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Tired. Stressed. Exhausted. Anxious. She felt everything rush in all at once. Yes. She had successfully, with the help of a certain blonde, transplanted a perfectly working uterus. Everything had gone fine. Things looked good until they didn’t. She spent the whole night and most of the day by Tova’s side, running tests, monitoring vitals, holding her hand, she remained at her side. For hours she thought she would lose her and she wasn’t sure she would be able to withstand that loss. Not after everything they had gone through together.
Richard and Bailey had tried to ease her nerves and she managed to fake some measure of serenity for the two. They had left her with smiles thinking they had done something but as soon as they turned the corner she had deflated. She jumped as she heard someone chuckle behind her and turned to find her sister.
“You’re a better actress than I am.” Amelia smiled and then put a hand on her shoulder. “What’s got you like this?”
“I need not to kill this patient. I need her not to die.” Addison said shakily as they made their way to one of the conference rooms in the ICU.
“Addie, there were a few complications. She’s stable now. You know she’s stable.” Amelia assured as she sat in one of the empty chairs.
“I know but I’ve already lost plenty and I don’t think I can go through that. Especially not with her.” Addison took a shuddering breath and joined her.
“I’m sure everything will be fine, Addie. Just breathe ok. I know it’s a stupid thing to say but just breathe.” Amelia smiled.
“Just breathe huh?” Addison shook her head but still attempted a small smile.
“There it is.” Amelia’s smile grew. “Wonder if Mer could make that smile better?”
“Excuse me?” Addison frowned, confused by her comment.
“Oh nothing. Anyway I have a surgery to get to…” Amelia began and then Addison’s pager went off. “OR 3? You have a surgery?” She asked as she read her pager.
“I don’t but it’s a 911 so I gotta go too.” Addison said getting up and making her way towards the surgical floor.
She scrubbed in as one of the residents walked out to tell her what was happening. Shaking her head at his incompetence she walked in as the other resident was preparing to make an incision. Addison stood opposite her after being gowned and waited for her to begin.
“Steady.” Addison said as she noted the shaking. “Helm, was it?”
“I… It… I need to open her up.” Helm stammered.
“Yes you do. And we’re losing time.” Addison said sternly. “No time for hand holding Helm. I’ll take over now. 10-blade.” She said taking complete command of the OR. Helm lifted her hands and backed away from the table. “Where are you going? You need to finish what you started.”
“But I almost…” Helm began.
“But you didn’t.” Addison said as she finished the incision. “Retractors. And more suction.” She noticed Meredith in the scrub room and Helm’s panicked look. “Come over here and do your job. Forget about impressing her. You’re saving a life. Focus on that. You are here to fix this.”
Helm looked at her for a fraction of a second and she resisted the urge to throw the retractor at her. Then the young blonde took a breath and approached the table once more.
“What do we need to do? Quickly.” Addison asked as she simultaneously worked on the patient. “Clamp.”
“We need… we need to… find the source of the bleed and stop it before we continue.” Helm replied.
“Done. 8-0 Prolene.” Addison called and quickly sowed and fixed the bleed. Almost instantly the patient’s vitals began to stabilize. “Now,” she said, putting everything down and her hands up, “I’m your assist, Dr. Helm.”
“But I…” Helm started again and at that moment Meredith walked in, making the resident even more nervous.
“You didn’t. This is a normal complication. Especially with such a large cyst. Now, what’s next?” She asked. “Helm! Eyes on the patient. Not on Dr. Grey. This is your surgery not hers so eyes here. Now.” Her frustration from the whole day bleeding in a tiny bit.
“Sorry.” Helm muttered, making her sigh.
“The bleeding has stopped. So what do you do?” Addison redirected her calmly.
“Right.” Helm said, steadying herself again and looking more determined and calm. “Time to remove the rest of the cyst. Suction.”
Addison smiled and sneaked a look at Meredith, who sent her a smile before nodding and stepping out. A couple of hours later she was walking out of the OR. There had been no more complications and Helm handled herself well after the scare walking Addison through everything she did.
“How do you… umm… the patient was bleeding out.” Helm said softly as they made their way to the nurse’s station. “You came in. Calmed my dumb self down. Walked me through things. All the while stabilizing her. How did you…”
“I’m a world class neonatal and fetal surgeon. I can’t afford to stutter.” Addison replied with a wink. “But I didn’t start that way. I may have even choked at times.”
“You didn’t choke today. In front of a full OR and the Meredith Grey.” Helm smiled sadly, clearly discouraged.
“She was amazing when she started but like me there were times when she choked.” Addison smiled remembering the eager intern years of Meredith Grey. Helm still looked defeated though so she went on. “You are a surgeon. A baby surgeon but a surgeon nonetheless. You are here to fix things. To save lives. You walk into that OR and you know everything even when you don’t. So no surgery nor complication will get the better of you. If you fail, come back better. You only lose when you give up. So you walk in, head held high, and take command of that OR.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it?” Helm smiled a bit.
“Something like that. If they didn’t think you could do it they would’ve never let you hold a scalpel.” Addison grinned and started to walk away. Then smiled to herself before turning back to the blonde resident. “Maybe a few more years and you’ll impress her somewhat.Throwing yourself at her won’t work though. She doesn’t like desperate people.” She chuckled as she watched the girl blush then turned once more.
“And you?” Helm asked.
