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Cassie hadn't said a word aside from a 'thanks' and 'goodbye' that night to Jake since they had kissed during their last dance at prom, and the dread had immediately set in after it had happened. He had noticed that she had avoided him at school, and the fear of what could happen if they crossed that line was alive and well, crushing his heart to pieces.
They had exchanged quick glances near their lockers or in class, but aside from that, Jake had resigned to give her much-needed space to figure out how she was feeling about the whole debacle. Though, that wasn’t the word he would use to describe what happened. He would describe it as magical...because it was. At least to him. He has had the biggest crush on his best friend for over a year now, seeing her in a different light after realizing just how destroyed he would be if she had accepted another date's offer to prom, or worse, to an actual date. Even before that, he had realized that there is nothing they don't know about each other. They hold each other's secrets, wishes, desires, and life plans. He is completely himself around her and vice versa. Among all of that, along the way he had just realized he loved her more than a friend, and that terrified him because again, he /knows/ her. Which means he knows she doesn't go in for that sort of thing.
Despite knowing that Cas doesn't bother herself with trivial things such as a teenage dating life, it still irked him that the possibility was there, especially if they go off to different colleges in mere months. That is, if he can come up with enough money from his part-time job to pay his tuition to a community college.
Jake sighs as he sits cross-legged on his bed at his Mum's flat, which had quickly become his. She had been admitted to rehab again, which left him alone...again. The only exception is that this time, he doesn't have Cassie to lean on because he doesn't know the current status of their friendship anymore. Another tear rolls down his cheek, dripping onto his homework page and smudging the ink. He slams his notebook shut in frustration and wipes his face with his sleeve, curling up under his blanket, and absently checking his phone notifications.
Of course, there were no messages, no emails, nobody who gave a damn about him in this entire world. Not anymore. That role went to Cas, and he could have lost her for good just for one moment of stupidity. She had promised him that their friendship would survive anything, but how could she have known how he felt, how could she have known that he would give in and kiss her? Of course, she was confused and most likely frustrated or angry at him, and he didn't exactly blame her. Crossing the boundary happens and destroys many boy/girl friendships, it's such a common cliché he should have known it would happen if he indulged that small wish of his.
Unable to help the tears that flow down his face, he clutches his blanket tighter, listening to the silence and emptiness of the apartment, knowing that even as a teen he deserves a parent who cares about him, and yet his Mum was never able to get over her grief long enough to focus on him and love /him/, her son, who was still alive.
Even though it's only four o'clock, he tries to force himself to sleep to escape everything he's feeling and the aching of his heart.
After an hour of tossing and turning and being unable to fall asleep, he huffs frustratingly, grabbing his phone. It can't hurt to text her, can it? If she's already mad, he has nothing to lose, right?
He opens their text thread and worries his lower lip, gnawing on it with uncertainty.
{I don't want to push you, but I think we need to talk x Jake}
His heart speeds up when he sees the chat bubble pop up, signaling that she was typing. Then it disappears. Jake frowns and looks defeated, tossing it next to him and looking up at his ceiling absently. Suddenly he hears his notification ping.
Grabbing his phone, he immediately unlocks it and sees a reply.
{I agree...want to meet at the park in 20? x Cas}
Jake hurriedly texts back and takes a deep breath, knowing he'll do anything to get their friendship back.
{See you there. x Jake}
He hops up and throws his sneakers and jacket on, heading out to the park they went to as kids.
.
.
After waiting for about five minutes on a swing, Jake sees her walking into the park. He bites his lip and lets her meet him, taking a seat on the swing next to him.
Cassie takes a deep breath and sighs. "I suppose I owe you an explanation. Which is a little hard to give because even I don't know why I've been doing what I've been doing. I didn't want to avoid you. I-I...I guess I just knew that if I spoke to you, we'd have to address what happened at prom and I just...I wasn’t ready to talk about it because I didn't know how I felt about it. Honestly, I still don't. But what I do know is that I miss you. I know this answer isn't exactly fair to you, and I know you were probably hoping for a better answer, but I don't know right now..."
Jake nods and bites his lip. "I missed you too. I knew you were probably thinking. I also knew you probably hated what happened and wished you could take it back. Believe me, I get it", he whispers. "I know how you are...I know you're not wanting any of that stuff. Especially with me...I mean, who would anyway. You know how messed up I am. What chance did I really have with any girl, never mind you? And maybe I totally ruined our friendship and I seem cliché, and I'm a horrible person for acting on how I felt. I know it was a bad idea, and I know it can't continue because you don't want that. And if you're willing, I promise not to let my emotional side ruin our friendship because I never want to lose you, Cas. You're all I have", he tears up and looks away, swallowing hard.
"Jake...you haven't ruined anything. We both messed up. But we can fix it because I don't want to lose you either. Plus all that shit about you being messed up...maybe your life hasn't been kind to you, but you're not messed up. You're amazing, and one day a very lucky woman will see that. You're the whole package. Kind, loving, generous, sweet, good-looking. I promise it'll happen for you. It would be a damn shame for that huge heart of yours to go to waste, hm?"
A few tears fall from his face, and he nods silently. "Sure...thanks. But I don't think I'll hold out for that. For me, it's always you. It always has been and always will be. Whether you reciprocate or not. I know you're my person. Maybe I sound young and dumb, but I've known that for years, just not to this extent. I think it comes from turning eighteen and being an adult now or something. But I know you're it for me, even if it's just friendship."
This time it's Cassie's turn to tear up, her heart swelling, but her fear of disappointing him the way her dad had disappointed her mum so many times pools in the pit of her stomach, tying it into a knot as her nerves tremble within her. She knows that she is too often like Sherlock the way he was back before he admitted he loved Molly. She'd heard the stories and related to them. "Jake", she whispers softly. "I-"
Just then the already cloudy sky turns dark and thunder booms above them, making way to a sudden rain shower. They hop off the swings and rush down the street as it begins to downpour. Jake grabs her wrist and pulls her under an awning of one of the local businesses.
"Fuck!", he groans, shaking out his hair as she wrings hers out. He digs into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. "I have just enough for a cab to my flat. It's closer than your place. If you want to."
Cas nods and waves down a cab for them. Once it comes to a stop, they rush into it, both of them drenched by the storm. Jake peels his jacket off and makes a face. "I hate rain...", he mumbles.
"I know", she laughs. "It makes you grumpy. I don't mind the rain. In fact, I like when it rains and I can stand under it, but only in the summer. It sucks when it's chilly outside like today. It feels like it soaks into your bones."
"That's why it's gross", he chuckles lightly, his smile fading into a sigh. Cassie bites her lip and shivers a bit, looking out the window as the cab makes its way back to Jake's flat.