Archive of Our Own ^beta

Loki always prided himself in being quick and aware of his surroundings. Few things could surprise him and he always knew what to expect from the situation. But there were many things Loki didn’t expect that happened in the past year.

He didn’t expect to find out his family wasn’t his own by blood. He didn’t expect to find out he was a Jotunn. He didn’t expect to learn that Thanos the Mad Titan was real. He didn’t expect to find himself unwillingly leading an invasion on Midgard, and he most certainly didn’t expect agent Philip Coulson.

Loki also always prided himself in not being able to be surprised by an attack from the back, but when the lethal blow comes, it’s from the front. He gives as good as he gets, his mind clouded and not as sharp but far from helpless. He pierces Coulson’s heart with the sceptre just as the man fires his weapon. It’s strange, that still, while hoping that Midgardians have the tools to defeat him, he is surprised when they do. The rifle is big, clearly high-caliber, and would most certainly be intimidating to most humans, but he still thinks the man is underestimating Aesir--Jotnar physique. He’s not prepared for the energy blast to be this powerful. It pierces straight through his heart, and then through the fog over his mind and suddenly, Loki can think clearly. What a shame he is dying, isn’t it? It's a beautiful and brutal scene. Poetic justice, some would say. Two people locked in a deathly embrace, a hole in Loki’s chest and a sceptre through Coulson’s. What a shame they are dying...

But that’s the thing isn’t it? Even if he’s on the edge of death, Loki has a clear mind. And Loki’s mind, when at full force, is not to be underestimated.

Magic works in mysterious ways. It’s volatile but also versatile. It’s flexible, and little is impossible for a skilled seidr user. Later, when Loki will ask himself if there was another way, he’ll find at least three. There’s probably been more. There’s always possibilities, but it’s hard to see them from up close and Loki’s hard-pressed for time, dying, and with a frail human even closer to the brink of death in his arms. He yanks the scepter out and releases the spell in a wave of energy so powerful it feels like they’re floating on it before the agent can bleed out.

He bonds them.

He saves them.

He saves the man’s life but Loki’s sure he just doomed Philip Coulson. At the very least, he created many problems for him. Both of them, really, but Loki’s used to it now. Mundane problems sound like a refreshing break after everything he’s been through in the last year. And at least he knows for sure he won’t be facing them alone, funnily enough. Agent Coulson may hate him for it, but he’ll be alive and there to do it. They will both be. He feels the world disappear in the soft haze of gold. It doesn’t get dark like he would expect it to. Instead it’s foggy. Nothing like a stifling cloud he was choking on under the stone’s and titan’s influence. More like soft morning dew under his feet and he allows it to take him.

The Avengers will find them soon, still locked together in a hug that looks soft, almost like lovers asleep tangled together if they weren’t lying on the floor next to a cell one of them escaped from, if they weren’t enemies and there wasn’t blood on their bodies and huge holes in their clothing where their hearts were. They will try to part them, but soft chain-links of light, pure magic and energy, will tie them close until the spell works its way through and deems it safe.

***

When Phil woke up, he realized, with no small surprise, that he was alive. He was also laying on a weirdly soft bed, a contrast to his own hard mattress at home. And there was an alien invader on the bed next to him. Now that part was definitely not something he expected.

Despite the comfortable bed they were on, he could see they were now in the Hulk cell, and the bed was actually taking up most of the space in the small, glass room. Loki had normal grade SHIELD handcuffs on, or off, rather, seeing as the chain connecting them and him to the bed frame was broken and didn’t seem to do much anymore. This was especially annoying as Phil himself seemed equally handcuffed to the bed (although at least only with one hand) and lacked supernatural strength to break it. He rattled the handcuff a bit out of habit, looking around, and noticing Tony sitting outside of the cell, laughing at the tablet on his lap.

„Stark!”

The man looked up, startled, the tablet falling down to the floor, showing a kitten video.

„Phil! You’re awake! Sorry about the accommodations but we literally couldn’t take you more than two feet away from mean and green two zero.”

Phil frowned, unsure what to make of it and then, looking at his other hand, noticed a thin, barely visible handcuff that looked like it was made of golden, translucent energy. He tugged at it, but it didn’t seem tangible.

„Okay, fine, but what’s the second handcuff for?”

Tony grinned apologetically.

„Nick is having a bad day?”

Phil sighed. Bad day didn’t quite cover it. None of them woke up planning to fight a wannabe alien invader, even if the fight went surprisingly smoothly. What was even Loki’s game? Thor caused more trouble on the quinjet than the supposed villain did in Germany. Yeah, a guy lost an eye, but altogether it was probably the best outcome they could hope for when they heard „aliens attacking Earth”.

„Ughhh.” He heard a groan coming to his side, and saw Loki shift, eyes still closed. „Shut up, I’m trying to get some rest.”

A clumsy hand reached out from under the covers and tore his handcuff from the bed frame.

„Neat. Thanks.”

He didn’t hear an answer besides a soft snore. Tony looked unsure what to do. Phil got up, walking away from the bed and testing the magical chain linking him and Loki. It did not stretch more than maybe four to five feet. Not ideal but more than it was, according to Tony. With a sigh, he plopped back on the bed.

„Can you set up the cat videos to play on the holo so we both see?”

Tony, still a bit put off by the entire situation, scrambled to do just that. They watched cat video compilations with a wannabe overlord snuggled under the covers next to them, and chatted for a few hours. Phil learned from Tony that he was on guard duty because they decided Loki warranted an Avenger guardianship and Steve, who watched them before, had gone to sleep shortly before Phil woke up. He wasn’t sure if it was a disappointment or a relief. Tony was definitely more of a friend at this point and it was less awkward with him in the already strange situation. Natasha was with Clint, freshly freed of mind control, and Banner was excluded from guard duty due to villains not being good for his nerves. Understandable. It was the next morning already and Phil had caught a few more hours of sleep and saw one more Cap rotation go before Loki woke up. He seemed more alert this time, eyes squinting, deep in thought, before he suddenly disappeared, alarm blaring, adding to a headache that suddenly built up in Phil’s head.

„Goddammit.”

Tony was joined by Steve, who barely left the room a while before, and in minutes, Maria and Nick were there too. It was quite obvious pretty fast none of them had any idea how to combat teleportation, so at least the damn sirens got turned off.

Phil hasn’t been let out of the cage, unfortunately.

„Wait, I... I know where he is.” After some quiet, Phil realized the weird sudden headache came with a strange sensation of awareness. Awareness of Loki. „Atlanta, still in the U.S., no, wait... Alicante? That’s in Spain, right? And... and he’s off again. Oh my God. It’s called Alfheim. I think it’s another planet. And Boston. Is he going though the galaxy alphabetically or what is--”

Before he could voice the need to know what’s happening, Loki landed back in the cell, this time sitting on the bed and with one hand on his head, as if it was also aching.

„New York now.” Phil finished with a lame attempt at humor. Nick sent him a glare.

„Well, that was worth a try. I see we got a welcome committee. I’d say it’s nice to meet you but it’s not.”

„Where the hell were you?”

Loki raised an innocent unimpressed eyebrow.

„I think your agent just told you.”

„Yeah, and why would you let him know?” Nick was clearly having a very bad day which was obvious by the fact even Tony avoided standing in the range of his death glare.

„I didn’t.” Loki spoke up at the same time as Phil did. „He didn’t.”

Nick sighed and motioned for them to elaborate. Phil began.

„It’s like this... strange awareness of his presence, no matter what it is. But it was also accompanied by a huge headache and I could tell that he tried to shield his location from me, which was almost painful to my brain.”

Loki smiled.

„Clever boy. I can see you learn fast. When your agent attacked me, director, and I attacked him, we both ended up almost dying. In order to save our lives, I had to forge a soul-bond between us. It means we share knowledge, thoughts, emotions. In such an early stage, as the connection is new and not settled, we cannot be physically far apart. That’s why we both had a headache when I left and I couldn’t hide my location from agent Coulson. So as much as I could, in theory, use my magic to escape, it’s useless, because I couldn’t go far from him without being in considerable pain or him knowing where I am.”

Phil processed the words.

„Then why not grab me and take us both to this Alfheim planet?”

„Phil!” Both Maria and Nick looked at him with alarm and annoyance. Loki’s eyes seemed proud and intrigued instead. He was silent for a while, considering his words carefully.

„Consider it a gesture of goodwill, agent. Like it or not, we are stuck together for a while.” Then he considered something in the silence of the room, no one was sure what to do with it. „And I didn’t plan on attacking your Earth. Someone else... persuaded me to do it. And he is going to find a way to get here with or without my help. So I suggest you be ready when that time comes.”

The silence got even heavier. Phil saw Tony flinch when Loki spoke, probably at the implication of torture, or maybe the realization about the threat. Eventually, he was the one who cleared his throat and broke the trance.

„Okay, so since we can clearly see there’s little the terrarium can do to contain our pet alien...” Phil was surprised that Loki didn’t seem offended by that. „How about we let them out and not keep Phil in there like a criminal, as he’s the one who actually can’t get out? And Loki will promise to behave and they can be on house arrest in one of the Tower apartments.”

Nick shot Tony a stare that screamed and then what? and would have probably obliterated anyone who isn’t Tony but eventually agreed. Loki frowned in a way that revealed a mix of amusement and annoyance but apparently decided to obey for now at least. Still, he clearly decided to remind them who they were dealing with, teleporting himself and Phil out of the cell before its doors opened.

God. Phil had a feeling the coming days were going to be... interesting.

***  

„Tony! Tony, get back here...” Phil sighed because the billionaire was already gone, distant rumbling disappearing with the ping of an elevator. Phil couldn't be really mad at him, because he knew that Tony didn’t put one bed in the apartment on purpose. The tower wasn’t a hotel - it was a place to live, permanently, which meant the suites were either for singles, so one bed, or couples, so... also one bed. No, the problem was that Tony did not suggest he was planning to fix it, and Phil was not planning on arguing when Tony was currently about 100% of Nick’s impulse control that kept Loki, and by extension Phil, alive.

„Agent Coulson? Does something seem to be an issue?”

Phil turned around, looking at Loki so seemed to not have realized the issue.

„There’s only one bed.”

„Yes?” He raised an elegant eyebrow, and in that moment, Phil saw that he really was every inch a prince. „I do not see why you are stating facts. Mr. Stark showed us the bedroom, didn’t he? He didn’t seem to indicate another one.”

„Yes. I’ll take the couch, I guess.”

„Why would you?” That eyebrow was back, if it ever left, still painfully perfect and poised. That guy attacked Germany just a few hours ago. What even was his life. „I’ve seen the thing, it is in no way suitable to sleep on it.  The bed is big enough for both of us.”

It was Phil’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

„You’re not above sharing a bed? I thought as a prince you’d be used to having this size just for yourself.”

Loki shot him a grin, wide, beautiful, and completely insincere.

„A much bigger one, in fact. But I’m not going to make you sleep on the floor when I know well enough how to share. There’s little space on the ground during war campaigns.”

Right. Asgard’s royalty wasn’t just masquerade balls. That was something to remember, and maybe try to ask more about, as well as the whole... persuasion to attack Earth. Later. Much later.

