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It would have been good if time in the otherworldly realm of the Serenitea Pot could stop passing. The sun could be forever shining, or the stars be always glittering. Reality could be frozen in a moment of time, impassive to change, devoid of hurt and suffering. However, the cruel reality was that the ticking of time could not be halted, its cruel hands eating away at the lives of those who roamed on Teyvat. Not even a faraway realm could escape the tightening vice of time. Sands would always fall down.
It was a tepid night like any other in the floating abode. To Aether, however, the air was as freezing and stagnant as his heart. He could feel all kinds of torture on it. It was torn. Pierced. Lacerated, mangled. Falling apart. Burning, and yet so horribly cold. A gaping hole was forming in his chest, his head was jumbled up. The sounds were drained, muffled, enclosed in a bubble, but each gust of wind was clamorous. It punched his ears, it made walls tremble. He felt at the mercy of a thunderous storm, just like when he traveled to Inazuma. This journey, however, the journey of grief, would have been far longer.
The leaves falling from the autumn trees in the realm, carried gently by the wind, felt like the lives mercilessly slaughtered during the Inazuma Civil War. Withered yellow leaves like the victims of the Delusions, crimson leaves like the blood spilled on the battlefield. And crimson just like the flames in which Signora danced one last time before being cut down by Raiden Shogun. So many lives torn apart, and for what reason? In the name of a war which had no reason to exist in the first place? Once again, a nation ruled by an Archon faced many losses. How was this just? How could this all be forgiven? So many questions and doubts swirled in his head, like a tempest clouding his mind. Those thoughts kept him awake, unable to fall asleep unless faced with those horrid sights. The sight of his friend Teppei, who in so few days turned from a hopeful young man, his eyes glittering with the bright future, to an old, rugged elder ready to face death. Whenever he closed his eyes, that last exchange they had replayed like a broken disk. He couldn’t wear even once the Herring I uniform. The one tailored especially for him. He closed his eyes like he simply had to go to sleep. However, that slumber was to be eternal. He would have never woken up again. If only he noticed sooner. If only he had seen he was using a Delusion. He felt like his death was partly his fault too.
Tucked under the sheets in the place next to the one he now left cold laid the only person he allowed to join him on that freezing night. A person who looked curt, but was incredibly soft and caring. He was like a small flickering light hiding in darkness, burning so bright because the world around him was so dim. Aether wanted to lock himself away from the light, to bask in darkness for a while. Even in darkness, though, he needed a light to guide him through. That light was the heart-wounded Adeptus, the one who so many times in his long life had to face cruel and unjust deaths. The one whose heart was just as scarred and in grief as his own.
The mind of the blonde traveler was wandering so much he didn’t even notice the soft rustling of sheets and the barefoot steps of the man, woken up by the empty spot by his side. He took a blanket from the bed, the warmest one, and walked over to his shining sun. A sun so freezing dark it looked like it was dying out. He gently wrapped the blanket around his shoulder, patting him lightly and whispering in a gentle and reassuring voice, the sweetest he ever used. “It’s cold. Don’t catch something.”
“Yes, it is. Thank you.” Aether brought his hands to the blanket, snuggling in it in search of his companion’s lingering heat. Cold… Just like his own heart, he couldn’t help but think. For a long while, a noisy silence was the only sound in the room, broken only by the light gusts of wind. It took so long for Aether to manage to speak up, his voice tired and shaky. “… Hey, Xiao. Why must this bring so many deaths?” Of course he had everyone’s lives in his mind. Of course he was thinking about all the worthless deaths. However, the one which truly pierced his heart and his mind was Teppei’s. It was the only thing he could think about, over and over and over, it swirled violently in his head.
Xiao stayed silent for a while, pondering how to best answer him. However, he felt like thoughtless reassurance would have only felt like a lie. It would have only hurt him more. So, he simply decided to tell him the truth he had witnessed and understood in the long centuries of his life. “Death is part of time’s flow. It’s just that up to now it has weighted towards humans. Today it might be humans again. But tomorrow, it might be us immortals. This world thrives in sacrifices and losses. We shaped it like this. We can only bear the weight of our choices.”
“Does this mean you’ll leave me too?” At that moment, his heart wavered like never before. He had lost his sister, who left him to pursue an unknown objective and had no intention to join him again. He had lost a dear friend he made along the way to the unjust flow of time. He couldn’t bear to lose his flickering light too. If he did, he would be as good as lost in darkness forever. He could feel his throat close up, his breath die out, his eyes burn. He could accept everything. He could stand everything, and manage to get up again. Everything… but that. “You won’t disappear too, right? I… don’t want to wake up one day and know I’ll never see you again. I don’t want that…!”
