Chapter Text
She feels so tired. So impossibly tired and drained. Her body hurts, everything hurts, it hurts to close her eyes, it hurts to breathe. Like she’s having the life sucked out of her all at once.
Because you’re actually dying, Drew.
Right. Except she really really doesn’t want to die, not now. Not when there’s more to do, not when she’s fixed one problem and can finally live without fear of Everett or of people figuring out she’s a Hudson, she can finally figure out where she stands without something looming over her, she wants to know who she is. Things could go back to normal, even if normal included ghosts and demonic spirits.
Ace is driving and he looks so worried. Unsettled. Hands gripping the steering wheel. He mutters things to Florence at times and although she’s been in and out the whole trip, she thinks he talks about her to Florence. Bits and pieces over how they’re on a rescue mission and he needs Florence to go as fast as possible. Because Nancy’s life is on the line and they can’t… he can’t afford to lose her. Her heart aches for him. For all of them. Her family, not by blood, but by choice or pure happenstance.
She’s always bringing them on these crazy missions, unable to stop the curiosity, the urge to find the truth. First Lucy, then the Aglacae, all of these things happening because of her inability to stop, to control her impulses.
She has to survive, somehow. She has to. Because she can’t let them go through losing her. She knows that kind of pain. Losing family. And she knows she’s been selfish before, but she can’t hurt them more. Because she’s more aware now than she was before, that she can control some things. And even if she’s deadly afraid of letting people in, they had all snuck up on her. And she needed to stop causing them pain. Because certainly, she didn’t put much weight on her own life many times, but they did. And that mattered to her.
“Ace?” She murmurs weakly.
“Hey, you can rest, we still have a while to go.” He tells her, in a gentle voice. He still sounds nervous but she can tell he’s trying to cover it up so she doesn’t mention it. It’s the least she can do.
“I wanna say something.”
Ace glances at her. “Are you about to give me your eulogy? Because if you are, forget it, you’re not dying today, Nancy.” The way he says it brings a smile to her lips. The certainty in his voice even as she knows he’s scared they might not have enough time. And she knows he’s scared this might not even work and they’ll be left out of options. With no options, came facing the inevitable truth. She wouldn’t make it.
“I know.” She murmurs. “I just want you to promise me something.”
“Nancy…” Ace says in protest, shaking his head, his knuckles turning white as his grip tightens.
“Humor me, please? I do have a parasite leeching off of me, I think I’ve earned it.” She tries to joke but it falls flat in the quietness of the car. When he doesn’t respond or protest her request, she continues. “Promise me you’ll look after my dads? They’re not the…greatest during crisis and they panic and Carson’s lost a lot and Celia just died, so Ryan…it’ll be another loss.”
“ If you die. You’re still alive.” Ace argues and she nods.
“I know.” The words serve more to reassure herself, but Ace seemingly can’t hear the thought of her dying because he’s got this look on his face that tells her he’s already lost and sick of the conversation they’re having. She watches his face, a tentative smile on her lips. “Carson likes you, I mean he’s sort of adopted everyone at this point.” With a small laugh, she sees the ghost of a smile on his face but it’s quickly replaced with sorrow and she feels a lump in her throat. “Please…try to make it easier on them, I suppose?”
“Nancy…” Ace breathes out. “You’re not dying.”
Nancy pauses for a moment, eyes travelling across his face. It’s a moment that’s been happening a lot, the few moments where she stops to truly look at him, her eyes linger and her mind wanders. She could chalk it up to the wraith attacking her identity, but she thinks there might be more and right now, she’s too tired to fight those thoughts.
There’s a part of her that’s maybe liked Ace for a while, things just kept piling up and she never had to deal with it, had thrown it across the metaphorical chair in the corner of her mind, meant for dirty laundry, that would remain ignored. And either way, it was Ace and he was her friend, she wouldn’t risk it. And it might be a silly crush, something that didn’t truly warrant her blowing it out of proportion. Now isn’t the time to even entertain such a thing because he has a girlfriend and she’s dying.
She just hopes he’s happy. If she dies, she wants him to be happy. Even if he’ll hurt for a while, she wishes him a life full of good things because he deserves them. And she’s brought them all enough pain.
“Thank you. For not giving up.” Her voice is below a whisper and Ace turns to look at her, his hand reaching for hers and he gives her a soft squeeze. It’s meant to say that she doesn’t need to thank him. She notices how his hand shakes when he pulls away and she hates seeing him so nervous. Ace is always so calm in the face of chaos, always a rock for everyone. She hates that she’s the reason he’s like this. It’s another kick to the gut. But Ace doesn’t let her dwell on it, he looks at her again.
“We’d do anything for you. I’d do anything for you, case in point. We’ve done a lot of crazy things for you.”
It earns him a frown. “I’m always putting you in danger.” She sighs.
“We choose to follow you, Nancy. Because we care about you. You know, we’ve had this conversation before, right? We’re not people with no agency. And supernatural things seem to just happen to us a lot.”
Nancy huffs out a small laugh. “We seemingly attract them.”
“I’d do it all again.” Ace tells her sincerely.
“Really?”
“If I had to. I wouldn’t choose to do all that, no one actually wishes for demons and curses but if it meant saving your life, I would. In a heartbeat.” Once again ignoring the way her heart flutter in her chest, she smiles softly and he manages a smile back. “Get some more sleep. Save your strength.”
Later when the wraith is defeated, all she’ll think of is the way he’d been so close to her in her dreamscape. The way his words had brought so much comfort to her, and how they’d been drawn closer together, that almost had been intense enough to nearly knock her off her feet and it had been powerful enough that she knows there’s no way it isn’t real. An almost. Maybe somewhere her consciousness believed that if it were to ever happen, she’d prefer it to be real and not inside her own mind. The desire and the yearning for it to happen grew right under her nose.
Now that those feelings seemed to have hit her with their full force and she wasn’t dying any longer, the fear had returned. The fear of change, of losing him, of losing them and what they were, if she was honest. The wraith had done nothing about her feelings for Ace, they were real.
But Ace is gone with Amanda. And there is nothing that prepares her for how it feels, to have him leave. To have him leave her behind without a single word. And the worst part of it all is that she’s not even mad he hadn’t called or texted or sent Bess to tell them because she misses him and at the same time is a little relieved. Because maybe she was about to ruin it by telling him about the bluffs.
Ace has a girlfriend. And Nancy has feelings for Ace. What she’s absolutely certain of is that he doesn’t have feelings for her, so she’ll do what she does best and keep it in. It’s the easiest, the simplest option, to let it go. She thinks to herself that she’s been through worse things. And as confused as she’s been, she’s sure she can’t lose him.
The most terrifying thought for the time is gone? She can’t stop think about how much she wishes things were different. And that no matter how hard she tries, the feelings don’t disappear.
They grow.