“Impress me?” Addison asked. “With what I saw today? Maybe in two more… decades. If you manage to get yourself a Catherine Fox Award.”
“But…” Helm started.
“Goodbye, Dr. Helm. Oh and if the question was whether I impress her then I’d have to say that I do. I did from the very first day we met.” Addison winked and waved as left the now completely speechless resident at the nurse’s station.
Making her way to the attendings lounge she got herself a new set of scrubs before going to check on Tova yet again. Once she got to the room she found Schmitt finishing the vitals. She smiled as she saw his diligence in making sure everything was ok. She poked her head into the room and waved at him.
“She just fell back asleep.” He said softly. “Everything is starting to stabilize. Slowly but surely Dr. Montgomery.” He smiled before joining her out in the hallway.
“Thank you.” Addison smiled back at him.
“I think I’ve slept more than you these last two days and I’m a resident. I’d like to stay and monitor her. If you don’t mind?” He smiled with pleading eyes.
“But…” She began but her pager started going off. She frowned down at it as she read it. Another 911?
“Looks like you’ll need to monitor her for me anyway. Do you know where that is?” She asked, showing him the pager.
“That can’t be right. It’s a supply closet down in the basement. You know where the tunnels are?” He asked.
“Yeah. Well it’s a 911 so I’ll head over. This is Grey Sloan, nothing surprises me anymore.” She called as she started to walk away.
She made her way down to the tunnels rather quickly and found the supply closet. Just before she opened the door she heard someone walking behind her.
“Who are you trying to sneak into a supply closet for?”
“Meredith?” She said, turning to find the blonde smiling at her. “I was paged 911.” She replied, showing her the page.
“Hope you weren’t busy with something too important.” Meredith smiled apologetically.
“You paged me?” Addison asked, trying her hardest to keep the bite out of her tone.
“Yeah.” Meredith replied sheepishly. “I did check that Helm wouldn’t need you nor Tova.”
“Why did you page me, Grey?” Addison let out with a sigh.
“Well, it’s not been the bestest days for you even though you rocked that transplant. So I thought that maybe you… that you might umm…” Meredith began fumbling about and despite being a bit annoyed Addison smiled. “Juju?” The blonde forced a chuckle as she pointed to two cups on one of the discarded gurneys along the hallway.
“You paged me for juju?” Addison asked a bit shocked.
“I’m sorry Addison I probably shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry. I…” Meredith started to ramble which instantly made her break into a fit of laughter. “Why are you laughing?”
“Medusa is rambling to the Ruler of All that is Evil.” Addison said in between waves of laughter. “As she should.”
“Don’t make fun. I thought you were upset.” Meredith whined, actually whined, which made it even funnier.
“I was upset.” Addison sobered up as she walked over to the gurney grabbing both cups and climbing on. “But you just made it so much better.” She smiled offering the blonde a cup.
“Good.” Meredith smiled and climbed on next to her. “We all need a little break once in a while.”
“We do.” Addison smiled and sipped some of her hot chocolate.
“I feel bad for Helm.” Meredith said out of nowhere.
“Why?” Addison chuckled a bit. “She did fine.”
“I know she did. But she felt the wrath of Satan today. That icy glare that makes you freeze.” Meredith chuckled. “I give her props though. After you yelled at her she didn’t stutter.”
“I guess she has some backbone.” Addison shrugged and then chuckled along with Meredith. “There’s also that school girl crush. It’s sorta cute I guess.”
“Does the crush give her points with you?” Meredith asked.
“Why would that give her points?” Addison countered. “In any case it just shows that she doesn’t have poor taste.” She shrugged and Meredith hummed in response.
After that they sat in comfortable silence sipping on their hot chocolates. The hallway was deserted aside from the two of them. Addison couldn’t help the tiny smile crawling onto her face as she felt Meredith leaning against her more and more.
“Thank you.” Addison smiled as they finished their drinks. “Juju was just what the doctor ordered.”
“A juju a day keeps the doctor away.” Meredith grinned.
“Will it? Then maybe I shouldn’t have juju.” Addison chuckled without really giving thought to what she had just alluded to.
“Maybe I’ll make an exception just so I don’t have to stay away from you.” Meredith smiled sweetly, sparkles dancing in her eyes, and Addison felt the air leave her lungs.
“Uh-” She attempted to speak but as her heart her mind was racing a mile a minute.
“We can talk about that later, Addie.” Meredith chuckled and rested her head on the redhead’s shoulder.
Addison took a few minutes to calm herself, which was quite a feat, especially having Meredith so close. She never thought after Derek there would be someone that did that to her. Then she met her but there was just no way so she left. She left and found Jake and the two of them were something beautiful while it lasted. But after losing him the way she had she thought she wouldn’t feel the butterflies or the warmth or the security in just a smile the way she had just now with her .
“Please do make the exception. I need Juju but I think I also need you.” She smiled softly, feeling her cheek heat up intensely.
“Ok.” Meredith giggled as she leaned closer to her, taking her hand between hers.
“Ok.” She giggled in return.
“I was right! Mer could make it better.” The singsongy voice of Amelia startled the both of them.
“Ames.” Addison groaned.
“What? It’s the truth. So how’s the juju break?” Amelia asked, wiggling her brows suggestively.
“It’s great. Go away.” Meredith said with a frown, leaning back on Addison’s shoulder as the redhead giggled some more.