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“Tony, smile, this is a good thing.”
A smile graces the Italian’s features, though it’s not one that reaches his eyes. “It is a good thing. A very very good thing.”
Jenny smiles indulgently and steps around her desk. “Yes, Tony, a very good thing that I expected you to be much happier about.”
Tony’s smile slants into more of a sheepish grin as he rubs the back of his head. “Yeah, about that…see, it is a good thing, I know it is. And I hope you know how grateful I am for this opportunity…it’s just not an easy thing. If that makes sense at all.”
“It does.”
Tony snorts disbelievingly, “really? ‘Cuz I feel like an idiot”
“I don’t offer Team Lead positions to idiots, Agent DiNozzo.” The teasing smile on the Director’s face took any heat out of her words.
Tony smiles a little more genuinely but he can’t help sighing at the same time. He is happy. And grateful, he really hopes that Jenny understands how grateful he is. But gratitude, it seems, is a double edged sword, because that feeling is putting a damper on his happiness.
Gibbs.
Gibbs was the first person to truly believe in one Anthony D. DiNozzo, Jr. Sure, Tony had already been a good cop when he’d tackled the gruff marine in a Baltimore back alley. But once he’d come to NCIS and worked under the man, worked with him - he’d been held to a higher standard. One that seemed impossible at times, but Gibbs had shown in deed if not in word that he’d always expected Tony to meet it. Knew that Tony was capable of meeting it.
That the opportunity to demonstrate how well he’d followed Gibbs’ lessons came as a direct result of intense trauma and tragedy in his Boss’ life took the shine off any sense of accomplishment. Instead he couldn’t help feeling like he was abandoning ship. Over the last few days, Tony had struggled with the thought that Gibbs wasn’t as recovered as he’d like them all to believe. He was still convinced that not all the memories were back but ultimately decided to trust his boss. Gibbs knew enough to know how to do his job, still cared enough about the people around him and the quality of his work that he wouldn’t have returned to NCIS unless he was certain that he could do his job.
And so it made sense to leave. Even felt right in his gut after he’d chewed on it for a few days. Jenny believed in him. ‘Exemplary performance,’ she’d said. Her trust in him was no small matter; she was, after all, just the second person to believe in him enough to back her words up with actions.
“Tony,” her voice broke into his musings. “For what it’s worth, I think this is a good move for you. I’m confident you’re going to excel in your new role.”
“Thank you, Director.”
“Jenny.”
The carefree grin she’d been hoping for all along finally made an appearance. “Jenny, seriously, thank you.”
*****************
Jenny had understood his conflicted emotions. It only made sense, she had been in nearly the same situation with the very same Lead Agent, after all. She’d patiently allowed him to talk himself in circles, addressing his insecurities and mixed feelings in only the vaguest of language and then reassured him firmly but not unkindly. Tony left her office feeling much better than he had when he’d entered it to deliver his ‘good news’. As he did, he realized with some surprise that he would miss the relaxed camaraderie they’d begun to develop and the way that visits to her office often ended with a friendly chat.
Before he exited, Tony had asked for the right to tell Gibbs about his promotion, which Jenny had granted without hesitation. Tony had immediately driven to Gibbs’ house, and that’s where he now found himself: sitting in the car parked up the block. This had to be done tonight, he knew. Jenny may have guaranteed her circumspection, but paperwork had to be processed related to his transfer, and the loose lips in HR were not to be counted on for their discretion.
No, Gibbs deserved to hear this direct from the source and not from secondhand scuttlebutt. Which is why Tony finally opened the door to get out of the car. He wasn’t sure how he or his news would be received, but his chances weren’t improving any sitting out here.
“Boss?” Tony had opened the door like normal but hesitated to go much further without announcing his presence to the marine. He followed the sound of Gibbs’ answering call down to the basement, as expected.
“Hey Boss!” He grinned widely as he loped down the stairs, hoping that his affable tone would mask the butterflies making their home in the distinct region of his gut. Judging by the senior agent’s arched eyebrow, it hadn’t masked it well enough to pass his BS-meter.
