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Ten and Johnny are two uncommitted guys in their late 20s, they’re not dating but they’re exclusively for each other only.
At gaya ng mga magjowa, nag-aaway din si Johnny at Ten. Bakit? Well.. nainis lang si Ten dahil napapadalas na ang pangungulit ni Johnny na lagyan na raw nila ng label ang kung ano man ang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa pero tumatanggi siya dahil hindi pa nga siya ready mag-commit… kasi takot pa rin siya. Kaya ba niyang paulit-ulit na tanggihan kapag tinatanong siya ni Johnny na gawin na nilang official ang ‘something’ nila? Oo. Kaya ba niyang maging honest kung bakit? Isang malaking HINDI. If there is another thing Ten had grown to hate, it is being honest because for him, honesty is like letting himself be vulnerable and he hates it, because the last time he had let himself be vulnerable, whatever he feels or thinks: his ex doesn’t care. OA lang daw siya, nagdadrama lang. Since then, he promised himself not to be vulnerable again.
Never again, he said. But Johnny happened.
Nagkakilala sila back in college, 3rd year siya at si Johnny naman ay graduating student. They started just like the main characters in a friends with benefits movie, until they eventually became close friends. Hindi naman mahirap na mapalapit kay Johnny, the guy’s a gentle giant, according to Ten’s words. Pasensyoso ito kapag nagsusungit si Ten, if the younger has cravings, he’ll go to his place just to bring him whatever he’s craving for. Kapag inis si Ten at walang tigil itong nagkukwento tungkol sa mga bagay na kinaiinisan niya ay nakikinig ito sa kanya, madalas na gumagatong at nagbibiro pa kaya ang ending nakakalimutan ni Ten ang inis niya.
Their ‘exclusivity’ continued even after Ten graduated kung kaya’t limang taon na sila sa ganoong set up, at some point, nagkaaminan na rin sila ng nararamdaman.
“So.. tayo na?” Tanong ni Johnny, “Hindi.” Firm na sagot ni Ten, “‘Di ka pa rin ready?” Tanong ulit ng nakakatanda, “Oo.”
“Okay.” “Okay?” “Okay, kaya ko naman maghintay.”
True to Johnny’s words, kinaya naman niya talaga maghintay, aabot ba naman sila ng limang taon na walang label kung hindi? Wala naman silang nagiging malalang problema ni Ten, maliban na lang kapag kinukulit niya ito sa label nila. Threatened ba siya sa ibang lalaki na nagpapakita ng motibo dito? Hindi, lamang naman kasi siya sa mga ‘yon. Pagod na ba siyang marinig sa kaibigan niya na wala siyang karapatan dahil hindi naman siya boyfriend ni Ten? Oo. Wala naman talaga siyang pake noon kapag sinasabihan siya ng ganun ng mga kaibigan niya, pero lately, hindi na ‘yon mawala sa isip niya.
Totoo naman kasi sinasabi nila, sino bang tanga ang magsesettle ng limang taon sa isang tao na hindi naman niya kasintahan?
Syempre si Johnny, pero wala e, nagmamahal lang naman siya.
“Sure? Hindi pa rin nagbabago isip mo?”
“John.”
“I mean you know, we could make it official na, yun na lang naman kulang sa’tin, our parents already know each other–”
“Johnny, pwede ka bang umalis ka muna?” Inis na tanong ni Ten sa kanya habang naghahanda ng pagkain para sa mga pusa niya, “Ha? I thought you wanna hang out–”
“And I do, you know Thursdays are for us. But why do you have to bring it up again?” Sagot nito sa nakakatanda, “I was just asking, Ten.”
“At alam mo na yung sagot, Johnny.” Napabuntong hininga ang binata, pagod siya at wala siyang enerhiya para makipag-sagutan so he resorts to what he knows is effective to avoid arguments. Wala sa hulog ang pangungulit ng nakakatanda sa kanya o talagang nagiging passive aggressive siya kapag commitment ang pinag-uusapan. “Umalis ka na lang kung kukulitin mo na naman ako about d’yan, please.”
