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Hands fumbling everywhere. Breathy moans. That tingling, delicious sensation every time his lips met the junction between his neck and his shoulder.
If Remus were to try and imagine a situation better than this, he and Severus would be in a comfy and private bedroom instead of behind a dusty banner in a barely-walked Hogwarts corridor. But, all things considered, this was the best case scenario.
The hand gripping his hip started buzzing lightly, startling both boys. Severus reluctantly parted their lips and looked down at his own wrist, where a muggle-like watch reminded him he had somewhere else to be. He sighed, taking a step backwards and casting a quick spell to smooth their clothes down.
“I’m expected in the Slytherin Common Room,” he said, “We have, ah… Halloween preparations to do.”
“Are you finally going to try and counter-prank us?” Remus asked, reaching out to hold Severus’ forearm.
“In your dreams. We do have more important things to worry about, you know?”
“Is it anything… you know.” Remus’ thumb started tracing light circles over the thick fabric of the other’s Hogwarts’ robes. It was no secret that most of the Slytherin older students were up to their neck in Dark Arts. What Remus wasn’t sure, however, is if Severus was one of those.
“Don’t ask the questions you wouldn’t like to know the answers to.”
“I’m asking because I do want to know, Severus.”
Severus held his gaze for a few seconds, before blinking slowly and leaving their hiding place, Remus following closely. Looking straight ahead as he made his way to the dungeons, Severus muttered:
“I’m not a Death Eater, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“But do you plan to become one?”
Severus quickly looked back at Remus, but gave no answer. He made to walk quicker, but Remus grabbed his arm with more force, obliging him to stop and turn to face Lupin.
“Answer me.”
“Why is it so important?” Severus asked, pointedly looking at Remus’ chin in order to avoid his eyes.
“Because, Severus. I don’t know what kind of bullshit they tell you down in the dungeons, but the common sense seems to be that Death Eaters kill werewolves and muggle-borns. I’m one, my best friend is the other, and you are fully aware of that.” He noticed the corner of Severus’ mouth flinched slightly at the mention of Lily, but didn’t pay it much mind.
“Everyone already thinks I’m one, Remus. Wouldn’t make a difference.” he answered, unsuccessfully trying to pull his arm away.
“Would to me. So answer me, please.”
“I’m surprised you think so little of me.”
Remus’ stomach clenched. He had been worried about Severus for some time now. Their relationship was already a bit rocked, and the fact that they had to keep it hidden from all and everyone certainly didn’t help. The tension from the war was another heavy factor, and this wouldn’t be the first fight they had about the whole Death Eater situation. A while back, after one of those discussions, Severus spent a month and a half without directing a single word to him — only to return as if nothing had ever happened, which Remus wasn’t thrilled about, but accepted nevertheless. But the end of their seventh year was approaching faster and faster, and he could not — he would not — accept that kind of treatment anymore.
“That’s not an answer.” he said coldly, crossing his arms.
“One would think that after a year and a half of… of this ,” Severus gestured between them, “You would have been able to answer that by yourself. But since Black’s obliviousness apparently got into you somehow, I’ll be so kind as to spell it out: No, Remus, I do not plan to join the Death Eaters. Yes, it looks like it; yes, I am aware of how much it looks like it; yes, I am acquainted with wannabe Death Eaters; no, I do not plan to leave their company so soon. Evans already gave me a lecture about it, so spare it.” he said as Remus parted his lips, “I can’t just up and leave, unless I am taken by a sudden death wish. Just imagine that, for any reason, Potter or Black are suddenly Undesirables Number One and Two and you see yourself in a position to have to avoid their company. So, please, Remus. I don’t particularly feel like having this conversation again. Is there anything else you would like to say?”
Remus looked at him at a loss. He uncrossed his arms and sighed, taking a step back as if to go back to his own Common Room.
“Can you… Can you show me?” he asked, holding out his own forearm.
Severus narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brow. He tugged his sleeve up with much more force than necessary, showing a palid, blank forearm. Then, in a quick swift move, he pulled it back down and walked away towards the Dungeon, not uttering another word.
Remus stood there, looking down at his own feet for a few moments. Maybe doubting Severus was not the best move. But it was all so uncertain, everything was so blurry. He wished it could be so black and white that he could immediately trust Severus with closed eyes, and however much he wished he did, he just couldn’t. Not with Severus and his peers looking at the Gryffindor table and sneering every morning. Not with every supremacist speech the Slytherin Prefect had ever made when the Professors were not around, to which Severus hadn’t batted an eye — as Remus also hadn’t everytime his friends had bullied Severus, he had to remind himself. Silence is not always agreement, although it isn’t denial as well.
He shook his head and walked back to his dorms. Outside, the moon was waxing, and the fuller it grew, greater was Remus’ fatigue.
***
The next day, Remus tried to go after Severus and apologize. However, he found himself unable to get rid of the other Marauders’ presence. They stuck to him like gum to his shoe. They went by Severus a few times during the day, but given that James and Sirius had decided to go the noble way — which included not doing so much as look Severus in the eye anymore — and that Severus was apparently still very much pissed off with him, there was no opportunity for them to talk it out.
