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Min Yoongi and Kim Namjoon became friends at the age of eleven. At that time, Namjoon was an awkward kid, too smart for his own good. A kid without any friends.
"Everyone finds me weird, I guess," he told Yoongi once he asked him why he never hangs out with other kids.
Being close to someone makes Namjoon anxious. So many expectations, he never knows what to do. What is the right thing to do with your friend, when is he doing something wrong… Namjoon never really knows those things.
So, they come up with a set rules for their friendship because rules make Namjoon less nervous, less like a knowless fool.
Rule #1: Friendship comes first.
Rule #2: No secrets.
Rule #3: No lying.
Rule #4: Whenever you want or need, you come to your friend, or you call them.
Those were the four ground rules they established on the first day. As their friendship progressed, they came up with more rules.
Rule #5: Friday nights are sleepover nights.
Rule #9: When parents are arguing, you come to your best friend.
Yoongi and Namjoon were thirteen on a Thursday afternoon when Yoongi called for Rule #4. He came to Namjoon's house with his hands in his hoodie pockets and a red beanie pulled over his head, obscuring Namjoon's vision of most of Yoongi's face. They were supposed to play video games but, Namjoon could tell Yoongi wasn't up for it so they just laid on Namjoon's bed and listened to music. For the whole hour, nobody talked. It was so easy with Yoongi. Namjoon didn't even have to try. Almost as if he knew exactly what he needed to do; when he needed to talk or be quiet, when he needed to praise him and tell him he did good or when he needed to tell him he fucked up. It was so easy it almost frightened Namjoon. Only it didn't because it was Yoongi and nothing about Yoongi frightened him.
It was Yoongi who broke the silence. His voice was hoarse, almost as if he was crying. Namjoon didn't want to turn his head to check, instead, he continued to stare at the ceiling.
"Can we add a rule to the list?" Yoongi asked. The music seemed too loud in the silence that followed.
"Sure," Namjoon said and pulled a piece of paper from his bedside table. Yoongi had the same copy. "Here, write it down."
Yoongi sat up and accepted the offered paper and a pen Namjoon found lying somewhere on the floor. He stared at the paper, holding the pen tight in his hand. Namjoon was about to ask if he was going to write anything down when Yoongi lowered the pen to the paper. He returned it to Namjoon once he was done, avoiding eye contact.
Namjoon read rule #9 five times, and he read it again, just to make sure he remembered it, that he read it right. Then he read it again because there was a horrible feeling in his stomach. A rule like that shouldn't exist. It just shouldn't. Yet there it was, written down by Yoongi himself – Yoongi who pulled his beanie further down his face, who started biting on his thumb as Namjoon was reading the rule, Yoongi that looked so small at that moment and Namjoon hated that rule and the fact that Yoongi felt it was necessary to write it down.
That ended up being the first and last rule on the list that was written down by Yoongi himself and for himself. The rest of the list was a general list of rules about their friendship or for Namjoon and his comfort. Not for Yoongi who was confident and strong, who didn't need rules to make sure he was wanted. Until that moment that is. Namjoon knew Yoongi needed the reassurance that he would be able to leave to a safe place if something happened.
And Namjoon hated it but, he loved Yoongi.
"So does that mean you're sleeping over tonight?" Once Yoongi nodded for confirmation he continued. "Sweet, I got you all to myself for two days straight!"
He pretended to ignore the small smile Yoongi made after that exclamation and the way it hurt his heart for the way he made Yoongi smile.
Now Yoongi is twenty-four and Namjoon is twenty-three. They both moved to Seoul for university where they got an apartment together (with the help of Namjoon's parents, of course). They put the list of the Rules on the fridge along with Namjoon's monthly schedule and Yoongi's magnets in the shape of hangul characters out of which Yoongi makes words while he waits for the coffee machine to start up in the mornings.
It's Friday and it's almost summer, almost too hot to be in the same bed together considering their apartment has no AC. But it's Friday and Fridays are sleepover days and after all these years of their friendship they only broke the rule twice, both times when Namjoon was sick, and their parents wouldn't let Yoongi sleepover in case he got sick too. Sharing the apartment doesn't stop them from their weekly sleepovers, it just means Yoongi sleeps in Namjoon's bed (because Namjoon grew since they first met, and now, he's so much bigger than Yoongi, so naturally, his bed is bigger that Yoongi's). Though sometimes it means sleeping on the couch if both of them fall asleep while watching a movie. It always ends up with Yoongi's head on Namjoon's lap, curled up with his hands between his legs, and Namjoon with his head thrown over the back of the couch with mouth wide open and snoring.
They're both on their backs laying as far away from each other as possible as to not let the heat get to them, both in shorts and a t-shirt, though Namjoon decided to forego his and sleep shirtless as he always does, just not when he and Yoongi have sleepovers.
(He tells Yoongi it's because he drools in his sleep and he doesn't want his best friend's drool all over his chest, at which Yoongi looks offended and slightly mortified. It wasn't a complete lie, so he didn't break the Rules. It's just that the complete truth is something Namjoon isn't ready to admit to himself, let alone Yoongi.)
"Yoongi?" Namjoon decides to break the silence. He rolls over to his side so he's facing Yoongi.
Yoongi hums as he turns his head to Namjoon, acknowledging his question.
He's quiet for a while, gathering the courage to ask the question that's been on his mind for weeks now.
"Yoongi, how do you know you're in love?" he asks in a whisper.
Yoongi looks startled. He takes a while to answer, yet Namjoon waits patiently.
"Well," Yoongi starts, "I guess…" he pauses, deep in thought. "I guess you know the moment you realize you would do anything for that person, nothing is too crazy or too hard. You care for them more than you thought you could care for a person… " He trails off but Namjoon waits. "I guess you also want to spend every second with them, you are interested in everything they like and want to hear everything they are saying… yeah, I guess that is how you know you are in love."