And Johnny does what Ten wants, umalis na lang siya. Sanay na siya sa ganoon, staying with Ten means he also has to deal with it. Pero hindi ibig sabihin non, hindi siya nasasaktan, masakit din sa part niya but at the end of it, Ten would apologize kaya makakalimutan na din niya.
Marupok na kung marupok pero hindi niya kayang tiisin si Ten.
But Johnny was extra sensitive that time, after the petty argument with Ten, he was piled up with work. Stress, pagod, halos wala na siyang tulog. Ten hasn't reached out to him yet for three weeks now since the incident, madalas kasi ilang araw lang itong 'di nagpaparamdam pero iba na yata ngayon, 'yon ang naisip niya.
Sa kabilang dako naman, sermon ang inabot ni Ten kay Doyoung at Taeyong nang malaman nilang ilang linggo na ring hindi nag-uusap ang dalawa.
"Akala ko ba ready ka na? Ano na namang nangyari?" Tanong ni Doyoung sa kanya, "Sasabihin ko naman na non e kaso badtrip ako dahil sa trabaho." Pagpapaliwanag ni Ten at ngumuso.
"Edi sana pinahupa mo, 'di mo naman kailangan paalisin, Ten. Pwede namang sabihin na 'wag nang pag-usapan 'yon." Pagsabat naman ni Taeyong, "E sanay naman na siya na ganon–"
"Hindi porket sanay, hindi na masakit para sa kanya." Pagputol ni Taeyong sa kanya, "We all know straightforward you are, it sucks sometimes to be honest, but I know you're aware that you're the one in the wrong."
"Magsorry ka sa kanya, bakla! Matanda ka na para magpabebe pa, tsaka ‘di ka naman matitiis non.” Dagdag pa ni Doyoung.
"'Di matitiis e hindi nga ako tinext man lang." Ten huffed, napasinghap naman si Doyoung sa inis. "Oo na oo na! Kakausapin ko na kapag magkita kami."
"Hay! Nakakastress 'tong baklang to!" Madramang pagrereklamo ni Doyoung, "Buti na lang may party bukas."
"Party saan?" Tanong ni Ten, "Jungwoo's place, may big project ang loko kaya susulitin na daw niya ang free time niya." Sagot nito sa kanya.
"Pumunta ka ha, sigurado akong nandoon din si Johnny."
Pasado alas nueve na nakarating si Ten sa bahay ni Jungwoo dahil late na siya natapos sa trabaho, malayo pa lang ay rinig na rinig ang tugtog at ingay ng mga bisita nito. Agad niyang nahanap ang mga kaibigan niya sa sala na nag-iinuman, ang ibang bisita ay sumasayaw, yung iba ay nakikipaglaro ng beer pong at body shots.
"Jusko! Akala ko wala ka nang balak pumunta." Ani ni Taeyong at hinatak si Ten para paupuin sa sofa na inuupuan niya, inabutan siya nito ng isang bote ng beer. Nagkukwentuhan silang magkakaibigan nang dumating si Jungwoo na bitbit ang isang bote ng tequila at lumapit kay Ten.
“Hi Ten! Namiss kita!” Sigaw nito at agad na niyakap ang binata, napatawa na lang si Ten at niyakap rin ang kaibigan, halatang lasing na ito dahil dumoble ang pagiging clingy nito. Agad din naman kumalas ang nakababata sa kanya at inagaw ang beer na hawak niya, “That’s no fun! You should drink this instead, may shot glass ba dyan?” Tanong ni Jungwoo pero hindi naman niya hinintay sumagot ang mga kasama nila kaya humarap siya kay Ten na may nakakalokong ngiti, “Wala? Okay Ten, it’s time for you to bring back your manginginom spirit!”
Minsan lang ‘to Ten, you need to destress before facing Johnny. Pangungumbinsi niya sa kanyang sarili, nagkatinginan naman si Doyoung at Taeyong dahil alam nilang kapag nagkasundo ang dalawa sa mga kalokohan, hindi na nila ‘yon mapipigilan.
“Game!”
