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Breathing in the morning breeze while swinging his legs, he looked down on the passing cars on the road. The building he’s on top is right in the center of the city, but it hasn’t been used since he left high school. It has been his comfort place since then, running from his reality, drinking till he passed out and woke up to the sun blaring on his skin.
But last night was different. Things changed. While Mark was zoning out staring into the glittery sky, someone came stumbling onto the rooftop. Surprised? He is. A face he never sees, purple hair at that. The face of someone who just cried rivers, but he walked calmly towards him. Looking like he just survive a storm, and is in relief. He took a seat beside Mark. while Mark stares the fuck out of him, he still stares at the scenery in front of him. Mark sees how he’s a little bit tan, he can make out the beauty marks scattered on his face. Pretty.
“ Take a picture, it lasts longer. ” a smirk surfaced from the purple-haired boy and Mark turn pink. Well, his face is already heated because of the alcohol, but it wasn’t enough and he is still sober. Mark, puts away the soju bottle he held for a while now.
“ You look wrecked. ” Mark, being a curious person he is, moves a little closer and takes a really great look at the person’s face. The other just smile seeing how Mark is like a curious kitten.
“ I said take a picture, why are you shoving your face at me like a kitten boba eyes? ” Purple hair tilts his head and Mark thinks that’s really adorable. Fuck.
“ Now why are you cursing? ” Oh no. Mark said that out loud. Purple hair giggled a bit, his mouth forms a cute rectangle oh my god Mark thinks. He muttered an incoherent nothing as he hurriedly takes the soju bottle he put aside earlier and hands it to the purple-haired stranger. He looked between Mark and the green bottle. Mark nods a bit signaling him to just take his offer. Hesitantly, he took it from Mark’s hand and chugs it down.
“ I like drinking. I learned to like it. Even when it gives me a temporary euphoria. I like how I’m not thinking about all the shits you know... ” Mark always runs, he hates confronting. That’s what he always does and drinking has been one way of running for him. Well, aside from running from home after dropping out of college? Yeah.
“ I don’t really like drinking cheap things boba eyes, and more so getting drunk on a rooftop but for you? I’ll try. ” purple hair chugs down the rest of the bottle and Mark smiles.
Now purple hair is sleeping soundly on the maroon couch Mark thrifted and Mark sits on the floor with his back leaning on the couch. The rooftop has a couch, a small wooden hut Mark made for when it’s raining and snowing, some scattered things. 5 years and the place feels more like home to him. He lives in a small apartment not far from the building with two roommates but he’s never there.
“ My head hurts so bad boba eyes. ” Purple hair is snuggling his face on Mark’s neck and he can feel the heat coming up at his face. Oh, God. Mark scrambles to his feet, mumbles how the other need to eat hangover soup and there’s a restaurant down the road. As fast as Mark’s heart beats, his feet walk him away from purple hair who’s face on his palm watching Mark, amused. His mind drifted him back to their conversation last night.
“ Why are you here purple hair? ”
“ I have no particular answer to that… I’m used to walking aimlessly in the middle of the night, and then I was walking down the streets when I saw a pair of feet dangling, I kinda freak out. I rushed to the rooftop and yeah, I saw you. ” Hyuck swirls the remnants of alcohol in the green bottle, somehow shifting his attention towards it. No bravery to lock eyes with Mark after what he had implied. He’s been there, times where everything feels suffocating and he just wants everything to end. Everything moves so fast and doesn’t wait for him. He was startled by the giggles beside him. Confused he turned to look at Mark.
“ That’s very nice of you, trying to help a stranger nonetheless. If I ever, to be honest, that’s how I found this rooftop.” Mark looked down to his lap, right hand rubbing the back of his nape, a sign of nervousness. Hyuck’s heart dropped. “ But I figure... if I end it, then what’s the purpose I set myself free? I walk out of the house because I want to do things for myself, so I want to try. It wasn’t easy, building myself over the years, struggling to feed myself, but it all worked out you know. ”
Hyuck seem to give some thoughts on what Mark said and went silent after.
