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Adam is eleven years old when a new family moves into his apartment building, the last three families that moved in did not have children but this family does. Adam tries not to get his hopes up of befriending the kids, he knows once school starts and they hear about retarded Raki they won't want to be his friend. But he hopes that maybe he could have a friend, even if it only lasted for the summer.
The family has two sons, one is twelve and the other thirteen, they both look intimidating and Adam isn't sure he wants to try to befriend them. But then his mother invites their mother over and she brings the boys with her and Adam's hand has been forced; he has to at least talk to the boys.
The older boy introduces himself as Darko and says that his fucking annoying little brother's name is Nigel.
"Please don't use bad words." Adam says, softly.
"Ma doesn't like it either, but me and Nigel been doing it for a long time."
"If your mother doesn't like it or want you to do it then why disobey?" Adam asks. He doesn't understand that, he always listens to what his mother and father say, always; they know what's best for him.
"Dad does it." Nigel replies.
Adam doesn't say anything else to them, instead he goes to his bedroom to read a book about constellations that his mother bought him for his birthday a couple months ago. He's already read it cover to cover seven times but he really likes stars and the book has a lot of pictures.
Nigel wanders into his room after a short while but he doesn't stay long once he realizes Adam doesn't have any toys to play with or a television in his bedroom.
--
Adam doesn't interact with either boy for the rest of the summer; so much for summer friends. Adam isn't too upset though, he has his parents and his books and his constellation light and his racoons in the park.
--
Adam is fourteen and a freshman in highschool when his mother passes away. He understands death, but understanding it doesn't make his chest hurt any less.
He hasn't had a panic attack since he was little, maybe second or third grade when his psychologist and school counselor taught him new ways to calm himself down and handle his anxiety. Since losing his mother it's gotten harder and harder for him to settle himself.
He begins digging his nails into the palms of his hands and sometimes into the flesh of his forearms or thighs and sometimes even hits himself in the head. Adam tries to control it, especially while at school but he hears other students talking about their mothers and it upsets him. He loves his father very much but the bond he had with his mother was so strong that losing her is almost unbearable.
--
Just under six months after his mother passed away it would've been her birthday. Adam is too afraid to ask his dad if he can stay home from school even though he really wants to just stay in bed and read the constellation book his mother got him when he turned eleven - even now it's still his favorite book.
When his dad drops him off in-front of the school he tells Adam that he loves him and drives away, off to work.
Adam makes his way to his locker, trying to avoid everyone, but of course one of the kids tries to trip him and then calls him stupid when he stumbles. Adam grips the straps of his backpack as hard as he can and tries to ignore them.
As the day drags on Adam becomes more and more on edge, his anxiety and sadness climb exponentially. In his third hour class of the day one of the kids starts bullying, at first the boy simply calls him stupid and an idiot; Adam is not stupid or an idiot, he's very smart all of his test scores and class grades show it. He tries his best to ignore the boy but he's already so on edge that he starts to cry which causes even more kids to laugh at him and call him names.
The teacher sends him from class to the counselor's office, he sits with her for the rest of his third hour class and all of his forth as well. She doesn't make him talk, she just hands him tissues and tries to help him remember his breathing exercises.
By the time his fifth hour class is ready to start he's calmed down a lot and is ready to go back to class, he feels guilty for missing so much already that he doesn't want to miss math class too.
Thankfully math class passes easily, without anyone making rude remarks or laughing at him.
Adam then goes to the cafeteria for lunch, he's not feeling very hungry, but doesn't want to waste the food his father had let him cook and pack. He sits in the corner of the lunchroom by himself and eats the warm macaroni and cheese he'd put into a metal thermos that morning.
When he's finished eating he goes to the bathroom, to wash his hands and use the toilet but as soon as he steps into the bathroom he knows he's made a mistake. There is a group of boys in the bathroom, four or maybe five of them, he recognizes two of them; Darko and Nigel. He hasn't spoken to either of them since they'd been in his apartment that day three years ago, he's seen them around school and even shared a couple classes with Nigel over the years but he's never spoken to them. This year, however, he shared a class with Darko and none with Nigel. They were in the same gym class during the sixth hour class. So far Adam had been able to avoid interacting with Darko.
Darko and two boys he doesn't recognize immediately start making jokes about him and calling him retarded Raki. Adam tries to back out of the bathroom but one of the boys darts behind him and blocks the way out.
"What's wrong, you're scared?" One of the boys sneers.
"I want to leave." Adam mumbles.
