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I walked through the door with you. The air was cold, but something about it felt like home somehow. And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house, and you've still got it in your drawer even now.
5th November 2004
“Are you sure we have to go in? Can’t we just stay in the car a bit longer?” Y/N asked, the pitch of her voice almost an octave higher than usual from nerves.
“Dinner’s at 6 and it’s already 6:05. If we’re any later she’s gonna call me and berate me for being ‘unreasonably late.’ Are you ok with this, babe?” Roy asked, giving Y/N a questioning look.
“I’m meeting your sister for the first time, that’s a big deal! What if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I’m not good enough? I really want her to like me, Roy.” Y/N admitted, suddenly feeling awkward under Roy’s intense gaze.
“All that fucking matters to her is whether you make me happy, and I can safely say I’ve never been happier than when I’m with you. So just breathe babe, you’ll be fine.” Roy said, resting his forehead against Y/N’s. She let out a sigh, feeling the metaphorical weight lift off her shoulders.
“You’re always so good at talking me down from the ledge. Maybe if your football career falls through you could go into therapy?” Y/N said, a playful tone in her voice as Roy grimaced at the thought of not being a football player.
The pair emerged from Roy’s car, and despite the thick scarf and warm coat she was wearing, a chill passed through her. Roy noticed her shiver and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him as they walked.
“God you’re like a furnace. How the fuck are you so warm? It’s freezing out here.” Y/N exclaimed, nuzzling into Roy’s side as they walked up the stairs to his sister’s front door.
“It’s a gift.” He said, smiling down at Y/N before ringing the doorbell. The door swung open very quickly, and before Y/N could say anything she was being pulled away from Roy into the tight embrace of his sister.
“Oh, it’s so good to meet you Y/N!” She said, giving the girl a squeeze before pulling away, still keeping her hands on Y/N’s shoulders.
“Calm the fuck down Jules.” Roy muttered, rolling his eyes at his sister’s behaviour. Julia Kent could not look any different from her brother, but suddenly Y/N could see the resemblance all too well.
“And here’s the grumpy bastard himself! Always a pleasure, Roy.” Julia said, earning a grunt out of her younger brother.
“Enough pleasantries, please come in. I did have dinner ready for 6 but it should still be good to go.” Julia said, ushering the pair into her house. Y/N looked up at Roy, eyes wide from the interaction she just had with his sister. He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before walking through the door.
“Have a seat, please. Do you want something to drink?” Julia said, gesturing towards the perfectly set table.
“I’ll just have whatever beer you’ve got. You want anything, babe?” Roy asked, pulling a chair out for Y/N. She took a seat, giggling slightly as Roy pushed her chair in before he took his own seat next to her.
“Red wine is fine, I’m not picky about what type.” Y/N said, and Julia nodded before heading into the kitchen to get the drinks.
As Y/N looked around the room and observed all the décor and the warm, cosy feeling of Julia’s house, she couldn’t help but feel struck by how at peace she felt despite her earlier nerves.
She glanced over at Roy, surprised to find him already looking at her. “What?” She asked softly, and Roy shrugged his shoulders, his lips tugging up into a smile.
“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” Roy said, his frankness surprising Y/N a little.
“Any reason why you’re telling me this?” Y/N said, lifting an eyebrow in confusion.
“No reason.” Roy said, and Y/N felt her cheeks flush, though she suspected the fact that she was still wearing all her cold weather clothes may have had something to do with that.
“Here we are! Wine for the lady and the nastiest looking can of beer I could find for the grump.” Julia said, setting their drinks down next to them. Roy gave her the finger, causing Y/N to laugh softly.
“Hey Julia, is there anywhere I can put my coat, I’m a bit toasty now.” Y/N said, pulling at the scarf around her neck.
“Yeah of course, there’s a coat rack just down the hall to your left.” She said, Y/N smiling and giving her a thumbs up in response to her directions.
Once Y/N was sufficiently out of earshot, Roy stared at his sister, taking a swig of beer before speaking. “What do you think?” He asked, nodding his head towards where Y/N was just sitting.
“Of Y/N?” Julia asked, and Roy nodded, an almost exasperated look on his face.
“Oh, she seems so lovely, and the fact that she’s here shows me she really cares about you. What do you think about her?” Julia said, and Roy was slightly taken aback by the flipping of his question.