„Fine. We can share then. Now if you don’t mind, I need a shower to get all that blood off, and I need something to put on after.” He opened the door of the closet to find it full of clothes, thankfully. He grabbed a pair of loose pyjamas that were his size. „Do you think being next door for a few minutes will be a problem?”

„I doubt it. It’s not too considerable a distance. Feel free to try it.”

Loki raised a hand, shaking his wrist, and when Phil focused he could see the golden thread hanging from it and connecting them. It looked to be the exact length between the but when he opened the bathroom door and stepped in, it stretched to accommodate. It felt a bit weird, being apart, like an itch to go back where he could see Loki, but the promise of a shower was too good. With a sigh, he stripped, and stepped under the spray, all too happy to get the blood off and forget about everything that happened.

***

In the time it took for Agent to shower, Loki knelt on the floor, took some very deep breaths for a few minutes when no one could see, and went into the closet hoping to find something for himself to wear. The armor was in a bad enough state when he arrived, and now it had holes and blood all over it, not to mention it was always supremely constricting and uncomfortable. It was restraining. Restrained was the last thing Loki currently wanted to feel. Thankfully a quick inspection of the garments, which ended with him leaving a mess on the shelves because he did not feel like folding everything back together, eventually managed to provide a stack of things in his size, from which he chose linen pants with an elastic waistband and a silk buttoned shirt that felt really nice and came in green.

He liked green.

He felt before he heard that Agent was back in the bedroom, the light strain he didn’t even realize he was feeling lessening as he appeared in the doorway.

„Bathroom’s all yours.”

The strain appeared again as Loki left with a nod and no word, locking the bathroom door behind himself, but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. More like a tense muscle, good enough after the last few... months? He needed to ask someone what date it was. He noticed Agent’s ruined suit folded on the counter and frowned. It had holes in it, why in the world would the man fold it? He dumped his armor out on the floor, not even bothering to put it up or find the laundry bin, just kicking it off to the side of the room. He eyed the bath with longing and eventually decided to flip the tap on, letting it fill with steaming hot water as he rinsed himself in the shower. He watched the blood flow down the drain and felt almost surprised that he felt nothing. The skin on his chest was tender, still healing from the wound, but so was the skin on his back and everywhere else. The cold water numbed it, as much as he hated it.

He never minded cold showers Thor always complained about. Made sense, didn’t it?

He scrubbed himself clean, finding some product and putting it in his hair, wringing it three times until he felt clean and detangled all the knots. Feeling vaguely like himself for the first time in forever, he left the shower, happily noted that the bath was almost full, and slipped in, hissing when his inflamed skin met the scorching hot water.

Norns, it felt like Valhalla.

He always loved a hot bath. Mother... he swallowed the word down. Mother used to say it wasn’t healthy for him. That he’d faint in the bath one day. He can see why she’d feel so now. Even as a shapeshifter, in his Aesir skin, it wasn’t probably the best idea. But Loki always, ever since he was a little child, loved to be warm. He would bundle under blankets even in the summer, wore long sleeves and layers when Thor went with bare skin.

He probably spent easily an hour in the bath, until it stopped feeling hot and pleasant and the tug towards Agent became prominent and his wrist began to ache. With a sigh, he stood up, closing his eyes for a moment to allow the dizzy feeling from the overly hot bath to pass, and dried himself.

The towel was soft and wonderful. Quite incredible, how much nicer Midgardian fabrics were when they focused on comfort rather than finery. He dared say he would almost like the realm if he got the chance to see what it was like these days.

He put on the clothes he found, probably the most comfortable attire he ever had on, and left the bathroom. The moment his eyes fell on Agent, he relaxed, the thread on his wrist almost singing. He wasn’t sure what to think about how nice it felt to see the man. The man, who, on that note, looked completely horrified to see him.

„LOKI? What happened to you? Did you make that shower boiling hot? You’re red in a way I didn’t think it’s possible for a human... Is this normal?”

Oh, so that was it. He brushed it off with a hand, laying down under the covers next to him.

„It’s nothing. The burnt skin will heal like everything else does.” He smiled, a bit bitter but surprised himself to find it sincere. „I’m sure you’re familiar, Agent, with that feeling when something that feels good isn’t very beneficial to your health but you can’t stop yourself from indulging. A hot bath is that guilty pleasure for me.”

He sat down on the bed, flopping onto the pillow heavier than he intended but Norns, his muscles were made of jello. The duvet was thick and light and fluffy, the weight comforting rather than stifling, much different than Aesir furs.

Still, after a few minutes of clinching his eyes shut and convincing himself to lay still, it became clear that even with the lightness, the duvet was fantastically warm... and Loki was practically suffocating underneath it.

He threw it aside, annoyed, curling onto himself, missing something to cover with even if the temperature seemed better now.

„There’s some thinner sheets in the closet, I think.” A soft whisper came from behind him, and Loki turned to see, but the agent’s eyes were closed.

„Thank you.” He answered, getting up.

The closet was tall, floor to ceiling, and upon opening the door and surveying the shelves, he quickly saw some bed linens at the top. The only problem was that it was higher than even he could reach, and he wasn’t exactly short.

„You should grab a stool from the kitchen, I think they’d be good.”

Loki turned again, the agent’s eyes open this time, watching him sleepily but intently. Loki just smirked, making sure he’s still watched and allowed his magic to lift him up. His reserves were low but to levitate barely a few feet off the ground, it didn’t take much.

He carefully looked through everything this time, not unfolding things, and picked some big but thin sheet he could use as a blanket, gently floating back down.

Agent’s eyes were on him, now open very wide but his expression was more of shock and awe than concern or disgust. Loki didn’t spend much time wondering how that made his stomach flutter a bit and vowed to use more casual magic in the future if it didn’t raise any alarm (it didn’t seem to, considering no one was down here to arrest them... again) and watch for the reactions. The new sheet was pleasantly cool satin, but the sensation of having something on himself did wonders to help him feel safer. Mother would always say as a child he bundled up, sweating, but refusing to uncover, saying that the blankets were against the monsters, not the cold. Monsters under the bed. Head full of thoughts, even after getting the temperature to his liking, he still tossed and turned until the agent next to him got tired of it and forcibly snuggled him to his chest.

„What in the world are you doing, Coulson?” He hissed, trying to be mad, but his body betrayed him, relaxing into the touch. He was tired. So tired.

„It’s fine, you know. I can’t sleep most nights either.”

Loki sighed. This man was infuriating in how calmly he approached the world. How easily he just accepted things, how much he understood. What point was there in lying to a man who also had insomnia?

It was difficult to admit but the truth was that even if they haven’t had much choice, Loki could see that the two of them weren’t completely mismatched. That was good because it meant the bond settled well and saved their lives. That was also bad because Loki couldn’t run away from it.

„I haven’t slept in a bed so soft for over a year and now I’m not making use of the comfort.”

At first, the man was silent. Loki could feel his soft breath against his back and wondered briefly if he had fallen back asleep but then he spoke up.

„That’s normal too. After traumatic experiences, sleep evades you. Your brain tells you it’s over and you’re safe. But your body doesn’t trust that.”

„Have you...” He wasn’t sure what he was asking. Trauma could mean many things. What did Coulson mean by it?

„No, not me. But my ex-boyfriend... It was several years back. We were still both in the field-work. Mission went tits-up, we were attacked. We both lived but I lost an arm and he was taken. They didn’t try to ransom him, we were sure he would be killed, but he escaped. Lost an eye in the process.”

Oh.

Coulson and the boss?

„After that, I read a lot about the psychology of kidnapping victims.”

Loki huffed.

„Why would you even assume I was kidnapped? And what’s the point of this little story? That a broken man wasn’t enough for you and you broke up with him?”

Coulson sighed, the air tickling Loki’s skin.

„God, your self-loathing may just rival Stark’s. I didn’t give up on Nick. I still haven’t. He broke up with me because he hated the fact I was still cleared for the field and he wasn’t, and I chose not to go back and take a desk job instead.”

Loki was quiet for the longest time, but the steady breaths were a consistent reminder neither of them fell asleep.

„Do you still love him?”

„I will always love him. But I’m no longer in love with him.”

***

The next few days were an interesting and slightly awkward process of learning their boundaries (literally - the handcuffs have been slowly stretching a bit but it still pretty much required them to be in the same room unless they wanted a major headache) and little things that came with living together. Loki learned that Phil always folded clothes, even dirty ones with holes in them, and strangely, even Loki’s after he left them on the floor, and didn’t even seem to complain about it. Which naturally meant Loki kept leaving the clothes on the floor. Phil learned that Loki never washed all of toothpaste off his toothbrush and squeezed the toothpaste tube in the middle. Loki learned that Phil would kick him in the night if they actually managed to fall asleep. Phil learned that Loki could make green tea taste like ambrosia, without any of the weird bitterness. It got... domestic.

They even watched cat videos together sometimes.

Nevertheless, the initial awkwardness soon faded, and it’s place, creeping like a dark shadow, slid boredom. Boredom, more so than even Thor’s annoying presence, was the thing Loki hated the most. Between having nothing to do, no option to leave, and no privacy, having to share even the room with Phil unless he wanted to subject himself to more pain (no thank you, it’s been too soon), Loki was slowly driven insane.

He became jittery, looking for anything to distract himself with. He considered cooking but they usually would just order food in and he ended up losing patience halfway through checking pantry contents and just boiling water for cup noodles. 

Read? Most of the books in the apartment were generic classics Loki read centuries ago when they first came out. He went through Shakespeare’s collected comedies once already since their little isolation started, and as genius as the bard was, you could only reread your favourites so many times in one decade. Sleep was barely an option even at night, so napping during the day was not a way to spend time either. Practicing magic sounded tempting, especially with it slowly strengthening but he was still feeling fragile. And he didn’t want to scare the humans. Not just Phil, who seemed strangely fine with it, but the ones undoubtedly watching the surveillance.

He huffed, throwing the pad on the coffee table in frustration. Both he and Phil got the devices, with extremely limited network options, and he would use it to watch videos and browse funny graphics that humans apparently enjoyed making. Once, he googled himself, out of morbid curiosity, but ended up quickly closing the tab and deleting it from search history and proceeding to not sleep through the night. He didn’t repeat that.

„Bored?”

Loki turned to look at Phil who seemed to be eyeing him with amusement.

„Hey, it’s fine.”

„No, it is not.” Loki sighed, his anger deflating, and frustrated resignation taking its place. „It would be understandable to avoid duties but I have nothing to do and can’t focus on entertainment . I do not understand it.”

He expected a chuckle, or maybe an offhand remark but instead the agent was silent and Loki turned to look at him and judge his expression. It was contemplative, the man clearly gathering his thoughts into a well-phrased sentence. That was something Phil did that Loki enjoyed and could relate to.

„Don’t eat me for that, because I know you were not too happy with me acknowledging it before but... trauma...”  He said the word very carefully but pointedly and Loki scowled but allowed him to continue. „...trauma of any kind, no matter what happened to you before, even just an experience as strong as the battle, it leaves its marks on the body. It doesn’t matter if you suppress it or try to deal with it, or feel psychologically unaffected. Your body went through a lot of stress and I’m guessing it’s been quite many stressful situations in a row for you, actually?”

„You could say that.” Loki sighed in a defeated tone.

