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“This is gonna suck,” Mahiru stated, casting an annoyed look toward the stuttering pink-haired mechanic. His eyes were darting around the hotel restaurant, his hands fumbling with a tiny pink bow-topped box that could fit in the palm of his hand. He looked more jittery than she could last remember, and she was starting to feel a little bad for him. Still, it was his fault for accepting the dare, and his fault for getting his hopes up.
“Yup,” Hiyoko agreed, though her voice conveyed a devilish amusement, her eyes laser-focused on the trainwreck waiting to happen.
Mahiru’s eyes narrowed down at the pig-tailed brat. She’d gone through a growth spurt and wasn’t nearly as childish in appearance anymore, but her personality had hardly changed at all. “You know,” she drawled. “He might’ve gotten himself into this mess, but you could at least have some pity for the guy. Or some space?”
“You expect me to stop my meal just so he can get dumped in private?” Hiyoko rolled her eyes. “Not when I can get dinner and a show!” Mahiru pursed her lips, not sure if she wanted to stick around for what was about to happen.
Kazuichi’s eyes finally landed on Sonia, who was sitting on one of the stools in the center of an empty table, a fork in her right hand while her left index finger was rubbing circles on the stomach of one of Gundham’s hamsters. Her eyes were soft, her features as delicate and bright as always, and Kazuichi found his throat too dry to even swallow. He reconsidered his plan; what was the harm in backing out of a dare?
‘No. You need to do this. It’s been too long. Man up, Kaz!’
“Mi-- Miss Sonia!” Kazuichi hurried over to her table. Her lovely expression vanished at the sound of his voice, those soft eyes sharpening into something cold and frightening, and Kazuichi slowed to a stop at the end of the table as a cold dread seeped into his heart.
But he had to do this. He had to.
“Miss Sonia, I --”
“Good morning, Kazuichi.” She gave him a tight smile. “A pleasant day, is it not?”
“Y-Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head, willing himself to focus, to not get distracted. This was his moment, his time to finally break the news. “Yeah, it is. But, uh… Miss Sonia, I -- I have to tell you something!”
“Oh?”
He squeezed the little box in his hands, then swung it out in front of her. “Th-This is for you, Miss Sonia!”
Sonia blinked at the little box. “Kazuichi, it is not my birthday today.”
“I know! This isn’t about that.”
She looked panicked for a moment. “Oh dear, is today a holiday? I curse my ignorance! I did not prepare gifts for anyone!”
“No, n-no, Miss Sonia, you didn’t forget anything! Today’s not a holiday.”
She tilted her head. “Then why…?”
He swallowed. “I -- Miss Sonia, I --” He placed the box into her hands across the table and curled her fingers around it, holding her hands in his own. “I’m in love with you, Miss Sonia!” he cried, ducking his head down and squeezing his eyes shut, unable to meet her immediate glance.
Her face paled. “Um… Kazuichi… I do not believe I understand.”
“I love you, Miss Sonia!” He gestured to the box, for her to open it, but she looked frozen. “I -- I got you something, to show you…”
Sonia smiled nervously. “Kazuichi, forgive me, but I think you misunderstand. I do not believe you are in love with me.”
Kazuichi’s eyes widened. “How can you say that, Miss Sonia?”
“It is just Sonia.”
“I’ve been in love with you since I first met you!”
“Kazuichi, that is not love. Love develops as you grow closer to a person. What you feel is not love; it is idolization.”
“N-No, that’s not it! J-Just open it--”
Sonia shook her head sadly, holding the gift out for him to take. “I am sorry, but even if it is so, I cannot return your affection.”
“Wh-Why?” He paused, then clenched his teeth. “It’s Gundham, isn’t it? Miss Sonia, he’s not right for you!”
“This has nothing to do with Gundham, and everything to do with you,” Sonia responded firmly.
“Ouch,” Hiyoko said, a little too loudly. Mahiru frowned, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her out of the room, despite her noisy complaints.
“Wh-What’s… what’s wrong with me?!”
Sonia looked exhausted. “Kazuichi, nothing is…” She hesitated. “Well, perhaps there is something wrong with you, but that is besides the point!”
“What do you mean, that’s besides the point?!”
“The fact is simply that I do not feel any affection for you, and the longer you continue to pester me with your advances, the less I can stand your presence!”
