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"You're still awake."
With a sigh, Akira rolled around. It wasn’t like there was any sense in hiding his non-sleepy state from someone like Goro anyway- the man was far too sharp, of far too deductive nature for that.
"Mhm," he gruntled in response, before burying his face into the pillow.
Soon, the click-clack sounds of a keyboard being used stopped, a sound that usually lulled him into deep, comforting sleep, but failed to do so tonight; instead, Akira felt like it represented the turmoil wracking through his chest far better than anything else at the moment, and dreaded the fact that it had stopped, because his emotions had not settled down at all.
Footsteps echoed through the dimly lit room as Goro made his way towards him, and Akira was sure a frown was distorting his usual gorgeous face. He was the cause of it, but he was too weak to do anything against it; a part of him felt happy at the fact that he could even distort Goro's expression like that, but under usual circumstances, such a thought wouldn't even occur to him.
Guilt crept into his mind as the bed creaked under new pressure, but before Akira could even utter an apology, a hand sunk into his hair, gently caressing his scalp.
He suppressed a well of quickly rising tears at that, and instead, focused on the warm sensation; the kind notion, the intention behind it all- ah, sometimes, he felt like he didn't deserve Goro's soft side on nights like these. It felt like he was forcing him to act, even if he knew Goro wouldn't do anything that he didn’t truly mean-
His soft voice tore through Akira's scattered thoughts.
"I know you're overthinking at the moment. But the fact that you're still up...You've too many thoughts running through your head, I presume?"
Akira barely managed to gruntle a non-committal sound when Goro spoke again, voice impossibly soft.
"I know you well enough, Akira. I'm not saying talking about it will help, but seeing you like this...well. It hurts me, too, you know?"
Akira wanted to retort something to dissolve Goro's worries, but he only whimpered softly, melting under the soft touch his lover had on him. The brunet knew his weak points far too well, after all; knew where to scratch his head, when to let his hand trail over his face to turn him into a melting gooey mess, even if his touches were usually reserved for other occasions.
Goro continued to scratch his scalp, carding his fingers gently through his messy bed hair. When it was clear Akira wouldn’t talk, Goro began to hum a gentle, unspecific tune.
It was adorable and soothing at the same time, and Akira wasn’t able to hide the shudder running down his spine- not like it mattered. He promised to lay himself bare in front of Goro, after all, but he had difficulties following through on his deal...whenever it came to unpleasant matters or feelings. But over the years, he was met with patience and understanding, and when he asked why, Goro had simply shrugged and said, "Well, you do the same for me, so it's only fair."
It was a killer line, one that warmed Akira even after years had passed since he'd first heard the words.
For a while, they stayed like that, Goro humming as he began to try and braid Akira's hair, even if he quickly gave up on that to instead let his nails scrape along his skin again, followed by an occasional soft rub or a gentle caress.
If anyone was good at coaxing him out, it was Goro.
"....I am...an overthinker," he muttered, barely able to stop the words from leaving his mouth before he could stop them, but somehow, the regret never came.
Instead, warmth enveloped him when Goro nestled down on the bed beside him.
"Your overthinking mind is one of your attractive qualities, you see- better than dating a man who presumably possesses no brain cells."
Hearing his boyfriend's voice so close to his ear, Akira shuddered anew, but it was a pleasant shudder; one that made him think of warmer days, days long gone-
But days to come, no?
"I am indeed referring to Ryuji, in case it wasn't clear. Thank fuck I'm not dating him, I probably wouldn't last a day."
A weak snort escaped the raven, and he finally managed to roll himself onto the side- mindful to keep Goro's hand where it belonged, but eager to meet his gaze, take in his appearance.
After all, he was beautiful; even years after they'd first met, the youthfulness still oozed off him in waves, and his boyish charm had only strengthened in the past few years. Tonight, the gleam in Goro's garnet eyes was gentle, a stark contrast to the sharp twinkle they usually harbored, and Akira's breath hitched as he averted his eyes again, unable to keep his gaze for too long.
"I think neither of you would last long."
"Of course, my bad. I'd end up murdering him, so that would put a swift end to his life, and end up with me in jail."
Another weak snort escaped him, and he didn’t resist when Goro loosely threw his arm around his waist.
