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“How did you feel? The first time you killed someone, how did you feel?”
“Indifferent. And then thrilled. I've always been alone. It always felt like my soul was sinking into a dark abyss and no one could see it. No one could feel the same. And then, when I watched the spark of their eyes drain and their souls sink... I didn't feel alone anymore.”
“As if you brought them to the abyss with you.”
“Yes. But they were dead. And, though I thought I was too, that wasn't true. So the thrill vanished and I needed to do it again. Then I met you.”
“Oh, and?”
“And I saw potential. Not to bring you down with me by killing you, but... By making you understand how it felt. How I felt.”
..........
“How did you feel after killing for the first time?”
“....”
“Sorry.”
“No, it's fine, really. I haven't talked about it with anyone since it happened. Well... I felt... Gross. But it felt right, I mean, he was going to kill you. I didn't feel like anything. Not internally. But I could feel the blood, the heat and my muscles tense, strained by adrenaline. It felt like I was sleep walking into the dark.”
“And I took your hand.”
“And you took my hand. And then I woke up and realized that. And you shot me.”
“Sorry. You were really mean.”
“You made me kill someone.”
“I won't apologize for that. You really saved me. But then there was Dasha. How that felt?”
“Powerful. Thrilling. It felt like justice. For everything she had done to you and to me. It felt right.”
“Did I bring you into darkness with me?”
“I think I already had a thing for the darkness, but I couldn't bear looking down. It felt so lonely.”
“But you did.”
“I did.”
“And you saw me.”
“And I saw you. And when I looked at you I... I saw myself. And that frightened me.”
“Why?”
“Because... I think I didn't want to be in the dark. I didn't want to be there because who would? I felt lost after killing Raymond. The abyss is a really big place.”
“Well... I had you with me then... I knew my way around.”
“.... I thought I could just... Step into the darkness a little bit and then come back to the light again. Like when you turn off the lights of the bedroom and run to bed.”
“I could totally see you doing that.”
“But I realized too late that one can't set foot into the abyss and hope for a release. It consumes you. The darkness engulfs you. You become it. And you can't leave.”
“Was I the darkness, Eve? Were you afraid of me consuming you?”
“Oh, you had already consumed me. And no, not you, but your way of life. I wanted that. I wanted to know how it felt to have this dark sign so deeply within yourself that you can't stop it from growing. And so I followed you into the abyss, and when I felt it staining me with blood, you took my hand. .... Maybe, if I had stayed I would know my way around quicker.”
“Do you think you know now?”
“I had to learn it. When you left me, when Niko left, when Kenny was taken way... I was in the dark. Alone. It was the thing I feared the most and yet... It happened.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No. No, because you came back for me. Even though I wanted to beat the shit out of you when I saw you again, I was happy.”
“You're not in the dark, Eve. Because you're light. You guided me back to you like a lighthouse guides sailors back home. Of course I would come back for you. I'm always coming back.”
“You're not alone in the dark anymore, V.”
“Neither are you alone in the light, Eve.”