“Ouch,” Fuyuhiko winced. He glanced at Hajime, who was eating an orange across the table from him. “Should we… drag him out of here before he makes this worse for himself?”
“Nah, Kazuichi can fend for himself!” Nagito said cheerfully. Hajime raised an eyebrow at him and continued to eat his orange.
“B-But… Miss Sonia…”
“And quit calling me by that title!” Sonia commanded. “I am nothing but your classmate here! You will address me only as Sonia, do you understand?”
“Y-Yes, Miss-- er…”
Gundham’s voice came from behind Kazuichi, making him squeal and jump. “My dark lady, is this scoundrel bothering you?”
“Only mildly more than I am accustomed to,” Sonia said with a tired smile.
‘Oh, so HE can give you nicknames, but not me?’
Gundham stepped in-between Kazuichi and Sonia, his face darkening. “You listen here, you fiend. The Dark Queen is not fond of your presence. You would do well to leave here before I get angry.”
“O-Oh? Is that a threat?!”
“If you do not respect her wishes and leave this place, it may be.”
“Oh, like you’re respecting her wishes?!”
Gundham gave him an odd look. “Yes…?”
“Unbelievable! Miss Sonia, Gundham is a bad influence on--”
“Just. Sonia.”
Kazuichi opened his mouth, but no words came out. Hajime sighed and rose to his feet, tapping Nagito on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s get him out of here.”
“You are in no position to tell me who is and who isn’t a bad influence,” Sonia said seriously. “And if you cannot see that, then I suggest you take some time to self-reflect before you come to pester me again.” She continued to stroke one of the Four Dark Devas with her index finger, the other palm impatiently waiting for Kazuichi to take back his gift.
“I -- Mi-- Sonia--”
“C’mon, Kaz, I think it’s time to go,” Hajime stated, grabbing one of his arms. Nagito grabbed the other, smiling as he took Sonia’s gift from her. She gave a gracious nod to the two of them as they pulled Kazuichi backwards.
“Wait -- guys, stop it--!”
“No, I think you’re done for today,” Hajime replied.
“Let’s not cause any more trouble, now,” Nagito agreed, his voice so annoyingly condescending that it only fueled the anger within him.
“You guys are ruining this!” he cried.
“I think you’re doing that well enough yourself,” Hajime snapped, dragging him toward the outside balcony, where he and Nagito forced Kazuichi down the stairs.
“You should’ve left her gift! She might want it!” he yelled.
“She wasn’t going to want anything from you,” Nagito replied with a small laugh.
“Nagito.”
“What? I’m being honest.”
Kazuichi sniffed, lowering his head. As soon as Hajime and Nagito let go of him, just outside the lobby entrance, he took the gift box from Nagito and slunk his way back to his bedroom to cry out his anger.
***
Kazuichi spent most of the day in his room, humiliated by the realization that everyone would know what had happened the next time he saw them. He didn’t want to have to face that. Even if they didn’t know about his rejection, the soul-crushing hatred in Sonia’s eyes was too much for him -- he wouldn’t be able to face her, either.
Thankfully, he had some bags of chips in his room to last him the day. He hid in his room, ignoring the knocks on his door come dinnertime, probably Hajime or Mahiru checking up on him. Kazuichi didn’t want to deal with their pity. He wanted to disappear, to never have to face any of them again.
For a few hours, he fiddled around with some scraps of metal and wires he’d brought back from the third island. Working on something helped him to drown out the thoughts, for a little while, at least. But every time he set down his work, giving it a smile and an appraising eye, he remembered the gift he’d gotten Sonia, the one she didn’t even bother to look at before handing back to him, and all the joy evaporated from his body.
He went to sleep early that night, bearing with a long and restless sequence of dreams, mostly involving his life pre-Hope’s Peak. Junko Enoshima appeared in one of his dreams. One of the bloodier ones, which terrified him to think about, could have been a repressed memory from his time as an Ultimate Despair. He laid awake for hours in the early morning, trying to convince himself it wasn’t. There wasn’t much luck.
By the time morning rolled around again, Kazuichi felt like a living corpse. He didn’t have the motivation to leave his bed, even when Nekomaru knocked on his door with so much force he thought it would break open.
“Hey, Kazuichi! It’s time for the most important meal of the day! COME OUT AND GREET A BEAUTIFUL NEW DAY!” He let out a Nekomaru-typical boisterous laugh, but to Kazuichi, it sounded like a mocking one. He closed his eyes and pretended he hadn’t heard it.
