Work Text:
Haknyeon lay awake on his bed as he listened to the quiet sound of midnight at the dorms. Even though the day had been rough for him, his thoughts never left him to rest. Which thoughts in particular, he doesn’t know. But the feeling inside his chest gets heavier in time and he wished he knows the cause.
Trying to drift into slumber, he tried staring at the ceiling. If he hadn't been too observant, he wouldn't hear the creak of a door opening in the other room. He remained unmoving trying to hear well. Soft thuds follow afterward like someone tiptoeing across the living room. Maybe someone's up to have a drink or go to the bathroom, he thought. But he heard another creak, the sound coming from another door—the front door. Haknyeon then decided to stand up from his bed and slowly crawl to take a peek.
The front door was left ajar and Haknyeon could make out the figure sitting by the steps. He remained seated in his own spot trying to see what the other is up to.
He stared at the back of the boy's head, silently wallowing in the murky mess of emotions he is feeling right now. Why is it that every time he looks at him, there is something heavy in his chest? It is a different case for when they are facing each other though. In the moments they have the chance to interact between busy schedules, it was always a time of rest. Like exhaling after holding your breath for a long time.
Haknyeon continues watching Sunwoo as he takes out his phone from his pockets. He scrolled through until he stops at a screen full of words. Haknyeon immediately knew why the boy is awake.
For an outsider it would come unnoticed, but not for Haknyeon who's been watching Sunwoo as much as he could. It has been three days now that Sunwoo seemed restless. Haknyeon thinks it might be about the recent meeting they had with the manager and staff where they mentioned giving Sunwoo his first solo project abroad within the next month.
Of course, Sunwoo loved his job. He loves the thrill and the challenge every new era gives him. But that's because he knows he has his team with him. Now that he's about to go alone, in another country on top of that, he feels pressured.
Sunwoo started typing on his phone and Haknyeon took that as a signal to stand up. Sunwoo was too preoccupied with typing his ideas as fast as he could before he forgets that he didn't notice the other presence.
Looking at the new bullets he added, Sunwoo sighed and closed his phone. He walked back into the dorm as quietly as earlier but stopped when he noticed the lights in the kitchen turned on.
"Hyung?" He softly called out. He doesn't know who might possibly be awake but Eric is not part of the choices. He's been dead snoring since two hours ago.
He came to the kitchen but no one was there except for a glass of warm milk and a note that says:
Sleep soon.
His eyes flew to the door where Haknyeon sleeps as if on instinct. It was closed already but he was sure about it. Sunwoo sat down and placed his hands on the glass, feeling the warmth wrap his cold palms.
"Will do," He whispered to himself.
"Three...two...and one!" The photographer counted followed by bright lights flashing before Haknyeon's eyes and the last shot was taken. "Very good, beautiful. Good job. Okay, we're done here,"
Haknyeon bowed before walking to the table on the side to grab some water. He took off the coat he was wearing as a stylist come up to him to dab tissues on his forehead. "Oh no need, I'm fine." He said with a smile. The stylist nodded and went off. He's about to change back to his casual clothes anyway. The shoot was done individually so they had to take turns.
Haknyeon went to the bathroom and changed. He also took his makeup off and appreciated the cold water on his face. When he stood back up from the sink, he saw Sunwoo enter from the reflection on the mirror.
"Aren't you up yet?" Haknyeon asked him as he dries his face with a towel.
"I just need a moment," Sunwoo said. He made a show of washing his hands on the sink even though it looked too clean and Haknyeon was just watching him all throughout.
He was still avoiding Haknyeon's gaze when he finished and was drying his hands off.
"What's bothering you?" Haknyeon finally asked.
Sunwoo stopped dabbing his hands and threw the tissue in the bin. He sighed, staring at his toes. Sunwoo is already made up and clothed for his turn for the shoot but the facial expression he wears clearly clouds everything else. He was fiddling with a button on his shirt and his lips form a slight pout. His eyelashes were clearly noticeable from this angle; he was looking down and the pretty lashes fan out as if it wanted to caress his face.
Haknyeon wanted to hold him but he remained still. If there is anything he should do as his friend, that is to remain as his friend. Period. Clearly, Sunwoo is shaken up these days and Haknyeon guesses his solo project isn't the only thing bothering him by now. And Haknyeon didn't want to add to his stress by confessing his feelings for him. Not now, maybe not ever. It just doesn't sit right with him that he'll burden his friend with it. For sure that would change a lot of things between them as well.