“I really fucking like her, that’s what I think.” Roy said gruffly, and as Y/N sat back down at the table, Julia took notice of the way his eyes lit up when he saw her.
Dinner went extremely well, and by the time Roy suggested they head home, Y/N could hardly believe the evening was over.
She picked up her coat, hugging Julia goodbye before slipping her own hand into Roy’s and walking back to his car. By the time they were halfway back to Roy’s house, Y/N suddenly gasped.
“Oh fuck!” She said, and Roy glanced over at her, still watching the road.
“What’s wrong?” He said, trying to gauge Y/N’s reaction so he could respond appropriately. It was a trick he learned from Julia when he first started dating, and it had served him well both in relationships and in his everyday life.
“I left my scarf at Julia’s. I really liked it, it’s my warmest one.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest and sinking down in her seat. Roy sighed, taking one hand off the wheel to put reassuringly on Y/N’s thigh.
“I’ll head back over before the match tomorrow and pick it up, ok?” Roy said, rubbing his thumb absentmindedly along her thigh as Y/N nodded, content with the knowledge her scarf wasn’t gone forever.
“Thanks Roy, you’re the best.”
February 3rd, 2020
Roy knew after last night’s gala that he had it bad for Keeley, but as much as he hated Jamie, he had no right to develop feelings for another man’s girlfriend. He sighed, forcing himself to get up and get ready for the day.
As he was digging around in his drawer looking for his training jersey, his hand hit something that he hadn’t looked at in years. He almost froze, the familiar feeling of that woollen scarf bringing back years of memories.
It was Y/N’s, the one she left at Julia’s the first night she met her. The one he promised to pick up from his sister’s and return to her. He delivered on the first part of his promise, but he got busy with training and games that he eventually forgot he even had the scarf in the first place.
He intended on giving it back to her with the rest of her things, but something in him couldn’t bear to part with it. Even though he never took it out of the drawer, the fact that he knew it was always there, like a part of her was always with him, is what made him keep it.
“Fuck.” Roy muttered, feeling tears prick in the corners of his eyes as he thought about Y/N, something that often happened what he thought about her for too long.
He took in a shaky breath, trying to collect himself. He moved his hand away from the scarf, instead picking up his jersey and slamming the drawer shut. He didn’t have time to dwell on the past, to dwell on her. He had a job to do.
Oh, your sweet disposition, and my wide-eyed gaze. We're singing in the car, getting lost upstate. Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place, and I can picture it after all these days.
September 29th, 2005
As Y/N pulled her car up into the carpark outside Sunderland’s training grounds, she took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She hadn’t seen Roy in a few months, and she remembered him mentioning that they had a bye, so he had the weekend free.
The idea started brewing, and without very much thought at all, Y/N decided to drive to Sunderland and surprise Roy. It was a five-hour drive, and her legs were aching from sitting still for that long, but she knew it would be worth it getting to see him.
She sat in her car, the faint sound of a Fall Out Boy song playing on the radio as she eagerly waiting for the sound of the final whistle followed by the aimless chatter from the team that signified the end of training. As she tried to calm her nerves, she heard the high-pitched whistle and her gaze turned towards the pitch.
There he was, her Roy. Sweaty and a bit dirty, sure, but he was there and that was all that mattered. She took in a deep breath, turning off her car and getting out, heading towards the pitch. Roy was moving closer, and she shouted out his name, waving her hands as well for a bit of extra emphasis.
Y/N watched him look around, very confused about the source of the noise, and eventually his eyes landed on her. She swore she could feel her heartbeat triple in speed when their eyes locked, and the pure joy and shock on his face made the drive worth it.
She strode over to the sidelines as quickly as her feet would take her, and Roy started running over towards her. Y/N held her arms out, expecting to get a hug from Roy. Instead, he picked her up and spun her around, kissing her deeply once her feet were back on the ground.
“You’re here. How the fuck are you here?” Roy asked, his hands gripping Y/N’s shoulders in disbelief.
“I drove up from London to surprise you. You mentioned you had a bye this weekend so I thought maybe we could just spend some time together seeing as we haven’t seen each other in so long.” Y/N said, letting out a surprised squeak as Roy pulled her in to another kiss.
