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They have downtime, after that second adventure.
Ralsei appreciates it. Day one, Ralsei was worried—that he’d be alone again, that he’d never see Susie and Kris again—but they returned, landing in Castle Town with more grace than they ever did the first time. And then he was worried that with no new Dark Worlds opening they’d return to their normal lives, but—nope. They came back the day after Cyber World, too. And the days passed on, and they kept coming back.
Castle Town is a real town now, somewhere with other Darkners, and when Susie and Kris arrive it’s like a light shining down into his world. He does not know how they are getting away from the Light World so often—they do not offer, so he does not ask—but it’s alright. They’re the Heroes of the Prophecy! They’ll go on another adventure yet, Ralsei knows, but until their destinies arrive, they can stay in Castle Town.
“Okay,” Susie’s saying, and Ralsei looks up at her, putting his thoughts aside. “Ralsei. My man. How are you the only one who can’t get up here.”
Ralsei pushes aside his—his—well, whatever it is, it’s not important. He doesn’t get mad at his friends. “You guys are the ones who wanted to climb up a cliff-face!”
“For the moss.” Kris leans over so he can see their signs. “It’s worth it.” They scrambled up the cliffs with no problem, even with their cape, as always, tied around their left arm. Now they’re perched at the edge, close enough that Ralsei’s almost certain with one wrong move, they’ll fall. His paws worry at his sides, burning with healing magic, just in case.
“Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of goat?” Susie says, and that’s—harder to push aside. It’s all true fact so he doesn’t know what’s supposed to be wrong with him. But—not the time. “Goats are good at climbing ‘n shit, aren’t they? Kris is!”
Kris isn’t a goat. The thought swims up in his head before he can do anything about it, and Ralsei nearly clamps his hands over his mouth. Up on the cliffs, Susie is still watching him, but Kris scoots backwards, sitting down fully and turning away from him and back to whatever is at the very top.
“I’ll help you?” Susie offers, voice tinged with amusement. “Maybe I can yell and see if Lancer can figure something out. Ooh! He could throw you up here!”
“Lancer is shorter than me,” Ralsei says.
Susie shrugs. “You weigh about as much as a wet paper towel, he can handle it. C’mon!” When he doesn’t say anything, she sighs, and says, “okay, fine, I won’t get Lancer, but only if you actually try getting up here yourself.”
“Fine.” Ralsei would rather Lancer not throw him up the cliff, and so, with less grace than Kris, manages to clamber his way up to the top of the cliff. There’s enough footholds that it—works, more or less, and he only nearly falls once.
“What now?” Susie asks.
“You’re the one who wanted me up here,” Ralsei points out, sitting beside Kris.
“Fair.” Susie drops down in front of both of them. “But I didn’t think you’d go for it. Kris, any ideas?”
Kris shakes their head. “Ate all the moss,” they sign. Stretching their arms out in front of them, they flop sideways across Susie’s lap, and lift up their hands to finish signing, “sorry I didn’t save any for you.” You is their finger pressed against his chin, Susie with a hand on their side to keep them from falling face-first onto the rock.
“Oh, that’s…fine.” Ralsei’s not excited for the day he’s forced to eat moss. Not that he’d tell Kris that! It’s just—not something he’d ever want to do. He’d do it! If he was asked. But.
Kris shrugs. “Your loss.” They drop their hands down onto their chest.
It’s windy up here, almost. If Ralsei focuses he thinks he can even feel it, faint on his fur. It doesn’t get windy in Castle Town. It was still, when he was alone, and now it’s loud and alive, but the motion comes from Darkners, not the wind. He loves Castle Town, of course, it’s where he’s fated to be—but the wind is nice, too.
“So,” Susie says, and Ralsei glances over to her. “If we’re just going to sit up here, I’m going to ask the question that’s been haunting me since we first came down here. Kris, why do you always tie your cape around your arm?”
It does look uncomfortable, Ralsei has to admit.
Kris sighs. “It’s really stupid.”
Susie nods, encouraging.