„That’s normal. Something like that makes your body wary. It’s gotten used to defending you and isn’t able to relax just yet, ready to anticipate another threat. Once you settle more into the calm and finally register the new state of safety and security, it’s gonna get easier. But feeling on edge is normal. You could ask any therapist and they’ll tell you.”

He nodded to Phil accepting the advice, grudgingly agreeing it was sound, but not wanting to continue the conversation. Therapist. He was unfamiliar with the word but didn’t want to ask, so he just made a mental note to google it later.

Midgardian inventions weren’t all so bad, so he may find something useful.

***

Loki looked at the can of beans like it personally betrayed him, the little loop thingy that was supposed to help open it on his finger and no longer connected to the lid. He just wanted some baked beans, goddamit. He was already irritated, Phil in the living room and him in the kitchen, which was now no longer painful but still not a desirable situation. And Loki was hungry. And he had no way to open his can of baked beans to put on his leftover rice.

He looked at the can, wondering if he could open it with magic but the problem with magic was that the simplest task are the riskiest. And with his current level of control he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t make the beans explode all over the kitchen. He sighed, grabbing a big knife and preparing to jab it into the metal, determined to get his meal, when a voice interrupted him.

„Excuse me, Mr. Loki, but I believe I can help you in your endeavour without endangering yourself.”

Loki did not jump but he may have dropped the knife, barely avoiding chopping off his toes.

„I’m terribly sorry, I did not mean to cause further injury. I am JARVIS, Mr. Stark’s artificial intelligence and manager, you could say.”

Loki swallowed a curse and resisted the urge to look around. He lifted the knife up from the floor and threw it in the sink.

„I thought you’re Agent Coulson’s pad speech assistant.”

„I am able to help you from the pad if you ask too, indeed. But I am available everywhere in the tower, including this apartment. If you look in the drawer right under the cutlery, Mr. Loki, you will find a little device that can be used to open the can.”

Everything. The word rattled around Loki’s brain. He grabbed the can opener from the drawer, quickly realizing the device's purpose and accessing his beans. He poured the can over the rice and stuck it in the microwave.

„Do you... Do you record and listen in all the time or only when asked?” He asked, feeling a bit strange talking to an empty room, without any illusion facsimile or a scrying bowl, as he waited for the meal to heat up.

„The entire time, Mr. Loki. Everywhere but in the bathroom.”

Well. That was disturbing. While Loki considered some kind of surveillance, he didn’t quite predict this. The little differences in Aesir and Midgardian approach to things often made the most obvious solutions fly over his head, admittedly. He didn’t consider that not having a way to tell dangerous situations apart magically, humans would just... register everything and personally check it.

He grabbed the bowl, passed Phil who was watching some movie on the couch, or rather dozing off in front of the TV (good, Loki knows he didn’t get any sleep last night) and closed the door to the bedroom as he came in. He sat on the floor, cross-legged and facing the window, the bowl of rice in his lap. He grabbed the spoon and looked at the expanse of New York’s still rebuilding landscape, and decided he’s actually feeling like turning around, actually. He leaned his back against the window instead, looking at the neutral, safer decor of the bedroom.

„Jarvis... If you were watching the entire time.” He stuffed a big spoonful of rice in his mouth, chewing over the beans and his thoughts. „Did you see me having a breakdown on the floor in this room? Like... that first night. And last week. And the week before that?”

„I have, Mr. Loki. But I can assure you it will stay between us.”

Strangely, Loki believed him. The fact the AI refused to use his surname already put him in Loki’s good graces.

„Cool. Thanks. Let’s keep the one I’m about to have over this bowl of rice right now between ourselves too, okay?”

”Of course, Mr. Loki. And would you like me to play some calming music too?”

„I guess it won’t hurt.”

***

There’s only so much to do on house arrest. It’s nice for a while, a staycation of sorts, but then it actually gets... boring. So before Nick can send him paperwork to fill that void, Phil chooses to find his own entertainment. He introduces Loki to party games. He managed to introduce the god to poker, bridge and about five different smaller games before he gave up on stopping him from cheating and introducing him to „cheat”, assuming he may finally have a chance, since it was a game based on bluffing. He really should have known better. Loki’s poker face was fantastic. The game was basically made for him and if Phil had any doubt it was possible to make playing „cheat” an art, he wouldn’t anymore. An hour and much frustration later, Phil decided to put Loki’s bullshitting abilities to a test in a game with more potential for fun for both parties, with a chance to maybe get to know each other better too.

„Let’s play two truths and a lie.”

„You are aware I am the god of lies, aren’t you?”

„Unless it means you can magically tell truth from a lie, I don’t think it matters. Wait, can you do that?”

Loki smiled at him, the confidence in his eyes making Phil question the bluff before the god finally laughed.

„Not anymore than you do, agent. I am adept at telling lies apart, but it’s years of practice rather than magic.” He bit his lip, an uncharacteristic display of almost hesitancy that Phil got a feeling slipped out genuinely rather than scripted. „My domain isn't lies, actually.” He said, almost offhandedly, but it was clear the confession had weight to it. Phil listened patiently, not interrupting. „It’s a moniker I was given by those not too fond of me. What I truly am, is a god of seidr. Patron of its users, exceptionally skilled because of that. To some, seidr means lies. I prefer to see it as mischief.”

Phil looked at Loki for a while, thinking about that.

„Seidr... Magic, right? God of magic. It suits you.”

Loki smiled, a bit self-deprecating but genuine.

„Thank you, agent. So that game of yours. What are the rules?”

Phil turned away from where he got a bit lost in the god’s eyes and swiped the cards back up into a pile, sliding them into the sleeve. He wondered just what he was getting himself into, about to play this with Loki.

„Well, it’s simple really. You share three facts about yourself, one of which is untrue and I have to guess which one is the lie. And vice versa. That’s it.”

Loki narrowed his eyes and smirked.

„Oh, I think I will like this game. Allow me to start so I can see if I understood correctly, then?”

Phil frowned, feeling like he was walking into something he didn’t sign up for and threw the cards on the sofa, motioning for Loki to go on.

„Things about me, right? Let’s see. One time, I dressed Thor up in a wedding dress. I don’t like white chocolate... And I’m actually blue.”

Phil blinked. Blinked again. Everything about it seemed suspicious but Loki was sitting in front of him, white and grinning and well, he was an alien, right? Maybe he... misunderstood, as unlikely as it was.

„Okay, yeah, that seems to check out but maybe you should try something less obvious?”

„Oh, but how did you know I absolutely love white chocolate, agent?”

Wait, what?! Phil shook his head, staring at Loki as if expecting the blue to appear. Eventually, he chose not to comment. Maybe this was something he would get to see one day, if this tentative trust between them kept growing.

„Fine, blueberry.” He channeled his inner Tony instead, rolling with it. „My turn then. When I was in high school, I put a whole bottle of glitter in my teacher’s briefcase. I was top of my class at university. And I got recruited by shield right after graduating.”

Loki squinted, eyeing the agent as if he could read the answer in his eyes. Phil found himself pleased to cause such a reaction, not too transparent in his choice of facts.

„You wouldn’t prank your educators like that, even as a child, would you, Phillip Coulson?”

„Well, there’s a reason I was a bad student... still, even at university.”

Loki laughed.

„Oh, so you have a mischievous soul after all. Maybe we’ll get along just fine. Back to me then. My... My mother taught me how to turn people into frogs.” He smiled, and Phil politely ignored the stumble over his words in hopes that fact was a lie. „I was engaged in a tug of war with a goat... using my testicles. And I made notes on priceless, centuries old books with ink.”

Oh God. Just what was Phil about to learn tonight?

***

Blue.

It was worth it, to joke about it for the sake of the game. And quite an interesting game it was indeed, that the agent suggested. Loki had to admit he was pleased to learn more about the man and it was nice to share things about himself on his own terms, choosing what to leave out and what to keep, and with a party that listened patiently and didn’t judge at that. Coulson was very good at that - listening and not judging - and it was a quality that made it easy to like him.

Surprising him with the little fact about being blue was fun . It was a part of Loki’s personality. He liked the moniker of mischief god because pranks and little jokes like that brought him genuine joy. It’s been too long since he had a chance to tease someone and not be insulted because of it.

And letting it slip about his heritage... maybe it was a subconscious need. He desperately wanted someone to know even if for the longest time he didn’t want to tell anyone. But Coulson wasn’t from Asgard. Didn’t know him and knew very little of Jotnar and prejudice against them. Didn’t quite understand why Loki associated the blue skin with monsters...

And that was a good thing, right?

It was a good thing for someone to not know it was wrong, to be blue. Was it wrong to be blue? He was so sure but so much has happened since. He survived a suicide attempt, torture, leading an invasion. It’s been a long year.

He held a shirt he was about to put on, and threw it on the bed instead. Coulson was already in the kitchen making breakfast, so Loki was alone, free to take his sweet time. He stood in front of the huge bedroom mirror, seeing himself, shirtless, pale, Aesir, the only face he knew to be his own. But it wasn’t, was it?

He closed his eyes and allowed the shift to happen. He didn’t have to open them to feel the change. He opened his eyes out of surprise because that shouldn’t happen. Shapeshifting wasn’t something obvious. Changing into a cat, that was something you could feel, but the body of an Aesir, Vanir, Alfar, Jotnar... a woman or a man, none of that should feel different.

But right now, looking into his blood red eyes, Loki felt the difference, freezing through his core, touching his heart.

Staring at the blue skin, everything in his brain screamed alien, wrong, monstrous, prejudices of his upbringing that would take forever to unlearn... but closing his eyes, focusing on that feeling, he allowed himself to accept the truth for what it was. What that strange sensation was.

Turning Jotnar...

It felt good .

***

„What is this?” Loki was leaning over the sofa, watching something on the agent’s phone.

„What?”

„This. Those little colorful... gems?”

„It’s candy crush?”

„What is it?”

„It’s...” Loki didn’t understand the amused look he was getting. It was a reasonable question, wasn’t it? „It’s a mobile game. I think we can get you some on the StarkPad but it may not be as comfortable to play. Jarvis, can Loki get a phone?”

„I am afraid it’s not permitted, Agent Coulson.” Jarvis answered from... somewhere. The way the voice never seemed to come from anywhere, any speaker, was admittedly almost disturbing. Then, after a few seconds, he spoke up again, the perfectly human British accent now familiar and expected. „Sir says he will send one still today.”

Loki grinned, watching the agent shake his head. He was getting a feeling he would like his gracious host if he and Stark got to know each other a bit better. He jumped over the couch and situated himself next to the agent. It was a bit of a tight fit but it was comfortable, so they stayed like that for the rest of the afternoon, Phillip showing him the other games he had installed and what else could smartphones be used for that tablets usually weren’t.

Loki’s phone arrived still that evening, and that’s how it found them. The box was left in the elevator, Tony suspiciously not in sight, according to the agent. Loki was not sure what exactly could the man have done to the device, considering Loki was not supposed to have one at all, so he took the box and started unpacking it on the kitchen table while Phil reheated some leftover chilli for dinner.

The phone was green, and the back was adorned with huge golden horns.

Loki was already not very impressed with that, but even less so with the way it made the agent laugh (as much as it was a lovely sound).

„Yeah, that explains the lack of Tony. Let me call you, I want to hear the ringtone.”