Minutes later and a few knocks more, the voice came again, this time more serious and more subdued. “You know, you could at least open the door and let us know you’re alive in there. As a Team Manager, it’s my duty to make sure every member of the group is in fit condition to face the obstacles of the day!”
Kazuichi didn’t bother to respond.
“... I’ll bring you something to eat.” A few seconds later, Kazuichi could hear the wooden planks outside his door creak, and Nekomaru was gone.
Kazuichi decided to go back to sleep.
***
He woke from his brief nap to a pounding knock on the door.
“Kazuichi! Geez, just open the door, will you? It’s just me, I promise.”
Mahiru. Kazuichi gritted his teeth. Nekomaru, he could avoid just fine, but he’d rather not incur Mahiru’s wrath if he had the option.
“Kazuichi! Open the door or I’ll get someone to break it down for me!”
He groaned, rolling himself out of his bed. He hadn’t realized how tangled up in his sheets he was, and his legs were caught up on the bed while his upper half tumbled to the floor. He quickly untangled himself and stumbled to the door, unlocking it and opening it just an inch.
Mahiru sighed. “Thank goodness. Look, I get needing some time to yourself, but you need to eat and let us know you’re alive, all right?”
Kazuichi nodded silently. She awkwardly held out the tray, and he opened the door enough to take it in. Her eyes took the chance to examine the messiness of the room, and she frowned, pushing her way inside.
“H-Hey…!”
She ignored him, grabbing all the clothes on the floor and piling them into her arms. She sniffed disapprovingly at his work corner, which smelled strongly of gasoline and other mechanical fluids.
“You really should light a candle in he--” she paused, looking again at the gasoline-scented corner. “No, never mind. I’ll bring you some Febreeze.”
Kazuichi frowned; he liked the smell of his room. It brought him a sense of comfort, reminding him of home . “I don’t need--”
“Don’t complain. Just eat.” She hesitated at the door. “And -- please take better care of yourself. Okay?” She left before he could see the embarrassment on her face.
Kazuichi sat back down on his bed, frowning at his food. His appetite had left him, but it was better to appease the motherly photographer. He tried to enjoy Teruteru’s food, but when you’re as worn down as he was, no matter how objectively good something was, it was just as unappealing as everything else.
***
Kazuichi finally dragged himself out of his room late that night, when he was sure everyone else had either retired for the night, or at least wouldn’t catch him sneaking out to the fifth island. He still didn’t feel like seeing any of them, even though he’d allowed Mahiru in to bring him dinner and return his clothes. She’d scolded him for not at least coming outside to meet his own needs and making her worry about him instead, and told him she wouldn’t baby him tomorrow. He didn’t mind; he didn’t want to see her, either.
He found a quiet part of the island where he was sure no one would ever come, and laid down in the brush with his eyes gazing up at the stars. He allowed himself to reminisce over his relationship with Sonia, and how it had ended. He sniffled as tears came unbidden to his eyes, the thoughts of his failure to measure up to her standards overwhelming him. Sure, Sonia was a princess, after all, but how could Gundham be better for her than him? Something was wrong with that, and he wanted to tell her he was manipulating her somehow, but Sonia would be very unhappy with him if he tried to warn her about Gundham again. It was too late to get through to her, but he couldn’t accept that the chance was gone. He couldn’t accept it, because… well, he was terrified of being alone. And it was highly unlikely he would ever find someone outside their class who could understand the pain he’d gone through, who could forgive him for the actions he took as an Ultimate Despair. Sonia was his only hope, and now -- now he had to come to terms with all of his other utter failures as a human being.
Kazuichi cried for quite some time before he heard the rustles in the brush. He jumped, his nerves warning him that it was Monokuma, or someone trying to kill him -- but, no, the killing game was over, it couldn’t be anything like that. And -- no one would actually… want him dead… right?
Sonia’s cold expression returned to the forefront of his mind, and he shivered.
Just then, fur stroked the back of his hands, and he flung himself forward, spinning his body to catch sight of his attacker. He reached for his pocket, for his wrench, but his hand stopped mid-air.
“Oh, come on, did you have to scare me like that?” he whined. The Four Dark Devas just stared at him. San-D was the one to approach him, sniffing his thigh curiously and then crawling onto his leg. Kazuichi stilled, waiting for his rival to appear in the darkness, but he never did. The world fell silent again, all except for the hamsters now approaching his body.