“Like, really stupid,” Kris continues. Their signs are still lazy, in broad strokes, but there’s something tense to them that wasn’t there before. Ralsei can almost feel that tenseness in his own body, like thoughts that spin.
“Now I’m really curious,” Susie says.
“Um, Kris, if you don’t want too—”
But Kris is cutting him off. “Okay,” they sign, “okay, fine. But I warned you guys.” They push themself up, sitting back on their legs. “So you know how I’m like, super unfortunately, a human?”
“You’ll always be a goat to me,” Susie says, and Kris smiles at her, something small.
“Right.” Kris’s smile fades. “But. Ugh. Anyways. Humans have this dumbshit thing.”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Ralsei says. “I mean, there’s nothing bad about you!”
Kris blinks at him. Ralsei does his best to smile, to be like Susie, that effortless way she can be reassuring. He thinks it works! Kris is…weird, about being a human, but! They are one, and if Ralsei can help them be a bit more comfortable with it, he will.
“…so the dumbshit thing humans have is this thing called,” and for this, Kris finger-spells the word, “soulmates.”
“…soulmates?” Ralsei asks.
Kris nods. “Imagine you’re like, a literal baby. And you’re naked, because you’re a baby. Except—what’s that on your arm?” Kris waves their cape-covered left arm. “That’s right, a literal brand! The ‘first words your soulmate says to you,’ or something really fucking stupid like that. From birth! It’s just—there’s just—just there! Saying oh, fuck you, you’ll never get me off no matter how much you claw at your skin. Monsters are normal. They don’t have that. They just—love people. But humans are so fucked they need a brand to tell them who to love.”
“Fuck,” Susie says.
“Yup.” Kris taps their left arm. “So. Cape. ‘S why I’m always wearing long sleeves up above. It’s on my arm. I’m not going to ever ever look at it.”
“But.” Ralsei frowns. “I’m—confused. Isn’t that…a good thing? Soulmates, I mean. Isn’t it good to know who…”
He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to word his thoughts, especially not with Kris glaring at him. But—he knows soulmates! To just—have who you’re going to love. Ralsei’s known since before he can remember that he was going to meet the Heroes, that he was going to love them. And it was true! He wouldn’t give up Kris and Susie for anything. But if he—he was—
“Do you want to always have someone else’s words on your body?” Kris’s voice scratches at the corners of his mind. “That’s what it is. Mom did all this research. Wanted me to,” and they scowl, “connect with my human side, or something dumb. I’m not a human! I’m not—I’m not. It’s my life. I don’t want someone—”
“There’s not—a someone,” Ralsei says. “Um. It’s not—I don’t think there’s a person controlling it.”
Kris scoffs. “So it’s fate or some shit I don’t care.” They push themself up to their feet. “You don’t have to live with it. You don’t get to say if it’s good or bad or whatever.”
“Kris—”
“I’m gonna go.” They’re already climbing down the cliff. “I’m—I’ll come back tomorrow or something. I’m.” Their hand is gripping onto rock so tightly Ralsei can see blood. “I’m gonna go.”
And they’re gone. Leaping into an unsteady landing onto the ground, catching themself on their hands, and vanishing into the dark shadows of Castle Town.
The first words Kris said to him were signed, and small, and actually rather far along into their adventure. It was after Susie had left to be a bad guy. Ralsei said—something, probably, he doesn’t remember. But he remembers Kris smiling, and then signing, it’s alright, at least the two of us are together.
And it was—
Ralsei had always been alone. Having friends is new and good and amazing, but it’s still new. He knew he’d have them one day—the prophecy said so—and he waited, and waited, and then they came, and then Susie left them.
Now, of course, Susie is one of his two best friends. And at the time, he, probably, knew she’d return. After all—she was a hero! She couldn’t just reject the prophecy!
But. He doesn’t remember what he thought. All he remembers is Kris, who was there. Kris, who was
alone like me but if that’s true why does
like him, he thought. Alone, but not-alone-anymore.
