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"Why do you let him treat you that way?"
Not surprisingly, it's Hinata who's the first to bring it up. His friend sounds offended on Yamaguchi's behalf, and it would please him if his concern didn't mean he was thinking badly of his best friend.
There's no way to make him understand. As his relationship with Kageyama demonstrates, Hinata fights viciously against any perceived sense that he's being looked down upon. A relationship like the one Yamaguchi had with Tuskki would drive him crazy.
"I don't mind it." He says, looking across the gym to where Tsukki is putting away the volleyball he was using. Hinata wiggles on the bench beside him, his nose screwing up in displeasure.
"You should. You should mind it. You know you don't need that jerk, right?"
He does know that, actually. He used to need him once, really need him in a way that made him feel fragile and stretched tight all at once. He used to be all Yamaguchi had, but that's not true anymore. Yamaguchi has new friends, and he has volleyball, and he has his determination, and it just so happens that he has Tsukki too.
"I know I don't." He says, and Hinata shoots him a grin and a thumbs up before he dashes off the bench and back out onto the gym floor.
It's something to think about, but he'll save it for later. He has practicing to do.
His mother is next.
"That friend of yours, the stern one with the glasses. Is he nice to you?"
There was a time when he would've said yes without even having to think about it.
"He's kind of mean actually." He says, rubbing at the back of his neck and trying not to look too fond. "But not to me, really. I don't know anyone he treats as well as me."
His mother doesn't look convinced, but isn't that what it came down to in the end? Isn't that what really mattered? People couldn't know how it felt, to be the sole recipient of a harsh person's adoration. They didn't know how easy it was to feel like everything when a boy who spent most of the day with a scowl on his face told him he was glad to see him.
He can imagine people telling him he deserves more, something warmer, but what can possibly be greater than that? What could feel better than the gentle way Tsukki turned his chin up to meet his lips? What could be softer than those calm moments when Yamaguchi presses his cheek to Tsukki's chest and feels fingers in his hair? What could make him happier than knowing he was loved by a boy who tried so hard to dislike everyone?
He doesn't stick by his friend because he's insecure or weak. He sticks by his friend because he's sure of himself and what he wants, and he knows what will make him happier than anything. He's worked hard for that certainty, and he won't let it go for anything.
Suga pulls him aside during practice one day, not long after the chat with his mother. His lips are tightened into a concerned line.
Yamaguchi isn't sure what to think of it.
"Listen, no one else knows about what I want to talk to you about, but I just have to ask, are you happy?"
Yamaguchi chews his lip as he tries to remember what he might've said in the past few days that set off Suga's worry. He thought he'd been having a pretty good week.
"I'm fine?" He wants to kick himself when it comes out sounding uncertain. "Have I been acting weird or something?"
Suga looks around them to make sure they're still alone.
"I saw him kiss you the other day. It was after practice."
"Ah." He can feel his face heating up. "Well..."
Suga puts a finger to his own lips with a friendly wink.
"Like I said, no one else knows. And you don't seem unhappy, but I thought that you should know that I'm here to talk if you need me. I'd say the same to Tsukishima, but I don't think it'd be as appreciated."
"Probably not." He says, trying not to smile as widely as he wants to. "Thank you Suga, but we're fine. I'm fine."
"Right then." Suga claps him on the shoulder with one of his big, sincere smiles. "As long as you're happy, the rest is nobody's business. Good luck Yamaguchi."
Although his concern is unnecessary, Yamaguchi's eyes sting with how close he is to tearing up from the sincerity of it. He thinks he's a lucky guy to be surrounded by such kind people.
"So Suga knows about us." He says to Tsukki that afternoon when they're gathered close together on Yamaguchi's bed.
"Does he." He doesn't sound particularly bothered, continuing to run his pale fingers down Yamaguchi's bare arm like it's the only thing that could ever hold his attention. "Did he say something?"
"He said that as long as I'm happy, the rest is nobody's business."
Tsukki makes that breathy scoffing noise that usually precedes harsh words. "Of course it's no one else's business. You know I love you."
Yamaguchi can hear his declaration for the question it is.
Are you happy?
Yamaguchi knows what Tsukki's voice sounds like when he's uncertain. He knows the noises he makes during sex and the feel of his fingertips against his freckled collarbone. He knows what Tsukki looks like when he smiles, and that's not something he'd show to anyone.
Yamaguchi is so blessed to know these things, really he is.
"Of course I do, Tsukki."
Tsukki loves him. That he can be certain of.
"I love you too."
The subtle undercurrent of nervousness in Tsukki's eyes melts into contentment. It means another lovely afternoon for them, and Yamaguchi kisses him in preparation of it.
The thing that strikes him as strange is that everybody thinks Tsukki is hard to love.
Let him stand up for you when no one else would, he wants to say. Let him look at you with pride in his eyes. Watch him let down his guard. See the look of astonishment on his face after you've raised your voice to him. Listen for the low sound of his laughter. You'll have to love him them.
No, it's not hard to love Tsukki, but being loved by him is something entirely different. That love takes him as he is and shows him what he's missed when he'd considered himself, shows off the hidden fierceness and pride that he'd brushed off as nothing. It leaves him in awe of himself, of the admirable person that he's grown into.
He's so lucky to love and be loved by him, so lucky. Maybe someday, he'll get to hear someone else realize it too. In the meantime, he knows what they mean to each other, and it's more than enough to keep him smiling through the day.