Work Text:
Rosé was sitting in one of the cafes at the airport, her latte already cold and forgotten on the table, a medium suitcase at her side next to her guitar and a blank piece of paper in her hands. She had lost count of how much time she had spent trying to find the right words, but it was simply impossible.
How to explain to your best friend the pain you feel every time you see her in her husband’s arms?
How to explain the pain of being able to hug her, but not kiss her?
How to explain the pain you felt every time she denied outright and replied “If I was also gay, I would definitely hit her up” when someone asked if you were a couple?
She was going insane.
It wasn't like she hadn't tried to forget about her and move on. She'd gone on dates, partied to meet new people, slept with strangers, but it always ended up coming back to the same point.
Jennie’s shadow in her life was too big, she couldn’t be with someone else completely.
Maybe she was obsessed.
It had been years, from freshman year of high school, when they first met in the music room. Her crush was instant. Teenager Roseanne was too gay not to have a crush on the pretty, smart, mysterious girl who played guitar and sang indie songs in her spare time. Quite cliché, but unavoidable. When she discovered that in addition to being pretty and smart, she was a softie who cried with Disney movies and couldn’t have a sleepover without having nini with her, she couldn’t help but fall madly in love.
They became friends, the best ones. They were in the most important moments of each other. Jennie was the most supportive when Roseanne came out. Roseanne was the one who actually helped Jongin make his marriage proposal. They went to college together, and some friends even jokingly asked if they would live next to each other in some hidden suburb when they were older like people do in the American movies, to which Jennie always replied that it wouldn’t be a bad idea, so her future children would be just as friend as them.
Best friends.
Rosé looked at her watch again. She was due to board the plane to New York in forty minutes, and the paper was still blank.
The offer to record her first EP had come out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago. Since one of her covers went viral, more and more people visited her YouTube channel to the point that eventually she decided to publish the video of her singing one of her own songs, one of the many that she had written to Jennie without her knowing. Apparently, the agent had liked her enough to contact her with a pretty good offer that only a fool would turn down. And well, it took her time to decide, weeks rather, knowing that going to New York meant leaving Jennie behind.
She began to play nervously with her pen.
How was it possible that she could have a bunch of notebooks with lyrics dedicated to Jennie but couldn't write an honest letter to her?
She was afraid, afraid that Jennie would stop treating her the same way she always did and because of the fear, she ended up not telling her about one of the most important decisions in her life.
Leave her and move on.
But what else could she do?
She was a coward.
Fifteen minutes to board. Roseanne sighed, put the paper on the table and began to write, deciding to be honest with her feelings for the first time in a long time.
“I love you.
I’m sorry.
Let’s meet up when I feel ready.
R.”
She looked at the few words in a bittersweet way, unhappy with the lack of content. She put the letter in the envelope with the address of her unrequited love, left the cafe and walked to the gate with uncertainty, without first leaving the letter in one of the many mailboxes in her way.