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Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself

Summary:

Kirishima Eijirou is sick. He can’t afford to be sick. He needs to get stronger to be the best hero he can be.

He doesn’t understand that pushing himself has consequences, but at least his best friend (see: crush) is willing to help him get that into his thick skull.

Notes:

Hi! I wrote this while I was sick a few months back, I never finished it even though it was almost done. I was finally able to make myself finish it so now it’s here! I don’t know, I was sick when I wrote most of it haha. It was a quick idea I had. Never thought I’d write a KiriBaku fic, but it was kinda fun.

Anyways. Please enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

 

It started with a cough.

 

From there it just got worse and worse until he couldn't bear it anymore.

 

He's sick. He's the only one who has ended up sick so far. Only Eijirou. Of course it was him. He already felt so behind from everyone else when it came to Heroics. Why? Why? Why Me?!

 


 

Eijirou woke up with his throat feeling kind of funny. He believed it was just from the cold air of the morning and it would go away when he warmed up more. He got ready as normal: got dressed, gelled his hair just right, and head downstairs to get breakfast. He was slightly dizzy from running down the stairs. It's probably because it was too early and he didn't get that much sleep last night either. He greeted everyone that was already in the common room. He was debating on if he should have a cooked meal or just a granola bar. Neither of those options seemed appetizing so he just had some juice and walked to class with the rest of the students.

 

Once classes started, Eijirou felt like it was harder to concentrate as his headache got worse. 

 

Dammit, I can't work like this. I don't have any pain killers I could take... I wonder if I should go to the nurse's office. No.  It's fine, I don't want to be bothersome. I can't afford to miss class when I'm already struggling as it is. 

 

When it was time for self study, he put his hands over his temples, trying to lessen the pressure pulsating in his head. He didn't notice someone was calling his name until they put a hand on his shoulder. He lifts his head up to see Sero looking at him, eyes laced with worry.

 

“Hey, you good man?” Sero asks.

 

“You didn't respond when I called your name! Are you okay Kirishima?!” Ashido is on the other side  of his desk leaning down with her hands on the edge of the table looking up at his face.

 

“Oh! Haha, sorry. I just have a small headache, it's okay! Thank you!” He gives them a reassuring smile. Whether they believe it or not, Eijirou only hoped.

 

“Whatever you say, just let us know if you need anything, alright?” Sero gives him a thumbs up.

 

“Thanks bro, appreciate it!” 

 

The rest of the classes are spent with Ejirou trying his best to pay attention to what the teachers were saying, but the constant pounding in his temples and the uncomfortable scratch of his throat made it hard to. He would try not to cough so much to not raise any suspicions. He didn't want anyone to find out he ended up sick. No matter how stupid that seemed, he just didn't want to seem weak to his friends and classmates.

 


 

It was lunch time and Eijirou still didn't have much of an appetite, but he knew he had to eat something or else he wouldn't do very well during Heroics class. He decided to get a simple beef udon soup, hoping it would go down easily.

 

“You sick or what?” Eijirou jumps at the statement that comes out of Bakugou's mouth. As expected from Bakugou, he's perceptive no matter what it is. However, Eijirou won't let that stop him from doing his best to lie.

 

“What are you talking about Bakubro? I'm totally fine! What makes you say that?” Eijirou nervously laughs and tries to pull his best toothy grin.

 

“You always mouthing about how meat is the best before training and here you are with some soup.” 

 

“I just wanted to try something else for once! Besides, there is some meat in here!” He says as he uses chopsticks to pick up some slivers of beef from the bowl of soup. Bakugou grunts in disapproval, but says nothing else as he gets back to his own lunch. Hopefully they just brush it off as a simple change of pace.

 

The rest of lunch was spent with idle chatter with the group, he managed to join in a few times, but they did notice him not saying as much as usual, nor with the same energy he always sported. Bakugou would glare at him once in a while, knowing him, he definitely didn't buy into his lie, but he hadn't said anything yet, Eijirou mentally sighs in relief. Thankfully they didn't ask much more than they did before in class. Eijirou will admit the food helped a little bit, but his heachache was still there and he needed to clear his throat more frequently than this morning. It'll be fine... probably.

 


 

Heroics was next and it kind of made Eijirou a bit nervous. He knew he wasn't at the top of the class and now that he was off his game, he didn't know how well he was going to perform. He was feeling the pressure now, trying to prove to himself that he can do better and be a better hero. And he's going to make sure he can still do that even while he was a little under the weather. His throat isn't bothering him enough to distract him. He also forgot to pick up some headache medicine before coming to class, but Eijirou will be able to deal with it.