Some time after Kris runs, Ralsei curls up into a corner of his castle, and pulls up his right sleeve. His fur is pressed flat, and it’s easy to part it, so he can stare at the skin.
He knows the first words Kris ever said to him. Pressed into his skin, dark as night, are not those words. Not it’s alright, at least the two of us are together. Not the way their fingers curled and their hands moved.
But the words are a first, of sorts.
The first time he heard Kris’s voice was when he took of his hat, and through Susie’s loud spluttering, came an unfamiliar voice, saying what the fuck?
Kris doesn’t come back to Castle Town.
“It’s not you,” Susie tells him. When he doesn’t answer, she kicks him gentle in the side. “Dude, seriously. Like, yeah, they’re not happy about how you dealt with their whole…soulmate thing—and lemme say I also don’t really get it either—but they barely even stuck around after school to say hi to me. They have a thing with their mom.”
“You don’t get it?” Ralsei asks.
Susie groans. “Okay. Let me rephrase that one. I do not understand how it works. I get why Kris hates it. I hate it too and I only know what they told me.”
“But why?” Ralsei presses. “It’s just—I was alone here for so long before I met you, but I had the prophecy. I knew I’d meet you one day. You and Kris. I knew you’d be my best friends. I don’t…”
“I mean, that’s not the same as having something on your actual body, though.” Susie frowns. “It’s like…I dunno. It’s weird.”
“But—it’s nice.” They’re together in Susie’s room, the one he made for her. If he didn’t have the prophecy, didn’t know one day he wouldn’t be alone—would he even be here right now? “It’s…you know you won’t be alone.”
“I guess,” Susie gives him. “I don’t know, dude. Monsters for sure don’t have anything like this. Maybe it’s great, but Kris hates it. And you can at least respect that to their face.”
“I just—don’t get it,” Ralsei says. “Why Kris would hate it.” He presses his paws against his knees, sat on Susie’s bed. Susie herself hasn’t sat down, watching him with—worry, maybe. Maybe she’s just annoyed.
“Will either of us ever know what’s going on in Kris’s head?” Susie says, and it’s a joke but at the same time Ralsei can hear how serious she is. “Just…okay. I kinda…know what it’s like to be. Y’know. Different. Even if it’s just that—can’t you at least understand it?”
Ralsei looks down at the floor. There’s a reason his fur itches whenever he thinks about it too hard.
“You—don’t fit in?”
“Aren’t we talking about your issues?” But Susie thumps down on the bed beside him.
“I mean.” Ralsei glances at her. “I don’t mind, if we share. I do really want to help you if I can.”
Susie snorts. “Not sure how much good you can do down here. It’s—fine. I’m fine. People up there don’t like me, but. It’s fine. I have you and Kris and Lancer now. And maybe Noelle. She’s—nice. Always has been, really. Moreso now that we had that, ha, dream.” Susie sighs. “Maybe I should tell her the truth. But.”
“But?”
“Kinda worried if I do and she joins us more Kris will replace me?”
“Susie—”
“Do NOT give me comfort.” Susie smacks his arm away. “I never said any of that! You heard nothing! What, me? Caring about things? Never.”
Ralsei laughs. “It’s okay,” he says. “I won’t tell.”
“Shit, you’d better not. Kris would laugh at me. They think I’m cool.”
“I still think you’re cool.”
Susie rolls her eyes. “You’re a nerd, it doesn’t count.”
From there, Susie wanders over to the fridge, and Ralsei leans back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. If he’s honest he thinks he likes Kris’s room more—he put a lot of effort into those stars—but Susie’s is good, too. Maybe she wouldn’t mind if he put stars on her ceiling, too? It wouldn’t fit with the rest of the room, but—well. They’re all friends. Surely adding touches of each other wouldn’t hurt?
…they’re friends. The prophecy says so. And this…
“Susie,” Ralsei says. “Can I, um. Can I show you something?”
“Yeah, sure, what’s up?” Susie returns to the bed, and Ralsei sits up so she can sit beside him.
“Promise not to tell Kris?”
“I’ll try my best,” she says, but she winks at him, and Ralsei knows she’s safe.