An hour or two later, Ten had already passed his alcohol limit. Mataas naman ang alcohol tolerance niya, pero dala na rin siguro ng halo halong alak na nainom niya at kalikutan nilang apat (oo, nadamay na din si Doyoung at Taeyong), ay nalasing na siya. Jaehyun (Taeyong’s boyfriend) and Yuta (Doyoung’s boyfriend) could only watch their boyfriends, magagalit pa kasi ang mga ito ‘pag pinakielamanan sila. Wala naman silang problema sa apat, not until Ten starts dancing with a random guy, and they know they’re too sensual and too close for Johnny’s liking. Nagkatinginan si Yuta at Jaehyun saka napabuntong hininga.
“Keep your eyes on them, hanapin ko lang si Johnny.” Bilin ni Jaehyun kay Yuta at agad na tumayo para hanapin si Johnny, ‘di rin nagtagal ay nakita niya ito sa may backyard at may babaeng nagkukwento dito, pero halata namang ‘di ito nakikinig at walang bahid ng interes sa babae. Huminga ng malalim si Jaehyun at pabulong na nagmura, bakit ba sila ang naistress sa love life ng kaibigan nila?
“John.” Tawag ni Jaehyun sa nakakatanda, hindi yata siya narinig nito kaya naman lumapit siya at tinapik ang balikat nito, dahilan para mapaharap ito sa gulat. “Kanina pa may naghahanap sayo.”
“Bakit?” Tanong nito sa kanya, humarap rin ang babae sa kanya at nagpacute.
“Friend mo? Hi, I’m Ca–”
“Basta, tara na.” Sagot nito at hinatak si Johnny, sumunod naman ang babae sa kanila kaya nainis si Jae. Sino ba ‘to at parang linta kung makadikit kay Johnny?
Pagbalik nila sa sala ay mas magulo na ito kesa nung umalis siya para hanapin si Johnny, at ang dahilan?
Ang boyfriend niya at si Ten.
They’re dancing together, sexily, while people are cheering on them. Napahilamos naman ng mukha si Jaehyun at si Johnny? Napamura na lang.
“Bakit mo hinayaan malasing ‘yang dalawa?” Inis na tanong ni Johnny, and if Jaehyun could only slap the shit out of him, he’ll do it.
“Buti nga ‘yan lang naabutan mo.” Sagot nito sa nakakatanda at naglakad papunta sa dalawang mukhang hindi magpapaawat sa pagsayaw. Agad namang sumunod si Johnny at hinawakan ang bewang ni Ten samantalang si Jaehyun ay hinatak si Taeyong, making the two drunk guys whine. But then, Ten realizes someone’s hand was on his waist, making him furrow his eyebrows and turn his head to look who it is even though he barely recognizes the latter because his vision was blurry.
“Ano ba sino ka ba–” “Ten,”
Now he recognized that voice and that made him grin sheepishly and then he turned his body to face Johnny, who doesn’t seem pleased with his current state.
“You’re drunk.” Saad nito, Ten just frowned and shrugged then got himself free from the older then proceeded to wobble towards the couch where Jungwoo, Taeyong, and Doyoung were sitting, totally shitfaced. Ten scooted between Jungwoo and Doyoung while Johnny just kept a straight face while looking at Ten.
“Okay, that’s a wrap! Party’s over guys!” Yuta announced, making the people grunt and protest as they made their way out of the house. When they’re the only ones left, the three sober men stood next to each other.
“Bukas na tayo maglinis, I’ll take Jungwoo to his room muna. Take your boyfriends to your prefer guest room.” Ani ni Jaehyun.
“Ten’s not–”
“Wala akong pake. You might as well be one or end whatever shit you have going on for five years now, John. Parang kayong mga bata.” Pagputol ni Jaehyun sa kanya, napatikhim naman si Yuta dahil sa naramdamang tensyon sa pagitan ng dalawa. Alam niyang pareho lamang itong inis.
“Sige na sige na, buhatin niyo na ‘yang mga ‘yan para makapagpahinga na rin tayo.” Pagputol niya sa dalawa, Johnny just stayed silent while keeping a straight face while keeping his eyes on Jaehyun while the younger just mockingly snickered.
Nauna naman na nagkibit balikat si Jaehyun at hinatak si Jungwoo patayo. “Diyan ka muna, hatid ko lang ‘to sa kwarto niya.” Bilin nito kay Taeyong tsaka umalis habang nakaalalay kay Jungwoo.