"Don't badmouth him, he's still my best friend."
"I wasn’t badmouthing him in any way. I'm just saying I wouldn’t be able to date him, even if he begged me for it. Not like I'd even feel inclined to do so in the first place, seeing as I have you, and his looks clearly do not fulfill my standards."
A wry smile crept onto Akira's face as he imagined the scenario, playing along with Goro's mindgame as his heart gave off a pleasant, fuzzy warmth. "And what are your standards?"
"Hm, let me think about it…Tall, dark and handsome, maybe? With terrible hair, though. I cannot let him outshine me, you see, so I'd feel far more attracted to someone whose hair looks like a bird's nest than a model belonging onto a magazine cover. But he has to be a good kisser to make up for his terrible hair, even if his looks are quite terrific if he ever puts in a little bit of effort."
Akira chuckled, and Goro relished the sound.
"I'd hate it if he looks good without even trying, though."
"Oh?"
"Chicks would flock after him, of course- and I'd also be very petty and jealous of him not needing half a day in the bathroom to get himself ready. So I'd rather have an ugly boyfriend than a handsome one."
"Hey, it's not my fault-"
"Shh," Goro interrupted him suddenly, pressing a finger onto his lips. "You didn’t let me finish. Sadly, the universe let me fall in love with the most infuriating man ever- he's both a looker, and far too popular with the ladies. Or anyone, really- it causes me an incredibly vast amount of irritation and jealousy."
A weak smile crept onto Akira's face, and he chuckled as the warmth emanating from Goro began to envelop him. "What can he ever do to make up for his faults, then?"
"Love me with a passion," the brunet muttered, leaning in, "But he's already doing that, so it's fine."
Just like that, Goro stole away the breath in lunges, and Akira's smile wavered, turning a tad mischievous instead of incredibly happy.
"You're the looker between the two of us. The one who turns people's heads when we're outside. Stop blaming me for your own faults."
Noting the smile on Akira's lips, Goro mirrored the action, letting his hand wander until he was able to intertwine their hands. The gesture caused a pleasant tingle to skirt from his hand up into his chest, and Akira smiled, despite himself.
"Oh, I look handsome, alright. But I wouldn’t look nearly as good as you if I were to run around without make up or hours of preparation."
"Don't insult my handsome boyfriend, or I'll get really, really mad." Akira scuttled forwards, letting their foreheads gently rest against one another. "He's the most beautiful thing on earth."
"Excuse me," Goro huffed, "I'm not a thing. And the term 'earth' implies you believe other living beings on planets beside the earth might harbor someone or something that could end up exceeding my looks in your opinion."
A playful pout appeared on his lover's face, and Akira chuckled before he was pulled in closer- he didn’t resist at all, rather welcomed the touch as he was dragged in, resting his head in the juncture of Goro's neck.
"It seems like I have no other choice but to destroy your beauty to ensure I stay the most handsome man across the universes," the brunet muttered into his ear, ruffling wildly through his hair as he tickled him from time to time, drawing soft laughter from Akira.
Soon, the pleasant, lovely touches began to sober him though, and a sigh escaped the raven as he attempted to draw away- only to immediately meet resistance, and be dragged closer.
The faint smell of coffee and freshly washed clothes, along with something inherently Goro surrounded his senses as he abandoned the idea of ever escaping his boyfriend's embrace. Which was funny, because a younger version of him would have never believed he was as touch-starved as Goro was, or that his boyfriend would ever indulge him like that.
Guilt flooded his mind as he mulled over the past and present.
"I'm keeping you from something," Akira mumbled, barely managing not to sigh and hugging Goro back- even if every fiber of his body screamed, begged him to do so.
His weak protest died down when Goro spoke up again, firmly and gently, as though chiding a child.
"Nothing is more important than you at the moment, Akira. If there’s anything you're keeping me from, it'd be staying at your side."
Huffing fondly, his warm breath dancing across Akira's skin, Goro pulled him closer. "Therefore I'd be very much inclined to you if you were to just give in and lean on me for now. It'd do you even better to do so more often from time to time, you know?"
Giving into the temptation, Akira nuzzled his nose against familiar, tantalizing skin.
