Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian has always been a loud child; he makes sure to question everything and everyone even if he already has his own understanding from prior experiences. It is better to let them think he hasn’t learned the accepted lessons yet.
Ever since his parents died, leaving him to wander the streets alone for year upon year, he’s learned to be loud attracts both the right and wrong sorts of attention - usually the wrong sort with men trying to catch him and sell him to brothels for money until the nicer aunties and uncles near his usual haunts put a stop to it.
“What is kissing like? Is it nice?”
A question he’s sometimes asked the girls of brothels he’s deemed safe enough to scavenge food from. They would often look at him over their hands and whisper in giggly voices until the eldest of the girls sighs and takes him aside.
“It can be nice with the right person. Kissing is like…” She glances at the other girls before looking around for their mistress and brings her attention back to him. “Kissing is like falling into a warm bath that you have chosen to share with someone special in your heart, a-Ying. Most of the time anyways.”
“Eww..” He scrunches his little nose, frowning as his mind tries to understand. “I don’t think I want to kiss anyone if it isn’t nice.”
The girl’s laughter is like gentle music. “Well it isn’t for everyone, my little friend. But here a-Ying, this a fresh roll from the kitchens before my madam sees you here. Now shoo, shoo.”
*
So he’s learned to be loud because that means safety in his mind. Especially with the Jiang Disciples he grows up with after Uncle Jiang brings him to live at Lotus Pier, who sometimes whisper into the night about their experience of kissing their supposedly secret when Jiang Wanyin and his mother weren’t around. He knows their dislike for him, they aren’t quiet about it so he avoids going to them for things that are supposed to be normal for everyone, but aren’t for him.
Wei Wuxian knows that he doesn’t desire people in the same way that they do, but Wei Wuxian doesn’t quite feel safe enough at Lotus Pier to ask those sorts of questions. Sometimes he’ll take to sitting on the rooftops of Yunmeng-Jiang to watch the people as they go about their daily routines and wonder why he has no desire to pursue them even for companionship.
He’s not sure yet if he likes anyone of either gender, but he now has questions burning in his mind and no idea who is safe enough to ask them without the Jiangs somehow finding out.
His back remembers the awful, blistering burning stings of the Zidian’s whip to even think about approaching Yu-furen with questions.
*
He doesn’t think he fools Nie-er-gongzi with his pretend interest in the contraband that they have somehow managed to sneak into their borrowed rooms at the Cloud Recesses, and his loudness towards things that he pretends to know gets him in trouble more often than not. So perhaps he needs to take a different approach with the Lans and the rigidity they choose to surround themselves with in their rules.
Wei Wuxian is also fairly convinced that he can get Lan Wangji to be friends with him despite the other boy’s cold attitude towards him, because for some reason his wanting to get an emotional rise out of Lan Wangji turns to wanting something more than just friendship with him.
It is scary, but also intriguing because it makes him have questions about other people and desire.
So Wei Wuxian doesn’t quite understand what possess him to do it, but after making himself ignore the unwise words of Jin Zixuan, the other Disciples, and Jiang Wanyin’s vitriol for making him to go after the Jin Heir when he had expected Wei Wuxian to do the deed. So with questions churning in his mind, he approaches Lan Laoshi after class when he speaks with both of his nephews after Jiang-zongzhu appeared to take his son back to Lotus Pier, he found himself begging his uncle for time in the Cloud Recesses.
He knows the three Lans take note of his approach to their little group before bowing respectfully and knows that they expect Wei Wuxian to try and forcibly inject his unwanted opinion into their conversation, but he won’t as he waits quietly for their acknowledgement. Wei Wuxian can be patient when it suits him and this is a delicate conversation that he doesn’t quite know how to approach despite finally feeling safe in the Cloud Recesses.
From the looks that they are giving him - mostly confusion from Lan Laoshi and Lan Zhan, he hasn’t quite figured out to Zewu-Jun yet, Wei Wuxian, can see that his behavior is perplexing to them from how used they’ve somehow become to his loud, unrepentant behavior in their Sect. He doesn’t know how to really feel about that, but with his new questions that he’s experiencing, he can make himself wait to be heard.
Finally the older man turns to him, frowning as his nephew’s gaze both turn to him as well. “Wei Wuxian, is there a matter that I can assist you with?”
Wei Wuxian nods slightly. “Yes, Shifu. There are questions on my mind that I think you can help with.”
Lan Laoshi hums softly as he starts to slowly stroke his beard. “Pertaining to today’s lessons?”