Adam doesn't know exactly what happens next because so much happens at once; one of the boys mocks him for crying earlier in class - how do they know? Another calls him a pussy but what sets him off and has him sobbing and nearly hyperventilating is Darko taunting him about his mother - she's dead, right? Probably wanted to get away from you. No one wants to be around you.
Adam screams between sobs. Nigel grabs him, his arm comes around him, crossing over his chest, his other hand covers Adam's mouth, and then he's hissing into his ear to shut the fuck up.
Adam's screams and sobs are muffled by Nigel's hand. He squirms and tries to get away from him, but Nigel is too strong.
One of the others punches Adam in the stomach, it hurts really bad and he feels like he's going to throw up.
Before anything else can happen a teacher and the school security guard push their way into the bathroom.
The teacher takes Adam up to the nurses office.
--
Adam stays home from school the next day, he doesn't like missing his classes but he's too afraid to leave their apartment. His father calls him into school sick, that's all there is to it.
--
A week passes and Adam goes from one class to the next, he doesn't go into the bathrooms, and he carries everything he might need for his classes in his backpack so that he never has to go to his locker; he's too afraid to be alone.
Gym class is always a struggle, having to be in the same class as Darko and having to change in the locker room with him there. Adam changes in the toilet cubicles as quickly as he can and rushes out to the gym so there's no chance he'll be alone with Darko in the locker room.
Thankfully he only has gym class every other day, on the days he doesn't have gym class he has an art class, he's not very good at it and doesn't like the feeling of the clay they're working with now, but he would much rather be in art class than gym class.
He changes his clothes quickly and heads out to the gym, the class goes by quickly but it's what happens after that Adam will never forget.
He's usually always the first one out of the locker room but today both toilet cubicles we're occupied and Adam refused to change in-front of everyone so he waited. By the time the stalls were empty and there was only a couple kids left in the locker room.
He changes as fast as he can and hopes to get out before the last few kids leave.
Adam exits the stall and heads to his assigned locker in the locker room, he pulls his backpack out and shoves him gym uniform into the locker. He shuts the door and spins the lock.
He's just about to push open the door to the locker room when someone pulls him backwards by his collar. Adam tries to scream but there is a hand covering his mouth instantly so the sound is muffled.
He's dragged through the locker room, down a short corridor and into a utility closet - cleaning supplies and extra gym equipment are kept inside.
The room is dark and smells bad.
"I got a two day at home suspension and in school suspension for a week and detention because of your retarded ass." He recognizes the voice instantly; Darko. This is what he's been afraid of since that day in the bathroom, this is what he's been trying to avoid.
"I-I'm sorry." Adam tries.
"Sorry doesn't mean shit. It's time to teach you a lesson."
"I d-didn't do anything." Adam cries.
Darko shoves him into one of the shelves before his fist connects with Adam's jaw. He punches Adam over and over, in his face, his chest, his stomach. The blows keep coming and coming.
Everything hurts, blood drips from his nose and he sobs silently. He's too afraid to scream for help, too afraid to try to get away.
Adam can faintly hear the bells ringing signifying the seventh hour class starting and he hears it again when the seventh hour class ends.
Darko shoves him to the ground and starts kicking him.
Adam loses conciousness after a while, and when he comes to he's alone. His ears are ringing, his nose is throbbing and still sluggishly bleeding. He pushes himself up off of the floor, his movements are slow and cautious.
He stumbles out of the utility closet, thankfully the corridor is empty. He makes his way down the hall and into the locker room. It seems to be empty. Adam heads for the sinks, he looks in the mirror and starts crying all over again. There are bruises already forming on his face, there's blood smeared all over him and in his hair.
Adam washes his face as best he can, each touch to his face hurts so bad.
He doesn't know what time it is, or when the next class will be coming into the locker room, he needs to hurry and get out.
"The fuck happened to you?"
Adam freezes, fear rising in him again.
"I asked what happened, who the fuck hurt you?"
Adam doesn't speak, too afraid to tell Nigel that it was his older brother who did this.
"Did Darko and his asshats do this?"
Adam trembles when Nigel steps closer to him. "P-p-please don't hurt me."
"Did my brother do this?"
Adam nods, silently.
"I'll fucking kill him. I know I grabbed ya the other day, but I was just doing what Darko said, just messing with you. I didn't want to hurt you." He steps closer, "Let me see." His fingertips touch Adam's nose and he flinches backwards, in pain and fear.
"I've had my nose broken a few times by Darko and his friends, sorry to tell ya Raki, it's broken."
