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Lee Donghae, just turned 35, is well known for being more than a little clumsy and prone to accidents. Perhaps that’s why he is hardly seen without his self-assigned bodyguard slash childhood friend, Lee Hyukjae. The E Oppa to his D Oppa, the moon to his sun, the home to his soul.
In another universe, they may be what one call “Soulmates”.
The love confession from Hyukjae comes just mere seconds before Donghae’s blinded by the blaring headlights of a car speeding straight at him. Even then, the car horn is unable to drown out Hyukjae’s voice crying out for him.
Donghae squeezes his eyes tightly shut, unwilling to let the last thing he sees be the driver’s expression as he is hit.
His throat is hoarse from yelling. He’s finally paying the price for being clumsy, isn’t he? At least getting hit by a car doesn’t seem to hurt as much as he thought. Then something slaps Donghae lightly on the cheek twice, followed by that all-too familiar voice, “Donghae-ah, wake up.”
Huh?
Heart thundering against his chest, Donghae risks peeking through one eye.
It is Hyukjae, looking down at him with a concerned frown and naturally pouty lips. Donghae sits up blinking, hands patting wildly at his hair, face, chest. “I’m alive?”
“No, you’re dead and this is the afterlife,” Hyukjae answers seriously, and for a moment Donghae believes him. Then he rolls his eyes, “Of course you’re alive, you dramatic oaf. Vaccines aren’t meant to kill us. C’mon, let’s go, lean on me.”
Hyukjae extends his hand, and without thinking, Donghae takes it, and am led out of what he now realises is their van. Did Hyukjae say vaccines? Speaking of which; now that the shock from getting hit by a car has partially worn off, Donghae’s arm feels numb, his body more sluggish than usual.
...Just like how he felt after he took his first dose more than a month ago.
They’ve arrived at the SM building after their D&E live for a meeting about their 10th anniversary album. As every other time, they sit next to each other, close enough that Donghae can feel Hyukjae’s body warmth from where their shoulders touch. The same words keep looping in his head like a broken record:
Donghae-ah, I’m in love with you.
When Donghae shies away from the man’s touch for the fourth time within the span of five minutes, Hyukjae calls him out on it. “Lee Donghae, I’ve always known you’re weird, but you’re being extra weird today.”
He reaches out, resting one palm against Donghae’s forehead and another on his own in the universal method of checking for a fever. Such an act is nothing unusual between them; it’s simply something Donghae is unable to handle at the moment.
For the first time he wonders if Hyukjae acts like this because he’s in love with Donghae. He wasn’t always like this, back then. When? Since when did he start to feel this way?
The chair screeches in Donghae’s ears in his attempt to put distance between them, and he feels himself fall backwards, Hyukjae’s voice again what he hears last before his vision blacks out.
THUMP!
“Ouch,” Donghae curses as he hits his head. There’s a different kind of throbbing pain than where the impact is, one that reminds him of a trip hours too long out at sea where he felt nauseous for days after.
Someone laughs, but it sounds far away, the sound an echo. He lies still till his vision at the very least grows clear, and he’s able to recognise the room he’s in—the old SM dance studio.
The one from training days. There’s a sudden tightness in his throat, and he orders himself to not cry. A sharp bark of laughter catches his attention and he turns his head in search of the source, but what makes him pause is his reflection in the glassless mirror.
...He’s definitely back to predebut days.
A pair of feet approach, but Donghae keeps his eyes trained on the mirror as Hyukjae bends his knees and claps his palms together right by his ear, the sharp sound piercing through his eardrum in the most unpleasant way imaginable. Donghae feels himself flinch, eyes shutting out the lights when they turn as blaring as the headlights of the car heading right at him.
“Yah, Lee Donghae, break’s over.”
“Hyuk… Don’t talk so loudly, my head hurts.”
“Hyuk?” Hyukjae repeats, incredulous. “Who are you calling Hyuk, you brat? I’m your hyung. Come on, get up if you have hopes of debuting.”
Donghae bites down hard on his lower lip. His head feels like it’s about to burst any second, and he’s somehow back to the first few months since meeting Hyukjae. “I’m your hyung”? Is this some kind of nightmare, or has he died and is currently in Hell?
Try as he may to hold back, Donghae sniffles, and his pain is translated into his teenage voice that still carries the Mokpo accent. “I want to go home…”
“What was that?”
“I want to go back to the present...”
At those words, the air seems to shift. No—the air has grown still. The throbbing of Donghae’s head has eased, but now his ears ring from the silence that fell abruptly.
“You always defy expectations, don’t you. But still, I didn’t expect you to say the keywords this quickly.”
It’s Hyukjae’s voice again. He sounds more mature than before, but Donghae doesn’t dare open his eyes in fear of what he may find. Maybe if he falls asleep like this, everything will end. Hyukjae doesn’t seem to notice nor mind his state, either.
“You want to go back to your time, huh.”
Of course he does! “Can you bring me back?”
His question is frustratingly ignored, as if he’s never spoken at all. “Why would you want to go back? Didn’t you want to run away when you heard my confession?”
“That’s—” Donghae feels his heart rate speed up again at the mention of Hyukjae’s confession. He’d reacted like this too, then. Dumbly, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing because the sound of his heart hammering against his chest was too loud.