By late afternoon, he had already given up. His head was hurting way too much and his patience was stretched out way too thin. He would leave this issue in future Remus’s hands.
He and the other Marauders left the Kitchens at around 6 p.m.. It was Halloween night, but it was also a full moon, so they had made a deal with the elves as to not lose the special feast. Remus felt stuffed, and whatever other discomforts he had had earlier had disappeared under the fullness of a good meal.
They made their way to the Whomping Willow through a familiar and unpopulated route. Since his 15th birthday, Professor McGonagall had given Remus the privilege of walking alone to the Shrieking Shack, if so he wished. He never quite invited the Marauders to accompany him. It wasn’t necessary; as soon as they heard the news, they promptly started walking with him instead of meeting him in the dusty old house.
Remus was walking ahead. He was always the one to open the hatch and check the perimeter, in case Madam Pomfrey or Professor McGonagall were waiting for him in the Shack. That night, however, as he climbed his way to the grimy room, it was not a middle-aged woman who was standing in a corner, waiting for him. There stood no other than Severus Snape.
As Remus stopped mid-way, the chatter died down. The boys were ready to flee, if necessary. Remus shook his head and finished the climb, closing the hatch behind him. Severus moved closer.
“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” Remus said in an angry whisper, “Go away!”
“I have something to show you.” Severus replied calmly.
“And does it have to be now? Do you want to die, Severus? Leave! Go!”
At the mention of Severus’ name, the hatch slowly opened, revealing the other Marauders. James was the first to appear, wand in hand, and Sirius followed closely. Peter took his time, but left the way open after him, with every intention of throwing Snape down the tunnel.
“You felt like a repeat of a near-death experience, Snape?” James asked. Severus glanced his way, but didn’t raise his wand back.
“I can ask all of you the same thing,” he replied.
“As much as I would like to find out what the hell got into that greasy head of yours” Sirius said, “we’re running out of time. Snape, leave before we make you.”
“I am not leaving. You leave.”
“Snape, this is not up to discussion!” James said exasperated.
Remus was too distressed to react properly. The moon was rising. He was losing more and more control of his own body by the second. Whatever Severus and they were discussing became background noise. He just hoped they managed to get Severus out somehow, for there was nothing left for Remus to do.
He fell to his knees. A small grey mouse appeared by his side, rubbing its nose on his finger in a gesture of comfort. He lifted his head, desperate to not see Severus anymore, or to at least see him leaving. He was not prepared, however, for the sight of Snape looking him right in the eye and then, with a muffled crack, transforming into a black raven.
He heard an indefinite commotion around him. His body ached as if each of his limbs were being pulled in a different direction, his head felt as if it was ready to explode. He remembered screaming. And then…
Then he woke up.
He didn’t open his eyes, instead basking in the thin strip of sun against his skin. There were hushed whispers around him, and he had to concentrate for a few moments in order for them to start making sense.
“It’s not my fault he never told any of you.” a deep voice said.
Remus felt his breathing ease — an enormous weight had been taken out of his chest. He recognized Severus' voice instantly. He had been so afraid to wake up to Snape's remains, and dealing with this fear for the second time was no easier than the first. It was, in fact, a lot harder, for that previous time he had had no relationship whatsoever with Severus. It was different now, another kind of fear. Not only the fear of killing, but also the fear of losing. But, once again, the problem had solved itself without his input, and Severus was alive .
“You expect us to believe you?” James, most likely, replied.
“Moony would not keep this information from us… would he?” Peter said.
"Well, I would," Sirius said, "If I were dating Snape, of all people, I wouldn’t run to scream it to the world as well."
"Has it ever crossed your thick mind," Severus murmured, "That he never told any of you for fear of how you would react? And would you look at that, it appears that he was correct."
"Moony trusts us, Snape. And I wouldn’t exactly put it below you to create a traceless version of Imperius to make him date you."
"I don't need to resort to that kind of thing in order to get a date, Black. Now, if it is your case, I do have commissions open for new spells. I'll make a special price for you."
"You greasy little—"
“Even in the absurd scenario where you’re telling us the truth,” James interrupted, “What makes you believe you had the right to barge into here?”
“I didn’t barge anywhere. I couldn’t have known you would've been here, and that you were animagi as well. I thought he went through the transformation alone and I… I don’t have to justify myself to any of you.”
"Well, he didn't." Sirius sneered, "We stand by him. And we've been doing it for much longer than—"
"Shh, quiet!" Peter's voice rose, "I think I hear someone coming up the tunnel. Madam Pomfrey must be arriving. We should go!"
"This isn't over, Snivellus." Sirius groaned.
The room was filled with that familiar cracking sound, one after the other. Then, Remus listened carefully as hooves, tiny and big paws, and a pair of wings made their way out of the Shack.
He heard when the hatch opened, but his mind was clouding up again, his body heavier than normal.
As he once more woke up, he felt a duvet covering his chest. His arms were both bandaged, and a needle was apparently in his left forearm, but the pain was overall much more bearable than it ever had been. He had either grown used to it or… Or having a fourth company member actually did help.