Si Yuta naman ay tinapik ang balikat ni Johnny, “Pagpasensyahan mo na si Jaehyun, tol. Badtrip lang ‘yon.”
“May point naman siya,” Johnny chuckled bitterly, “Parang talagang kaming mga bata.”
“‘Wag mong dibdibin sinabi non, nabigla lang din ‘yon.” Sagot nito muli, “Diyan ka muna ah. Dalhin ko na ‘to sa guest room.” Pagpaalam ni Yuta at nilapitan ang boyfriend nito tsaka binuhat papunta sa guest room.
‘Di nagtagal ay bumalik na rin si Jaehyun at agad na nilapitan ang kasintahan nitong nakatulog na sa couch kaya naman binuhat na niya ito, hindi na rin niya pinansin si Johnny dahil baka magkasagutan lang sila nang wala sa oras.
Sila na lamang ni Ten ang naiwan sa sala, the younger has his eyes closed so Johnny decided to go closer to the latter.
“Ten,” He called him and Ten just responded with a hum, he’s not asleep yet, Johnny thought. Nagpapalipas lang siguro ito ng pagkahilo. “Kuha lang akong tubig.”
He made his way to the kitchen to fetch some cold water for Ten then came back to the living room, “Drink this.” Ani niya nang makaupo siya sa tabi nito, “Ten.”
“Ayoko,” Ten grunted and pushed Johnny’s hand that was holding the glass close to his lips, making the older bite his lower lip to stop himself from letting out a huff.
"Isa," Pagbilang niya pero hindi man lang natinag si Ten. "Dalawa."
Ten opened one of his eyes to look at Johnny, his senses weren't cooperating yet he felt the older's heavy stare on him.
"Tat–"
"Oo na, iinom na." Inis na sagot ng nakababata nang maimulat ang dalawa niyang mata, pinilit niyang makaupo nang maayos kahit na nahihilo siya tsaka inabot ang baso na hawak ni Johnny at ininom.
Once he finished, he felt refreshed and maybe it helped him sober up even just for a bit. Johnny placed down the glass on the table then looked back at Ten with the same expression he had before then sighed, leaning his back against the sofa.
Silence filled the air yet it was so loud, Ten's mind was clouded while Johnny's mind was filled with thoughts about his 'relationship' with him. It was until a few minutes later that Ten suddenly spoke his name.
"Johnny," he just hummed in response. "Was that your new girl?"
Dahil sa tanong ni Ten, tila ba nawala na lahat ng iniisip ni Johnny at napalitan ito ng isang bagay.
Tangina. Nakita ba ni Ten na kasama– scratch that– kinukulit siya nung babaeng yon? E hindi nga niya maalala kung anong pangalan non. But it's not like he wants to remember.
"Mukha ba akong mahilig sa babae?" Tanong niya pabalik.
"E malay ko ba kung gusto mo na pala ulit ng tahong!" Sagot nito sa kanya, "Malay ko kung nagbalik loob ka na pala."
Johnny took a deep breath knowing that Ten will surely say everything and anything, just like he always does when he's drunk beyond his control. But he likes it that way, he knows Ten might be completely honest with him even though the latter will most likely have forgotten about it the next morning.
"Alam mo bang nagtatampo ako sa'yo?" Napalingon na siya kay Ten nang marinig iyon, nakanguso na ito at nakahalukipkip. "Syempre hindi, hindi ka nagpaparamdam e."
"Ten," he sighed in defeat, knowing that the younger would not accept any explanation but he risked it anyway. "Hindi ba ayaw mo na ako nauunang magtext kapag nag-away tayo?"
"Oo."
"Eh bakit ka nagagalit?"
"Kasi nga hindi mo ako tinetext."
Tang– hingang malalim, Johnny. Lasing yang kausap mo.
"Lasing ka nga talaga, tara na, dadalhin na kita sa guest room."
"Sino muna yung babaeng yon?"
"Hindi ko kilala."
"Hindi mo kilala pero kung makakapit sayo kanina kala mo jowa, talagang hinayaan mo pa." Paggigiit ni Ten.
So he did see it, pero bakit hindi man lang ito lumapit?
Johnny brushes his hair to keep himself composed. "Hindi ko nga kilala, okay? Wala naman akong pake don, siya tong nangungulit at sunod nang sunod." He explained.