“I fucking love you Y/N.” Roy said, the adoration in his eyes nearly moving Y/N to tears.
“I love you too Roy. Now go have a shower and ‘ll meet you in the car, ok? You’re a bit too sweaty for my taste right now.” Y/N said, jokingly pushing him away.
“You know you love it, babe.” Roy said, pecking Y/N’s cheek before jogging off to the changerooms. Y/N sighed, walking back to the car with her heart feeling a bit fuller than before.
Roy met her back in the car, smelling much cleaner when he kissed her this time. She hummed into the kiss, relishing in the feeling of being with him again.
“Where are you taking me?” Roy asked once they’d broken apart. Y/N smiled, turning up the radio before pulling out of the carpark.
“I’m staying in this bed and breakfast just out of the city, and I figured you could come stay with me. If that’s alright, of course.” Y/N said, sneaking a quick glance at Roy.
“Of fucking course it is. A weekend in a little cottage with you and no one else? That’s fucking heaven, that’s what that is.” Roy said, relaxing back into the passenger seat of Y/N’s car. It smelled faintly of her perfume and the strawberry air freshener she had, and Roy swore he could never get sick of that smell.
They stayed in comfortable silence, until all of a sudden Y/N gasped. “What?” Roy said, scared something had happened to Y/N.
“Turn it up, Roy.” Y/N said, a somewhat devilish smile on her face as Roy turned up the radio. Suddenly he heard the opening notes of ‘I Want It That Way’ and he groaned, instantly wishing he hadn’t listened to Y/N.
“You are my fire. The one desire.” Y/N was singing along to herself, occasionally looking to Roy to see if he was joining in. His stern face gave her all the answers she needed.
“Can’t reach to your heart, when you say, I want it that way. Tell me why.” Y/N sang passionately, and as much as Roy was opposed to the idea of singing in front of anyone else with a burning passion, he had a weak spot for Y/N.
“Ain’t nothing but a heartache.” He sang, gruffly and almost off-key, and Y/N’s whole face lit up.
“Tell me why?” She sang, this time pointing an invisible microphone towards Roy. He gave her a stern look, but her hand stayed put.
“Ain’t nothing but a mistake.” His reluctant singing brought Y/N more joy than she’d care to admit, as she tried to keep herself from laughing.
“Tell me why?” Roy took in a deep breath, readying himself for the end of the chorus.
“I never wanna hear you say. I want it that way.” Y/N joined in on the last line, and he felt surprisingly ok about having just sung a Backstreet Boys song in front of his girlfriend.
“You’ve got surprisingly good pipes, babe. You should sing more often.” Y/N said, catching a brief glimpse of the blush that formed on Roy’s cheeks at her praise.
“You’re just saying that.” He muttered, gazing out the window. Y/N turned her attention back to the road, but she quickly realised she didn’t recognise her surroundings. This definitely wasn’t the way she came to the pitch.
“Hey Roy, do you have any clue where we are?” She said, trying not to freak out about the realisation that they were lost.
“Are you telling me we’re lost?” He said, any bashfulness he had before gone.
“I think I got so caught up in singing with you that I missed an exit. I’m gonna take the next exit and we can backtrack from there. The map should still be in the side of your door.” Y/N said, turning her indicator on once she saw the next exit.
Suddenly, Y/N was glad she missed her original exit because what she saw before her was just breathtaking. There was a whole avenue of trees along either side of the road, and their leaves had turned a beautiful reddish brown. Y/N’s eyes widened as she tried to examine the scenery.
“Wow.” She breathed out, unfazed by Roy’s lack of reaction as he had his head buried in a map of England’s roads. She slowed down, looking over at Roy and marvelling at how he looked, almost surrounded by a warm halo from the leaves of the trees.
He was perfect, and she took a mental photo of that moment, swearing never to forget it as long as she lived.
And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more, and I might be okay but I'm not fine at all.
February 5th, 2020
“Y/N, how was your weekend?” Trent asked as Y/N sat down at her desk. She smiled at him, taking a second to organise her desk before responding.
“It was good. A lot of editing but such is the life of a journalist. How about you, Trent? Anything exciting?” She asked, leaning back in her chair as she waited for Trent’s answer.