“Okay. Um. Don’t freak out?”
He rolls up his sleeve, and parts his fur, and—
“THE FIRST WORDS KRIS SAID TO YOU WERE WHAT THE FUCK?” Susie bursts out laughing, and Ralsei grabs her arm to keep her from falling off the bed. “Really? Really truly? And you never told me! Dude! Ralsei!” He rubs his arm. “That is amazing. I wish me and you had something that cool! I’m almost certain the first thing I said to you was like, why are you creepily standing in an empty castle?”
She’s still laughing, but she rubs at her eyes, and says, though muffled breath, “when did this even happen? Was I not there?”
“When I took my hat off.” Ralsei stares at his arm. The words are stark against his fur—parted like this, his arm pricks and stings. They’re…messy. Scrawled. He’s never seen Kris’s handwriting.
“But—no way that was the first time they talked to you.” Susie pokes the words. Nothing happens. “Like, you guys were a team when I was with Lancer, you’re really saying absolutely no conversation happened there, whatsoever?”
“It did,” Ralsei says. “It’s alright, at least we’re together. That was it. But…they signed it.”
“Huh,” Susie says. “That’s—okay. Hmm.”
“I don’t…know,” Ralsei tells her, “how it works. I just—Kris is my soulmate.”
“Kris is your soulmate,” Susie repeats. “Shit, that sounds creepy.”
“Does it?” It sounds…nice, Ralsei thinks. Like—a promise. His soulmate. He’s Kris’s. Something that says we’ve been tied together since the start.
“Eh.” Susie shrugs. “Alright. So…this is a thing. Wait, does this mean you—aren’t soulmates, y’know. Romantic?”
Ralsei crinkles his nose. “No. They’re my friend. I’m sure it’s for friends, too.”
“I hope,” Susie says. She sighs, leaning against him.
Ralsei wriggles until Susie isn’t nearly crushing him, covering the mark back up. “Can you—Kris said their mom figured out about it. There must be a book about it, right? In the Light World?”
“Do not make me go to the library,” Susie says. “Please. Don’t do this to me.”
Ralsei blinks big eyes up at her.
“Damnit.” Susie groans, pushing him away from her. “Fine. Only because you’re my best friend. And only because for some dumb reason you can’t come to the Light World and do it yourself. What would you be, anyways? Lancer was a card.”
There is no time to worry about that. “Thank you,” Ralsei says, and he means every word.
Mirrors are…weird.
Ralsei sees himself, mostly. What-he-looks-like. And it’s…fine. He looks fine. That sure is him, alright! No matter what forms he takes, it’s just…him. It’s—so maybe it’s not—but it’s not like he can change anything about it! Prince from the Dark. He has to play his part.
He’s not sure if the glamour was better or
oh that’s new huh i haven’t seen this before
worse or the same, but whatever! It’s fine. It’s—it’s fine.
So mostly he sees himself.
i wonder if…
no
no no no that would be
ha
a stupid joke
i can trust him.
If he squints, if he tilts his head—well, mostly it’s still him, but him in slanted pieces, and that’s easier to take in, when he’s not staring at his body as a whole, but just…a single paw. He can live with that.
But sometimes he squints, and he does not see himself, anymore.
He only sees something if he looks down, down at the floor, where there resting and dusty is everything that makes up the core of him.
Sometimes, it’s better.
Susie returns with a handful of loose notebook paper.
“I was not checking out a book,” she tells him, grabbing his hand before he can even say hello and dragging him off to the castle. “And it was hidden as hell anyways, I’m not sure I even could. So I took notes for you. Never say I’m not the best friend in the world.”
“The best,” Ralsei breathes, grabbing the notes once Susie kicks open the door to her room. Ralsei spreads them out on her carpet, laying beside them, while she locks her door and drops down beside him. Papers flutter and Susie snatches them out of the air, returning them to where Ralsei laid them.