Cham-P was sniffing the back of his hand. Kazuichi flipped his palm upwards and Cham-P crawled on top of it. Jum-P crawled on top of his opposite paw, before promptly falling asleep. Maga-Z crawled onto his leg, pushing San-D out of the way. The latter didn’t seem to react much, its beady little eyes focused on Kazuichi’s face.
“What are you looking at?” he asked. San-D, of course, didn’t respond. Maga-Z crawled up his arm to his shoulder.
Kazuichi glanced backward again, sighing. “I don’t see Gundham around.” He was actually rather surprised the Four Dark Devas were able to find him at all, considering he was on the fifth island, and very rarely did anyone decide to travel all that way, especially with the more sour memories that lied there.
He paused, suddenly aware of just how small the Four Dark Devas of Destruction were. He allowed his thumb to gently brush against Cham-P’s head, his breath catching in his throat. The hamster was the biggest among them, but he was still so little . Kazuichi could crush his head with his thumb -- that was how little he was. He reminded himself that hamsters were not machines, and put all his attention on carefully petting the hamster without harming it.
“You know, I wanted a hamster once,” he stated, and all three of the hamsters (excluding Jump-P, who had already fallen asleep on his arm) seemed to be watching him, listening to what he had to say. He knew it was stupid -- they were hamsters! They couldn’t understand him. But something compelled him to talk to them anyway; maybe it was because they couldn’t understand him that he could put into words things he never would admit to anyone else. His trust issues extended too far for him to be truly vulnerable to anyone around him.
“My old man wouldn’t let me,” he admitted. “We didn’t have enough money or time on our hands, he said -- and I was too emotional for a pet with such a short lifespan, too, he said. I wouldn’t be able to handle its death.” He chuckled. “He was right. I’m not good with that sort of thing. When we finally got a puppy, I was happier than I’d ever been. But then it ran out on the road, and -- I couldn’t get over it.”
How did Gundham handle it, he wondered? Gundham bred them all and named them, centering his life around these tiny, short-lived creatures that constantly died around him. He had to admit, it must have taken a stronger mentality than he had. Sonia was attracted to him for a reason, after all.
Man, it wasn’t fair that Gundham was so cool . He was taller, for one. His voice was deeper and it never cracked and squealed the way Kazuichi’s did. He didn’t scream when he was scared -- was he ever even scared? He kept his emotions hidden, but somehow it was still clear he gave a damn about others -- heck, just looking at his hamsters told them that. His hair and eyes were cool -- and his hair was natural , not dyed the way Kazuichi’s was. Kazuichi was a fake, afraid of being himself, always seeking normalcy and attention at the same time, and always, always failing stupendously at both. Gundham was true to himself, no matter who it was he spoke to, and Kazuichi couldn’t help but respect that. When you can’t help but respect your rivals, you know there’s really no chance for you after all.
Despite his flaws, Gundham was the better person, and having to face that fact hurt. It burned in his chest, in his eyes, in his throat, and Kazuichi was sobbing again. He tried to pull his arms in to hug himself, but he had two hamsters resting in his palms, one on his leg, and one on his shoulder. So he lowered his head and cried openly into the night, knowing no one was going to come and find him out here.
He’d wanted to change for the better when he first came to Hope’s Peak, but here he was, still friendless and unloved and unwanted and it burned, it burned, and knowing that nothing was going to change in the future only made it sear even worse.
“You guys are good listeners,” he said, sucking in a shaky breath. “Why are you still here?” San-D just stared at him. “Why does it feel like you’re listening to me, when no one does?” He supposed it didn’t apply to all of them -- Jum-P was fast asleep, after all. But even Maga-Z on his shoulder seemed to be eyeing him in a peculiar, unsettling way, whereas San-D and Cham-P’s presences were comforting.
Since when did he start to tell these little hamsters apart?
Footsteps came up from behind him and a voice went, “A-ha!” He flinched, though he should have expected this to happen. “Kazuichi Soda! Answer me this: for what reason are you disturbing my Four Dark Devas of Destruction?”
Kazuichi quickly rubbed his eyes dry with his upper sleeve. “Damn it, you made that fly go into my eye, didn’t you?!” he accused. It was a weak explanation for the tear streaks, he realized too late, but maybe Gundham wouldn’t notice.