Ringtone was apparently a melody that the phone played when a call was coming in. Because according to the agent, making the colorful gems burst and driving a skateboard on rail tracks was not actually the phone’s main purpose. It was communication, at least in the past, before games were invented.

It mattered little to Loki. It was not like anyone would be calling him. Well, besides Coulson right now.

They say I did something bad

Then why's it feel so good?

The rest of the words were drowned in the agent’s laughter again but Loki was too busy playing them over and over in his head.

„What is this?”

Phil calmed down and grabbed his phone, showing him another app that played videos.

„It’s a famous singer, her name is Taylor Swift. You can check the entire song out here, you see. Tony was thinking he’s very clever with the whole unapologetic villain vibe. And the entire album this song was on is all about wrongful bad reputation. So take it as a welcome to the family sign, I guess. You’re not so bad.”

Phil winked at him and Loki felt strangely warm at that. Later, when they were back in bed and Loki may have cast a sleeping spell over the agent to make sure not to wake him, he put the song back up and listened to it in entirety.

He got out of bed, stood back in front of the mirror, turning that brilliant, comfortable blue, the phone still playing in his hand. It was exactly like that, wasn’t it?

Being Jotun was... bad. That was just a simple truth when he was growing up. But if it really was the truth, why did it feel so good?

Silence fell around the room as the song ended. Loki pulled up the camera app and took a picture of himself in the mirror. He allowed the blue to fade to his usual coloring and took another one.

He went back to bed but his head was too full of thoughts to allow him to sleep.

He opened the pictures, sliding them back and forth. Taken right after another, there was no difference, really. Same bland expression, same messy hair... blue skin and white skin, red eyes and green eyes. It was the same face.

They say I did something bad

Then why's it feel so good?

***

So this house arrest thing with Loki was not so bad.

Even the single bed was not so bad. Phil was not above admitting he was a cuddler and ever since he and  Nick broke up his sleep schedule was just not the same. Loki was a fantastic cuddling partner too, his temperature always slightly lower than was healthy for humans and perfect for summer nights. After that first night, Loki never complained either, clearly accepting that while blankets were too much, Phil could get away with being a human blanket.

It was frankly a somewhat tight space though, for two people - not uncomfortable by any means. It being a Stark apartment meant it was still bigger than many family flats, but it was less the size of the space, and more the fact there were only so many rooms, even big ones. If they didn’t want to sit together in the living room, one of them could go to the kitchen or the bedroom, except the bedroom led to the bathroom and the kitchen was... well, the kitchen.

The thing was - it was not an arrangement with much chance for privacy.

But somehow... it worked. They ended up surprisingly comfortable in each other’s space, used to it after the early days when even having a door between them could be a problem. By now, either of them could go anywhere in the apartment without an issue, although the bond was still very clearly present, a faint awareness of each other always in the back of their minds.

But most days, the two of them would just take to  the couches, both of them on one or each on their own, and read or watch something together, busy themselves without bothering one another, sharing space. But a while ago, things seemed to shift. Looking back, Phil was pretty sure it was around the time they played the truth game. They ended up learning quite a lot about one another that night so it was the only cause that he could pinpoint for the change in Loki’s behaviour.

Ever since, Loki would seek out some privacy more.

He would, well, not lock himself in the bedroom - he never turned the key, but the closed door was an indication that he wanted to be alone, and Phil could respect that.

If the door was closed all the way, he would steer clear of it. If it was slightly ajar, it was fine. He never considered knocking, never thought that maybe, the door slipped open itself. That morning, he just pushed into the bedroom, barely remembering Loki was still there.

Loki was blue.

Phil stopped in the doorway, taking in the sigh. Loki was sitting on the bed, in his cute hulk pyjamas (Loki got really angry when he first found them in the closet but ended up wearing them anyway), staring into the full length mirror on the wall. His eyes were red and now turned on Phil, wide, startled and oh so very vulnerable, clear even with the color change.

„So that’s what you meant with being blue.”

Loki’s face turned slightly darker blue and Phil wondered if that was what a blush looked like on this skin. He nodded and turned away again but ignored the mirror to stare at the floor.

„Sorry for barging in.”

„It’s fine.”

Taking into consideration that he was still alive and not even slightly maimed, Phil walked over and sat on the bed next to Loki. He looked over the blue skin, the way it fit so nicely with the green short-sleeved pyjamas with cartoon smashing on it. He bumped Loki’s shoulder with his own and smiled at the god.

„Hey. Pretty cool trick. So this is what you really look like?”

„Yeah, I guess. I didn’t really know about it until a while ago.” Phil sensed there was a bigger story there but he didn’t want to push. „You won’t ask about it?”

He shrugged.

„None of my business, is it? And I don’t know. This is sort of how we imagine aliens anyway, is it weird that it’s more exciting than you looking like us?”

Phil winked at Loki who looked at him for a long while, still blue, still startled, and then eventually, laughed, a genuine and beautiful sound.

„You are something else, Agent Coulson.” He looked back in the mirror and sighed but there was a lightness, almost contentment in the sound. „I am afraid Asgardians really do look just like you Midgardians do, all boring and not like your dreams of aliens. I however, Agent, am not actually Asgardian.”

„Sounds like quite a story. I won’t... I won’t ask. But I can listen.”

Loki looked at him, crimson red and azure blue and beautiful and his expression seemed to battle with itself. Whispering you didn’t ask and maybe that makes you worth answering . Or maybe that was just Phil’s wishful thinking.

„It’s a long one. I am afraid it starts quite literally at my birth.”

Phil shrugged.

„We aren’t short on time, are we?”

And Loki smiled.

It was a long story, indeed. But Phil was happy he was allowed to hear it.

*** 

„Will you show me?”

Loki looked up from the book to find Phil eyeing him from over his glasses.

„Show you what?”

„Your magic. I’ve seen you blue, seen you use magic for little things, but I can’t help but be curious.”

„You watched that blasted movie, didn’t you?”

„It was on TV.” Phil bit his lip to stop himself from smiling and failed miserably. „Show me something show-stopping. Something spectacular. Amaze me.”

„You are an idiot, Agent. Teleportation not spectacular enough for you?”

„Well, you didn’t take me with you.”

Loki hesitated. This whole situation took such a strange turn and weirdly enough, ended so much better than he could have expected. He would never admit it aloud, of course, but he was enjoying the house arrest with Phil a lot.

„I can take you next time. When we wouldn’t be breaching several rules and have at least three government agencies immediately chase us.”

Phil snorted.

„Since when do you care about rules? And how would any Earth authority even follow us into space?”

Loki just winked and put a bookmark in his Shakespeare tragedies that Phil managed to find in the back of one of the chests.

„Okay, so when you say magic you really mean sparkly illusions you humans love so much.”

„Oh sue me. Yeah, can you show me or will you keep sassing?”

„I can multitask.”

He cleared the coffee table in front of them, throwing some magazines on the sofa, and sent a spark of magic to turn off the light. It wasn’t quite night yet, but the evening was already dim, and it made the green illusions Loki created stand out more. He put his hand out and a little eight-legged horse sparked into life, running from Loki’s hand over the table and onto Phil’s knees, neighing happily. The agent looked absolutely awe-struck. He reached a finger to touch the thing and Loki smiled, making the illusion a bit more corporeal.

„It feels... real.”

„Not a hard feat on this small a scale. I can even make my own clones feel solid.”

Coulson looked at him with pure adoration and respect. Loki made sure he didn’t blush, unused to such reaction to his magic. He dispelled the illusion but didn’t turn the lights on, the moment feeling weirdly intimate - it felt like the change would ruin it.

„And the horse?”

Loki looked back at Phil.

„Sleipnir, right?” The man clarified. „I read that story in our myths. Is that... it is real?”

„You mean if he’s my son?”

Loki smirked. Oh, how gossip could grow and what wild turns it took between the nobility, common folk and finally crossing realms.

„I have no children... Philip.” The name felt strange rolling off his tongue but he guessed they reached a stage where it was useless to avoid it. „But Sleipnir was real. The finest mount in Asgard, eight legs making him the fastest in all the nine realms. He was... he was Odin’s, but he was my favourite. Almost my pet. Odin rode him into a war campaign when I was about seven hundred, and he got slain. I didn't speak  to Odin for months after. He was such a gentle creature for a war horse.”

Phil looked at him quietly for a while, eyes full of sympathy and understanding.

„It’s not all that different, to lose a child and a pet, if you love them enough.”

That, Loki supposes, was true enough.

„Do you like animals?”

The question surprised him.

„Very much so. I was often seen as a quiet scholarly child who spent his days in the library but I actually went out a lot into the woods and palace gardens on my own.”

„Maybe we should get a cat.”

„Quite forward of you, making plans already, isn’t it, Philip?”

Phil smiled. Maybe they should.

***

***

Loki was turning into whatever this blue, cold form was much more often now. It’s become sort of a regular thing ever since the first time, but after his heart to heart with Phil, which Jarvis refused to play sound for, and no matter what override code Nick used, wouldn’t budge.

Curse Tony’s fondness for the evil invader. How in the world did that even happen? When did Nick lose his own boyfriend to the alien? Well, maybe the word alien was the key here. He should have known when associating himself with a scientist.

Right now, the god was blue again, in jeans and no shirt, and after another session of introspection in front of the mirror, he moved around the bedroom, ending up staring at the city whose destruction he almost caused through the window. Viciously, Nick hoped he was guilty. Both Tony and Phil assured him there was clearly more to the story, but his feelings and the pain of everyone lost to the attack didn’t care. It didn’t matter the death toll was less than that of most of the terrorist attacks, that ultimately, they got off easy, that it could have been so much worse. It was enough that he had to sign more eulogies in one day than he normally had in a week. It was his first case like that as the director, and it was simply too much to overlook because the murderer had a pretty face.

On the screen, Loki tapped a finger against the window and a star of frost shot from it, painting the glass. The man moved away from it, surveying it with suspicion and curiosity, then moved his fingers across the glass plane again, drawing a line. He laughed, childish delight at his new discovery, and spent the next few minutes covering the window in frosty flowers, like the fairy tales of old.

Nick watched him, a certain innocence and beauty to the drawings, genuine talent behind the icy powers, obvious happiness radiating of the blue man and with a sigh, he saw plainly why Tony got so attached so quickly.

Yeah... This was really not the same man who made speeches of subjugation in Stuttgart.

And with casual displays of powerful magic they kept witnessing it was getting increasingly, worryingly, painfully clear just how much damage Loki could do if he wanted and how little they could do to try and stop him.

Maybe Tony was right. Maybe he should just start enjoying their nightly dates spying on the Coulsons, as Tony called them, and stop worrying about the future.

It was, after all, rather obvious these days, there was little Nick could do but watch it happen.

***

Loki walked into the kitchen to see Agent practically asleep on the floor, leaning against the cupboard.

„You know, there’s a much more comfortable mattress back in the bedroom. I don’t even hog the covers.”

Phil blinked one eye open and stuck his tongue out.

„I got up and I needed coffee but the coffee machine broke. And I was already here and the bedroom was far away and I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked peaceful sleeping.”

Loki felt strange warmth spread through him but covered it with an amused smirk.

„So you chose to stay in the kitchen until... what? The coffee magically appears?”