“So,” she says, “uh…hope you can read my handwriting, I just kinda copied what was said. There wasn’t a lot, it was like, this massive book about humans. One chapter was about this whole soulmate thing.” She points to one of the pages, covered in dark lines of text. “That’s the first one. Um, there was a lot more history I skipped because I don’t think it matters.”
Ralsei grabs the page, and reads.
One of the main things that sets humans apart from monsters is the soulmark. While a monster might spend their entire life trying to find their one perfect person, humans have the words of their perfect match on them since birth. These are the first words your soulmate will ever say to you.
Some humans are unlucky enough to have common words—hi, hello, sorry you dropped this—but thankfully that is not true of most humans, only those unfortunate enough to be born to non-soulmate parents. Instead, each human is assigned a phrase, a never-before-said string of words, that will be their greeting whenever they meet a new human. This way, phrases are unique, and can be registered in the soulmark directory, to facilitate the meeting of soulmates. Today, most humans meet their soulmate between 15 and 21 years of age.
“That’s not…so bad,” Ralsei says.
“Do not worry,” Susie tells him, sorting through the pages before she passes over another two, “it gets worse.”
The exact mechanisms behind the soulmate phenomena are not yet understood by science. It is understood that there is likely some sort of force behind it, though if that force is a being or just fate is not known. What is known, however, are the three key facts of the soulmate, and what can be extrapolated from there.
- Soulmates are romantic in nature. It has been theorized, then, that soulmarks evolved naturally, when the human population bottlenecked about 70,000 years ago, to under 1000 adults. To ensure the success of the species, the soulmate phenomena was born.
- Soulmates are between two unique individuals. No two people will have the same soulmate.
- The soulmark consists of the first words spoken from one soulmate to the other, but specifically, it is the first words spoken aloud directly to that person. Hearing your soulmate speak to someone else will not trigger the mark.
“…it is romantic,” Ralsei says.
“Yeah.” Susie shakes her head. “Told you it got worse.”
“But—I don’t like Kris like that.” Right? He doesn’t, he would know, except—maybe he. Does? If Kris is his soulmate, and soulmates are romantic—but.
But he doesn’t.
But he’s supposed to.
So…
Susie’s handing him another paper. He takes it.
While it is obvious that the soulmate phenomena is one of the areas where humans have it better than monsters, there are still those who reject their soulmate. There is a range to the severity of these disorders, but they are all disorders of the soulmark, called Soulmark disorders. Soulmate-Rejection is the most severe of the Soulmark disorders, affecting 0.5% of the human population. It is believed to be genetic in nature, caused by a defect in the genes that code for the soulmark, though further testing on those with it will have to be conducted to be sure. There is no cure for this disorder, and those affected by it are most often institutionalized, for the health and safety of themselves and others. While the rejection of one’s soulmate is the most well-known symptom of this disorder, others include: constant talk about their dislike of soulmates, attempts to claw or scratch their soulmark off, apathy towards discussions of soulmates, and maintaining a long-term relationship with a non-soulmate.
Ralsei puts the note down. “That’s—”
“Fucked up? Yeah.” Susie glares at the page. “Like there’s something wrong with Kris, just because they think this is stupid.”
“I just…don’t get it,” Ralsei says. “Kris is my soulmate. But…Susie, I don’t think I have a crush on them, and I don’t…”
“You can say it,” Susie says, “this is fucked up.”
“But—why?” Ralsei runs a finger down the edge of the paper. “Why would it…be like this? It’s just—it’s just knowing you aren’t alone. Isn’t it?”
“I think.” Susie sighs. “I think this: that I know I love you and Kris. And that I’d love you with or without this soulmate stuff, and with or without some prophecy. Because that’s my choice. To love you idiots.”
“The prophecy is not the same thing,” Ralsei says, shoving the papers away. “It’s not.”
Susie looks away. “I don’t know, man.”
And that’s—
“I’m not—I’m—” Ralsei squeezes his eyes shut. “I think I want to be alone.”