“I visited AFC Richmond, actually. After I did my piece on Ted, I’ve had a vested interest in the club. I must say, their captain really is an angry man, but it appears to work.” Trent said, and Y/N tried to fight the physical reaction she normally experienced when someone brought up Roy.
“That’s for sure.” Y/N said, and this comment caused Trent to raise his eyebrows. He leaned forward slightly, reporter mode instantly turning on.
“I didn’t think you were a football fan, Y/N.” Trent said, his simple statement surprisingly pointed. Y/N laughed dryly, almost rolling her eyes.
“I’m not now, but I used to be. I was really invested, but something happened, and I just lost the interest. Such is life, you know.” She said, a somewhat bitter tone in her voice that Trent picked up on instantly.
“Forgive me for prying, but what exactly happened to make you lose interest?” Trent said, and Y/N took in a deep breath. She hated talking about her past, but she wanted to be open with her friend.
“I got my heart broken by the current captain of AFC Richmond, that’s what happened.” She said, and Trent instantly felt bad for pushing her. As much as he revelled in this new piece of information as a journalist, as a friend he felt awful.
“I’m so sorry Y/N. I had no idea you had a history with Roy.” Trent said, genuine sympathy in his eyes as he looked over at Y/N. She sighed, giving him a small smile in response.
“It’s ok. I’m not very open about it but it did feel good to tell someone, especially you.” She said, her smile widening at the honoured look on Trent’s face.
“Let me buy you a coffee as a ‘sorry for prying about your personal life’ gift?” Trent said, his glasses falling slightly down the bridge of his nose.
“I’m a staunch tea-drinker, but I’d like that very much.” Y/N said, watching as Trent nodded and pulled out his wallet.
As long as it had been since Roy, and as much as she wasn’t at all fine with what had happened, she was starting to move on. It was a small victory, but she was grateful for it nonetheless.
'Cause there we are again on that little town street. You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me. Wind in my hair, I was there I remember it all too well.
June 4th, 2006
If you’d asked Y/N a year ago where she thought she’d be in one year’s time, the answer certainly wouldn’t be driving through Spain on holidays with Roy. However, time has a funny way of surprising everyone, and Y/N was indeed in the passenger seat of a rented car driving through Spain.
It was a surprise holiday to celebrate the end of Roy’s last season with Sunderland and Y/N’s recent promotion at work, and to add to the surprise Roy had rented an old convertible to make their holiday ‘even more magical.’ Roy’s words, not Y/N’s.
Y/N loved seeing Roy out of work mode. When he was away from the game, he had an air of freedom that Y/N found just beautiful. As they drove along the narrow roads through a small town that Y/N forgot the name of, she felt at peace.
Suddenly the wind picked up, and with the roof down Y/N’s hair immediately started going everywhere. She really wished she’d tied it back, but she started laughing at the absolute madness of it all.
Roy, who had been so hellbent on keeping his eyes on the road because ‘everything was fucking backwards on the roads here,’ suddenly found his gaze drifting over to Y/N.
She’d always been perfect to him, but in that moment, she looked like an angel. Her hair whipped around her face like a halo, nothing but pure joy on her face as she laughed uncontrollably.
He couldn’t help but smile, something he found himself doing far more often when Y/N was around. They made eye contact, and Roy felt his smile almost double in size because of the love on Y/N’s face.
All of a sudden he got worried, as the look on Y/N’s face turned to one of panic. “Roy! Fucking brake, babe!” She shouted, and when Roy’s gaze was back on the road, he noticed just how close he was to running that red light.
He slammed on the brakes, feeling the impact as both him and Y/N got pushed back into their seats. They looked at each other, and all they could do was laugh. They just cackled at the insanity of it all, just loving the sheer freedom and joy they were both feeling in that moment.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red. You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed. And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team. You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me.
December 24th, 2006
“Mum I swear to god, Y/N doesn’t need to see my fucking baby photos.” Roy exclaimed, fear etched onto his face as his mother began to talk about the old family photo album.
“Roy Joseph Kent, that is no way to speak to your mother. That kind of language may fly on the pitch, but it certainly won’t fly at home.” Roy’s mother seemed to be one of the only people in the world who could bring him back into line, and Y/N always marvelled at her whenever it happened.