I’ve seen better days
Sometimes life’s hard to take
It gets hard to face it all alone
You looked into my eyes
Your face I memorized
Didn’t say a word but you felt like home
Two weeks. Purple hair hasn’t shown up in the span of two weeks. Mark doesn’t even know his name. He sighed. They didn’t even know each other. They just spent a night with each other. Just drinking bottles of soju so it supposed doesn’t matter to Mark. He’s on his second soju bottle when he hears footsteps. Unknowingly, smiling to himself he turns to the source of sounds. As expected, purple hair. He can feel himself smile but he doesn’t care. Purple hair is wearing a pair of black jeans with a light blue turtleneck tucked in. He sat beside Mark and puts down a plastic that Mark hasn’t even realized is there.
“ You’re always staring. I know I’m sexy. ” purple hair giggled cutely.
“ Yeah, sexy and you’re cute too purple hair. ” Mark took a big gulp of soju. He doesn’t regret that when purple hair turns red, eyes round, surprised. Mark smiles. A win for him.
“ So, you prefer me calling you sexy or purple hair? ”
“ Maybe call me Hyuck boba eyes. ”
“ And maybe call me Mark, Hyuck. ”
They burst into giggles. That felt great. Hyuck grabs a soju bottle in the plastic behind him, hastily opening it and drinking it down. Mark just watches. Second time meeting and all he could feel is familiarity. Like they’ve been doing this for years. Feels amazing.
“ So Mark, you wanna dance? ” Hyuck stares right into Mark’s eyes and he could see the waves of nervousness when Mark’s hand trembles a bit. The alcohol in his system must’ve heightened his senses, Hyuck thought. He offers his hand in front of Mark to ease his nerves a bit. Mark slowly intertwined their fingers instead and gave him a cheshire smile.
They danced the night away, just small steps back and forth one hand intertwined, one each other’s waist. Twirling drunkenly having no care to the world. Being at each other comfort. Maybe the universe aligned their wishes together so they could meet and hold onto each other. Being drunk on each other’s existence.
Mark’s standing in front of the fridge thinking what to buy other than soju like he won’t pick that at the end. He just finished his 5 hours afternoon shift in the hotel and dropped by the convenience store along the way to the rooftop. A usual routine for him. Every day except for Saturdays. The hotel was desperate for waiters so he applied without much thinking. He got in, of course, the restaurant manager favor him. He grins, knowing how most of the time his looks get him away. There are three bottles of soju in his arms, holding it dearly and quietly shuffling towards the counter.
On his way towards the rooftop that’s a 10-minute walk from where his mind runs down on the time he spent with Hyuck. It’s been almost 3 months now since the first time they slow danced under the glittered sky. Mark always gets lost in staring at the honey skin boy. Even if Hyuck noticed that he doesn’t comment. They spent nights talking, just drinking till they passed out Still, there’s something addicting about the other’s presence. Something more addicting than his alcohol addiction. He needs the boy in his life. Now he can’t think of how he’ll live without Hyuck. His newfound addiction.
All the words begin to slip away and
I’m quiet for once
So I focus on your color now
I watched it dance around
The sweetest that I had found
Not sure I have ever done without
You’ve always got me awestruck
My boy violet
“ ...I can’t believe they paid me half than they promised. I’m not gonna go there anymore. These assholes. ” Hyuck is venting about how a cafe who asked him to perform paid him only half. He looked pissed, but not quite. They both had a bottle each so all things are already kind of blurry, hazy but still feel comforting.
“ Why didn’t you demand the pay? ” Mark looks up trying to make out the shape of the scattered stars in the sky, shifting quietly under the blanket. They’re lying down side by side covered by a thin blanket that Hyuck had brought a couple of weeks ago. He brought some of his things to the rooftop on his every visit. He even bought some plants and pots calling them his children.