 

Everyone was getting partnered with a random student and sparring with quirks for three minutes. Once the time was up, they'd switch partners. He was up against Ojiro first. 

 

As he was walking towards the section he and Ojiro were going to spar at, Bakugou walked next to him without looking directly at Eijirou.

 

“You look like you're gonna conk out any second Shitty Hair, are you actually sick?” Bakugou side-eyes Eijirou as he asks the one question that keeps getting asked, but doesn't want to answer truthfully.

 

“Bakubro! Are you worried about me?! That's so manly!” Eijirou deflects.

 

“That doesn't even make sense! Just answer the damn question!” He shoves him, which only causes Eijirou to slightly wince as his head tries not to split in two from the building force.

 

“I just have a headache, nothing I can't handle you know! Thanks for worrying about me bro. It means a lot.” Eijirou looks over to the blonde and shoots him a grateful smile. He swears he noticed Bakugou's ears flush, but it might've been his imagination.

 

“Welp, this is my spot, good luck on your match, Bakugou!”

 

“I don't need luck!” Bakugou snarls as he keeps walking to his own section. Eijirou's gaze follows his crush's back until he sees Ojiro out of the corner of his eye and changes his attention to his sparring partner. He waves.

 

“Don't hold back!” Ojiro grins as he gets into his fighting stance.

 

“It would be unmanly if I did!” Eijirou bounces back getting ready for the signal.

 

The whistle is blown and they immediately run to each other. Kicks against hardened arms, punches thrown at a quick tail, and maneuvering around each other effortlessly. It's been a draw so far, neither of them landing a full hit on one another. 

 

C'mon Eijirou, you can do it. Just gotta go harder. Be stronger. Faster. 

 

More. Not enough. Put more into your punches dammit. More.

 

He tries to ignore the growing pressure in his head and the drifting vision. The whistle is blown again to signify the end of the three minutes. I couldn't get a punch through Ojiro's defense. Eijirou sighs in frustration  as he puts his hands to his knees, sweat dripping down the side of his head and his breaths more labored than they should be.

 

“That was a good fight, Kirishima!” Ojiro walks up to him and hands him his water bottle. He takes his bottle with gratitude, taking slow sips as he tries to adjust his eyes to the shining lights overhead. Were they always that bright?

 

“Y-yeah... You did great, bro!” Eijirou shoots him a half smile, then says his goodbye to get to his second partner. His eyes light up when he sees who it's going to be. 

 

“Bakugou! Looks like we're together. This is going to be so awesome!” He runs over to the blonde and throws an arm around his shoulders. Thankfully, he didn't get exploded off anymore. A spark of emotions go through his heart at the new revelations of their relationship. Deep down in his heart, he knew he wanted the relationship to go further, but it was obvious that the explosive blonde wouldn't be thinking of such things when he had a goal to achieve. He didn't even know if Bakugou even liked guys in the first place. The thought made him more nervous and slightly afraid. Knowing that there was absolutely no chance of him liking Eijirou back made him wish he didn't have these feelings in the first place. Stupid Eijirou , letting himself be distracted by other things when everyone was trying their best to come out of this school as respectable pro heroes. 

 

He's really grateful that Bakugou sees him as an equal even if he doesn't feel like he was even close to the kind of hero Bakugou was going to be. Always boasting about winning and being the best. He knew he wasn't going to be the very best, but he was going to at least try his best no matter where that led him. He had to.

 

Bakugou sends him a suspicious glare before pushing his arm away and walking a few steps back before turning around with his knees slightly bent, arms in front. 

 

“Get ready for an ass kickin', Shitty Hair.” 

 

“I could say the same for you, Bakugou!” Bakugou snorts and grins at Eijirou. His stomach flutters at the expression. 

 

His head was getting heavier and his vision kept swimming, but he couldn't let Bakugou down now. So he pushed through the pain and he blinked the blurriness away. He had a fight to win.

 

The whistle blew and the next thing he knew was Bakugou flying towards his way, right arm recoiling backwards getting ready to punch. Eijirou quickly leaned to the side before he could hit his face, but he didn't couldn't prepare to harden fast enough and got striked on his shoulder with an explosive blast making him fly across the room. He skidded along the floor while clutching his shoulder. He sees someone running towards him from his peripheral. It's Bakugou. He's definitely yelling something, but he can't seem to make out what he's saying. He pushes himself off the ground and tries to hold steady, but his body refuses to stay balanced, swaying to the side. The headache he had was definitely worse now, making it almost unbearable. He feels someone's hand on his shoulder, a warm, comforting pressure applied to ground him. He tries to look at who it is, but his vision refuses to clear. 