"Yes, like that, you idiot," he heard Goro mumble as he pressed a soft kiss onto Goro's jugular bone, noting with glee how the brunet leaned into the touch unconsciously.
It nearly made him cry.
"People would never believe what a sweet talker you are. Or how big your weak spot for me is," Akira mumbled, half a smile forming on his lips as he detached himself, still safely secured in Goro's arms.
"Oh, and it is to my every interest it stays that way," Goro whispered back, pressing a soft kiss onto his forehead before grabbing his chin and forcing him to meet his gaze. "Besides, my weak spot for you keeps growing. It's not like that ever stopped, I'll have you know."
"Who are you, and what have you done to my grumpy, tight-lipped boyfriend?" Akira said in jest, but quickly deflated when he saw the look in Goro's eyes harden.
"Akira," he muttered, "While I admit I don’t often let my guard down like this and pamper you...You do know I cherish you deeply, right? And I'm not joking, not in the least."
"How can you keep a straight face saying these things?" he wondered, face burning from second-hand embarrassment- and fondness.
"You're the one who taught me how," Goro chuckled, pressing a kiss onto his burning cheeks, before pressing one onto the bridge of his nose, the corner of his eyes- and finally, letting their lips touch briefly before pulling back with a smirk.
"Tease," Akira muttered, unable to keep himself from chasing the touch, glad that Goro allowed him to do as he pleased. "I mean it. Whenever I try and explain any of our friends how...how nice you are to me, they end up rolling their eyes and telling me not to sugar-coat the truth. Which is so stupid. They can be stupid…"
"They only mean well. Still believe me to be one of the bad guys, I suppose. Well, I'm not helping your claim by being cold whenever they're around-"
It was rare for Goro to speak so openly and honestly, Akira was aware of it.
"That's because you're uncomfortable with PDA. Which is fine. I don't...I don't need it if…If I can have this."
Staring deeply into those beautiful garnet eyes, Akira felt a shudder run down his spine. "If I can have you instead, open and rare and...honest."
"I'm starting to think you're the one who had a few drinks and is trying to cheer me up," Goro teased, pulling him into a kiss to shut him up. "It's your turn to be pampered, Akira."
Well, if Goro offered it so nicely…
Wasn’t it fine to indulge, then?
For a while, he enjoyed being at the mercy of his lover; kisses rained down on his body while Goro muttered praise, reminded him what he loved most about Akira, or what he'd forgiven him if the raven ever objected.
If this was a dream, it was a damn good one, and he never wanted to wake up from it ever again.
"You idiot, you said that out loud."
"Whoops."
He laughed fondly, nearly missing how Goro's cheeks flushed a light pink before he muttered, "So...what can I do to make you believe this isn't a dream?"
Burying his face in Goro's chest, Akira smothered a scream. "Pinch me."
So Goro did, and drew forth an actual scream from him.
"Goro!"
"What? You were the one who told me to pinch you!"
"I didn’t mean it all that seriously! That hurt!"
But despite his harsh words, giggles spilled forth his lips, and when his laughter died down alongside Goro's soft snickers, he remained silent for a while, thankful for the fact that Goro didn’t bother to break the silence, merely continuing to scratch the palm of his head.
He wanted to joke about how Goro treated him like a cat, imagining how the brunet would grin and claim that he was, but at some point, Akira's body began to shake under silent tears instead, overwhelmed by the affection and the unconditional love.
It was too good go be true-
No, no it wasn’t. He just didn't deserve it.
"I know exactly what you're thinking right now," Goro muttered, "And I will say it over and over again: it's not true."
"....You deserve someone better. Someone who doesn’t- doesn’t cry about wimpy stuff-"
"I am merely assuming what 'wimpy stuff' is about. I haven’t heard it from you at all, so it's not like I can judge, Akira."
"...But it's stupid…It's stupid…."
"Nothing's ever stupid if it makes you cry," Goro sternly replied, pressing a soft kiss atop his head- and shit, of course he'd aim for his weak spot again. "Weren't you the one who taught me that?"
"It is in this case. I'm stupid for letting it affect me so badly," he sniffed, quaking when Goro pulled him closer.
"Then let me ask you a question. Do you trust me enough not to lie to your face, Akira?"
"Course I do."