Donghae drives out to the dorm to fetch Hyukjae, the two having promised to grab lunch before heading to their meeting together. It’s Hyukjae’s idea. The meal goes on normally enough, but as they head out of the restaurant, Donghae remembers why they’re out in the first place.
“Hyuk? You said you wanted to tell me something?”
“Yeah. 10th year anniversary, right?”
Donghae doesn’t see how nervous Hyukjae is, how he’s clutching onto the fabric of the pockets his hands are stuffed into to complete his facade of indifference. So he smiles.
“10 years doesn’t feel real. It’s only possible because you’re the E in D&E. Thank you, Eunhyuk-ah.”
Hyukjae shuffles on his feet, looking away for a long moment before meeting his eyes again. “I’d like to be the E in your life too, if you’d let me. Donghae-ah, I’m in love with you.”
And like the fool he is, Donghae had panicked, not even once having thought that Hyukjae would be in love with him. He doesn’t even remember what excuse he’d spewed before his attempt to rush back to the vehicle, leading to the accident.
“Didn’t you wish that I never said it, that I didn’t love you? Then you wouldn’t have gotten into the accident…”
Nothing could’ve stopped his scoff, not even the way Hyukjae sounds so small, so uncertain. “No, you mad lad. I just needed time to process the fact that my best friend is in love with me.”
“I would’ve thought I was being extremely obvious the past decade or so, what with the way I was glued to you,” Hyukjae says dryly. Donghae feels himself flush. In all honesty, he’d never allowed himself to think like that. Hyukjae seems to see through him, for he groans.
“Of course he doesn’t realise it,” Hyukjae mutters, but Donghae hears the fondness in his voice, and it warms him in a way he finds he likes. A lot.
Donghae finds himself grinning, suddenly alright with whatever’s going on because Hyukjae is here with him. “So, Hyuk. You’re a magician or something? Time traveler?”
That gets a smile out of the man. “I guess you can say that. The last of my powers used up to save the man I love, or something along those lines.”
He laughs, knowing exactly what Hyukjae is referencing to. “Like that Japanese animated film?”
“Exactly like that.”
Then the smile fades, and Donghae finds himself missing it immediately. “I’ll send you back if that’s what you want, Hae. Just not—back there, just for the accident to happen again.”
Donghae nods with a nervous lick of his lips, and let his lids flutter shut. “Alright. Do whatever you need to. I trust you, Hyuk.”
“Bloody hell,” Hyukjae mutters under his breath, just loud enough for him to catch the words. “Saying shit like that so easily when I’m in love with him.”
Then, louder, “You’ll be conscious in the flow in time. Don’t lose your focus, and make a grab for the image that calls out to you most strongly. I’ll be able to guide you for a few seconds, and the rest is up to you, okay?”
Donghae nods, too nervous to speak.
“I’ll be waiting for you at the starting line.”
The words are a whisper in the air, and Donghae wants to ask what Hyukjae means. But before his lips can form the shape of his first word, he feels himself lift in the air. His eyes pop open, his surroundings changed again. Donghae’s able to tell immediately that he is currently within the flow of time.
“Time travel is like being in a dreamlike state,” Hyukjae’s voice sounds in his head. It should be a terrifying experience, yet all Donghae feels is the man’s caress, bringing him a sense of calm. “Humans may only be capable of leaping back in time, but if you wish for it enough, you may be granted a glimpse of the future you desire.”
And that’s the big question, isn’t it? What Donghae desires. He decides to do what he does best: empty his mind. It’s silent for a long time, so many images flashing before his eyes but none concrete enough to make out and cling onto.
Then he hears the sound of waves crashing. He follows the sound, and is momentarily blinded by the view of the sea dyed in orange, sunset sky darkened to purple. The two of them, he and Hyukjae, walking along the beach with fingers laced, laughing at words he can’t quite make out.
Yes. He thinks that is the future he desires.
—No, he knows it is.
Donghae, as he’s somehow grown accustomed to, wakes up after the time leap with a headache that lasts but seconds. As it passes, so do all his memories of time travel.
It’s quiet, save the gentle whirring of the air conditioner on the other side of the familiar SM break room. Donghae knows without seeing his face that he’s resting on Hyukjae’s shoulder. On his lap lies a stack of papers filled with sketches and messy scribbles. Resting above the pile are their linked hands, the grip loose but fingers unmistakably entangled. He squeezes experimentally, and is answered with a quiet sigh.
“Hae, you’re awake?”
“Hey, Hyuk.” His voice comes out raspy after a good rest.
A gentle chuckle. “Good morning to you too, sleeping beauty.”
Perhaps it’s silly to say that’s how Donghae knows he’s in love with Lee Hyukjae, but it simply is. The feeling settles something in his chest, like a journey that’s met its end. He’ll confess to Hyukjae tomorrow, Donghae decides, and regardless of Hyukjae’s answer, they’ll probably catch a meal and continue discussing their album after.
He smiles at the thought, eyes catching the huge D&E 10th Anniversary!!! at the heart of all their drafts. The name for their first full length album comes as abruptly as the realisation of his feelings.
Countdown. The word signaling the end of a long wait, and the welcoming of a new beginning at a new starting point. For the both of them.
End.