“What fly are you speaking of, you insolent--?” Gundham paused, noting how calm and intent his Four Dark Devas of Destruction were acting, how Champ-P was rubbing its head against Kazuichi’s palm, how San-D was on his shoulder sniffing around the side of his neck, how Jump-P was curled up in Kazuichi’s other palm, how Maga-Z was casting a foul glare in his direction, like he’d interrupted something important.
Gundham’s feet came to a stop as he second-guessed his decision to approach. Kazuichi was holding his hamsters with a gentleness he hadn’t expected from the sharp-toothed squealer, and they were doing their duty exactly as they had been taught, even if their training wasn’t 100% completed yet. Practical applications were the next step, he knew; he just hadn’t expected Kazuichi to be the first to utilize them.
Gundham wasn’t a fool. He could see the glistening of Kazuichi’s eyes in the moonlight, if nothing else. He frowned deeply.
“Are you still in mourning over the Dark Queen’s rejection?” he asked incredulously.
“Hey, you don’t have to bring it up!” Kazuichi snapped.
“... You are correct,” Gundham allowed. “However, I have the right to be… perturbed by your inability to control, or at the very least disguise, your obsessions.”
“Hey, stop acting like my love for Miss Sonia isn’t pure!”
“She has told you time and time again not to call her that,” Gundham retorted.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just listen here -- you better not try anything funny with her, got it?!”
Gundham gave him an odd look. “What are you…? You think I…?!” His face contorted. “Fool. You are sorely mistaken. I do not harbor any feelings of that sort for anyone, let alone the woman you are so pathetically fawning over.”
“Yeah right!”
Gundham looked tired. “Is your approach to life always to deny the utter truth?”
“There’s no way you don’t like Miss-- Sonia that way!”
“How so?”
“There’s -- she’s -- she’s a gorgeous princess! You’re always around her!”
“Have you never heard the concept of platonic relationships, human?” Gundham rolled his eyes. “Or are they too far beyond your understanding?”
“That’s different!”
“How so?” Gundham challenged. Kazuichi couldn’t find an answer. “If one’s familial status and physical appearance is all which makes one an optimal candidate for romance in your eyes, then you live a sad and shallow existence.”
“Then what’s your type?” Kazuichi retorted. Gundham went still, and Kazuichi tapped his foot against the ground. “Come on, what is it, then?”
“You would not believe me if I said I did not have one, would you?”
Kazuichi scoffed. “Of course not!”
“It may be difficult for your primitive brain to comprehend, but there are beings who walk this planet without the desire to procreate or engage in such… physical behaviors,” Gundham stated, hiding his face behind his scarf. Kazuichi’s face softened, his doubt fading.
“Huh… Really?”
“I have no interest in--”
“Yeah, yeah, but you breed animals. Do you have to, like… leave the room whenever they… you know… do it?”
It was Gundham’s turn to stammer. “I -- you -- This is irrelevant!”
Kazuichi just laughed and watched as Gundham hid his face completely, turning away from him until his face returned to its normal shade.
“Well, anyway, your hamsters decided to come to me , not the other way around. What, are you training them to be ESOs?” Kazuichi asked, only half-jokingly.
“The Four Dark Devas of Destruction may provide such support if they so wish, but they do not commonly go around healing weaker creatures! For they are the true powers of evil!”
Kazuichi looked down at Cham-P’s contented face and laughed. “Yeah, sure.”
Their banter settled down into silence, as Kazuichi continued petting the hamsters, and Gundham watched him cautiously, the safety of his animals always the first thing on his mind. Finally, Kazuichi sighed and lifted his hands to Gundham. “Here, take them. I’m going back to bed.”
Gundham lowered his scarf, and Cham-P jumped in, while Jum-P had to be dropped in. Maga-Z leapt from Kazuichi’s shoulder into the scarf. San-D rubbed his head against Kazuichi’s hand once more, before allowing himself to be handed back into Gundham’s care.
Kazuichi pulled himself to his feet and started heading back, Gundham following close behind. They didn’t bother walking side by side, and they didn’t converse along the way. Their relationship was still too rocky for them to pretend to be friends.
But, still, neither of them could deny that something had been gained that night.
And the next morning, when Kazuichi showed his face again in the dining hall, Gundham was just one among many hiding a smile of relief.