"So hindi mo mahal?" He stared at Ten with a frown, where the hell are those thoughts coming from? His drunk mind surely does wonders.
"Why would I love someone I don't even know?"
"Nagtatanong lang," Ten sighed then leaned his head on Johnny's shoulder, making the latter shake his head. Drunk Ten never fails to amaze him with how fast his mood changes, must be the alcohol.
Silence filled the air once again, but unlike earlier, it felt freeing. Unlike before that felt like it was suffocating Johnny.
"Do you still love me, John?" He glanced at Ten before resting his head against the younger's, nodding in response. "Kahit na maging bulate ako?"
Tangina. Akala niya seryoso.
"Joke lang." Ten laughs as he clumsily reaches out for Johnny's hand, rubbing his thumb over the older's palm. "Hindi ka ba napapagod?"
"Pagod?" Johnny chuckled, "What if I am?" Sinagot ang tanong ng isa pang tanong, hindi rin niya kasi alam kung ano ba ang dapat isagot.
"Edi, I'll ask you to let go."
Aray.
"Kung hindi?"
"Edi, I'll make you my boyfriend."
Johnny froze, unable to completely understand what the younger just said.
Ten?
Ten wants him to be his boyfriend?
Ten wants to commit?
Ten– tangina, lasing nga pala.
"Lasing ka lang," He dismissed what Ten just said, earning a slap on his arm. "Galit ka na naman."
"Seryoso nga kasi!" Pag-ingit ni Ten, kaya umayos siya nang upo paharap sa nakababata, masama ang tingin sa kanya habang nakanguso. Cute oo, matutuwa na din sana siya sa sinabi nito kung hindi lang 'to lasing.
Ten could be serious, but he can't dismiss the fact that his mind is not in its right state to make a decision, especially not when it comes to something that he had been avoiding.
Johnny ruffles the younger's hair, letting out a small smile after.
"Pahinga ka na muna, sabihin mo sa'kin yan bukas kung maaalala mo pa."
"But what if I'm serious?"
"Still tell me when you're sober and if you’ll still remember."
Ten just nodded in defeat, feeling like his energy is now leaving his body. He felt Johnny's arms around his frame, pulling him close as the latter planted a soft kiss on his forehead
"I love you."
Nagising si Ten kinabukasan na masakit ang ulo pero agad din niya yong nalimutan nang maramdaman niya ang mabigat na braso na nakayakap sa kanya, napalingon siya at agad na nakita si Johnny. Parang siyang nanlambot dahil ilang linggo niya itong hindi nakita dahil sa pride niyang laging humaharang sa mga desisyon niya sa buhay.
Hinawi niya ang buhok na nakaharang sa may mata nito at marahan na hinaplos ang pisngi, iniisip na masarap pala sa pakiramdam na gumising na katabi ang taong mahal mo.
Sa ilang linggo nilang hindi pagkikita, naramdaman ni Ten na parang may kulang. Hindi, may kulang talaga. Walang nagtetext sa kanya ng good morning/night, walang nagpapaalala sa kanya na kumain sa tamang oras, walang sumasalubong sa kanya pag-uwi, walang nakikinig sa mga reklamo niya tungkol sa trabaho. Kahit nga yata ang mga pusa niya ay naramdaman na parang may kulang dahil hindi dumadating si Johnny gaya ng oras na nakasanayan ng mga ito.
His apartment felt gloomy, his life felt repetitive and boring, his hobbies aren't as enjoyable as they used to be. Maybe because it's just different when Johnny's around, with him, there's always something new, there's always something up the older's sleeves, always surprising him with what he didn't expect. Always complimenting his works, always sharing his ideas with him, telling him what aspects he should improve.
Those few weeks made him feel what he has to lose if he doesn't set things right, and he knew very well that regret is gonna haunt him if he lets him go.
He hummed as he caressed the older’s cheek with his thumb, staring at him, and then randomly remembered what he said last night. A sigh left past his lips, wala talaga siyang preno kapag lasing.
“Ang aga aga, nakabuntong hininga ka agad.” Johnny spoke up, taking Ten by surprise. The older opened his eyes and stared at the latter with a small smile. “Masakit ulo mo?”