“ I’m in a hurry to come here…” Hyuck shifts to his left side to take a great look at Mark. Mark who looks great with his black hair swept back, Mark that sometimes bold but most of the time shy, Mark who teaches him alcohol as a way of coping when he only drink wines before he met him, boba-eyed Mark who offers him comfort. A piece of him he’s been looking for, for 23 years of his life. “ I miss you...” it came out as a whisper but still loud enough for Mark to catch.
Mark shifts to look at Hyuck. A hand comes up to Hyuck’s face. Softly, Mark traces his thumb on Hyuck’s cheek. They stared into each other like that. 3 months isn’t that long when you just started knowing someone, but for them? It felt like an eternity, feels like they’ve known each other for so long. They shared their fears, insecurities that they see through each other, being a safe place for each other. It was easy, being in each other arms. “ I miss you too...” it comes out breathy and Hyuck can feel Mark’s breath on his lips. Everything went dead silent and all they could feel is each other’s breath and heartbeat. Staring into each other eyes, there’s much more behind the stare, things neither of spoken about before. Hyuck wants to kiss him, but he still isn’t sure if he can.
However, he finds he doesn’t have to decide, because Mark is already pressing their lips together, making Hyuck hum in surprise. He isn’t sure when did Mark hovers over him and kisses him. The kiss tastes sweet, gentle yet breathtaking. Mark pulls away and laughed a little when he saw Hyuck chases his lips. He readjusts his position so he won’t crash Hyuck with his weight, intertwining their hands together.
“ I want you to close your eyes and enjoy this. ” Mark doesn’t waste time, he didn’t even wait for the other to close his eyes. He starts to slowly place kisses all over Hyuck’s face. Mumbling how pretty he is, Hyuck realized Mark is kissing his moles. “ I like them. They’re like stars on your face. So fucking pretty... ” Mark’s words slurs at the end, maybe the high of alcohol has hit him. This kind of intimacy hasn’t... maybe this is what Hyuck needs.
Hyuck traces Mark’s hand, parts where his fingertips can reach. They could hear the fast beating of their heart and breathy huffs. It’s fluttering, it does. They won’t need any words to describe this. It’s enough when they can unravel it themselves. Among all the things Hyuck isn’t certain, he’s sure for this. For them, everything they have now. This is one of the things he has faith in. Hyuck meets Mark’s lips halfway and they dive into their own world.
But still, you’re more part of me than anybody else
One of the few things I’m sure of
One of the few things that I know already could build my world of
Over a year they became each other person. More than thousands of kisses they shared, hundreds of songs they danced to yet Hyuck leaves Mark. One day Hyuck just didn’t show up without a heads up but Mark just let it slide even when the violet boy doesn’t reply to his messages. A day turns to a week turns to a month. Mark decides it’s time to let go. His heart shatters on the fear that becomes reality. He woke up one morning to find a letter in his hand. He shoots up and ran. Running to find the culprit. The letter wasn’t there when he went to sleep with his wet eyes. Stumbling and pushing through the crowds he hopes to find him yet, all his effort went to vain. He’s gone.
Boba eyes,
I never thought I'd love you like this. I'd drop anything for you.
We were so different yet, you accept me for who I am, you're patient with all my breakdowns, all my insecurities. You're my comfort person you know. The embodiment of warmth people needed. Please remember you're worthy, you're a piece of this world. You, complete my world. Thank you for holding my hand when I need guidance.
My precious,
I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry I'm leaving you like this. Leaving you alone. I know I promised to stay. We’ll meet again when the times come. We’ll be together again dancing on this rooftop. Take care of yourself. Don't overwork, say no, do things for yourself. Have great days ahead for me. Go and be happy, radiate that energy to the world. I'll be watching you and do know, I'm always with you.
love you more than the most,
Hyuck <3
With a deep sigh, Mark puts the letter on his lap as he stared at the violet sky in front of him. That reminds him of Hyuck. His feet dangled weakly. He’s sitting on the rooftop. Where both of him and Hyuck would be at the most comfort. Without knowing, there are droplets of tears wetting his cheek. His sunshine, gone. He never thinks he will. Not in this lifetime. Hugging his legs he cries. He cries his heart out. He let out all the sadness, all the longing he feels. He feels like it’s been ripped away from him.