“Wait, Ralsei, what did I—”
“Nothing!” Ralsei’s voice cracks. There’s notebook paper stuck to his arm. “I just—I—” It’s all too much, is what it is, being here, like this, when he never once asked for it! He just—he never asked to exist! But he does, and now there’s all of—and he’s just—just lonely and forgotten and abandoned. Isn’t it better if he stays that way? “Go away!”
He does not open his eyes.
“Okay,” Susie says, quietly. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
And then he’s alone, like he was
always going to be, if the alternative is—
never supposed to be.
“Ralsei?”
Kris’s voice is quiet, hesitant. Their hands fidget at their sides as they peek into Susie’s room, where Ralsei has decided he’s going to spend the rest of his life. He thinks he catches a glimpse of Susie—a flash of pink scales and studded bracelet—but if she’s come back then she’s staying out of the way.
He’s.
He doesn’t want her to stay away.
But right now Kris is here, and he looks up at them. He looks—fine, hopefully. He’s never going to—
He’s fine.
“Hi, Kris.” Ralsei rubs at his eyes. “Um.”
“Susie says she’s sorry,” Kris says, entering the room fully. They don’t waste a second before they’re thumping down on the floor next to him. Ralsei’s long since balled up all the paper Susie brought down here and shoved it under her bed so he didn’t have to look at it, and he’s—glad.
He doesn’t want Kris to see that.
…his soulmate to see that.
But.
Well.
“She didn’t say what she did,” Kris continues, rolling their eyes with a little grin, “and she’s gone to hang out with Lancer to give you space. But if you think that’s dumb I can tell her to come back.”
“Susie’s—fine,” Ralsei says. “It’s not…”
It’s not her fault. How could she have known? She was trying to help. And now Kris is back, helping in their way. Brilliant, glorious Kris, who’s lived with soulmate their entire life.
“Well, that’s good,” Kris says. “Once Azzy and Dess got in this massive fight and having to be their messenger was so annoying.”
“Talk about it?” Ralsei asks. Maybe that’ll help. A story he can follow, instead of the thoughts racing in his head. Focus on that, not the cape still tied around Kris’s arm, the way his own arm burns when Kris brushes against him.
“I mean, sure,” Kris says. “Um, I was like…little? Don’t know ages then, they all blend together. Me and Noelle were still close so probably before I was—um. Okay how old I was doesn’t matter but see, Azzy was in school, so he and Dess had some assignment they were partners on, but Azzy got sick and Dess just—didn’t do it? Or something? So Azzy was yelling at her but he was still sick and I was just trying to convince Noelle to draw on the walls with me, but then Dess noticed that and started yelling at Azzy for like, being a bad influence? And blah blah they didn’t talk for a month. Azzy would send me over there to deliver messages but he would be like oh, Kris, don’t talk to Dess, she’ll convert you to her side, and I was like Dess doesn’t even have horns, Azzy, I could take her in a fight, and Az—Asriel did this thing he does and thinking back now I think it’s ‘cause he um, knew my horns were—okay moving on but anyways I would give my messages to Noelle and she’d give them to Dess and I just had to do that for a month.”
Their voice is soothing, is the thing. That’s the important thing, isn’t it? So maybe the soulmate stuff is—weird. But it can’t be all bad. Susie just read one book. This is Kris, and he loves them. The book was probably just wrong about the romance, about rejection, about—
This is Kris. His best friend.
“Kris,” Ralsei says, cutting them off mid-story, and Kris glances down at him. Somehow, he’s ended up with his head in their lap.
“Hmm?” Kris grins at him. One of their canine teeth pokes into their lip. “It’s okay, Azzy and Dess had really weird arguments. They put me to sleep too. I...” Kris frowns. “I really miss th—well, um, I don’t need to get into my issues right now. Are you okay?”
It’s Kris, weirdness and all.
“Kris,” Ralsei repeats. Takes a breath. “You’re my soulmate.”
The sound that comes out of Kris is less of a laugh and more of a choked cough. “That’s not a funny joke, Ralsei,” they say.