“Sorry mum.” He muttered, taking a drink of the mulled wine she had made for them. Y/N stifled a laugh, turning her attention to Margaret to avoid the look Roy shot her.
“Sorry about that, love. Our Roy’s always been a bit salty with his language, but I’m sure you’re used to that by now.” Margaret said, chuckling as Y/N nodded in response.
“Oh absolutely. Is the offer to see the baby photos still on offer, Margaret?” Y/N asked, and Roy groaned, sinking further down into his chair. Margaret nodded, leaving the kitchen to get the photo album with a promise that she’d be right back.
“You’re absolutely fucking diabolical.” Roy muttered, staring Y/N down as she took a sip of her mulled wine.
“I’m fully aware of that, babe.” She said, winking at him. He shook his head, somehow both exasperated and deeply in love at the same time.
“Next time we go to your parents for Christmas, I’m going to ask them to see every baby photo they have of you until you’re begging me to stop. It’s only fair.” Roy said, a strange edge in his voice that Y/N hadn’t heard before.
“Looking forward to it.” She said, pecking his cheek as Margaret walked back into the room, photo album tight in her grasp.
“Here we are! I’ll show you some of the best ones, of course.” Margaret said, and Y/N leaned forward eagerly, waiting to see her boyfriend when he was young.
The album was open, and when Y/N looked over at it she gasped, picking up the album so she could examine it closer.
“You had glasses? Why did you never tell me!” Y/N exclaimed, staring at Roy who looked like he’d rather be anywhere but there.
“Because I wore contacts once I started properly playing football and then I had laser surgery so now my eyes aren’t broken anymore.” He said gruffly, and Y/N pouted as she shook her head.
“That’s a right shame because you would look so good with glasses. Just saying.” Y/N said, Roy’s eyes widening slightly at her implication. He felt his cheeks start to heat up, so he raised his cup to his mouth to try and hide it.
“Oh my god. Margaret, what’s this one?” Y/N said, pointing to a photo that Roy hadn’t looked at in years.
“Before Roy got into football, he played tee-ball. The bat was about as big as he was, and the helmet was far too big on him, but he always gave it his best shot. He was their star batter, you know.” Margaret said, and Y/N felt her heart melt at the image of her now rough and tough footballer boyfriend being a tiny tee-ball player.
Y/N looked up at Roy, slipping her hand into his. She could tell he was a bit embarrassed, and she knew he was never one to tell people about his past, let alone have his mum show them childhood photos.
“The team was very broken up when I left to go play football. I don’t think they ever recovered.” Roy said, earning a sharp laugh from both Y/N and Margaret. As he looked at Y/N chatting with his mum, bonding over their experiences with him, he was suddenly hit by the fact that he really loved Y/N.
He loved her enough to ask his mum about the family ring once she’d gone to bed that night.
And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do. And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.
February 20th, 2020
Roy needed help. It wasn’t often he decided to ask for help, but he was struggling big time. He knew how he felt about Keeley, but he couldn’t get past the issue that was Jamie Tartt.
He walked into Ted’s office, unsurprised to see Beard and Higgins in there as well. “Roy! What can I do for you?” Ted said, his unwavering joyfulness making Roy feel like rolling his eyes.
“I think I might have feelings for Keeley.” He said, his admission causing the room to fall silent.
“I know she’s with Jamie and as much as I hate the fucker, I don’t want to be a homewrecker.” Roy said, watching as the three men in front of him nodded, silent in their contemplation.
“Can you guys fucking say something?” Roy burst out after the silence had gone on too long for his liking.
“Roy, feelings are always a little messy, not unlike the writing on Friends from season 8 onwards.” Ted said, Beard nodding in agreement.
“What you’ve gotta do is work out how you wanna deal with them. How do you normally respond when you’re feeling feelings you can’t quite understand?” Ted said, and Roy stared him down.
“How the fuck do you think I respond?” Roy said, folding his arms over his chest.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s with heavy cursing and unbridled rage?” Ted said, and Roy sighed, shrugging his shoulders in a manner that suggested to Ted he’d hit the nail on the head.
“And how’s that worked out for you so far?” Ted asked, and all of a sudden Roy’s mind drifted back to Y/N and the night it all fell apart. There was a lot of screaming and swearing, and as soon as he began to think it wasn’t the worst breakup he’d experienced, the image of her tear-stained face came into his head. He cleared his throat, trying to move past that memory.