"Alright then. So if you explain to me what prevents you from falling asleep and I tell you that you are not, in fact, being a wimpy kid about it- well, you will believe me, won’t you?" Goro wore a wry smile on his lips as he muttered that.
"...That's such a mean move," Akira sniffled, letting himself be drawn into a light, airy kiss that lasted merely a few seconds.
Goro's eyes were soft, glimmering in the dark when he smiled gently. "So?"
"...You won’t laugh?"
"Please," the brunet scoffed, "I might be an asshole by trade, but I'm not that much of an asshole."
A sorry excuse of a laugh escaped him, but the sound pleased Goro nevertheless.
"True," Akira admitted. "So, uh…"
He fell silent again, choking on his sobs as Goro patiently wiped his tears away.
He'd wait for him, as long as it took.
But maybe...maybe he'd waited enough, and Akira could trust him to pick up his shambled, messy self.
"I feel like...like my life's gone to shit and I've- I've ruined everything, and nothing's gonna be the same anymore. Like I have no future waiting for me," he finally whimpered, feeling extremely ashamed for admitting these things. Because it wasn’t true- he was still alive, still healthy and had enough money to survive until he found another job and-
His reeling thoughts were rudely interrupted when Goro leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips, and when they parted, Akira felt like the grip on his hand had tightened.
"Okay," he whispered, "I want you to look me in the eyes now, as embarrassing as it is."
"I'm already doing that, dumbass," Akira whispered back, and Goro chuckled.
"Sorry, of course you were. Anyway, the thing I actually wanted to say was…"
Gently, he stroked over the raven's cheek, tugging a stray lock behind his ear.
"You know those things aren’t true. So I won’t spend much more time explaining that. But you know what I actually want to tell you?"
"...No?"
A smile settled on Goro's lips, and he pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.
"Even if the world isn't ending, it's fine to feel that way," he mumbled, a light flush apparent on his cheeks. Of course- as much as Goro meant his words, it didn’t mean he was as carefree and shameless as Akira was whenever it came to offer words of comfort or love, but he always did his best nevertheless.
And for that, Akira loved him even more.
"Now, the world isn't going up in flames, luckily. But you know what the best thing is, something you can hold onto despite feeling like the world's ending?"
"Tell me." There was a sense of urgency in Akira's tone, and it caused a rumble to shake Goro's body.
"Me," Goro simply proclaimed, and quiet laughter escaped him until Akira couldn’t hold himself back anymore either, "I'm the best thing here. You still have me, and I won't leave. And you'll get over this- this shitty phase where everything feels a tad more dramatic than it may be. Don't misunderstand," he added quickly, seeing as Akira's expression sullened, "Your situation is dramatic, and it sucks. But you have me, okay?"
"What's the point you're trying to make here?"
"Well," Goro bristled, but granted him another kiss, "I know best how to pick up a shambled life. I know how to handle those jarred pieces that make you bleed everytime you pick and prod at them."
They kissed again.
"I'll help you. I'll crush the pieces that hurt you most, and puzzle together what you broke by accident. Deal?"
Akira sobbed.
"I know that doesn’t make everything that much better, but you can cry about your pain with me as much as you want. You're not a bother. You're not a pain, and I won't ever, ever play your insecurities down. Okay?"
"Goro."
"Don't go crying all over me again," the brunet sighed in an exasperated, but fond tone. "It's okay, Akira. Things suck badly right now, and I don’t know when it's gonna get better. But it will, alright? I promise- the same way you promised me. It's going to be fine. And if it doesn’t go well, we'll just force a path together, and make things fine again. Like always. Alright?"
As if on cue, Akira began to bawl, and cried even louder when Goro pulled him in, a sad smile on his lips.
"Besides, don’t forget: you always have a backup plan at hand, if worst comes to worst."
"Which- would be?" Akira's words were barely comprehensible through the snot and tears, but Goro understood nevertheless, a teasing smile on his lips.
"Making me your sugar daddy of course," Goro delivered with a straight face, causing Akira to choke before wheezing out something resembling laughter. "Hey, I can pay you well enough to abandon college and never search for a job again, have you forgotten? But then again, you're the one who desperately wants to match my paychecks and fame, so- better work hard, love."
Love.