“No, though I’d like to speak with you later about them, if you allow it, Lan Laoshi.” Ignoring the other two sets of eyes watching him, Wei Wuxian shakes his head as he chews on the inside of his cheek. “It’s more a question of discovering the self? And desires? I’m fairly sure you’re safe enough to ask.”
He sees their attentiveness sharpens as they watch him and wonders if they understand; to imply that he’s only felt safe to approach someone at Cloud Recesses when he could have asked his questions to anyone elsewhere says something about the way the Lans conduct themselves.
For a moment, Lan Laoshi says nothing while scrutinizing him before sighing. “Come with me, Wei Wuxian.”
Their group moves from the classroom to the older man’s office, ignoring the curious eyes watching them though Wei Wuxian knows that the Jiang Disciples who remained for the Lectures will without a doubt be reporting his movements to Jiang-zongzhu and Yu-furen. Once they enter the office, Lan Laoshi kneels at the small table in the side room and gestures for them to join him as a servant brings them tea and assorted nuts and closes the door behind them after leaving.
They sip their tea in silence before Lan Qiren pins him down with a look. “You had questions about the discovery of the self and the desires that follow.”
“Yeah, I did. Is it normal exactly to not feel desire towards another person? I -” Wei Wuxian frowns, glancing down at his tea cup very carefully, not looking at any of them though mostly at Lan Zhan, whose gaze seems to be stuck on him. “Before coming here, I didn’t feel that sort of like towards anyone. But just in the sense that I want to be with them for companionship and love more than anything else. Is... is that normal? To live without feeling a romantic desire towards someone until you meet someone you like?”
Lan Qiren sighs deeply as Zewu-Jun. “Wei-gongzi, if I may ask. Why have you waited until coming to the Cloud Recesses to speak with my Shufu? Could you not do so at Lotus Pier?”
“It wasn’t safe.” Wei Wuxian answers simply, shrugging one shoulder. “Despite my accomplishments as the child of a servant and a rogue cultivator, I am not well liked by Jiang-zongzhu’s family. I couldn’t risk my talk of my questions reaching their ears.”
“Wei Ying is safe here.” Lan Wangji declares firmly, Wei Wuxian notes how the attention of the other boy’s family members sharpens at the use of Wuxian’s given name by the Second Jade of Lan. He finds himself wondering how they might feel about a growing connection between the calm Lan Wangji and the wild Wei Wuxian. He feels safe and warm around the other boy, it’s something he would like to explore with him if given the chance to do so.
Lan Qiren hums softly as he eyes his youngest nephew before speaking. “First and foremost, you are safe within our boundaries, Wei Wuxian. We will make certain no harm befalls you here as this is a place of learning and I see that you are willing to learn despite your outlandish ideas. Secondly, it is normal what you are describing; we are immortal masters who strive to learn about all parts of ourselves. Romantic desire is tricky as you are young and learning where your boundaries are, society will not teach you this, it is something that you must learn on your own.”
Wei Wuxian makes a soft noise to show he understands before asking the other question on his mind thinking of the games that the other Jiang boys liked to play with the unmarried girls in or outside of the Sect on Night Hunts. “So. It would be alright then to not want to kiss other people until you find that special person in your heart?”
Both Lan Wangji and his brother make aborted choking sounds as Lan Qiren nods. “It is all normal, Wei Wuxian. Even the questions that you have not yet thought to ask.”
“Oh. Good to know I guess. I’ve been trying to discover those answers for a long time, but nowhere was safe enough to ask the questions.” Wei Wuxian then eyes the other boys and grins. “I see rumors of my prowess have reached even the Lan Sect even with your rule about rumors.”
Though he says nothing, the tips of Lan Wangji’s ears turn a fascinating red as Zewu-Jun chuckles softly over his tea. “I think my brother was hoping you’d share some of that renowned experience with him, Wei-gongzi.”
“Brother.” Lan Wangji exclaims softly as Zewu-Jun grins at him while their Shufu sighs.
“Heavens help us all, I did not hear that, Xichen. But I will put together an engagement proposal to send to the Jiang Sect on your behalf and Xichen will supervise you to prevent other shenanigans. Wei Wuxian, come to me if you desire further discussion on the matter in the future.”
Wei Wuxian stands and bows to him. “Of course, thank you, Lan Laoshi. I look forward to that.”
As he straightens, Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Wangji in the corner of his eyes and finds that he enjoys the thought of discovering where their mutual desires would even ground together.