“Hmm..” Ten just nodded as he continues on caressing the older’s cheek using his thumb, “Did I do something stupid last night?”
“Hm..” He couldn’t help but to roll his eyes at Johnny, he knows that the older will be using it against him one of these days to tease him. “Did I said something stupid then?”
Sa halip na sumagot, nag-inat lang si Johnny bago humarap ulit kay Ten.
“Ano nga? Did I said something stupid?” Pili lang ang naaalala niya, at isa na doon yung pagsasabi niyang gusto na niyang maging boyfriend si Johnny.
“I can’t say if it’s stupid but you said na baka nagbalik loob na ako,”
Ah. Gets na niya kahit hindi niya maalala kung anong sinabi na niya yon, basta naaalala niya yung babaeng kala mo linta kung makakakapit kay Johnny. Pero sa isang araw na ‘yon, hindi ‘yon ang dapat pag-usapan ngayon.
“Is that it? Wala nang iba?” Tanong niya, tinitigan lang siya nito na parang nagdadalawang isip ito.
“Wala.”
Ten snickered, not satisfied with the way Johnny lied. Kung wala lang talaga siyang kasalanan dito, hindi niya ‘to pagpapasensyahan.
“Ano nga? May sinabi ba ako?” Pangungulit niya at tsaka dumantay kay Johnny, tiningnan lang siya ni Johnny habang nakataas ang isang kilay.
“I don’t know, you tell me if you remember something.” Masungit na sagot nito, Johnny knows Ten like the back of his hand and right now, he definitely knows Ten remembers something. He knows the younger just wants him to say it.
“Tsk. Ano bang mahirap sa pagsasabi sa’kin?” Inis na tanong ni Ten, Johnny just ignored it then attempted to get up but the younger just put his weight on him to keep him. “Mamaya ka na bumangon.”
Tiningnan naman siya ulit ni Johnny, “Hindi ka pa ba nagugutom?”
“Hindi.” At this point, naiinis na si Ten, alam niyang gets ni Johnny ang pinupunto niya pero hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit ba ayaw nitong sabihin sa kanya. “Johnny naman eh!”
Hindi bato si Johnny, marupok pa nga siya sa kahoy kaya napatawa siya dito. “Ano? Nagagalit ka na naman.”
“E kasi naman!” Pagmamaktol nito, “Alam mong may sinabi ako, di’ba?”
“Hm hmm..”
“E bakit ayaw mong sabihin?”
Johnny just smiled softly as his finger ran through Ten’s hair. “I told you last night to tell me if you’ll still remember it once you’re sober.”
For the first time, hindi siya nanalo kay Johnny. It must’ve meant that putting a label on whatever they have is a serious business for him.
Ten closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening it again, only to see Johnny staring at him, waiting for him to say something.
“John..” He reaches out for Johnny’s face, his thumb caresses the older’s cheek again. “Wanna be my boyfriend?”
Wala nang paligoy ligoy, yun din naman ang gusto niyang ipunto.
Johnny just grinned, leaning closer to Ten and whispered, “Don’t have to ask twice, baby. I’m all yours.”
“I love you.” Ten said before crashing his lips on Johnny’s, making the older grip on his waist as the kiss quickly escalated into a heated makeout. He quickly moves to straddle the older’s lap, he felt Johnny’s cold hands on his skin as the older inserted his hand in his shirt, and it made him moan between the kisses.
They were too immersed in their heated makeout session that they didn’t notice the door burst open.
“Hoy kanina pa kayo hinihin– ay gago!” Sigaw ni Yuta kaya agad na napatigil ang dalawa at tiningnan si Yuta, “Maglock naman kayo ng pinto!”
“Gago ikaw tong ‘di marunong kumatok!” Inis na sagot ni Johnny, “Alis na! Alis!”
Inabot ni Johnny ang isang unan at tsaka hinagis kay Yuta pero nakalabas na ito at tsaka sinarado ang pinto.
“Wrap it before you tap it, Johnny boy!” Narinig nilang sigaw ni Yuta kaya nagkatinginan ang magkasintahan at sabay na napatawa.
“Shall we go back to business, baby?”