„No. Tony’s coming to fix it, but he needs his own coffee first, because if he tries to tinker before coffee even things that have nothing flammable inside tend to explode.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. That sounded more like Thor than Stark. If the mortal had no magic, how could he-- he chose not to question it. Before he could suggest that Phil get up and at least move to the sofa, the elevator door opened and Tony Stark knocked on the wall.

„Hi! Can I come in?”

Loki sent him an unimpressed look.

„You already did.”

„Only polite to ask anyway.” The man continued, unfazed, a plastic suitcase in one hand and a mug in the other. „Phil, my sleepy bumblebee, I got you coffee so you don’t have to wait until I’m done with it.”

„Tony. You’re my favourite.” The promise of the drink finally got Phil off the couch and Tony nudged him out of the way. Loki slid past the man as he started taking the machine apart and put the kettle on for his own tea. He never understood why the others liked that foul smelling black thing when tea was there. He watched Stark operate on his machinery and thought about how different Midgardian science was, yet how impressive and magical in its own right. Especially the blue glow of Stark’s chest magnet, burning with energy so addictive it felt almost like a synthetic infinity stone.

Truly, humans were an impressive race. The water bubbled up, the sound loud in the silence interrupted only by quiet tapping of the screwdriver on metal.

Loki poured himself a cup and moved out of the kitchen to sit down next to Phil. The man handed him a donut. Loki eyed it, trying to figure out where it came from. He wasn’t quite properly awake yet, clearly, but he bit in, enjoying the sugar hitting his tongue.

„You two are like an old married couple.”

He looked up from his third donut to see Tony smirking at them.

„The machine’s fixed, by the way. Try not to put anything that’s not coffee beans in it the next time, okay?”

Loki frowned... oh, right. He left the fork in there after he tried to get the grinder free when it jammed when he was trying to make Phil coffee. He sent Tony a look to make sure he didn’t elaborate and watched the man leave. Phil got up and grabbed his empty teacup to refill it.

Old married couple, huh?

Didn’t sound all that bad.

***

There was an incredible smell in the air. Spicy, warm, yet crisp, fresh. Asgard’s halls always smelt of too much honey and overcooked meat. The subtlety of notes and their numerous presence were almost unfamiliar to Loki.  He’s been on other realms, knew how diverse the cuisines of The Nine Realms were, but he usually focused on whatever his goal was, not tasting food and admiring the sights. And although he’s been to Midgard in the past, he couldn’t say he’s eaten anything there.

He walked into the kitchen and found Philip at the counter, cooking something that sizzled softly on the stove. It was rather obvious - if he ordered in, Loki would have noticed the elevator, and there wasn’t anyone else who could have been responsible for the amazing smells, but seeing the serious agent in a black t-shirt with flour fingerprints over it still surprised him in some ways. It was a bizarre and unexpected sight but a rather nice one. It’s not that Loki hasn’t seen the man cook before either. They couldn’t live off of take out, as much as Loki wished so sometimes but the meals were usually prepared together and simple - pasta, rice, sometimes roasted potatoes and meats. It didn’t require much skill or effort. What Philip was doing today was... different.

The man had a complete and utter mess around his station, arranged in a way that made the chaos look like art, and in a bowl directly to his left rested some strange cubes and in front of him a wok smoked as more of said cubes browned in the oil, evenly spaced out so they didn’t touch. With a pair of chopsticks, Phil was turning them, every single one, around as they browned, and setting them on a rack above a paper towel to drain off excess fat.

It seemed like a... tedious, rather laborious, and annoying task. But Phil seemed at peace, even happy to do it.

„Why?”

The man turned to look at Loki, one eyebrow raised in confusion and mild amusement. He was aware when Loki walked in and started to watch him but didn’t acknowledge it initially.

„Why what?”

„Why... Bother? So much precision, so much effort . Why not just throw all the tessaract shaped... cubes, right, it’s called cubes, of whatever this is in there?”

Phil chuckled, taking out another batch onto the paper towel. The pile was growing impressive.

„It’s called tofu. It’s a type of curd made of soy bean milk. And it’s sticky, see?” The man pushed two cubes together, and tried to separate them again. It took some work and broke the beautifully browned crust on one of them. Loki frowned, somewhat upset the way the miniature dish was ruined. „So I have to fry them one by one, that way they get perfectly crispy. Try one.”

He lifted a steaming hot cube from the draining rack in the chopsticks and offered it to Loki. A bit lost, but realizing what was implied, Loki leaned in and delicately grabbed the piece with his teeth. The crunch, as he bit into it, was otherworldly but what shocked him was how soft and silky the inside was. The taste was somewhat bland, but the tofu itself pleasantly melted on his tongue. He had never tasted anything of the like.

„Good, isn’t it? It seems unseasoned, but there will be a sauce with it. And noodles, or rice, if you prefer.”

„Always noodles.” Noodles were the best thing Midgardians invented. Phil chucked.

„I did assume so. But you’ll love it once I’m done.”

Loki smiled, now, knowing this heavenly texture, not doubting it. Still, the amount of effort put into one meal seemed somewhat disproportionate.

„Don’t you mind it, though? All that work. It seems like a demanding dish for a brief taste.”

Phil smirked, not meeting Loki’s eyes, patiently finishing frying one of the last batch of tofu instead.

„I don’t mind. I actually find it relaxing. The thing about cooking, it’s not just food. It’s more than sustenance. Here on Earth, we treat cooking like art, and eating is sacred in many cultures. People approach a good meal with a dose of respect and anticipation, look for an experience and not just to satisfy hunger.” He put the tofu out and shook his bowl of starch to reveal the stragglers on the bottom, putting the last of them in the oil. They were in bigger distance to each other now, the process over and a huge amount of ready tofu on Phil’s right. „This is a Korean recipe. I don’t even remember the name. I had this in a restaurant before, but honestly, making it yourself is even better - precisely because here I am not cooking for a crowd and I can spend an hour standing here, listening to the quiet sizzle of oil and watching the tofu get golden and insanely crunchy.”

Phil took out the last cubes and poured the oil into the sink. It splashed against the metal, loud in the break in the conversation. Loki cleared his throat, reminding himself to answer and not get lost in the moment.

„It sounds lovely, you know? On Asgard feasts are about showing off the opulence of the crown, and daily meals are only about sustenance. Everything is overcooked, normally.” He smirked, a bittersweet memory of beautifully looking and horribly dry boars. „Often I’d sneak out into the kitchens and find fish after the feasts. It was the only thing I enjoyed, even raw.”

„You know, here on Earth raw fish is maybe the most artistic form of cooking - people make it into sushi. It’s this amazing Japanese dish. We can order some tomorrow.”

„I’d like that. I’ve been very fond of asian flavours you’ve introduced me to so far. The American meals Tony had suggested are much too greasy for me.”

Phil laughed.

„Tony eats like that. It’s a wonder he’s still alive with that lifestyle. Nick probably secretly sneaks veggie patties into his burgers. But I do love asian cooking too. There’s this trend of sorts, among foodies, people who love food or cooking and are dedicating a lot of time to it, writing about it and posting recipes. Many say that when you’re making something, it has to be authentic. Exactly how it’s done in the country it comes from. But that’s so restrictive, you know? Often you can’t find ingredients, or are allergic to some, or just don’t like them. I can’t stand sichuan peppercorns, and they’re so vital to many chinese recipes. The true key in cooking is to make it taste good - not to an imaginary critic, to yourself. You need to cook to your preference, make it an experience you, before any other, will enjoy.”

„I like that.” Loki repeated, very positively surprised by this impromptu lesson on Midgardian culture. Phil threw some chillies, scallions and garlic into the pan and poured a sauce he must have mixed earlier, bringing it back to a boil and swirling it around as it thickened. Then he began throwing the tofu in. „It reminds me of my magic, in a way. This attention to detail, precision and almost sacred respect in every move. The gentle effort that pays off in the satisfaction of getting the result just right.”

Phil smiled, coating the tofu as the noodles on the other burner softened and were ready to drain. „Get those noodles, will you? And exactly. It’s not necessarily a much different result from the restaurant or normally made fried tofu, visually, or flavour profile wise. But that attention to detail and texture just makes it that little bit better you can get only at home, making it yourself.”

Loki drained the glass noodles, putting them in two bowls and bringing them to the table. Phil took the wok off the flame and put a towel on the table, setting it on it to not damage the surface of the wood with the hot pan.

„You can’t let it sit in the sauce too long now or it’ll go soft. It only keeps that heavenly crunch when fresh.”

„It seems like a lot of tofu. I’d think you’d rather make less with how much effort it takes and serve it with other sides.”

„Well, I guess you could. But it’s really good, and I’ve seen how you eat.”

Loki shot back a smirk but his cheeks heated up at the teasing. It was nice to think that Phil made that much more effort just to satisfy him. He piled some of the dish on his noodles and grabbed one cube in the chopsticks. Putting it in his mouth, he closed his eyes, and relished in the explosion of flavours that hit him. The texture and crunchiness was still there but the sauce transformed it from bland and good enough into complex and absolutely incredible.

„This must be what Valhalla serves.”

Phil grinned, pleased to have his approval.

„Valhalla wishes it had cooking like mine.”

***

At some point, Phil realized they had a balcony.

Well, they always had a balcony but it had always been restricted, the door not budging, much like the windows couldn’t be opened in case Loki tried to escape. Nevermind that Loki could teleport anytime he wanted. Except one day Phil woke up, opened the window to let the crisp air in, and realized they’ve been airing the rooms for over a week.

Which meant the door to the balcony would open too. They tested it that morning, drinking morning tea while looking over New York.

The next day a set of lovely garden furniture magically appeared on said balcony. Ever since, Loki started using it a lot, nevermind that it got colder and colder every day. Blue person perks, he guessed.

The day it started snowing, Phil looked out to the balcony to find Loki laying down spread eagle on the ground, catching snowflakes on his tongue and he couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto his face. Somewhere along the way, he realized he came to like Loki very much. He sighed, making himself a cup of hot coffee and shrugging on a winter coat. He eventually gathered up enough courage to open the door and join Loki outside.

He did not dare sit on the floor with him, however, opting to perch on one of the plastic armchairs and watch his idiot (when did he start thinking of Loki as his idiot?) enjoy the cold.

„Good morning, Phillip.” Loki said after a while, without opening his eyes.

„Morning, you absolute madman. Aren’t you cold, actually? I mean, obviously you aren’t, but you’re not... you know. Blue. I thought those are related. Anyway, why are you on the floor?”

„Easier to catch snow on my tongue.” Loki grinned, and then yawned. „And that. I kind of want to sleep more but I saw snow and... snow.”

If the word could be used to describe a powerful alien god of magic, it would be adorable. There was simply no better word for it.

„I always loved snow. It’s been a while since I last saw it. I think it was in Jotunheim, actually.” He got quiet for a while, and Phil didn’t say anything either because what was there to say to that? „In Asgard, it never snowed much but I always loved it when it did. I guess I know why now, don’t I?” He looked at Phil and they shared a look that was full of twisted and complicated feelings and understanding and Phil almost felt overwhelmed. He took a sip of his coffee.

„Well... Maybe you should hang around then. We get plenty of snow on Earth. Winter comes every year and brings so many wonderful things with it. Snow, for sure. And ice rinks, peppermint hot chocolate and mulled wine, and Christmas.”

„What’s Christmas?”