The nickname caused a pleasant tingle to rush through Akira's body, and the raven half-laughed, half-cried at the sensation. They kissed again, and there was a sweet, lingering aftertaste remaining on his lips when Goro pulled back, the smile still apparent on his face.
"Don't work hard now, though. Don't you always remind me to take a break and rest? Well, that's what you're gonna do now. You're gonna sleep in for a long time, play all the games that have been piling up on your desk, watch re-runs of the stupid TV shows I recorded for you, and whenever your heart squeezes in fear again, and you wonder how you'll be able to survive in the future, promise you'll come and find me. Even if it means interrupting me at work. After all…"
Goro's smile disappeared, but the fondness in his tone did not. "You always come first, Akira."
"And they call me sentimental," Akira smiled, tears still running down his cheeks as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Goro's neck. "Okay. Okay, I'll come find you whenever. But what...what happens afterwards?"
"I'll kiss you stupid, so long until your higher brain functions shut off and I can turn you into my mindless, obedient servant," his lover murmured, causing laughter to well up inside him. "And that will take care of any idle thoughts roaming in your head."
"Fuck, I love you," Akira laughed, unable to resist the urge of kissing Goro again- and he let him, which caused another bubble of joy to burst and fill him.
"I know," Goro mumbled, drawing him into another tight hug, "I love you too, dipshit. But I'll love you more if you talk about your fears and worries in more detail. Ease your mind a little, and mine as well, will you?"
It was both a question and a demand, but Akira was thankful for the offer- he knew what he desired, knew what he wanted now, even if his mind was still a mess and part of his heart in shambles.
"...Would a little more indulgence be okay?"
"A little more? We have all night, stupid," Goro replied with a little more force than necessary, pressing another kiss onto his forehead. "Want me to prepare my shittiest instant coffee while we're at it?"
"Goro, no-"
"Oh, you're challenging me, are you? Now I'm definitely going to-"
"Goro!" Akira laughed, forcing his lover into another warm, gentle kiss, one that made the butterflies in his stomach soar. There was a crooked smile on his boyfriend's face when he pulled back, and he was sure he was wearing the same grin on his face.
"No coffee," he whispered, "Hot chocolate. You can prepare that without burning the entire flat down. But don’t add the marshmallows, or else-"
"Akira, it was one time -"
"I'm not taking any chances with you," he chuckled, remembering Goro's unfortunate mishap with the drink that caused a small fire to explode in their kitchen; a story for another time, but a story he liked to remember.
"Urgh, fine, I got it." The brunet rolled his eyes, still embarrassed about the incident, but determined to never repeat it again.
Just as he was about to leave, Akira's hand shot out, tugged one of his sleeves- hesitant, scared, a touch so light anyone would have missed it and he wouldn’t have blamed them-
But this was Goro he was talking about, and of course he'd sense the touch, immediately sneaking back into bed, pulling the raven close to him as Akira began to cry anew.
Even he didn’t know why he was crying, but maybe the prospect of being left alone in their shared bed was too heavy a burden to carry right now; now, when his heart had been pried open and bled onto the sheets with a force so destructive it made the walls tremble in fear.
"On second thought, I'm far too lazy to move out of bed," Goro whispered, peppering the quaking raven in kisses. "I hope you'll forgive me for my idleness this time."
" 's okay."
"Glad to hear that," the brunet mumbled, drawing circles and triangles onto his back. "Perhaps that local café that's conveniently open all the time delivers hot chocolate to the doorstep, what do you think? It'd make up for my mishap."
"...You're not doing anything wrong, Goro. And- and I really doubt they do deliveries, especially not at this time of the day."
An adorable pout settled on his lover's face. "Not even if I tip them twice the price of the drinks?"
"Not even if you offer them to become their sugar daddy," Akira wheezed out as he demanded another kiss-
And of course, his request was quite immediately fulfilled.
He was so lucky.
So, so lucky.
Akira lost himself in those crimson colored eyes, feeling content as his eyelids fluttered shut under constant touches, fluttering kisses and gentle hums.
"I love you, you idiot," he whispered, "And I ain't sharing my Goro with no one."
"Not even with Morgana?"
