Chapter Text
Part I: Eternal Sunshine
His feet screech on the wooden floor, exhaling before they leap into place.
He can feel the bass thumping in his gut, his muscles ache as he swiftly guides them over the air and under the weight of gravity. His body floats with the music, notes possessing his limbs as they thump at every angle and curve. The song fades into nothingness, and he can tell he isn’t the only one relieved when that quiet lull washes over the practice room, their heavy breathing and muffled frowns are the only things that remain.
Even after all these years, six eyes turn to look at him, and wait. As he lets out the slightest crack of a smile, he watches them beam.
Hoseok is so much like the sun.
“You make us glow, Hoseok-ah” they say.
“You help us become better versions of ourselves, Hyung” they whisper.
“You deserve it all, Hoba. Their eyes shimmer when they see you, don’t you see?” they ask when Hoseok’s eyes start to glaze over with worry and doubt.
They’ve always been so fond of him, he thinks, and he sees the same fondness in their eyes today - love, respect. Like he hangs the stars and the moon and whispers secrets of the universe with his every exhale.
Hoseok is hyper aware of his shaky hands, strained and a little bruised because of tight grips in the choreography. He can feel his feet tug at their strings, tension brimming and brewing. He can feel his heart, flapping and pounding and bleeding.
“Hoseok-ah?”, he hears someone say. Grounding him back to the present.
He thinks it’s Namjoon.
“Oh um, yeah?” he murmurs.
“We were just told that the cars have arrived and we’re deciding on who to ride with. You, you okay there Hoba?”
Hoseok is so much like the sun.
On days like this, he feels his insides recoil at even a small sign of assurance. He doesn’t want anyone to come too close, afraid that they might burn at the touch. Wings can melt and bonds can singe and tether till they drown, and Hoseok doesn’t want to hurt the ones he loves most.
“Hyung?”, he hears Taehyung whisper. So, so soft.
“I, I think I need to go”, Hoseok whispers back.
He knows all of them are staring at him now.
“Do you mean -”
“Yeah, I need to cross over.”
“Is there something that happened today Hoseok-ah?”, one of them gently prods.
“You know you can always tell us, we’re here to listen no matter what.”
Some days, Hoseok feels like he’s on fire, just a tad bit too bright. Constantly in motion, flames rising up and falling down, a little too dangerous for its own good. He’s aware that they all get that way at times, each of them letting it out in their own ways.
He wills himself to take a deep breath. It’s just the six of them, they’ve talked about this. They know what to do, and they’ll always understand. This isn’t selfish, they want to take care of him.
He wants them to take care of him.
“I, I just feel like it’s a lot right now, in my head.” he slowly starts, noticing the rest shuffle their feet closer to him. “Like I might spontaneously burst out into flames and, I don’t want to hurt any of you.” he hiccups the last sentence out, leaning into gentle hands on the nape of his neck and curling into several sets of hands.
“I promise I’m okay but, just need to clear my head, you know?”
“We know Hoba, we know.” he hears one of them say as he feels kisses on his cheek, his forehead.
“You sure you want us to go back home though, Hoseok-ah?” Jin asks slowly. “You know how it can get after you cross back over.”
“Yeah Hyung,” Jimin chimes in - “maybe, we could all stay? Just outside the practice room, or around the floor, but here.”
“Would you be okay with us staying, Hoseok?”
He watches them all for a minute, fond eyes laced with worry and love and care. He used to feel selfish for making them stay until he returns, but now -
“Please stay” he says, voice shaking. “All six of you, can you wait outside until I come back?”
They inch closer to him, hugging his sides, hands intertwining in his as he silently allows the contact to wash over him.
“We’ll always be here, Hyung.”
“We’re not going anywhere Hoseok-ah.”
“We love you.”
He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and slowly moves away from them. The rest take that as their cue to leave Hoseok alone in the practice room, leaving a few lights on and closing the door on their way out.
Hoseok looks up, and turns around. Stares at his reflection, and walks towards it. Further, and further.
He stops just before the glass, closes his eyes.
And reaches his hand right through, into the other side.