Haknyeon blinked to push away his thoughts. His eyes focused again on the beautiful boy in front of him; and although he knows he is not the boy's happiness, he can't just watch him look so gloomy.
"It's okay if you can't tell me," Haknyeon finally said. "I know you've been having a hard time lately. It's hard to keep it to yourself honestly, and I myself can notice it. But even if I don't know what it is, always remember that you can lean on me okay?"
Sunwoo looked at him and his eyes were sparkling like they were ready to shed tears.
"Hey, hey, don't you dare cry!" Haknyeon laughed trying to lift his mood. "The stylist worked hard for that and it's almost your turn now. There's no time to touch up."
Sunwoo nodded and looked at the ceiling as if trying to make his tears seep back into his tear ducts. When he looked back, he tried to force out a smile. "Yeah, don't think a scolding would help me at the moment,"
"Mhmm," Haknyeon took one step closer and Sunwoo shakingly took a step back. "Relax, your hair, I'll just fix it into place."
Sunwoo remained still, maybe too still, as Haknyeon reaches up to pat a stray hair back to where it should be. At this proximity, Sunwoo could see the elder's beautiful face clearly. He had strands sticking on his forehead from washing his face and his lips form the perfect curve especially when it turns to smile. He had nowhere else to look at except for the tip of his nose as the boy helps him.
"There you go," Haknyeon smiled. Ah damn it. He smiled. Sunwoo thought. The aching mess of a heart clenched inside his chest and he could only pray Haknyeon doesn't hear how loud his heart is pounding. "Okay how about this, I'll agree to have a night jog with you as long as you get through this shoot, sounds good?"
Sunwoo had been pestering Haknyeon for the longest time, to come and join him on his night jogs around the neighborhood. He could always ask the other members to go with him but at night, he just wants to relax and set his worries aside. With Haknyeon, he knows he wouldn't have to be too self-conscious, or rack his brain to fill in the silence or to crack jokes or keep up with a conversation. He just knows Haknyeon would be the perfect companion. Just running alongside him, may it be in silence or not. He could take his time, knowing that Haknyeon loves being outside in the quiet too. Maybe they could even sit down and watch the stars before they go home. But for some reason, Haknyeon always refuses his offer. And it is so unlike him to turn down this simple thing, so it always made Sunwoo ponder.
"You mean that," Sunwoo stated.
"Of course,"
"Alright, I'll—" Sunwoo's lungs suddenly went too tight for air to come in and he's breathless with excitement. "I'll go now then."
"Yeah, good luck. You can do it." Haknyeon said. Before he could disintegrate in front of him, Sunwoo turned to his heels and walked back into the studio, with Haknyeon's promise kept tight in his heart.
Half of the members remained behind as the other van departs. They were waiting for Sunwoo who promised he'll be out in fifteen minutes. It has been more than that. The engine was running in a parked van where Haknyeon waits with a book in hand. Jacob, Sangyeon, and Kevin were fast asleep in the back of the van with their headphones and sleep masks on. However, Haknyeon was really fascinated by the book he was reading and didn't feel any ounce of sleepiness in him. He sits in front, right behind the driver, and by the window, flipping through as he reads page by page.
He got interrupted when the door slid open and came Sunwoo dressed in a hoodie worn up to cover almost his whole face. The boy flings his bag to the space in front, shuts the door, and slides right next to Haknyeon. The van finally started moving, and Sunwoo shuffles closer to Haknyeon and immediately falls slack on his shoulders. The older boy was used to him being clingy especially when exhausted but he still gets surprised every time.
Haknyeon tries to ignore his feelings as he straightens yet Sunwoo doesn't budge. Shaking his head, Haknyeon uses his strength to focus on the book in his hand instead of the boy asleep on his shoulders. The car ride was silent. The driver was playing his soft instrumental music in front which is clearly for his pleasure only as the boys at the back do not really care—they were asleep. Haknyeon was immersed once again into reading his book, having overcome his startled feelings earlier. He holds the book in one hand with the arm resting on the window to get better lighting.
All of a sudden, there was a hand slipping inside his other hand that was resting on his thigh. Frozen, he slowly turned to look at it. As if sensing his gaze, Sunwoo held it tighter.
He must be having a dream, Haknyeon thought instead, in order to keep his mind from exploding into all sorts of reason as to why this is happening. Trying to convince himself that it was probably the reason, he shifted again to face his book.
Then he felt the soft caress of a thumb on the back of his hand.