"Especially not with Morgana," Akira replied energetically, and Goro's chest began to shake under laughter, causing a smile to be cast onto his lips- ah, right. If love was magic, Goro was his personal spellcaster after all, using forbidden tomes and cheesy humor to hit his weak spots and make him lose himself.
Damn it, he loved Goro so much it hurt.
"Hey, come on already. Spill your heart out to me, won't you? I did say we have all night, but I do want you to sleep a little tonight as well. Promise you'll try that for me. But only after we've talked, hm?"
A kiss to his cheek had him whimpering.
And two others onto his eyelids had him acquiescing.
" 'Kay," Akira mumbled, and began to talk- talk about whatever sprung to his mind, talk about what haunted him when he fell asleep, talk, talk, talk-
And through it all, Goro patiently listened, holding his hand and giving him gentle kisses whenever the burden became unbearable.
Needless to say, Akira fell asleep with a somewhat peaceful state of mind, and when he woke in the morning, still held tightly in Goro's embrace, a sense of reassurance flooded his mind and body- tainted with a loving warmth.
"...I'm gonna be fine?" he quietly asked, and nearly jumped when a grumble broke through the silence.
"Yeah. Lemme catch five more minutes of sleep, though, before I spoil you rotten. You know you owe me for this, Akira?"
His posture deflated, and Goro's eyes shot open.
"Fuck, I was just joking. Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that," he apologized, over and over again as he kissed the raven stupid, "Forgive me?"
Akira nodded weakly, and even managed to bring forth a small smile- one that came from the heart.
"Okay, but only because…"
"I'm so sexy and handsome?"
He giggled, and his laughter was only silenced when Goro pressed a soft kiss onto his lips. Again, the brunet searched his hand, and intertwined their fingers- and when he pressed airy kisses upon each of his knuckles, Akira melted into the sheets, turning into a puddle of goo.
"Because you're sexy and handsome and Goro, and that's what makes you perfect," he whispered, noting with glee the blush spreading across his lover's cheeks. "You're welcome."
"Gee, thanks," came dryly, eliciting more laughter from him as he pulled his lover into another kiss.
The day seemed a little better, a little brighter already.
Laughter suits you best, Akira he found scribbled on a note later into the day, and with a grin, he wrote back,
And overwhelming, over-the-top confidence suits you better, Goro.
Needless to say, he was in for quite a lecture the same evening, but it was a lecture accompanied by a dozen kisses, hot chocolate- self made hot chocolate- and a big cake Goro had bought on his way back home.
"It's gonna be okay," Goro whispered to him in the evening hours when he broke down again, "But you are allowed to think the worst for now. Alright? Just believe in me, time and time again, and I'll prove you things will get better."
Akira couldn’t muster up the strength to mutter 'I believe you'.
Instead, he made up for the lack of his voice by demanding a million more kisses, and being pampered for a few more days- without hearing even a single complaint.
"You really are the best," slipped his tongue one evening, being hand-fed when he refused to eat. "The best thing that ever happened to me, Goro."
"Of course I am," the brunet cheekily replied, but Akira detected the shy undertone underneath all the bravado. "And I'll do everything in my power for it to stay that way."
"...I'm so glad you're mine."
Goro smirked, stuffing the spoon into his mouth under loud protest. "And I'm glad that you're the hot mess that you are, or else this would only be half as much fun."
"Hey!"
Ah, yes. The sound of carefree laughter, of endless teasing and rebuttals filling the house-
There was no better sound on earth than that.
Or maybe there was; maybe the sound of Goro Akechi kissing him a million times in apology as he feigned being offended was the best sound Akira would ever stumble upon in this world. After all, it always drew a full, sated smile onto his lips, even if he had yet to see the bright future laying ahead of him, even if gloom was still his ever companion.
But he would shake him off someday; if not by his own power, by Goro's.
And embrace him when he came to bother his lover in turn.
Ah, yes, of course. That's what he would do.
But until then, until his time was up, he would sate himself on Goro's love a little longer, bottle it up so he could drink from it whenever he pleased.
"Your smile is kinda creepy right now, Akira."
"I'm just...really happy."
Goro laughed, and then he was pulled into another languid kiss.
"Good. We'll work hard for it to stay that way."
He was met with no protest as the two lovers lost themselves in yet another kiss, drawing each other closer as they hoped for a bright future to come and claim them.