"I need to go to the nurse." Adam mumbles.
"Yeah, I'll walk you up."
"Why are you being nice to me? You haven't said two words to me since we met." Adam doesn't understand the change in Nigel.
"Darko told me not to, told me not to make friends with the retard."
"That doesn't tell me why you're helping me now or being nice."
"Don't know if ya noticed but our ma died too, it was last year, I know how you must be feeling and Darko and them guys teasing you for it wasn't nice. Seeing ya cry like that, I felt bad." Nigel wraps his arm around Adam, helping support him as they walk through the locker room and out into the empty hallway.
"What time is it?" Adam asks.
"Gonna be time for the eight hour class to start soon."
Adam nods and limps along, his ankle hurts, he must've hit it on something when Darko pushed him.
They reach the nurses office just as the bell rings signalling the end of the seventh hour class.
The gasp the nurse let's out when she sees Adam is something he'll be hearing in his nightmares for a long time, the shock and disgust conveyed in it are memorable.
"Who did this? What happened? Sit on the cot. Mr. Banyai you better start talking, tell me what happened."
"Why're ya questioning me? I didn't fucking do it. You think I'd be stupid enough to beat him up and then bring him to you?"
"Someone had better start talking." She picks up the phone on her desk and intercoms to the office, requesting the principal, counselor and school security guard before turning to Adam and assessing his injuries.
They keep Nigel from his classes while they try to find out just what happened.
--
Adam's father is very angry when he comes to pick Adam up and finds out what happened. Adam refuses to say who attacked him, but Nigel tells.
--
Adam's leaving his apartment with his father to go to the grocery store a few days later when he sees Darko again, the boy is covered in scrapes and bruises. Adam can't help but feel satisfaction that Darko is hurt now too - but who beat him up?
--
Monday comes and Adam is apprehensive to go back to school, especially to go to gym class.
Before he can fully walk into the building, someone stops him. He closes his eyes tightly, ready for another attack.
"Calm down, Raki, I'm gonna protect ya."
"Protect me? How? We're not in the same classes."
"Actually, we are now."
"What? How?"
"Talked to the principal. I ratted on Darko and got my schedule changed."
"Darko is going to be very angry with you."
"I already kicked his ass once, I'll do it again."
"You did that?"
Nigel smirks, looking proud, "Sure did."
"Well then, let's go. I don't want to be late."
--
Darko ends up expelled by the end of the year.
--
Every year for the rest of high school Nigel signs up for the same electives as Adam, and begs the principal to put them in the same classes; somehow it works and Adam is never alone again.
--
Junior year Nigel gets a girlfriend, but it doesn't last long. Adam doesn't know why they break up, but he's glad to have Nigel back full time.
--
Senior year is when everything changes again, Adam comes out to Nigel - it's awkward and he doesn't understand why he has to come out at all but he does it all the same. He tells Nigel that he likes girls and boys and Nigel simply replies with, "Same."
--
A few months later Nigel calls Adam gorgeous for the first time and Adam gets butterflies in his stomach.
--
Adam invites Nigel to the park to see his raccoons, and they end up kissing.
--
Nigel invites Adam to senior prom, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't like that it will be crowded and loud, but Nigel convinces him to go. Adam has such a good time.
After it's like a teen movie cliché; Nigel confesses his love for Adam, and then they have sex. It's awkward and a little uncomfortable but Adam doesn't regret it.
--
Nigel's father and brother move away shortly after Nigel graduates, he's supposed to go with them but begs Adam's father to let him move in.
Mr. Raki is hesitant, but Nigel is eighteen, he doesn't have to go with his father and he's been so good with Adam throughout the years. It takes a lot of convincing but finally he gives in.
They get a second twin bed to put in Adam's room. Mr. Raki knows that they're officially dating and makes them promise not to have sex until Adam turns eighteen in a few months.
On Adam's eighteenth birthday Nigel buys him a new expensive telescope as a gift, he tells Adam he's been spending half of his paycheck on helping with the rent and bills and been saving the rest for Adam's gift.
Adam bawls his eyes out and sits staring out of his bedroom window with it, looking up at the stars for hours.
Nigel buys a second present for them to share for Adam's birthday - a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. They kept their promise to Adam's father and haven't had sex since Nigel moved in - well they've watched each other masturbate dozens of times, exchanged blowjobs and Nigel even ate Adam out once but they haven't had penetrative sex since the night of senior prom.
That night they push the twin beds together and make love for the first time in months.