Phil blinked when Loki lifted himself up onto his elbows and looked at him expectantly. He sighed. So apparently he was going to spend his morning freezing his butt off and explaining human religion and the secularization of its traditions to a Norse god.

And to think he almost went to law school and missed this life.

***

 „What kind of winter holidays do you guys have in Asgard? Here on Earth there’s practically a winter celebration in every culture, religious or not.”

Loki looked up from his glass of wine, looking at Tony properly to address the question. It was only polite to look at the person you were talking to. He felt uncomfortable with the way he seemed to have lost his edge during the time in house arrest but he didn’t lose his manners.

It was Christmas, and the two of them were out of the apartment they were sharing for the first time since the whole mess began. The director didn’t seem too happy with it but he did apparently finally accept that Loki wasn’t planning to attack, at least for now, or that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it if Loki did plan to. They all celebrated tonight. It was apparently the eve of Christmas day, and depending on the region and country, some people celebrated that night or in the morning - but since Tony was a fan of evening celebrations and some of the guests had other obligations the next day, it was decided on the eve party.

It was a small affair. Nick and Tony were organizing it, and their friends were present. Miss Potts, a lovely and fierce woman, Mister Hogan, who insisted on being called Happy, and did seem to be, in fact, rather happy all the time, and Colonel Rhodes, a soldier and knight of his own, were there on Tony’s invitation. The Director’s guests, thankfully, weren’t all present. He had, apparently, on the common courtesy, extended an invitation to the Widow and Hawk, but they were spending the holidays with the Hawk’s family. The other guest on the Director’s side was naturally Philip. So grudgingly, it was decided that technically, the two of them would be allowed to move freely from now on, since no one could stop them if they wanted, as long as they promised to keep living in the Tower and play nice. Director Fury claimed it was his gift to Loki for Christmas. Loki didn’t see why he shouldn’t take the offer. It was a comfortable enough life, and he had no desire to either go home or resign from Midgardian protection.

„Asgard didn’t really have any winter holidays.” He smiled at Tony, answering his question. „There are plenty on Jotunheim, seeing as their only season is winter, but I am afraid I do not know that much about my home realm, actually.”

He tried to subtly signal to drop the topic but it turned out he was probably too subtle.

„Hey! About that! You’re not from Asgard, right. You’re like, a real alien, from yet another planet? And Tony said you look different, you just make yourself look like us? Cause Asgard was a bit of a disappointment if I am to be honest. I don’t wanna insult your home but we finally found out aliens exist and there Thor is and he looks just like us. Bummer, is all I’m saying. What’s Jotunheim like?”

Either that, or Colonel Rhodes was just too intoxicated by now. Could have been a mix of both. It was a solid few hours into the celebrations now and somewhere along the way the party moved away from the couches and into a mountain of pillows and blankets and fairy lights on the floor that Tony called Blanket Fort Supreme. It was a structure you could hear the capital letters in, situated by the window, offering a lovely view, rather big for a build of textiles but still cramped enough to be cozy and end up with everyone squished close to each other. Loki was basically held by Phil from behind. They didn’t talk about it. It was warm. Loki liked warmth.

„I’m not really from Jotunheim though. In all the ways besides biological, I am Aesir.” And suddenly, it was like saying it made it real. Made it finally sink in, but instead of the happiness he hopes for, it just made him feel... sad. That was what he always wanted, to not be a monster. Except all Jotnar couldn’t be monsters, could they? „I was raised not knowing about my heritage and I am only now discovering what it means. It’s quite a journey. Certainly nothing like I imagined it would be.”

Better.

He doesn’t say it, but Phillp lightly squeezing his sides makes him feel all fluttery and realize it’s been heard. He smiles and doesn’t even mind turning blue when Ms Potts asks and it feels good, to be here, celebrating an occasion that means nothing to him with people who were once his enemies.

Life sometimes takes unexpected turns. Maybe finally he’s back to himself, excited and ready to take its wild turns head on instead of being wary of them.

After all, maybe curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. 

*** 

Phil inhaled the crisp, cold December air, letting it flow into the apartment through the open window. He watched Loki crawl out of the bedroom blue and with eyes still half closed as he drank his coffee.

„It’s cold.” He mentioned, although he sounded rather pleased with the fact, and proceeded to lay down on folded hands on the kitchen table.

„Enjoyed yourself yesterday?”

„Hmmm.” Was the answer he got and he laughed, ruffling Loki’s hair and earning a half-hearted blind slap in return. „I did, if you must know. Maybe a little too much.”

„Well, I’m glad. Tea?”

Another noncommittal hum answered him. He looked outside and finished the last of his coffee.

„I have an idea.”

This finally got Loki to lift his head and open his eyes wearily.

„We need to make use of our newfound freedom. We’re going on a walk and we’ll get you your tea in the city.”

Loki’s eyebrow raised in curiosity.

„Or... hot chocolate?”

„Or hot chocolate” Phil smiled back.

Within the next ten minutes, Loki was white again and in a light coat, while Phil himself was bundled up in a thick jacket, scarf and a beanie. Oh, the benefits of being an alien from an ice planet. They made it out of the Tower with no alarms sounding and not even a single text message so Phil figured things were going well and they were, indeed, free to at least a taste of normal life.

It was the Christmas morning, and while New York in winter was always a sight to behold, Phil couldn’t imagine a better day to explore the city. He enjoyed the chance to experience the holidays magic himself, since it’s been a few years since he spent Christmas like that.. not working to begin with.

There was a Christmas Market near Central Park so Phil got Loki his hot chocolate, with whipped cream and caramel drizzle included and then Loki got himself a yellow knitted beanie with horns inspired by his helmet. It was fascinating how quickly the invasion became a conspiracy theory and a meme that faded into obscurity, with most people deciding Loki was some crazy cosplayer. Sometimes Phil wondered how different would it be if he did manage to open that portal. If the guy in charge got through. But that didn’t happen, and it was not for him to wonder when he could enjoy the sunny Christmas morning and Loki in his stupid horned beanie instead.

„Misgard is fascinating.”

„Oh really? I thought we are ants under your boot.” Phil snarked back, but there was no heat in it.

„You are ants under my boot in comparison to other realms, but you’re pretty interesting ants. Maybe it is your short livespan that makes you approach the world differently. There’s so much chaos, change, so much dynamism. The other realms live... slower.”

Phil smiled, pondering on the words. A lot of what Loki said about Earth may have sounded like an insult at first glance but really when you took the cultural differences and the unique Loki perspective into consideration, it was obvious he never meant it maliciously, actually.

„That’s really interesting to hear, you know. You enjoying this rush. Many of us would give a lot for this sort of slower world. Time is probably Earth’s biggest deficit.”

Loki looked at him in a strange way at that. Phil guessed in some ways the whole ant spiel may have hidden a note of pity and sadness. To them, humans must have frighteningly short lives for beings with equally advanced sentience. It probably was like learning a bug that can live only a week is as smart as a person.

„I can’t disagree with you. Now get me more sweets.”

Phil smiled, tried to forget the philosophical questions, and bought Loki a chimney cake. Human lives may be short but they were worth it for the beautiful short moments they were filled with, like watching Loki bite into a chimney cake cone filled with ice cream and nutella and his eyes light up like a kid at the hot and cold combo.

***

„Tony’s organizing a New Year’s party.”

„I know, he texted me.”

Phillip looked up at Loki’s answer and he couldn’t help but smirk at the surprise and suspicion on his agent’s face. Wait, his agent?

„Since when do you and Tony text?”

„Essentially since I got the phone.” It was true. Tony turned out to be a surprisingly weird but entertaining conversationalist. Loki would dare call him a friend, even.

„This cannot be good.” That was probably true too. „So, we’re going?”

Loki snorted.

„Well, do we have anywhere else to be?”

Phillip shot him a look but didn’t comment. Most likely because he knew Loki was right and staying in on New Year’s Eve instead of accepting the invitation would be just sad. Besides, Tony had more good booze. Midgardian alcohol was nowhere near Aesir but it tasted good and with suffiecient amount, it provided a nice buzz.

„What is the dress code for this sort of a party?” He eventually asked. He tried to bug Tony about it but he wasn’t quite ready to trust his answers. „Casual, elegant?”

Phillip put his book down and faced him fully, stretching after a long read.

„It’s Tony, so it will be fancy and there may be many people. I don’t think you need to worry about anyone recognizing you though though but yeah... definitely pretty elegant affair. I’m wearing a suit myself.”

„So a suit or...” Loki grinned, and shapshifted into his female body. „...or a nice dress perhaps.”

Phillip chocked on his now cold coffee.

„You can... you can do that?”

„I assume it will work just fine to make sure no one recognizes me?”

„Yeah, um... Yeah, that should work.” The agent made a tactical retreat to the kitchen, but even as they went to dress up later that evening, Loki could still see the faint blush on his cheeks when he put his arm up for Loki to rest his own on.

She was wearing a green silk dress on thin straps, probably dressed more for July than December but it wasn’t like it mattered to her. She texted Tony that she was going to show up as Lily so their appearance at the party didn’t come as a surprise. She got catcalled twice - both by Tony himself, and dramatically spilled her champagne on his shirt in revenge. The party was in full swing, at least a hundred people milling around the tastefully decorated conference floor waiting for midnight. There were several screens set up constantly displaying a clock and a countdown, and open balconies with view of the city glistening with even more lights than always. Loki stood leaning on the railing, alone since most people avoided the cold, shifted back into his usual body, although kept the beautiful dress, and watched the ball that would soon drop and mark down another year of the world turning around.

Aesir didn’t celebrate years, or even decades and centuries. In a way, Loki thought maybe, this sort of appreciation of time, learning to be grateful and hopeful for the next day, was something other realms could learn from humanity.

„It’s almost midnight.”

He turned around to see Phillip join him and smiled at the agent.

„I didn’t notice.” He held eye contact, suddenly lost in the man’s blue gaze. „Must have been all the yelling about numbers that made me distracted.”

Phillip chuckled and it was a surprisingly cute sound. In the background, the room screamed the last ten of the final countdown.

„And what? You’ve been planning to just walk into the New Year like that, alone? No one to share a midnight kiss with?”

Loki grinned.

„But I am not alone, am I?”

Their lips met the moment everyone cheerfully announced a happy new year. The air was cold but deafening and bright with fireworks. The streets below were carpeted with soft lights of people’s phones and christmas lights and sparklers. The kiss was nothing special, in a way. Loki kissed many people in his life and Phillip kissed well but what struck him was just how... natural it felt.

It didn’t feel like a first kiss. It felt like one of many, like an everyday occurence, like the most obvious routine. Maybe it wasn’t something new, maybe it was just the conclusion of everything they built up to over the months.

He pulled away, but their faces stayed inches close to each other.

„Happy New Year, Loki.”

„Happy New Year, Dear.”

„I love the dress every more on this you, by the way.”

Loki laughed, and drew him in for another kiss, and thought maybe... maybe, the bond was right. And maybe as strangely as it begun, it was a good thing.

***

When Phil woke up, he was pleasantly hungover and sore. Exactly how one should feel after a Stark New Year’s Eve party and how Phil hasn’t after the last few years because for whatever reason he played the responsible guest. God, he was stupid.

„Good Morning.”

And he wasn’t alone in the bed. He smiled. Technically, he hasn’t woken up alone in months now, but this was different. He turned around a begrudgingly blinked his eyes open.