“Kris—”
They’re standing up and his head hits the ground. “That’s not funny,” they repeat, louder this time. “I thought—I was gonna say we’re okay but that’s not funny, it’s not, why are you—”
“Kris!” Ralsei snaps, and he rolls up his sleeve, and shows them his arm.
Kris is stomping at the ground with a foot. “No,” they say, “no. No. No no no no no no no no,” and they back away from him, shaking their head, back thudding against the door. “That’s not funny.”
“Kris, we can just—we can be friends, can’t we? That’s all it is. We’re just—we were always meant to be friends, isn’t that—”
“I thought you were safe,” Kris says, hushed and under their breath. “I thought…”
Their words trail off and the last Ralsei sees of them are the sharp signs of we aren’t anything, before they’re gone, like always.
Ralsei looks into the mirror, and sees—
that’s not me
i mean its really never me ‘cause i know what i look like
‘n mirrors don’t show that really
—a fluffy goat-like Darkner, a forgotten headband, Kris. What does Ralsei even look like? A Prince from the Dark, born from and for the prophecy, lonely and desperate and waiting for so many years, because maybe,
but
i thought it was better
just maybe, today would be the day?
and its
maybe
the mark is
What Kris thinks, a distorted mirror they can hate,
i mean i never look at it so maybe
oh.
so it’s the truth
something tossed to the side and forgotten, because it’s long since served its purpose as a lie?
that means my entire time with
What does it even mean, to be Ralsei?
and everything he said to me was
and there’s been this fucking mark on my arm the entire time
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,”
i don’t think i can do this anymore
Ralsei tells the mirror,
if it’s all just been a lie from the start
and doesn’t look back.
“Susie,” Ralsei asks, “how do you—how do you know you’re a girl?”
“Great to see you too,” Susie voice comes stilted. “Um—shit. I don’t know.”
Ralsei is staring intently into the cauldron, stirring nothing, but stopping means looking at Susie and there’s no universe where that’s going to happen. Instead, the world is the dark sides of the cauldron, the purple-pink of the liquid. It’s not even any food. It’s literally just colors and magic. But it’s better than looking at Susie.
“I guess…it fits right?” Footsteps, so Susie’s getting closer. Ralsei continues to stir. “I truly have no idea. One day I started forming memories and shit and everyone said I was a girl and I was like, I mean, sure, I guess. And then I saw some of the shit they make girls do and was like okay, well fuck that stuff, but the girl thing is fine.” She comes to a stop near the stool Ralsei’s climbed up on. “…can I ask why?”
“Nope!” Just don’t look at her. Keep looking at the cauldron. “It’s not for any reason. Maybe I’m just curious!”
“…oh,” Susie says, “that’s why you’re mad at me.”
“Me? Mad? I’ve never been mad in my entire life.”
“I will stop calling you dude and man,” Susie says. This time Ralsei does look at her. She’s—Susie. Just Susie. Of course she’s going to be wonderful. “Sorry.”
Ralsei says, slumping down against her, “I’m just so confused.”
“That’s okay.” Susie won’t let anything bad happen, so Ralsei goes limp in her arms, to make it easier on her. “Do you. Uh. Wanna go anywhere in particular?”
“Not really,” Ralsei mutters into her side.
“My room it is,” Susie says, “unless you want to curl up in one of the holes littering Lancer’s room?”
“I’m good.”
“Yeah, thought so.” Susie’s quiet as she climbs upstairs, pushing open the door to her room and placing Ralsei on her bed. “You wanna…talk about it?”
Ralsei rolls over. Talking into bedsheets isn’t that fun, but this works. At least they’re soft. “I told Kris. I was their soulmate.”
“…ah.”
“And. They hated it.” Ralsei laughs, the sound catching. “Of course they do! I—I hate it too! All the stuff we read, I–I hate that! It’s—it’s—and then I was, it’s, the prophecy said I had to be—and the soulmate thing—but Kris is rejecting it, and Susie, I don’t think they’re wrong. I wouldn’t be my soulmate either.”
The bed shifts when Susie sits down, and Ralsei curls closer to her warmth.
“I think there’s something wrong with me,” is what Ralsei settles on.