“Not well.” He said, and Ted gave Beard a look that Roy couldn’t quite decipher.
“Well, my advice is do the opposite of what you’d normally do.” Ted said, earning a confused look from Roy.
“Don’t swear and don’t be angry?” He said, and the three men around him nodded.
“Bingo.” Beard said, leaning back in his chair as Roy processed what had just happened.
“Right.” He muttered, staring at the three of them before shoving his hands in his jacket pocket and walking out of Ted’s office. He swore under his breath as another memory of Y/N came into his head.
He’d done so well trying to forget about her that he’d forgotten why exactly he was doing it, but with all these memories flooding back to him he quickly remembered why. He couldn’t deal with the hurt he knew he’d caused her.
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night. We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well.
April 1st, 2007
Y/N woke up slowly, reaching her hand out to find that Roy wasn’t in bed. She sat up, rubbing her eyes as she tried to think of where Roy could be. She remembered him coming home last night and coming to bed.
She got up out of bed, walking down the stairs carefully. She’d already fallen down one set of stairs in her life, and she really didn’t want to do it again. Y/N could see a soft light coming from the kitchen, and when she walked towards it, she could see the outline of someone she really hoped was Roy.
“Babe?” Y/N asked, watching as Roy practically jumped out of his skin at the sound of her voice.
“Fucking hell, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing up?” He asked, walking away from the open fridge towards her. She was wearing one of his old jerseys, and he loved how soft she looked in the fridge light.
“I realised you weren’t in bed and I kinda freaked out, sorry.” Y/N said, her sentence interrupted in the middle by a yawn she let out. Roy sighed, closing the fridge door before pulling her in and wrapping his arms around her.
“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just needed some water, that’s all.” He said, running his hand up and down her back.
“It’s ok, don’t worry. I found you now, so all is well.” Y/N said, her voice muffled as her head was pressed against Roy’s chest. He chuckled, kissing the top of her head. He felt her arms snake around his waist and he pulled her even closer.
They were both quiet, and as time passed they subconsciously started swaying, like they were slow dancing. As they swayed, Roy could feel Y/N start to drift off, and he sighed softly.
“I think we should get back to bed, babe.” He said, realising Y/N was asleep after he didn’t get a response from her. He carefully pulled her arms away from him before picking her up, carrying her bridal style up the stairs to the bedroom.
He gently laid her down onto the bed, crawling in beside her. As he listened to her steady breathing, he could feel himself drifting off back to sleep, content to be beside the woman he loved.
And maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up. Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.
May 15th, 2007
“Has anyone seen Roy?” Y/N screamed over the music, hoping the rest of the team could point her in the right direction.
“I think I saw him go that way.” One of Roy’s teammates said, gesturing towards the area. Y/N nodded, giving him a thumbs up as a thank you. She made her way through the club, politely moving past the mass of people that were there.
She spotted Roy, and she shoved her way past a few more people to get to him. She felt someone bump into her, and she turned around to try and see who it was, but she was unsuccessful. By the time she turned around, she swore she heard her heart shatter into pieces.
The world felt like it was moving in slow-motion as Y/N watched Roy, the absolute love of her life, kissing another woman. She gasped softly, the alcohol combined with the sight before her causing her mind to crowd with thoughts.
He broke away from the woman, and he turned his head and saw Y/N standing there. She looked like an abandoned little kid, tears beginning to stream down her face.
“Fuck.” Roy said, shoving the other girl off him. She swore at him, but he didn’t care about what she had to say. All he cared about was Y/N, and as he tried to run after her he found himself really regretting all the drinks he’d had.
“Y/N!” Roy called after her, catching sight of her leave the club. He sighed, shoving past anyone who stood in his way as he followed her out.
He saw her leaning against the brick wall outside the club, her head buried in her hands. He could hear her sobbing, and the hatred he felt for himself in that moment was astronomical.
“Y/N… I’m so sorry.” Roy said, the sound of his voice causing Y/N to look up at him through tears.
“Well, I’m really fucking glad to hear that, Roy.” She said sharply, the venom in her voice taking Roy by surprise. He’d never heard her that angry before.