„Morning.”

He leaned in to peck Loki on the lips because he couldn’t help himself.

„How do you feel?”

„Like my head is split in two and I probably stink. Sorry.” Loki smiled and put a finger to his forehead and suddenly... „Wow.”

„Perks of magic. Now kiss me again.”

The next kiss tasted minty fresh. And the next, and the next, and they didn’t leave the bed for another hour, and even then only to bring the breakfast back to bed with them. Jarvis provided amazing pastries in every room in the Tower, correctly predicting few people would want to make something this morning.

“This is nice.”

Loki turned to look at him in puzzlement, mouth full of a croissant and it had no right to look this cute.

“What?”

“Us. Sharing the bed.”

Loki continued to chew through his pastry more vigorously, annoyed he couldn’t speak over it because he was a prince with proper table manners. Definitely too cute. He swallowed and sent Phil a glare for laughing eventually.

„What are you even talking about? We have been sleeping together for months in this very bed.”

„Yes, but we haven’t been together all this time.”

Loki answered with silence, looking thoughtful for a moment. He ate the last bit of croissant, drank his tea and put the tray he had in his lap on the floor before laying down more comfortably.

„You may have a point but I have actually thought about it. Don’t take me wrong. I loved kissing you... but it didn’t feel special. And I guess I just realized we’ve been doing everything a couple would do but kissing for a while now. Even sleeping together.”

Phil thought about it and well... Loki was right. They did become a bit of a married couple already, they just made it official now.

„Well then... I guess all I have left is to kiss you and tell you the truth.”

Loki raised an eyebrow and accepted the kiss.

„Oh really? And what’s the truth?”

„I love you.”

Phil whispered, and Loki smiled into the next kiss.

***

It turned out that Loki was right. Not much had changed indeed. They still slept together, cuddled up close, although now they shared a goodnight kiss. They still watched silly movies about Midgardian concept of magic together and Phillip still made wonderful dinners with way too complicated recipes that somehow tasted out of this world. And Loki... Loki was happy. He felt like he finally had a word for it and that’s just what it was. The situation was by far not perfect but the bond had completely accidentally led him to the exact place he needed to be.

„I love you too, you know.” He muttered into Phillip’s hair one rainy morning, the day dark as fluffy snow gave away to disgusting sludge. The two of them were watching some nature documentary but it finished a while ago and neither felt like turning something else on so they just napped the ugly weather away, safe in the warmth of their apartment.

„I know.” Phillip turned around in his arms to face him. „You didn’t have to say it back. I do know.”

„I wanted to.” And it was true. „I want to stay with you. I’m so happy to spend our eternity with you.”

Loki didn’t really think about his words or what they meant. He never paused to consider that they didn’t exactly talk about the bond since the beginning. He just sort of forgot... So he only realized something was wrong when Phillip went silent and tense in his arms.

„Eternity?” He asked, eventually, and Loki tensed himself, realizing there was suddenly a rift between them.

„Do you not... want to?”

Phillip put Loki’s hands away and got up from the couch to pace the room. Loki stood up to face him, suddenly feeling small and helpless. It was always like that. A blissful night of happiness and it’s ripped away in the morning. He got a few weeks to remember the sweet taste of what he couldn’t have. That’s just how it was for him.

„So I’m... I’m immortal, right?”

„I... Phillip, did you not realize...”

„I will live as long as you?”

The two stood across from each other, the room suddenly cold and dark and unwelcoming. Was that it? Was it the end?

„ Tell me! ”

Loki never saw Phillip scream so that was probably why he was so shocked... that, or the fact he ended up flying across the room with the force of the blast. Okay, sue him, he panicked, okay? Phillip was apparently somehow magical now, and they were maybe breaking up or at the very least, he was pissed and it was a lot on top of the stress of the last months that Loki didn’t even realize was pent up within him.

It was too much.

***

The next thing he knew he was sitting by the stream in the forest just outside of Freyrheim, on his knees and trying to catch his breath.

It hasn’t happened in a while.

When he was younger, Frigga would take Loki here, to her homeland, to show him Vanaheim culture and allow him to breathe air free of Aesir expectations. She showed him this place, not far from the capital but secluded and peaceful, and told him she would come there to think sometimes when she was young, before she got married to Odin. Ever since he learned to skywalk on his own, Loki followed in her footsteps. It became a habit, an unconscious response - this was his comfort place and when he was distressed, his magic would bring him here even before his feet tried to.

It hasn’t happened in a while, until today.

He sighed and washed his face in the stream, hiding the tears in the water. He rolled up his pant legs and threw away his socks, putting his feet in the water, chin on his knees and looking ahead, blankly staring at the way the world moved on while his only chance of happiness moved away with the current.

„Loki.”

He stood up, water splashing at the frantic movement, turning around to make sure the voice wasn’t a phantom. It couldn’t be...

„Mother.”

He didn’t think before running into her arms, burying his face in her shoulder, allowing himself the comfort he thought he would never have again. Oh how time put things in perspective. Suicide wasn’t something that was discussed on Asgard... well, ever, but after coming to Midgard Loki found Phil sneaking pages about getting support after hearing the story. He read a few and he had to agree with most, unfortunately. The moment you started falling, everything seemed so much easier to solve. And Loki had a lot of time to fall and think before his unpleasant landing.

„Mom, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done so many things, I shouldn’t have let the frost giants in, I shouldn’t have tried to kill Thor, I just... I’m sorry. I’m...” He swallowed the tears, forced his voiced to cooperate. „Please... Please, can I still be-- am I still your son?”

„Oh, Loki...” She pulled him back in for another hug, kissed his head and let him cry. She was real and tangible and so stable when his knees felt like cotton. „I told you then, honey, and I will keep saying it until you don’t feel the need to ask. You’ve always been a part of our family. Blood or no blood.”

„I think I fucked up this time though.” He sighed, and went back to sit by the stream, legs straight in front of him and toes barely in the water. He felt mother sit behind him and leaned against her.

„I won’t deny it but I think we all did this time. And it’s not like you and your brother didn’t fuck up every other week before too.”

„I just... I just wanted to prove myself to Father.”

„You didn’t need to. You don’t have to be like Thor, Loki. It’s alright to be your own person. Although I did have several discussions with your father about it and we’ll continue to have them  until it gets through his thick head that he was wrong in the way he favoured your brother, heir to the throne or not. He pitted you two against each other and you both suffered for it.”

Loki let a bitter smile cross his face, not ready to untangle the mess of emotions that Thor caused within him. Thinking back on everything that happened was... different now, especially with everything that happened after .

„I shouldn’t have let Laufey in.”

„Oh, don’t be that harsh on yourself. It was clever. And you had saved your father. It was attacking Jotunheim itself that was the mistake, Loki. Mindless violence like that yields no results. You and Thor both have to learn so.”

„You said you were proud of me and I just...”

„For killing the attackers, Loki, not all Jotnar, darling. You’re one.”

Loki bit back a joke about killing himself too.

„I did learn. Eventually. Painfully.”

„What happened, Loki? Heimdall only saw you when you arrived on Midgard.”

It was little comfort, but at least Loki knew now why his calls for help went unanswered.

„Don’t pretend you weren’t watching me the entire time after Heimdall realized I’m alive.”

„Your Father wanted the throne too. We had to share.”

„And I’m sure you shared your findings too. The Titan...”

The threat of looming war was so far from his mind since meeting Phil.

„That’s no longer your problem, Loki. Your Father contacted Xandar to keep their eye on the power stone, but truly, Thanos is helpless now. He only had one stone and he lost it when he lost you.”

It was a relief to hear. It felt almost unbelievable, that the threat was no longer there but Loki was happy to accept it. Thanos may be a problem one day but it probably wouldn’t be in his lifetime, or even his children, if he was ever blessed with them.

„I watched you.”

„Yes, Mother, thank you, I gathered that.”

She tickled him, and suddenly Loki felt all of fifty, running around barefoot, as tall as her hip and without a care in the world.

„I watched you and that human of yours. Phillip, is it?”

Loki sighed, suddenly back under the weight of this morning.

„Phillip.”

„He seems good for you. What happened?”

„I thought you were spying on us?”

„Less so now that we thought you were safe and happy, even if it wasn’t with your family.”

Loki sighed, somewhat guilty and somewhat tired.

„He found out the bond had made him long-lived, like me, and I guess he wasn’t happy with it.” That was one way to put it. Whatever the weird storm of emotions was that Loki kept getting from Phillip’s side of the bond, it wasn’t positive.

„Why didn’t you tell him that before?”

„Honestly... I haven’t thought about it. I guess I didn’t realize he may not know just how permanent the bond is. I think maybe he wasn’t alright with that.”

He felt his mother’s hand around his shoulder and suddenly found himself tugged into a half hug. A warm breath caressed his ear.

„Are you alright with it, Loki? It’s a lot at once, to find yourself realizing you may be spending the rest of your life with someone you’ve barely known, no matter how compatible you are.”

It was a question. That was why he always sought her advice. Somehow, in all of the chaos of not dying, he never asked himself that. He knew the bond wouldn’t have settled if he and Phillip didn’t fit together at least in some ways. But the truth was that he really got to know him over the months and well... he liked him. It was as simple as that, and had little to do with the bond.

„I’m more than alright with it.”

He realized an unconscious smile made its way onto his face but he was too tired to care. He looked at his mother and found her smiling too.

„I don’t know what that means, mom. I’m somewhat scared. I never really thought I would have someone who would always be there for me and then I suddenly did and now I could lose him again. I didn’t mean to hide it from him. And now he’s mad and he has magic, apparently, my magic and I... panicked, and left him with it.”

„Maybe then, darling, you should just tell him that.”

He looked at Mother in disbelief. The idea was distasteful but admittedly he didn’t have a better one.

„Maybe.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the wind gently swing Vanir orchids, soaking in the sun and inhaling their sweet scent. It was a good moment, being together again, enjoying the peace and quiet as if the last two years were just a dream.

But if they were, then what started as a nightmare, turned so drastically when Phillip appeared.

„Loki. I realize you need to go back and get your man. I understand it but... if you ever miss home, you can come back. We’re all going to wait for you with open hearts.” He met her eyes and almost caved in, was half ready to follow her to Asgard that very moment, chasing that sad gaze away. But it wasn’t that simple. He knew with the Bifrost still broken, he was the only one who could reach ouch but he needed to be ready.

„I will... consider it. Maybe when the repairs on the bridge are finished you could visit me too.”

Mother smiled, clearly disappointed but not surprised and shockingly genuine.

„I don’t expect anything more.”

„It’s just...” He felt like a kid, making excuses when he was already forgiven. „I need time, Mother. I stayed on Midgard partially because I wanted to give Phil time to adjust because I know how hard it is to have everything you knew turned on its head and not in a good way--”

„--and I’m sorry for that, Loki.”

„--I know you are. I know better now. I am fine with who I am, I am happy being Jotnar. I want to know more about who I am. But I am not ready to come home. I’m not ready to see...” He swallowed down his uncertainty. „...I’m not ready to see Father and my brother.” He could admit that much at least already. They were a shitty family, all things considered. They all needed therapy, probably. But they were a family. The only one Loki ever knew. And he loved them, as much as he hated them at times.

