Work Text:
“I want to break up with you,” Bakugou said as soon as Kirishima entered his apartment. A lie.
“What?” The smile fell off his face instantly, tears forming in his eyes. His heart sank, he never thought that this would be how they end their relationship.
“I cheated,” a lie, “so I need to break up with you.” Lies, lies, lies. That wasn’t the reason, Katsuki would never, he could never. The sheer thought made him sick.
“C-cheated?” Kirishima’s eyes blurred due to the tears as he felt his heart shatter. He really didn’t want to believe it, but why would Bakugou lie to him? Especially when they’ve been together for a few years already.
“Yes,” no. Another lie from Katsuki.
“Alright,” Eijirou whispered out through a cry. “Just let me get my stuff and I’ll be out of here.”
“Sounds good.” Another lie. Lies. They were all lies .
***
Bakugou was doing his spring cleaning when he found it. The box. Their box. The memories flooded his head, making him feel light-headed for a minute or two. It’s been a few months since Katsuki ended it, but he still missed Eijirou, a lot more than he thought. The redhead meant a lot to him, and now, he was gone
Forever and Always the box lid read.
“Yeah right,” Bakugou scoffed, tossing the lid off, but still being gentle with it. “If only I was good enough for him.”
He sat down and got comfortable on the floor, this box would take him a while to go through. He took in a quick glance, and his stomach already started to churn. He felt so much regret, pain and remorse. He felt sick. And he was angry at himself.
He carefully flipped over the box, watching all the items roll out of it. He looked over them, memories of Kirishima immediately flooding his head. He missed the redhead so much it hurt him. Bakugou did it to himself though, but for a valid reason. He felt he wasn’t enough, and he thought Eijirou deserved better.
Looking over the items scattered on the floor, he noticed his old wallet. He knew what was is in it, and it wasn’t money. With shaky hands, he grabbed the wallet, and slowly, almost regretfully, he opened it. In his secret compartment was a picture of Kirishima. Bakugou had secretly taken it on one of their first dates.
Tears had already formed before, and now they were falling. Kirishima was perfect. He always was. In Bakugou’s eyes; there were no imperfections on the guy. Kirishima was strong, nice, caring and everyone loved him. Bakugou couldn’t compare to that. He felt pathetic, and he felt like Eijirou deserved better.
Katsuki couldn’t handle the hurt anymore, so he rushed to put everything back in the box. All the photo cards, sweaters, bracelets, meaningful items went straight back into the box and into the back of the closet. The only thing he kept out was the picture.
He moved to the bookshelf he and Kirishima had been slowly filling for a few years and found Ei’s favourite book. It was kept on the very top shelf because it meant a lot to Kirishima and he didn’t want people going through his stuff. Bakugou reached for the book, being super careful with opening it before putting the picture into the book.
***
Bakugou jolted awake, he panted trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t breathe, his chest felt like it was collapsing on itself. He sat up, trying to breathe, trying to ground himself. He inched for his phone, his finger just managing to grab it. His fingers automatically dialled Kirishima, just before he clicked the call button he realized what he was doing.
“Wow, I’m pathetic,” he told himself with a little self depriving laugh.
Another nightmare. They had become the norm for him, and he hated it. Not only were they a pain in the ass to deal with, especially when he’s all alone. But they took a toll on his work and his mental health.
“Fuck,” he groaned, his hands lacing into his hair out of bad habit. “It hurts. It hurts so much.”
At this point, he knew that there was no way for him to go back to bed, at least now so soon after what he saw in his nightmare, so he decided he might as well get some cleaning done.
He trotted out of bed, tugging one of his old hoodies over his head, before heading out to the living room. The walls of his living room held too many memories for his brain to handle. Kirishima had picked out the colour, and the two spent a weekend together painting all the walls and redecorating. Now, it all felt suffocating.
He needed this place to change. To be different. He couldn’t handle the slightest of memories of Eijirou. They all hurt.
He started the change by ripping all the posters and pictures off the walls, taking down every painful memory he had. He was throwing the frames off the walls without a care in the world, letting all the glass shards and broken wood frames cover his floors. He didn’t care, he couldn’t care. The hurt was heavy on his heart. The last thing on his mind right now was the aftermath of his pain.
The pictures made him feel sick to his stomach. Not in a way out of disgust, but more, in a nauseous way. They were like a punch to the gut, all the memories of Kirishima stung.
But he thought he deserved the pain. He felt it was right for him to feel hurt after what he did to Kirishima. It eased him in a way, letting him know that he’s in pain for what he did. Of course, he hurt, he will for a while, but in a sense, he was okay with it. He accepted it.
***
"Eiji-," finally, finally Kirishima picked up the phone.
"Stop calling me," Kirishima spoke strongly, cutting off Bakugou
"I'm sorry, Eijirou," Bakugou cried.
"Dont," Kirishima paused, "don't call me 'Eijirou'. It hurts."
"I'm sorry," Bakugou cried, "I really am! I never meant for us to end. Not this way. Not at all."
"Bakugou, please stop calling me. You're hurting me."
“No, please! You don’t understa-,” but Kirishima had hung up. He couldn’t listen to it. Katsuki’s voice was raw from crying, he could tell that. It hurt, knowing that Bakugou was crying. But there wasn’t much for him to do now, Bakugou was the one that ended things between them.
Bakugou called back, no answer, he expected as much. But he decided to just leave him a voicemail.
“This is Eijirou, leave a message.”
Bakugou took a second to himself, taking a deep breath before he had the guts to speak.“I miss you,” he whispered, almost not hearing himself. “I really do.”
He took a pause, seemingly waiting for an answer. He let out a broken sob, everything overwhelming him.
“I wish I was good enough,” he cried. “And I wish I could say sorry for lying. I feel terrible. I betrayed you and broke your trust, I know!” He was getting frustrated, and started nagging at his hair. “But fuck, I miss you, so much.”
Katsuki cried, screamed and groaned. His eyes were red and puffy, full of tears. His shirt sleeve was covered in snot and tears, and his pillow was in the same condition.
“I miss holding you,” Bakugou mumbled, a small, sad smile taking over as he remembered the good memories. “I miss it when you would play with my hair when we cuddled. I miss your annoying comments. I miss your help in the kitchen. I miss you trying to make my day better.” He was nearly out of breath, saying all that quickly.
Fresh tears fell down his face, his lips now covered in salty tears as he let go of the last thing he needed to say.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”