maybe Pagan had wanted to have said something before Ishwari had left Kyrat so suddenly. Wasn’t that what he had been referring to with his insightful quote about distance?
The chopper flew over more than just a few mountains before they landed next to what looked like another Kyrati palace.
“Look at how neat we got here, it’s like a three-point landing.” Pagan smiled slowly, his gaze intense upon Ajay. “You know, part of me is surprised your mother asked for you to bring her all the way back here. Ah,” the king stood up and hopped out of the helicopter, still looking graceful as he did, “Thank you, Kamran.”
“You want me to follow you?” Ajay muttered doubtfully, raising his eyebrows at the king.
Pagan looked at him exasperatedly, “Jesus Christ, boy, the ashes aren’t going to scatter themselves.”
Ajay ignored the mockery and stepped out carefully instead, looking at his surroundings. They were atop of a mountain, a very small house stood a few miles away from the palace, little flags of all kinds of colours were tied to the top, waving gently in the wind.
Pagan’s question surprised him as the man turned around, looking unsure, “Did your mother ever tell you about your father?” his voice was surprisingly softer than it had been before.
“Never, no.” he shook his head curtly.
“Mohan. The great protector of the Golden Path.” a small chuckle escaped Pagan’s lips, before he leaned in to Ajay, “He was a cunt. He whored your mother out, sent her to spy on me. Hm, but we fell in love, had a child… And that is when Mohan showed his true colours.” the two of them stopped in front of the small house, “He drove you and your mother away, even killed your sister! Laksmana. Which brings us here.”
Ajay looked at the building while Pagan touched the door with utmost care, his voice sounded emotional, if you could call it that, “Laksmana shouldn’t be alone anymore.” a smile spread on his lips, “I’m so glad that we’re finally back together.” Pagan nodded his head towards the entrance of, what Ajay now realised was, a tomb. “After you.”
That was it then? Ajay stepped in, forcing himself not to look back at what Pagan was doing. He heard the door closing behind himself and felt relieved. His fingers were wrapped tightly around his mom’s ashes, but he kept it close to his chest while walking towards the altar. There it was, Laksmana Min’s ashes. So that was what the letter had meant, Laksmana was his half-sister.
Ajay closed his eyes, surrounding himself in the smell and sight of the Kyrati tomb, the bells that gently made their tingling sounds and the scent of incense throughout the room invading his nostrils. For a second here, Ajay felt at peace. He hoped his mother felt the same, wherever she was. He placed the ashes on the alter, next to Lakshmana’s. His mother’s words came back to my as if by a spell.
“I love you and will always be with you.” - Mom
He sighed, rubbing in his eyes and looking up at Lakshmana’s portrait. She had been so young. How could any man kill an innocent child? His father, out of all people…
With shoulders squared, Ajay braced himself, sighing as he did. Mom was at peace now, he’d done what he had to. He turned himself around and opened the door, being blinded by the sun for just a second.
“Ah good,” Pagan’s voice came from where he was leaning against the big helicopter, “You feel better now? Get it out of your system?”
Ajay walked up to him, nodding ever so slightly.
“Good,” Pagan said resolutely, “Maybe now we can finally shoot some goddamn guns.”