“DiNozzo.”
“So, Boss, you all settled in yet? Got the place nice and homey and cozy, or…well, not that it was ever cozy or anything. I mean-”
“You having trouble finding a period for that sentence, DiNozzo?”
“Uh, no Boss, I found it, and its name is Gibbs.”
That earned a smirk, which still felt like a victory to Tony; it probably always would. He watched Gibbs putter around the basement for a bit; he seemed to be sorting his tools, examining them and then putting them in their place. It felt like things were going back to normal again, just sitting here like this. But then he realized with sudden clarity that this would no longer be his normal. He would have to tread a new path and establish new normals and this - this man’s presence in his life - would never be the same again. The thought stole his breath for a moment, so that just as Tony decided this was something best mourned later in the privacy of his own apartment, he looked up to find Gibbs staring right back at him.
“What’s on your mind, Tony?”
“Me, boss? Nothing on my mind, you’d probably say there never is, except for women maybe and-”
“Spit it out, DiNozzo. Preferably sometime today.”
“Right, today, sure thing Boss.” He levered himself off his spot on the stairs with a short huff, feeling that this conversation should happen eye-to-eye though not really understanding why. “Well, you see, the thing is that I needed to talk to you. In person, that is. I felt that you should hear from me that um, well I’m…I’ve got new orders and I’m leaving.”
Gibbs’ blue eyes sharpened to mere slits and he broke in before Tony could continue. “Leaving to where?”
“Europe. Spain, specifically. The Director offered me a position and I accepted the transfer. Rota, Spain, and my own team.”
The expression on Gibbs’ face changed slightly, but not enough for Tony to decipher what it meant. “How long?”
“I report to the Rota office in three weeks. I’ll work here through the end of next week and then I have some time to make arrangements for my move till I have to start my new job.”
No change in expression this time and Tony barreled on before a pause could become a silence. “Look, Gibbs, I know you’re not big on the talking and feelings and stuff but if you just let me get this out once, I promise you we’ll never have to do this again and I won’t even tell anyone that it ever happened. You see, the thing is…I owe you everything. I wouldn’t be in this spot if you hadn’t made me a better investigator. But you’ve made me a better man, too. And I want you to know that the lessons you’ve taught me won’t be forgotten. They mean everything to me. You…you mean- well, yeah, I think you get it”
Gibbs had to clear his throat before a grunt that resembled “Mhmm.” This time there was a silence, a weighty one, but at least it wasn’t heavy with tension or anxiety, just a profound sense of emotion. Gibbs stuck his hand out and grasped Tony’s firmly, “Congratulations, DiNozzo.”
Tony grabbed it in return and clung to it as he looked into clear blue eyes and catalogued all the things his Boss was saying that would never be uttered aloud. He ducked his head and blushed a bit as their hands separated, jamming his in his pockets. The unaccountable feeling of relief washed over him so deeply he rocked on his heels, glad that he’d gotten this over with and pleased with their wordless conversation more than anything else.
Feet shuffling and gesturing vaguely toward the stairs with his shoulder, Tony began, “Anyway, that was it. Just wanted to -”
“Got a steak defrosting upstairs. Was gonna grill it in the fireplace but it’s kinda big for one.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhmm. Practically a brontosaurus steak, actually.” Tony smiled at the reference and Gibbs felt his own lips tilt upwards. Purely on one side, of course. “Think you’d like to hang around long enough to share?”
The brightness of his smile was almost blinding, “yeah, Boss, I’d like that”
“Go on then, put the steak out on the counter and start the fire up for me. Be right up.”
Gibbs clasped the back of his neck briefly as he passed by, and watched him jog up the stairs through the door. He heard the soft rattle of beer bottles when Tony opened the fridge to take the steak out. A few more tools were put away for form’s sake before Gibbs paused. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed deeply, allowing himself a moment of bewilderment. It was soon cut off, ruthlessly so, in fact. Gibbs schooled his features and climbed the steps to join his SFA.