Work Text:
Once, he fell to his knees before the Envoy, maybe from tiredness, maybe in gratitude, maybe for something he couldn't bring himself to name.
He was always exhausted from the banked heat within him, smoldering under his skin: the memory of lashes across his back, the memory of how brightly his brother had shone, the memory of death and violence and rage. Never turning into a fire, always so tightly controlled.
He owed this control to the Envoy.
There wasn't a lifetime long enough to repay the Envoy for his kindness, and yet Chu Shuzhi kept trying, every day, to show him he had chosen right.
It wasn't enough.
So he fell to his knees, not daring to look up, a servant in the truest sense of the word. Existing to serve. He didn't know how to tell the Envoy any of this.
"Chu Shuzhi," his Lordship murmured, and there were flames coming to life under Chu Shuzhi's skin, something like shame burning him up inside. He couldn't think of it as shame. He was full of regret and self-loathing and grief, but not shame. Shame was for--
His Lordship's hand was on his cheek, barely touching his skin, and Chu Shuzhi exhaled, and allowed himself to turn into the touch, his lips brushing against his Lordship's palm. Just this fleeting contact, and yet he could maybe think of it as a--
If only they could stay like this for a little longer, it could maybe be a--
"Chu Shuzhi," his Lordship said again, softer this time, and then he carefully pulled his hand away, his fingertips lingering for just a moment.
He was devoted to someone, too. That was the thing. Chu Shuzhi could recognize it, recognize the loneliness of it. The steadfastness. Maybe his Lordship could see it in him as well.
It would have to be enough.
"You're doing good work here," the Envoy said gently, "important work," and then he took a step back.
He vanished, and returned weeks later to receive another report. He clasped Chu Shuzhi's arm in acknowledgment of his service, his eyes warm behind the mask as Chu Shuzhi lowered his gaze again.
It was enough.