Xiao knew well that, one day, that would have happened. If Aether’s goal was to find his sister and travel with her once again… it was obvious that one day he would have left Teyvat. Xiao, on the other hand, was bound to Liyue, to his duties as an Adeptus. He couldn’t possibly betray Rex Lapis, the one who saved his life from grievance and pain. He couldn’t leave to be with him. One day, it was written in the stars, they would have parted ways, maybe forever. The thought always made his heart split in two. That was why he was disillusioning himself. He wasn’t thinking about the future. He only wanted to bask in the light of the present, to dream of it as the future. His life could have ended right there and then, and he would have been happy. He would have died in the warm cradle of the sun.
For that sun, for his brightly shining star, he lied. He made up a lie woven with his dreams, creating a beautiful, happy future with him. A lie as sweet and mellow as the dreams he once ate. “I promised to protect you. What meaning is there in protecting this life, though, if I am not by your side to share it?” He brought a hand on Aether’s, softly caressing it and nestling his body against the boy’s.
The human warmth, however, was enough to make Aether break. Bitter tears started staining his cheeks, and silence was tinged with desperate sobs of pain and resignation. Xiao gently wrapped his arms around the boy, cradling the traveler’s head into his own chest and fondly caressing the golden hair, his fingers combing into the wavy locks. He was so delicate, as if he was touching a delicate flower, afraid to make it wither. His heart pounded heavily in his chest, sharing the pain his beloved was feeling. If his light was dimming, then he was dying a little too.
Aether, in turn, felt like he was in front of a lit bonfire. His body felt so warm, the cold ice on his heart finally melting a bit. Each tear flowing down carried with it a bit of regret, a fragment of that melted ice, and it was finally allowing his heart to beat again. He was lost in darkness, but he also had a light to follow to get out. He just had to take the kind hand stretched in front of him. He softly tugged Xiao’s arm, holding it close to his heart, and pressed his wet cheek against his chest. He could feel the Yaksha’s beating heart. It was calming. It was a living heart. A heart beating for him. A heart that wouldn’t have left him alone.
Lulled by the steady heartbeats, Aether’s tears slowly subsided, leaving behind only slightly reddish and swollen eyes. Xiao brought a hand to his face, carefully wiping away the remaining tears, before sweetly planting a kiss on the corner of his right eye. The blonde boy squeezed it shut, his cheeks warming up in embarrassment.
“I… heard it from some humans. That kisses make the pain go away. It’s a weird thing, though. Does it really work…?”
Aether couldn’t help but smile at those words, finding him endearingly cute. He was worried about him. He wanted to ease his pain, and was trusting the words he heard from some strangers to do so. His smile was beaming, as bright as the sun, as gold as his swirly locks. “Ehe. That’s something parents say to their kids. It’s supposed to be a placebo. But, you know, I think it works a bit. I feel better now.”
“A placebo… I see. Then I’m giving you a placebo too.” Xiao laughed softly, a privilege only for Aether. To everyone, he was the impassible and stern Alatus. In front of him, however… he was a simple man who could smile and laugh like any other. A little shy and reserved, and yet incredibly caring and affectionate. That was what made Aether’s heart flutter. He was a beautiful person, and the boy couldn’t stand how he brought himself down.
“I’d like more placebos, then, if they make me feel this better.” The boy disentangled himself from Xiao, straightening himself and wrapping him in the warm blanket. The shared warmth was reassuring. It reminded the both of them they weren’t alone. “Now that I’m standing straight, I’m again taller than you.”
“Did you have to point that out…?” The Yaksha looked away, slightly annoyed. He was used to it by now, to be shorter than Aether. However, he didn’t like it too much to be reminded, even if it was him to say it.
“Sorry. I won’t say it anymore. It doesn’t matter to me, anyways. Your hugs feel good. I like to nestle in your chest, and also I like the way you pet my head.” He smiled softly, his puffy eyes making his cheeks stand out a bit. They looked so round and soft Xiao couldn’t help but slightly squeeze them between his hands.
“And I like your cheeks. A little less your swollen eyes. If possible, I’d like to never see you cry again.”
“I don’t want to cry with you again either. I want to spend only good times with you.” Aether brought his hands on Xiao’s, looking straight into his eyes. His amber eyes were so beautiful. The light of the moon softly reflected into them, making them look like gems. This soft gaze mended his heart, it made him remember he still had someone he could care for. Someone he would never, never accept to lose.
The two gazed at each other for a while, exchanging soft caresses with their entangled hands, before sharing a chaste and loving kiss. Aether giggled, his heart dancing in delight, as he planted another kiss on the Yaksha’s lips. “I can get addicted to those placebos.”
“The only thing you need right now is a tissue, your nose is stuffy.” Xiao teased him, slightly flicking his reddish nose. Then, he got serious, slightly squeezing Aether’s hands. “… Tomorrow let’s light up a lantern and send it to the sky to honor Teppei. I’m sure he will be happy to know you’re thinking about him. Think about what to write on it.”
“Mh. I have lots of things I want to tell him. That I’m still grieving all the losses. That I still have someone I want to protect. That I’m not ready to give up yet. That I will never forget him. But, you know what? All those things don’t matter. I think I’ll just tell him I’m glad I was able to be his friend.”