„I get it, Loki. I do, I know it may be hard for you to believe but I do. And I am happy for you and promise I’ll try my best to help you find anything you need to learn about who you really are. Just know...” She put her hand over his, squeezing lightly. „Just know that Odin may have been angry, may have made some mistakes in the past but he is your father and he does love you and over the past years a lot has changed. He wants you to come home too. And he misses you. And when you’re ready, all he will do is welcome you back.”

Loki wasn’t sure he believed it but he nodded.

„I will talk to Thor too...”

„I especially don’t want to see Thor.”

„It’s alright, I can drop it. We’ll revisit it again later.”

„Next century.”

„Maybe next decade.”

Loki laughed. Yeah, maybe next decade. He did want to see Thor. Eventually... Maybe get to blast him through some wall once more before reconciling. He wanted to see Father too, eventually. But not yet. Now all that mattered was that Mother was here, and she was unchangingly loving and teasing and there for him.

And maybe... maybe Phil would be too. Maybe he needed to come back to talk to him and for once, not run away or try to lie his way out of the problem. But that would come later. For now, he needed to take his mother for the best Vanir donuts in Freyrheim.

***

„So you have magic.”

„Shut up, Nick, I am begging you.”

„And you’re immortal.”

„Just shut up.”

„And you lost Loki, or rather Loki escaped and--”

„Just shut up Nick, shut up!” This time Phil screamed, halfway through the room and inches away from physically pushing Fury before he stopped himself. „Don’t piss me off when I have no idea if I may hurt you without meaning too, Nick. Don’t fucking play with fire.”

There was a hand on his shoulder suddenly and Phil relaxed, allowing Tony to lead him away, push him back onto the sofa, hand him another mug - tea, lemon balm, because caffeine was the last thing he needed right now.

„He’ll be back, Phil.” Fuck, if Tony was calling him by his first name, that meant he must have been a mess. „He can teleport, remember. The readings were the same as that time in the cell. I’m sure he just magicked himself off to somewhere and soon he’ll be back and you’ll be fine.”

„I just...” God, he hoped Tony was right. „What if I hurt him? I am pretty sure I hurt him. Even if not physically.”

„You didn’t, Agent. You didn’t. You’ll be fine.”

Neither of them knew that. But what else was there to say?

When Tony got up to make him yet another mug of tea, because Phil was stressed and needed the lemon balm to calm him down somewhat and something to focus on even if it was just drinking and not burning his tongue, Nick approached him.

„Don’t blast me.” He sat down in the armchair opposite Phil because he was just always positioning himself strategically and dramatically. „But I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I think we can say with a degree of certainty that yeah, even if he’s gone, Loki’s not a threat.”

„If he’s alive to be one, even.” Phil shot his friend a glare.

„Pretty sure that son of a bitch ain’t that easy to kill.” He sighed and Phil eyed him warily. „Listen, Phil. I love you, man. We’ve been though shit together. I may not like it but I can see he’s good for you, even if he tried to invade the planet.”

„...are you giving me your blessing?”

„If that’s what you wanna call it...”

„Wait a moment, just, just shut up for a second.” Phil took a deep breath and tried to keep in mind he was a magical bomb now. „Nick, I love you. But if you think I give a fuck what you think or need your permission to date Loki, you’re delusional.”

Fury looked a touch more like he ate a lemon than he already normally did. It made Phil feel better. Nothing like annoying your ex.

„Exactly, Nicky! And if you keep messing with their love life, Loki will probably turn you into a frog.”

Tony came into the room, clearly having heard the conversation, and put another mug in front of Phil before plopping himself in Nick’s lap.

With a sigh, Phil picked up the tea and hopes he would get to hold Loki like that one day.

***

It’s dark by the time Loki comes back. Jarvis informs them he appeared in the apartment, but Phil barely has the time to untangle himself from Tony and get up from the couch before Loki teleports to the penthouse and suddenly he’s there, in the flesh, whole and alive and back.

They stand in silence for a while, jus drinking in the sight, and Phil thinks Loki looks almost... unsure, but all he can think of it that Loki is fine .

He throws himself around him and holds him tight, almost afraid he will disappear when he lets go. By the time he dares to pull back, ridiculously happy to notice Loki seems unwilling to break the embrace, he realizes both Nick and Tony are gone. Bless them for exhibiting some tact for once in their life.

„I’m sorry I blasted you into the wall with magic.” He says, and it’s a weird thing to say but apparently his life is weird now.

„I’m sorry I teleported to another realm when you blasted me into the wall with magic.”

They stare at each other in silence again and then they laugh and then Tony pokes his head into the room and Phil wonders why the hell did he ever suspect anything else of him.

„No one died?”

He doesn’t wait for the answer, walking back in and plopping himself on the couch. At least Nick is gone, because truce or not, if he and Loki are found in the same room, nothing good will happen.

„So...” Tony says, because Tony doesn’t understand subtle clues and privacy. „Good to have you back, Lokes. Are you staying this time. I think Agent may need a magic teacher so I just need to know if I have to call Hogwarts.”

Loki shakes his head and pulls Phil down to sit by him on another couch.

„I’m staying. I wouldn’t even be...” Phil can sense hesitation in his voice, which is new. „I wouldn’t even be opposed to joining that superhero club of yours if you need help.”

That’s a surprise to Phil. He can’t say he never fantasized about Loki being an Avenger but never in a million years did he think it would be a real possibility. Apparently neither did Tony because his eyes are huge and he’s almost out of his seat.

„You wanna be an Avenger?”

„Well, I realized I will be staying around on Midgard for a while, and since I’m no longer a prisoner, presumably, it would be nice to have something to do. And considering your merry band of five was all you presented against me when I tried to conquer Earth, let me just say you may need me if there’s ever a genuine attempt.”

Phil wasn’t sure if he should be offended considering Loki was kind of right.

„Wait.” Tony appeared more alarmed than offended. „That doesn’t have anything to do with the guy who sent you, does it? He isn’t coming soon or seeking revenge, right?”

„No. Actually, it appears he may not be a problem at all. Turns out when I didn’t deliver him the Tessaract he effectively lost his only means of getting out The Void.”

Tony looked like his brain was rebooting.

„Wait, we talked about this. Because the Tessaract is the space stone, right. It can make portals. And all six of these fancy stones make you super powerful so Thanos was gathering them. And the Tessaract and the scepter you had are two such stones. And there’s one more here on Midgard, with the wizards.”

„Yes. And one is safe on a planet allied with Asgard. The last two are inaccessible.”

Phil blinked, connecting the dots himself.

„So you’re saying this guy gave the only stone he had to you. Whom he had to coerce into even cooperating.”

„Not the smartest guy, is he?” Muttered Tony.

„Well...” Loki’s eyebrow went up, as if considering it. „I guess he did need me to have the stone on me to control me in the first place and I was basically the only one who could fetch him the Tessaract since I don’t need it to travel between realms... But indeed, it’s not a kind of plan I would use myself in his position.”

„Well. At least one thing I can tell Nick not to worry about. I will totally pitch your Avenger application too. If you haven’t heard from me by noon tomorrow, Dread Pirate Fury killed me, Loki was rejected and I need you to avenge me.”

Tony left and Phil snorted. He looked back at Loki and offered him his hand. He didn’t even notice that suddenly, they found themselves on their own couch instead of in the penthouse.

„Whoa. This whole teleportation business is trippy.” Practical, though. „But, wait. You’ve been gone for a whole day and neither of us got even a headache.”

Loki looked surprised himself when he pointed it out. Phil looked at the wrist were there was a golden cuff once and tried to focus on the bond to bring it forward. All that appeared was a thin gold bracelet with no chain coming off it.

„It appears that the bond has... settled between us.”

„What does that mean?” Phil frowned. „That’s good, right?”

Loki looked at him, eyes wide and awed and beautiful.

„It’s... good, yes. I just... I thought you were mad at me. I didn’t expect it to happen now. Although maybe it happened already and I just didn’t notice.”

„So...” Phil repeated the question, noticing Loki seemed a bit overwhelmed. „What does that mean exactly?”

Loki looked up at him again and smiled. He tangled their fingers together.

„Nothing much. We can be apart now without any trouble. Sense each other’s emotions, communicate through the bond. And it’s... pretty permanent now.”

„It wasn’t already?” He tried to meet Loki’s eyes again but he wasn’t surprised the god was avoiding looking at him seeing as that was what started their entire spat.

„I guess it was just more volatile. Now it’s stronger.”

„So... I’m immortal, and I have magic.”

„That’s probably because of the bond too. Sharing emotions and... skills, it appears. I can help you with it. Teach you hot to control it.”

„I appreciate it.” He squeezed Loki’s hand. „And hey. I really am sorry for blasting you. You know it was an accident. And I don’t think I mind the idea of living forever if it’s with you. I will just need some adjusting. You kind of sprung on me.”

„I didn’t mean to.” Loki sighed. „I just genuinely forgot you don’t know much about the bond.”

„So tell me now. How does the immortality business work? Will I keep aging, will I look like that forever?”

„Well, you have Jotnar livespan now. And by both Aesir and Jotnar standards I am still younger than you, on the scale of that livespan. So you probably won’t change until I reach about the age you are right now, and will continue aging only once we’re both there.”

„And the magic? It’s like... It tingles.”

Loki laughed.

„It’s all the power under your skin. It wants to get out. I will show you how to channel it properly. We can start tomorrow. For now, let me help you ground it so you can sleep better at night.”

Loki winked at him, took both of his hands and suddenly, the weird tingling disappeared. Phil only just now realized how tense he was and how much of that strange energy was buzzing within him.

„Fuck. This and the whole skywalking thing and... Damn, Loki. You’re powerful, aren’t you.”

Loki was smirking, and Phil felt like he finally saw him for what he was for the first time.

„You could have easily conquered Earth if you wanted to, couldn’t you? If you truly wanted it, if you planned an invasion, no outside interference.”

Loki’s smirk faded into a gentler, amused but serious smile.

„I won’t answer that question.”

Which was answer enough, wasn’t it?

„Where have you been anyway?” Now that the nerves have settled, Phil finally thought back to just how worried he has been.

„I went to Vanaheim. It’s the realm my mother is from. There’s a place she would take me to, I often go there when I’m upset. She... she was there. I talked to her.”

Phil knew how much family meant to Loki even if he didn’t show it. It may have been an unfortunate circumstance but a part of him was glad that Loki had that chance.

„How was it? Do you plan to see Thor too?” He didn’t even ask about Odin. He knew Loki too well by now.

„It was good to see Mother. But I don’t think I’m ready to face Thor for a while still.”

„That’s fine. You don’t have to be, do you? We have all the time in the world, after all.” Loki’s lip quirked in a smile he couldn’t stop and Phil mentally high fived himself. „Some wounds are deep and need time to heal, you know. There’s no need to throw salt on them.”

„You’re a wise man, Phillip Coulson.”

„Gotta be to keep up with you, don’t I?”

Loki smiled, open and honest and leaned in to kiss him. It tasted even sweeter than their first kiss.

„You know... I have time, but I think there’s something more I realized. Asgard will always be my home, with all the complicated feelings that come with it. But maybe...” Loki looked at him with so much love that Phil felt unworthy of it. „Maybe there’s a place for me here on Midgard, as long as I’m with you.”