 

The small remaining amount of energy he had left felt like it was sapped away and he fell on whoever was holding onto him. The next thing he saw was pure black as he lost consciousness. 

 


 

When Eijirou opened his eyes, he wasn't sure what he was expecting. Seeing the familiar walls of Recovery Girl's office was predictable. However, the other body half sitting on a chair, half sprawled across the bed, was not something he would've foresaw. 

 

Instead of freaking out, he chose to pretend the person by his bedside was only a figment of his imagination. He took in more of his surroundings and saw the wire connected to his arm through a needle. An IV drip. That's cool. Why- His thoughts are interrupted when he suddenly remembers what exactly happened before he passed out. Oh no. His wide eyes flicker to the other occupant in the room. How could I have blacked out during a spar? Why would I let that happen?!  He just knows Bakugou was going to be mad at him for ruining training. 

 

Eijirou tenses when he feels his friend shifting around. He lets out a groan and lifts his head up until the fierce red of his eyes meets with Eijirou's nervous crimson. They stayed watching each other in the quiet until the pressure of the room made Eijirou laugh out of nervousness. His skin crawled as the continued eye contact went on. He gulped in anticipation for a scolding.

 

“What were you thinking, Shitty Hair?” Bakugou finally broke the silence with an intimidatingly calm voice. Before Eijirou could give an answer, his friend spoke again, “Oh wait, you weren't. Because anyone with a right mind would stay in bed when they're sick!” Eijirou ducks his head in shame and averts his eyes.

 

“Why did you lie about being sick? Are you that stupid? You could've gotten more hurt than you already did!” 

 

He responds quietly, “I was already falling behind, I didn't want to make it worse by missing anything.”

 

“You made it worse by letting yourself get hurt, dumbass!” Bakugou stayed relentless.

 

“It won't happen again...” Eijirou murmurs. He knows what he did was probably dumb and he should've stayed on the sidelines when he started to feel worse. But spending years trying to build up his confidence and his desire to improve his strengths trumps taking care of his own self. For some reason.  As he wallows in self-pity, Bakugou speaks up again.

 

“Just... I thought- fuck just,” The explosive blonde continues to grumble until he speaks in the softest tone he's ever heard from his friend, “ I thought I fucked up and hurt you a fuck ton. When I blasted you, it looked like you were going to dodge it, but you didn't move in time and you flew across the room. Then you took fucking forever to get up, you looked like complete shit. You were swaying around and shit, look like you were ‘bout to keel over so I ran to you before you cracked your head open.” Bakugou clenched the sheets on the bed as he retold what happened earlier in the day, obviously not happy about it.

 

“Once I got to you, that's when you actually passed out. It freaked me out. I thought it was because of me. I don't know what I would've done if it was my fault...” He was shaking a bit now, still clutching onto the sheets to try and ground himself. This was the first time Eijirou witnessed such a large amount of vulnerability and emotions coming from the blond that wasn't anger. It made Eijirou reel in the fact that he was this trusted by his friend. He should apologize for making his friend witness his stupidity.

 

Eijirou didn't know what compelled him to do it, his heart was racing as he reached out and put his hand over his friend's tense fist and gently squeezed. It's the most intimate gesture he's ever initiated. He can feel the other's fist tense even more than it already was before finally loosening its grip on the thin cover. He feels his own face heat up at the touch, but he keeps his hand laying on top. He looks up at his crush and sees him slightly wide eyed staring at their hands. He doesn't say anything, waiting for Eijirou to pick up the conversation as he usually does.

 

“Bakugou.” Eijirou starts, making the other boy look up at his face, both of them still slightly blushing from the continued contact, “I'm really sorry I made you go through that. Next time I will definitely take better care of myself so it won't happen again...” 

 

Bakugou stares at him, not knowing what the expression on his face means makes Eijirou suddenly very nervous. 

 

Bakugou then turns his hand around so that their palms are touching and tightens his grip on Eijirou's hand, never breaking eye contact. The new position makes Eijirou's face as red as his hair with eyes as wide as the sun.  

 

“You better, damn Shitty Hair, making people worry about you when they shouldn't have to.” Bakugou grumbles, breaking the tension with his usual profanity and behavior. 

