Work Text:
(Valentino was just minding his own business. Looking on his phone on the couch. Suddenly Vox comes in)
Vox: Val, who in God's name, is PrettyBird?
Valentino: What do you mean?
Vox: What have I just found? A picture of some bird with massive chest fluff.
Valentino: I don't what you're talking about, but it ain't me
Vox: You f*cking idiot. It's on your computer you daft c*nt!!!
Valentino: I don't have a computer.
Vox: Val, you have a giant sticker on it that says 'Valentino's computer' you immature TWAT!!!
Valentino: It's fake.
Vox: It's not f*cking fake, you daft moron. I gave you the computer for our one-year anniversary.
Valentino: Yeah? So what?
Vox: What do you mean "So What", you horny bastard? It's 3 F*CKING GIGA-BYTE, you degenerate!!!
Valentino: Look, I see where you're getting at. But I'm the overlord of porn. I can have this kind of stuff.
Vox: That's beside the f*cking point. I have to deal with your crap, EVERY F*CKING DAY.
Valentino: I don't see an issue here
Vox: Is your brain f*cking broken? Do you have any f*cking sense of dignity?
Valentino: I do but-
Vox: NO BUTS
(Velvet comes in)
Velvet: Ay what's going on in here? (She sees the picture on the computer) OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IN SATAN IS THAT SH*T??? WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU GUYS WATCHING???
Vox: Don't get the wrong idea!!!
(Velvet gets her phone and dials a number) ZESTIAL!!!
Vox: Oh my god, don't call Zestial
(The spider-bat demon picks up the phone)
Zestial: You called me?
Velvet: Valentino and Vox are looking at bird pornography!!!
Zestial: So Vox and Valentino are furries?
Valentino: HEY, DON'T MAKE ASSUPMTIONS
Zestial: No need to get defensive, we all know there's a parody of Play Boy called 'Play Bird'
Vox and Valentino: Wait WHAT?!?
Zestial: Wait, you do know that's a real thing, right?
Valentino: Obviously not
Vox: Oh. CAN'T YOU F*CKING TELL BY OUR REACTIONS???
Zestial: Well, I'm not a shrink
Valentino: What the hell's a shrink?
Vox: We're all overlords, so how are YOU a f*cking psychologist?
Valentino: Oh, a psychologist
Zestial: Technically speaking, I'm more of a plague doctor.
Valentino: What the hell?!
Vox: Why do I even bother?
(Alyssa calls in too)
Alyssa: What the hell is all this ruckus?
Zestial: We are all talking about bird pornography
Alyssa: You know what, forget I asked. I already have enough of your nonsense
(Alyssa hangs up)
Valentino: Zestial you SPIDER BRAIN! I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT IT
Zestial: Whatever you say
Vox: Everybody shut the f*ck up! Can we please talk about the bigger issue at hand?
(Alastor teleports in out of nowhere)
Alastor: Alyssa told me you're having quite a party in here
Vox: Oh for f*ck sake
(Alastor sees the picture on the computer)
Alastor: GOOD HELL!!! What the devil is that?
Velvet: A female bird
Alastor: I can see that. But why does she looks so... barely clothed?
Vox: She's got massive chest fluff
Alastor: Mhm, indeed
Zestial: Val here was flipping the bird
Valentino: That's not the right terminology and NO I WASN'T
Alastor: Valentino, I'm not going to judge you. But if you take immense pleasure from voyeurism, maybe don't invite people to watch?
Valentino: That's not what happened. Vox found it on my computer
Vox: AH. So you admit it was YOURS then!!!
Alastor: You know Valentino, if you have trouble with the avian ladies, you could ask Missi Zilla. She's quite the charmer
Valentino: As if. She gave me a bucket of chicken and asked me to seduce her.
Velvet: What? ZILLA
Valentino: PLEASE NO MORE PEOPLE
(Missi Zilla comes in)
Missi Zilla: Why are we all cramped up in here? Did someone die?
Velvet: ZILLA! Why did you ask Val to seduce you?
Missi Zilla: Oh that? He asked me to help him to take someone out on a date. It was a catastrophe if I ever saw one. It was F*CKING HILARIOUS
Valentino: Zilla, what the f*ck?
Missi Zilla: I'm not making excuses for your sorry ass. Also, why are we all here?
Zestial: Bird pornagraphy
Missi Zilla: Nice sh*t man
Vox: WHAT THE F*-
(The End)