“It was an honest to god mistake. We were just chatting and all of a sudden she kissed me.” Roy said, and Y/N laughed coldly, shaking her head.
“It was an accident, it didn’t mean anything, of course. Roy, I just watched you cheat on me in public, and you only pulled away when you realised I was there. Can you honestly tell me that if I hadn’t found you, you would’ve stopped?” Y/N said, the tension in the air thick and heavy as Roy swallowed nervously.
“I don’t know.” He said, and Y/N sighed, wiping some of the tears off her face.
“Thanks for being honest.” She said, wrapping her arms around herself. “I can’t do this anymore, Roy. It was bad enough never seeing you and worrying all the fucking time if you still loved me, still wanted me, but seeing that set everything straight.” She said, and Roy couldn’t tell whether the churning of his stomach was from anger or sadness.
“Y/N, listen to me. I love you, I always have. You mean the fucking world to me and I.” Roy said, but Y/N cut him off.
“If I meant anything to you, we wouldn’t be standing here right now. I loved you so much. I was ready to marry you and start a family and have a whole fucking life together. I didn’t think I was asking too much of you to want you to love me, but I guess I was wrong.” Y/N said, her voice shaky as she took the diamond ring off her hand and gave it back to Roy.
“Y/N…” He said, watching as she refused to meet his eyes.
“I’m going home.” She said defiantly, sticking out her hand to hail a cab. The pair stood in silence as the cab pulled up, the air heavy with unsaid words and pain.
He watched as Y/N got into the cab, tears streaming down both of their faces. Once the car was out of sight, Roy didn’t know what to do with himself. He had just fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him.
“Fuck!” He screamed, fighting the urge to throw the ring down on the ground. He would never forgive himself for this.
And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here. 'Cause I remember it all, all, all
too well.
November 15th, 2007
Y/N was sitting in her parents’ kitchen, a glass of wine clutched in her hands. It had been six months since things ended with Roy, and they had been the hardest six months of her life.
In an attempt to distract herself from Roy, she had thrown herself into her work to the point where her boss had forced her to take time off because she was burning herself out.
So there she sat, trying her hardest not to think about Roy. However, the image of him kissing that woman was so burned into her brain that she swore she saw it every time she closed her eyes.
She took a sip from her glass, enjoying the warmth it brought in her chest. She went for another sip when her phone started ringing. She picked it up and felt her whole body freeze when she saw the number. It was him.
Y/N felt her heartrate speed up, and against her better judgement she answered the call.
“Roy?” Y/N asked, thrown by the loud music coming from his end of the call.
“Y/N! How the fuck are you?” Roy asked, and Y/N could instantly tell he was drunk. That paired with the loud music made Y/N suspect he was out at a club.
“I’m alright, Roy. How are you?” Y/N asked, forcing her politeness. Roy laughed before answering her question.
“I’m great! I just wanted to call and say thank you.” Roy said, and Y/N’s brow furrowed.
“Thank me for what?” Y/N asked, confused by Roy’s statement.
“For leaving me! Best thing you ever fucking did, because now I’m free and I can have fun and I don’t have to worry about you. So thank you! I’m gonna leave now, bye!” He said, and before Y/N could respond he had hung up on her.
Y/N was still holding her phone by her ear, unable to move. Her already broken heart had just been ground into dust, and the pain was too much.
She felt tears start to roll down her face, unaware that she had started crying. Her phone slipped through her fingers, clattering down on the kitchen bench.
Sobs wracked her chest, her broken heart beginning to hurt her physically. It wasn’t just her heart that was broken from Roy’s words, she felt like every part of her had been shattered.
She’d always loved his honesty, his frankness, but she suddenly felt like he’d used his honesty to disguise his cruelty. Y/N felt like a piece of paper he’d crumpled in his fist, balling it up before throwing it away. He didn’t care how she felt, he’d made that abundantly clear.
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it. After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own, now you mail back my things and I walk home alone.
February 5th, 2020
“When you said you were going to buy me a coffee, I expected a cheap takeaway cup from the coffee shop down the road, not a full-blown high tea.” Y/N said, shocked at the scale of grandeur in the restaurant.