"Why do you leave me baby… this isn’t what you promise to me..."
He hugs himself tighter, imagining it was him. His precious other half clinging on him. He doesn't know how long he cried that when he opened his eyes, it was dark. The rainbow skies turned into a deep dark blue with no stars, just like how his heart has become. Just like him, how his life was filled with rainbows and sunshine, everything he could ask for but then it turned into ashes, cold and blown away.
" I hope you know you meant the world to me. I love you. My first, and last. "
Mark felt it was enough. He hoped what he uttered seconds ago, were heard by him. He hoped the universe lets Hyuck listen to his voice and know that he'll always think of him, even when he’s not there to intertwine their fingers together and dance on the rooftop with the evening sky, witnessed by the flower both of them planted along the edge. Even when Hyuck is not physically with Mark, uttering emo-rock songs, he wants Hyuck to know, Mark is keeping him, lies within his heart.
Since you've been gone, I've been dancing alone at parties
Not moving on, can't compare you to anybody
Mark went through two summers without Hyuck. The pain still felt fresh like yesterday. They met back in late spring when it’s almost summer. Summer was always Mark’s favorite season, but right after the parting, summer feels empty, somehow colder than winter. The memories always hit him with full force that season, them slow-dancing, cuddling under stars, making out being drunk for each other. He snaps himself from the thoughts and hurriedly walks towards the bar downtown. One of the frequent places he visits right after Hyuck disappears. The bustling of drunk people helps him distract himself from being so broken.
He missed him. The warmth of their body tangled together, the laughter that fills their drunken session, his honey-like voice. Fucking hell. His vision blurs as the tears start to swell up.
“ You booked the night train for a reason,
So you could sit there in this hurt,
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers,
You’re not sure which is worse ”
Mark felt the world around him stop. This voice...there’s no way he’d mistaken that voice. Honey-like soothing voice. He rushed from his seat pushing his way through the stage at the center of the bar.
“ Because I dropped your hand while dancing,
Left you out there standing,
Crestfallen on the landing,
Champagne problems…”
It’s him. It’s his violet boy, his Hyuck. His hair is now painted dirty blonde with green strikes, playing guitar. He remembers how he always teaches Hyuck to play the guitar but Hyuck always stops midway saying it hurts his fingertips.
“ You’re heart was glass I dropped it,
Champagne problems…”
They locked eyes. Even with the season changing, how they exchange looks didn’t. Still held the same amount of love, still delivers thousands of words unspoken. He miss this. He misses Hyuck so much...
“ How evergreen our group of friends,
Don’t think we’ll say that word again,
And soon they’ll have the nerve to deck the halls
that we once walked through,
One for the money two for the show,
I never was ready so I watched you go….”
It felt like it’s just them again, and he doesn’t want this to end. He doesn’t want to let Hyuck go. Mark feels the tears he’s been holding start streaming down but he let it be. Biting down his lower lip so no sounds of whimpers escape, holding himself up with the help of a chair nearby. The stage was crowded with people because it’s not the usual singer. He was on the verge of giving up on them but he came back. Hyuck came back. Mark loves him. He still does.
When Hyuck is done with his performance, Mark rushes backstage. He runs after the figure he’s been craving for. Emotions swirl inside his head right now. Heart burns in anger thinking how he was left all alone, Mark feels desperate and wants to scream because he can’t afford to lose him again. He stops running when he saw Hyuck is crouching on the floor with both of his hands holding his head, a sign of distress Mark learned. He slowly sits down in front of Hyuck, panting. Cradling Hyuck’s face in his hand, he leans in and kisses him. The kiss tastes like tears but he doesn’t mind, not when they’re together breathing each other.
There's a taste in my mouth that I try to explain
It's sweet like sugar with a drop of pain
And a hint of the kiss that kept me sane
And I'm really craving you