 

They stay like this for a while longer, having their normal conversations all while keeping their hands connected. There was a constant feeling of heat radiating off their connection that kept sending chills down his spine. He was overly conscious of the touch, but it felt as natural as anything could be when it came to someone he was comfortable with and... loved. That's right, he loved his best friend. A-and he's currently holding hands with him, without getting exploded. What does this mean...? How does he bring it up? Maybe Bakugou doesn't actually notice what they're doing right now and he's still shocked from the earlier events. Does he try to move his hand away without him noticing?

 

With Eijirou's attempt to free his hand, there's a force that brings his hand back to the others. He looks up and Bakugou is glaring at him.

 

“What do you think you're doing?” He suddenly asks. Eijirou doesn't know how to respond.

 

“I uh,  I mean, I just thought that maybe you were going to get annoyed with the uh contact?”

 

“What, do you think I would do something I didn't want to do?” 

 

“Tha- that's not what I meant! It's just... why? Why are you still holding my hand?” Eijirou's heart is thumping loudly against his chest, anticipating an answer that he could only dream of.

 

Bakugou unwillingly blushes and adverts his eyes, “'Cause I like you, idiot.”

 

Silence.

 

Eijirou's brain short-circuits. He has to run through his head as to what came out of the mouth of the boy sitting in front of him. He's not certain he heard him correctly, but it makes him stunned for way longer than he should've been before he was able to get a response out.

 

“Fucking say something, dammit!” Bakugou's eyebrows are furrowed, a frown prominent on his highly-pigmented red face.

 

“Really? Are you being serious right now, Bakugou?” Eijirou searches the red eyes for any hesitation or falsifications.

 

“What do I always tell you, hah?! I don't say things I don't mean and I don't do things I don't wanna do! So get it in that thick skull of yours that I like you and I want to fucking hold your stupid hand.” 

 

Huh. That's weird. Eijirou swears he just heard Bakugou, thee Bakugou, say he liked him. Twice. Maybe he really has been hallucinating since he woke up. Maybe he didn't even wake up yet. He probably died while sparing with the boy haunting him right now. Or was it the other way around? None of this makes any sense. 

 

Apparently Eijirou did the wrong thing by taking too long to respond again and the contact was quickly ripped away by the other teen who looked slightly panicked, but still with a scowl on his face. However, the only response out of Eijirou so far was his dumb face staring shockingly at the blonde. He jolts at the sudden movement and a confused expression masks his fear.

 

“Fuck, do you not- shit I fucked up. This wasn't how it was supposed to go down...” Eijirou hears Bakugou mumble to himself while looking down at his hands. Another new first coming from his friend.

 

“W-what are you talking about Bakugou?” The angry teen whips his head straight up to look at Eijirou in the eyes and without hesitation he asks, 

 

“Don't you have a crush too?”

 

Eijirou instinctively activates his quirk as a response from the threat that is jeopardizing his livelihood. He lets it go just as fast though since he knows he's not physically being threatened.

 

“H-how did you know?!”

 

Bakugou deadpans, “How could I not? You're obvious as fuck. Even the other extras were talking about it, bugging me to just talk to you.” 

 

“Wait.. ‘too?’ Since when did you like me ?!” Eijirou 's heart is beating a hundred miles per minute as he tries to keep his composure.

 

“I don't fucking know, one day I just did. I found myself not hating your presence, hell, there were times I was craving for it. It was a different feeling compared to being with others.” 

 

A pregnant pause. 

 

Eijirou makes eye contact with Bakugou to look for any lies and he just found a blushing boy who was just about ready to explode.

 

“You know what, forget it. Let's just pretend nothing happened.” Bakugou says as he hastily gets up from the plastic chair and makes his way towards the door. 

 

“WAIT!” In a panic, Eijirou quickly throws himself out of the bed, not taking his eyes off of the other boy. He doesn't pay attention to his surroundings, forgetting about the chair that was in the middle of the way causing him to trip over it. In an attempt to catch himself, he ends up grabbing onto the first thing in front of him. That being Bakugou. When Eijirou yells out, Bakugou turns around to see the poor redhead falling over and a hand grabbing onto the front of his shirt, but the sudden weight of another body has both of them toppling over.

 

“What the fuck Shitty Hair?!” Bakugou said with a groan, a hand on the back of his head where it met the floor and another wrapped around Eijirou. 

 

An arm was wrapped around Eijirou? 