"Sunwoo," Haknyeon called out, finally nearing the end of his wits. He tries to stir him awake because if this doesn’t stop—his mind, body, and soul probably would.
"Shhh," The other boy softly replied. He continued drawing circles on the back of Haknyeon's hand, so gentle yet warm. Haknyeon was dumbfounded. So he's awake. But he doesn't know what to do so he just remained as stiff as a stone.
"Do you know how light I feel whenever I'm beside you?" Sunwoo said a little later, his voice too soft and low to even be recognized. If Haknyeon's senses aren't triple times heightened right now, the words would just drown with the music coming off the radio. Sunwoo still has his head on Haknyeon's shoulder and it feels like he's just staring at their hands as he speaks. "Every time I end a really exhausting day, I always find myself looking for you."
Haknyeon finally lets go of the book that he's holding because he feels so weak and any moment now he might burst into tears for reasons he can't understand. He remains silent still. All he can properly manage right now is to listen. Or he'll break his composture.
"Today was really tiring for me, hyung." Sunwoo continues like he's talking to himself. "I know they keep telling me I'm doing great, but to be put in this spot...for everyone to see first thing when they look on the stage...I feel so pressured."
Haknyeon's heart softens and he manages to breathe one deep sigh. Sunwoo doesn't budge from his position on his shoulder but now he takes his other hand to fully enclose Haknyeon's hand in his.
"I want you to know that you take all of that away," He says. "My worries, my fears, my exhaustion. I can't remember the exact time it started but for as long as I could remember, all my days are lived expecting to see you at the end of it. To have a small chat with you. To sit beside you. To watch you. To share quick dinners with you. To rest with you."
Sunwoo feels the loud beating of Haknyeon's heart as he lay there close to him. He could feel him starting to tremble as he slowly puts together piece by piece, the clues Sunwoo has been leaving him lately. The thoughts that bother him these days are not much of his career than his unraveling realization of his feelings for Haknyeon. That finally, he couldn't stop it anymore and now he's helpless. Now he wants to burst. Sunwoo gently caresses his hand again to soothe the trembles.
"I'm too much of a coward to say this to your face so I'm saying it like this right now," Sunwoo mumbles, playing with their hands as he tries to bury deep into his hoodie out of embarrassment. "But this is something you deserve to know. You are amazing, you are wonderful. You are the bright light of my days. And I'm so sorry to put all of this out on you like this, but trust me I won't make it hard for you..."
He slowly lifts Haknyeon's hand close to him, and the other boy could feel the warm breath on his skin.
"I just want you to know that I like you," Sunwoo says and presses a soft kiss on Haknyeon's hand. "I like you and it means everything to me."
Haknyeon cannot hold back his cry any longer and he hiccups as he tries to make himself as soundless as possible. At that movement, Sunwoo finally lifts his head up from Haknyeon to look at him.
He sees Haknyeon's cheeks streaming with tears as he tries to avoid his gaze and stare at his feet.
"Hey," Sunwoo calls out as he reaches for his cheek to face him. "Why are you crying?"
Sunwoo wipes his tears with his fingers but his hand remains on the boy's cheek.
"I-I don't know," Haknyeon whispers as he lowers his head.
Sunwoo knew that was all he could manage to say so he wraps his arms around him and let him cry on his shoulder—just like a reverse of roles from earlier. He gently pats his head in hopes that it might comfort him but he knows how overwhelming it must be for Haknyeon right now.
"You don't have to say anything, you don't have to answer," Sunwoo assures him. "Nothing's going to change between us, okay? Don't worry. I just want you to know I'm here for you for as long as you need me. For as long as you want me in your life."
Sunwoo, too, closed his eyes to feel the sensation in his chest. The emotions running through this whole body make him weak like he just wants to melt, yet strong to do anything at the same time. He allows himself to take in what they are right now. Haknyeon is a sobbing mess in his arms but his heart swells knowing he's this close to the person he adores. He rests his chin on Haknyeon's head and lets himself be enveloped by his sweet smell.
They remain that way for quite a while. Sunwoo thought Haknyeon might've fallen asleep already so he felt himself dozing off too.
Just as he was about to slip into unconsciousness, he felt arms wrap around his waist and pull him close. He was wide awake once again in a split second as he registers how Haknyeon adjusts his position to have his face buried on Sunwoo's neck.
"Finally," Haknyeon whispered. It was one word, so vague and simple. Yet Sunwoo felt the smile on his lips as he said it, and he knew. Sunwoo knew Haknyeon felt the same way—and finally. They're on the same page.