"Are you awake, dear?", called Madam Pomfrey.
Remus slowly opened his eyes, adjusting his vision to the clarity of the Hospital Wing with some difficulty.
He was the only student there, all the other beds around him carefully made and empty. Madam Pomfrey stood by his side, checking on an IV bag that was floating up next to him, with a tube that led into his arm.
"You've been out for longer than normal." she continued, "Had to put this needle in, afraid you would've choked with the potion. You wouldn’t need to have dinner, but I can get you some if you'd like, what do you say, hungry?"
He looked up at her, unsure. His mind was slow still, and catching up with her fast speech was always difficult upon waking up the morning after.
She continued her ramble, something about asking the elves to bring up some food anyways, but Remus' attention was caught on the open window opposite to his bed. Or, more specifically, on the black raven perched just outside of it.
The raven stared directly into his eyes, which disturbed Remus and made him turn his head. It was a good hour and a half, during which Remus dozed off again a few times, before Pomfrey called it a day and left him - them - alone.
Only then did the raven move. It flew into the room, landing on top of the bed right to Remus and, with a crack, turned into Severus Snape.
"Not too bad, eh?" he tried with a half-smile, which died down quickly as Remus frowned at him, although saying nothing. The silence apparently made Severus nervous, for he started uncharacteristically babbling, "Look, I'm sorry. I know I probably worried you, it was never my intention. I planned on finding you alone at the Shack and having the opportunity to show it to you before the transformation. I didn't know you would show up so late, and with company. Also, I know a raven isn't the most useful animal, but I didn't get to choose and, hey, at least it isn't a snake — I think you'd might eat a snake and well, that wouldn't be a nice scenario…"
"Is this the reason you've been so distant the last few months?" Remus asked with some difficulty — his throat was still very raspy.
"Yes. Can't exactly hold a conversation with a Mandrake leaf under your tongue. Not easy to hide from everyone, I've got to admit."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I…" Severus looked down at his own feet, "I was afraid it might not work. I didn't want to build up hope for no reason."
"And you did it all alone?"
"Mostly, yes. Mulciber did help out a bit by telling everyone I've caught a terrible and contagious throat infection in that Mandrake month, which kept everyone away, but he did it for the money, no questions asked."
"It’s so dangerous, Severus. You could have winded up with wings instead of arms permanently. "
"Oh, please. The worst case scenario for me was just nothing happening. Let's be honest here, if that annoying Skeeter reporter managed it, then so could I."
Remus chuckled, a bit surprised with his own reaction. Severus looked up at him expectantly, opening up a shy smile when he scooted over to the side, lightly tapping the vacant space on his side in a silent invitation.
Severus moved to lay by his side, passing an arm over his shoulder and accommodating Remus against his chest. It was the closest and most intimate they have ever gotten outside of a making-out kind of situation, and Remus sighed comfortably. Severus would probably never dare to say it out loud, but if it wasn't moved by some kind of love that he went through the process of becoming an animagus, then Remus would be puzzled. His forgiveness was left unsaid, but transmitted through the soft caresses on Severus's chest, Remus' hand lingering over his heart. There was something, however, that he was not willing to leave unsaid.
"I am not ashamed of you." he whispered, so softly that Severus barely caught it. "I never told any of the boys about you, because, well… We never officialized whatever this is, and there's the whole house-rivalry situation, but… It's not shame."
Severus nodded, which Remus felt rather than saw. "I understand. I am not willing to tell the entirety of Slytherin that I'm involved with a Gryffindor, but I am not willing to hide it either, if that's what you desire."
"It may take Sirius, James and Peter some time to get used to you, though. If… If we're willing to continue this, I mean." he said, pushing himself slightly back in order to face the Slytherin.
"I am. Are you?"
Remus smiled nervously. "Yeah, I am, too."
Severus mirrored his smile, leaning in for a kiss. It was nothing like the kisses they had shared before. This was one was a seal of a promise, was a pledge of confidence. Remus’ heart skipped a beat in anticipation of what was still to come in whatever time they still had left at Hogwarts.
As their lips parted, Severus quietly conjured a pillow behind his head, shifting into a comfortable position. "Black is getting used to this faster than I anticipated.” he said, nudging Remus a bit to the right, “He didn't even get a confirmation from you and he was already wondering whether to invite me to the Gryffindor Christmas party."
"Was he now?” he asked, surprised, “And how do you know this?"
"His mind is like an open book. One of those children books, with a lot of buttons and that makes a lot of noise. I couldn't help but hear him wondering."
"You will never convince me you weren't looking for it." Remus chuckled, laying back down on Severus’ chest.
"Well, then I shall never try."
"I'm glad they know now, though. Enough of having to get excuses every time I wanted to sneak out with you. It's harder than you would know to get out of their radar."
“Well, it was only natural for it to happen." he said, softly caressing Remus’hair. “ It was a full moon night, after all. Perfect night for a werewolf to come out.”
"Yeah, try saying that to Sirius.” Remus laughed, “Halloween will be ruined for him for now on."