 

He was slightly disoriented from the fall that he almost forgot what exactly he fell on. His hand was still clutching onto Bakugou’s shirt as he laid on top of the blond boy. Eijirou’s head was resting on his chest and he was suddenly aware of their closeness when he was able to hear the frantic heartbeat of the teen below him. He quickly scurried away from Bakugou and sat on the floor just a bit away while avoiding eye contact.

 

“S-sorry, Bakugou. I didn’t mean to fall on you, that was unmanly of me.” He sighed and looked over to the confused scowl that was being directed at Eijirou. 

 

“Look I– Bakugou,” Eijirou closes the distance between them and hesitantly grabs his hands, “I think you’re the manliest person ever. And you inspire me to be a great hero that everyone would be excited to see. You’re proof that victory isn’t just a concept. Sure you might be a bit aggressive and could definitely take it easy on Midoriya and also the rest of the cla–’’ 

 

“Get to the point, Shitty Hair.”

 

“What I’m trying to say is, I like you.” He said it. He finally said it out loud. He feels Bakugou tense at the words. He squeezes the hands he has clutched within his with a new determination to portray his feelings to the other boy. 

 

“I really, really like you. And I want to be with you.” He looks into the deep red eyes that almost match his own. And he sees it. A moment of relief and vulnerability. Eijirou lets go of the hands and cautiously places one around Bakugou’s cheek, then moving to cup around his jaw and chin. He timidly moves closer until he can feel the other breathing, they connect foreheads, never breaking eye contact. It’s the most intimate he’s ever been with someone. With Bakugou. His heart is racing a million miles a minute, but he’s not scared. It feels… right. There’s nothing else he’s able to focus on besides the person in front of him and the sweet distinct smell of caramel. His eyes flicker down to the lips and he instinctively licks his own and slightly parts them. Before he can move further, there’s a sudden pressure against his mouth that he registers as soft. He can’t help but smile against the kiss. It was nothing like he ever dreamed of. And that’s the best part. It wasn’t a dream. It was real! He kisses him back with more pressure than he should, but neither of them cared. They just basked in the connection. 

 

Bakugou separated from the kiss first and Eijirou found himself chasing the lips as he moved away. He didn’t reach so he opened his eyes and was met with a glowing, flushed face staring at him with a small, yet genuine smile. 

 

“Me too.” 

 

Eijirou chuckles. “That’s great. I’m so glad this happened.” They stare at each other in silence, both of their faces still pink and sporting the goofiest smiles. 

 

Bakugou clears his throat and his face quickly morphed into a scowl. Huh?

 

“Okay great, now that that's over with, can we go back to why the fuck you pushed yourself so hard when you were barely able to stay conscious?!”

 

Eijirou pales. Oh no, I completely forgot about all of that. 

 

“I already said it won’t happen again, I swear!”  

 

“How are you gonna beat villains and take care of people when you can’t even take care of yourself?!”

 

“I just wanted to catch up to everyone else! To be better. Do better.”

 

“You’re already doing great. Everyone has their own pace and you’re fucking fine. You kick ass like no one else and your shitty positive attitude always gets everyone pumped. So don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re already a damn hero so act like it by being a hero for yourself too.”

 

Eijirou feels his eyes tearing up. “Bakugou… Thank you! I promise I’ll do better in taking care of myself.” 

 

“You better, I don’t want to drag around a sick boyfriend.” Eijirou heats up at the word. Boyfriend. Wow, I’m his boyfriend now. He’s my boyfriend. We’re boyfriends. 

 

“But, you’ll help take care of me if I get sick again right, boyfriend?” He smiles at this boyfriend, big enough for his eyes to crinkle. 

 

“Damn right I will. Now get back on the bed, you still need to rest.” He turns away from embarrassment, but Eijirou can see how red his ears are. Cute . He thinks. He moves to lay back on the bed as Bakugou picks up the chair he had tripped on and proceeds to sit on it.

 

“I think I feel better already, but maybe a kiss will make me feel even better!” 

 

“Shut up, don’t be stupid.” Bakugou hits his shoulder with less aggression than usual which just makes Eijirou smile even more.

 

And if he did end up getting a few more kisses while he stayed with him, well, no one else had to know. 

Notes:

And that’s that! What did you think? Please let me know in the comments!

I don’t know why I decided to write Kirishima, I personally think I did an okay job at it. I tried to research his character a bit more, but hopefully it worked out.

Now to get back to my BakuDeku fic I’m still trying to work on. It’s a castaway fic if you guys are interested in waiting for that hoho.