“That’s bullshit,” Susie says without wasting a breath. “The soulmate stuff is messed up; the prophecy stuff is messed up. But not you.”
“The prophecy says—”
“Who cares!” Susie throws her arms up. “The prophecy says one thing, big whoop. I say fuck that. Do what makes you happy.”
“…it said you’d be my friend.”
“No,” Susie says, “I said I’d be your friend. Because I wanted too. Not because some higher force thought we should. Because somehow we met, and now we’re friends, and you’re—you and Kris are like, the best things to happen to me. I’m being sappy for you so you’d better appreciate it.”
Susie’s warm and alive and bright, and Ralsei looks up at her as she continues speaking. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’d be your friend no matter what.”
“But.” Ralsei’s voice shakes. “Without the prophecy. We’d never have met.”
“Yes, we would’ve.” Susie’s voice is firm. Steady ground, in a world where there is none. “I’d make sure of it.”
There’s no getting rid of the words, pressed into Ralsei’s arm like a burn that never healed.
But there is Susie, here. And there is Kris, above.
Despite everything, Ralsei cares about Kris. That, if nothing else, is true.
Their friendship won’t just be a lie.
“So…” Susie prompts.
“Okay,” Ralsei says, “okay. Try…”
It’s scary. Ralsei knows the words, but to push them out is to say—I am not the Prince from the Dark, because I am not and never was a Prince. It’s to say it was wrong. To say Kris was right.
Ralsei has been many things, but not one of them has been just Ralsei.
“She,” Ralsei pushes out, and then cannot say anything else.
Susie nods, and says, as though she is not taking the boundaries of the world apart with her hands, “this is one of my best friends, Ralsei. She’s a nerd and I love her.”
And it’s—
“Oh,” Ralsei manages.
“Good?” Susie nudges Ralsei in the arm.
“Oh,” Ralsei repeats, and that’s about when the tears start coming. Susie is there and so Ralsei—so she buries herself against Susie’s side just to feel her breathing and alive and here, Susie who gave Ralsei this: the world split in two.
“That’s a yes,” Susie says, softly.
“I didn’t know I could just—” Because it’s not an answer to the question who is Ralsei but it’s getting there, a thousand steps closer than she has ever been before. Not a Prince, not a headband, not a reflection—she is herself. Ralsei. And whoever Ralsei may be—now she can figure it out, with Susie, with Kris. Without any limitations. “I didn’t know I could just do that.”
“What’re friends for?” Susie says, rubbing her back. “
“We’ll keep fixing things,” Ralsei says, “with—with Dark Worlds. Right? Prophecy or not?”
“Right,” Susie confirms, “prophecy or not.”
i really wanted to trust…
And you can, Ralsei thinks, waiting for Kris’s return, I promise.
Kris does not approach her, but Kris is not running away, and that, Ralsei thinks, is the best she is going to get, right now. She asked Susie to explain very little. This is her story to tell.
“Why.” Kris’s signs are sharp. “How do I know it’s you, and not whatever force up there decided to tie us together?”
“I don’t know for sure,” Ralsei starts. In their hands, Kris’s sword shakes where it’s pointed at her. But she could never fear Kris. “But I do know two things.”
Kris watches.
“I know that I want this,” she says, “that I love you. That you’re one of my best friends. That I’m so glad I met you.”
“And?” Kris snaps.
“I also know that whatever forces create soulmarks said that your soulmate was a Prince from the Dark.” Ralsei swallows. Her arm burns. But—it’s a good burn. Like skin healing over. “And no matter what happens, I am not and have never been that.”
“Ralsei…?”
Ralsei holds out her hand. “I’m Ralsei. She/her. It’s—it’s nice to meet you.”
It’s your choice.
oh
Kris’s hand does not fit perfectly into hers. Maybe it did, once, but whoever that person was, Ralsei is not him. Ralsei is herself, and will not let fate make her into something else.
“I’m Kris,” Kris says, softly.
And you choose me?
Kris smiles at her. “And I’m choosing you.”