It's silent after Yoongi finishes, but not awkward. More like the two of them are trying to process the information.
The silence stretches on and on after that.
Looking at Yoongi like that, relaxed and so himself made Namjoon less afraid of the consequences of what he's about to do. He knew that he could singlehandedly ruin everything they had in the next few minutes, yet he knew that he couldn't keep it in anymore – the secret weighted down on his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Yoongi-" he started waiting for Yoongi to turn his head around again. "Yoongi, I think I'm in love with you," he whispers.
He knows he's breaking almost every single rule they've ever written down just saying that, but he felt such relief saying that aloud. Rules #1, #2, #3, and #4 were all broken, yet the only thing Namjoon could think about was how it was so much easier to breathe now. Even though he didn't outright lie to Yoongi, every time he looked at him, he felt as if he did; like just the way he was looking at him wasn't what it should have been. Every time he wasn't completely honest to Yoongi he felt as if he was lying. Although Yoongi did often drool in his sleep it wasn't the reason Namjoon didn't like being shirtless during their sleepovers, but because it made his little heart skip a beat every time he pictured Yoongi looking at him until he promptly decided to betray his long-lasting tradition of sleeping shirtless to just wear a shirt to bed. The first time it happened he didn't know it was because he had a "crush", didn't even know that was an option so he was so scared because which normal person is that shy in front of their best friend of many years. Once he figured the reason behind his shyness, he constantly felt as if he was lying, one way or another.
Yoongi was silent for a long time, to the point Namjoon became anxious. Not scared, no. He can never be scared of Yoongi. Then Yoongi whispers, gently as ever.
"For how long?"
"I don't know. For a few years maybe, I guess I just never realized it."
If the silence after that lasted any longer Namjoon would get in his head and stress over the reasons behind it and possibilities of how everything is going to turn out.
"Namjoon-" Yoongi begins but cuts himself off. He chuckles softly, fondly. He looks Namjoon in the eyes and says: "Namjoon-ah, I think I've been in love with you for a few years too."
It's like the time stopped from then. There was Yoongi, pretty, smiling Yoongi in front of him, the butterflies in his stomach and the sound of the fridge down the hall. He smiles back.
"I guess both of us broke the rules then."
Yoongi turns on his side. The sound of the sheets rustling feels like thunder in the quiet of the night.
"Yeah, I guess we did."
"What does that mean then?"
"I guess," Yoongi starts but looks uncertain. "I guess that means that, maybe we should make some new rules… ones that don't necessarily center around friendship but, something more." Yoongi says it like a question as if he's asking for Namjoon's approval.
"Yeah, I – I would like that."
A beat of silence passes until Namjoon breaks it by whispering.
"Are we boyfriends now?"
Yoongi's giggle rings around the room.
"Yeah, that was what I was kind of implying when I mentioned rewriting the rules."
Namjoon reverts his gaze embarrassed.
"I know. I just wanted to make sure."
"Yeah Namjoon-ah, it means we're boyfriends." Yoongi assures him, smiling fondly.
"Does it mean I can hold your hand when we go grocery shopping?"
"Yeah, you can." Yoongi giggles again.
"Does it mean I can hug you whenever I want?" Namjoon's smile grows with every question he asks and his heart swells with love every time he hears Yoongi laugh.
"You already do that anyway."
"True," Namjoon pauses as he weights his next words. "Does that mean I can kiss you?"
"Yeah, you can kiss me," Yoongi looks so fond when he says that; Namjoon really wants to kiss him. So, he does.
He inches in slowly, making sure Yoongi has enough time to tell him to stop if he changes his mind, but he doesn't. Namjoon connects their lips slowly, softly. It isn't all fireworks and shit he reads of in books. Rather, it was all comfort. Kissing Yoongi feels like the greatest comfort in the world, and he doesn't want to stop.
Yoongi was the one who broke the kiss. His cheeks are dusted pink as he does so and, he seems a bit out of breath even though the kiss was as slow as it gets. They stare at each other for a moment, with blushed cheeks and spit-sleeked lips until Yoongi covered his face with his hands, and with it hiding his reddened cheeks and a smile Namjoon knew was adorning his face. He couldn't help but crack a smile of his own. In love, that's what he was.
Namjoon kind of wanted to kiss Yoongi again.
So he leaned down a bit and started peppering kisses all over the hands hiding Yoongi's face. He continued doing so until Yoongi couldn't control his giggles and removed his hands.
Yoongi's cheeks were really pink, and his smile was really pretty, and Namjoon was really in love. He can't stop saying it. In love. He's in love with Yoongi. Love. Yoongi. It sounds so right.
Namjoon loves Yoongi's smile, has loved it since the day they met. So wide, sincere, and pretty – Namjoon never felt confused when Yoongi smiled. When Namjoon was younger, he never knew if the person smiling or laughing was doing so out of happiness or if they were mocking him. It was confusing, but never Yoongi's. Somehow, he knew what his smile meant right from the start.
Yoongi's smile is comfort, home.
"Namjoon-ah?" Yoongi breaks the silence. Namjoon didn't even notice they have gone quiet, lost in Yoongi. He hums in acknowledgment.
"The new rules we need to make, the first rule should be that you need to kiss me every day, for at least a minute." The cheeky smile replaces the earlier giddy one.
"Want me to grab some paper?"
Yeah, Yoongi is his home.
(The next morning, when Namjoon wakes up the bed is empty. Once he makes it to the kitchen, he sees Yoongi with his back turned to him, waiting for the coffee machine to fil his cup. He hugs Yoongi from behind and wishes him good morning as he kisses his cheeks. On the fridge, the hangul magnets spell out “I love you”.)