“I felt really bad, Y/N. I figured a cheap cup of coffee wouldn’t adequately make up for that, so I thought I’d do something different. Make the punishment fit the crime, you know.” Trent said, giving Y/N a sincere smile before speaking to the maître d’.
Y/N looked around the room, suddenly feeling very underdressed. Trent walked back to her, adjusting his glasses before he spoke.
“They’ll have a table ready for us in about five minutes.” He said, and Y/N nodded, putting her hands in her pockets.
“Are you sure you’re ok, Y/N?” Trent asked, gently placing a hand on her arm. She took in a deep breath, giving Trent a semi-reassuring smile.
“I’m fine. Bringing up Roy always stirs up emotions I don’t quite know how to handle, but I know repressing them isn’t healthy so I’ll just deal with it in my own time. Thank you for asking, though. That’s very nice of you.” Y/N said, her voice a little shaky. Trent squeezed her arm, shooting her a smile.
“How about we have a nice cup of tea and we can talk about whatever you want, huh?” Trent said and Y/N nodded eagerly. He dropped his arm, turning his gaze away from Y/N as he waited to be shown to their table.
Although it had been nearly thirteen years since things with Roy ended, she felt like no time had passed at all. She so desperately wished she could go back to how she was before everything happened, but sadly time doesn’t work like that.
As Trent signalled to her that their table was ready, she noticed that the plaid shirt he was wearing looked a lot like one she left at Roy’s when they first got together. One he had since mailed back to her in a package with all the things she’d left with him.
She took in a deep breath, refusing to let Roy ruin another one of her chances at being happy.
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week. 'Cause it reminds you of innocence, and it smells like me. You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah
March 12th, 2020
The treatment room held an odd chill as they huddled in it, and despite Ted’s insistence that it was the ghosts, Roy refused to believe it. As he held Y/N’s old scarf in his hands, he got a whiff of it, smelling exactly like her car used to. A mix of her perfume and strawberries.
“Roy, why don’t you get things started for us?” Ted said, and Roy nodded, stepping forward until he was just in front of the bin.
“Back when I was in my early 20s I had this girlfriend, Y/N. She meant the absolute world to me. We were engaged and everything. I couldn’t wait to settle down and start a life with her. But one night, I got very drunk and I made the stupidest fucking mistake I’ve ever made in my life, and it cost me big time. I kissed another girl and Y/N left me, understandably so after what I did.” Roy said, his voice breaking slightly as he looked back down at her scarf.
Suddenly Ted understood why Roy made such a big deal about not wanting to intrude on Jamie and Keeley’s relationship. He didn’t want to be a homewrecker in any way because he’d cheated, and he clearly carried that guilt with him to this day.
“I sent all her stuff back to her, but I kept this scarf. It was from the first night she met my sister, and she left it behind. I guess I’ve always held on to it because it was a constant reminder to me of what I missed by being such a colossal dickhead, and it felt like even though she was gone, I had a little piece of her still with me.” He said, taking in a deep breath as he looked around the room.
“I’ve never been able to bring myself to get rid of it, but I figured it was time. I know I’ll never be able to undo what I did, but hopefully this can help me move forward.” He said, chucking her scarf into the bin.
As the rest of the team put their mementos into the bin, Roy barely listened to their explanations. All he could think about was Y/N and her scarf, and despite everything that had happened, he hoped she was doing well.
The team moved the bin outside, and Roy could hardly look as they set the bin’s contents on fire. He knew he would always feel guilty about what he’d done to Y/N, but the thought of no longer holding on to that scarf did make him feel slightly optimistic about moving on.
He suddenly felt Ted clap a hand on his back, and as much as he wanted to pull away, he needed it. “This girl the reason you’ve been so dead-set on not making any moves on Keeley?” Ted said, and Roy nodded, trying not to look the American in the eye.
“As much as I fucking hate Jamie, I would never wish on him any of what I’ve been feeling for the last thirteen years.” Roy said gruffly, and Ted hummed, nodding as he dropped his hand from Roy’s back.
“You’re a different man now, Roy. We all learn and grow from our mistakes, but much like the treatment room ghosts, we shouldn’t let ‘em haunt us.” He said, and Roy sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets.
“Thanks, Ted.” Roy said, turning his eyes to the blaze on the pitch.
“Any time, Roy.”