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“I’d like to call a truce.”
“What the hell are you goin’ on about?” Mammon asked as he opened his bedroom door. Levi was standing on the other side waving a small white flag.
“I said - I’d like to call a truce.”
Levi didn’t wait for a response this time and elbowed his way past Mammon, dragging a small wagon behind him full of books of all kinds - magazines and scrapbooks and sketchbooks and shojo manga.
“What the ‘ell is all that junk for? And why are ya bringing it into my room!” Mammon turned to face Levi who was now carefully organizing things in small stacks on the surface of Mammon’s pool table.
“It’s not junk, idiot. It’s RESEARCH MATERIAL…Obviously,” Levi straightened a few stacks before looking up at Mammon, “Close the door before someone sees!” he snapped.
“Hey! It’s still my room! I’ll close the door only if I wanna!” Mammon replied, slamming the door shut behind him. His brother better have a damn good explanation for barging into his room like this and dumping all his otaku crap on his pool table.
“Alright, that should be good.” Levi crossed his arms and examined his organizational skills, pleased with the results. Surely this would be enough to help him understand the intricacies of gift giving.
“Good for what! Ya still haven’t told me what you’re doin’ here!”
“I called a truce so that we could plan a surprise for MC.”
“Whyda wanna do that?”
“Because, moron, they haven’t had a birthday before.”
“Huh?” Mammon was confused. Weren’t birthdays the days humans were born on? It wasn’t that different from angels and demons, right? How could you be here if you never had a birthday?
“Of course you wouldn’t understand. Let me explain,” Levi said with a sigh. He was expecting this. Mammon wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box to start with, and he didn’t have the extensive knowledge of shojo manga to guide him like Levi, so of course he’d have trouble catching on to his Master Plan.
“One! MC has never had a birthday party. They had no one to celebrate with them. Two! They have nothing but bad memories on their birthday. And Three! We’re gonna do something about it!” Levi was beaming as he stood in the middle of Mammon’s room holding 3 fingers up like some anime character, his other hand on his hip. He knew he had to look so cool right now.
“Uhh…if they hate birthdays, why are ya gonna throw them a party? Ain’t that just goin’ to piss them off?”
“No you idiot! We aren’t going to have a birthday party. We are going to do something else! A ONE TRUE FRIEND party!”
“Ok…so what does that hafta do with all your crap in my room?”
“It’s not crap! I already told you! It’s RESEARCH MATERIAL! And you’re gonna help me go through it to figure out the perfect surprise.”
Mammon eyed the stacks of books suspiciously as he scratched his head. That looked like a lot of reading. And he wasn’t too fond of reading. Or Levi. But this was for you. And you were his favorite person. He couldn’t just let Levi get all the credit for making you happy. And he’d probably mess it up anyways and make it just some cheesy, lame, otaku party. It was Mammon’s job, no…his RESPONSIBILITY… to make sure his younger brother didn’t screw things up.
“Alright, fine, I’ll help ya. But I’m only doin’ this for MC! It ain’t got nothin’ to do with you!”
“Excellent.”
“There. Perfect.”
Mammon and Levi admired their handiwork. Spread out on the ground before them was a large checkered blanket, covered in an assortment of food. The stars shone brightly overhead, and 2 tall torches were positioned on either side of the picnic to make sure there was adequate lighting.
Together, somehow, Levi and Mammon had managed to make a shojo manga perfect picnic surprise for their favorite human. This evening was going to be all about you and what an amazing friend you were and how glad they are that they got to meet you. They were pulling out all the stops, and absolutely nothing was going to spoil it.
“So, how’d ya manage to keep MC busy today anyways?” Mammon asked, as he walked back to the House of Lamentation with Levi.
“Oh that was easy! I just promised Asmo I’d bake him some of his favorite cupcakes as a thank you, and he took them out shopping all day!” Levi was quite pleased with himself for coming up with the plan, even though he knew Asmo probably would have taken the opportunity to shop with you anyways, cupcakes or no. But he wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity to show off his baking skills. Plus he didn’t like the idea of “owing” Asmo anything.
As planned, Asmo was just now arriving home with you in tow. The sounds of your laughter echoed in the halls as you thanked Asmo for the fun trip, before shutting the door of your room.
Phase 1 had been a success! Now onto Phase 2!, Levi thought to himself as he and Mammon headed towards your room. This was going to be AMAZING!
No sooner had Levi reached up to knock on your, then you opened it, startling Levi who was so not prepared to suddenly be face to face with you. The three of you made sounds of surprise, among which was a very high pitched squeak that Levi was not, under any circumstances, going to admit came from him.
“Woah! Hey guys,” you said, the first to recover, “I was just about to see what y’all were up to.” You smiled at them both, a small knot forming in your gut as you realized Mammon and Levi were here, together, and no one was fighting. In fact, you hadn’t even known they were outside your door because there was none of their usual bickering to alert you. Something had to be going on.
“Is anything the matter?” you asked.
“What? No! Why do ya think that?!” Mammon replied, probably a little louder than necessary, which only served to make you more suspicious. You raised an eyebrow at him, and he stared at a spot on the wall just outside your door, trying to play it off.
“We, we, we…have a surprise! For you!” Levi finally managed to squeak out. He clenched his fists by his sides and did his absolute best to maintain eye contact with you. He wasn’t going to let a little unexpected twist ruin this!
“Oh?” you shifted your gaze to Levi, who was blushing up a storm. You could tell he was nervous about this, and excited all the same.
“YEP! So you just need to put this blindfold on…MAMMON! THE BLINDFOLD….put this blindfold on and we will lead the way!”
You stared at the blindfold that Mammon had placed in your hands, and then back up at your two best friends who stood before you. Sure you loved them to bits, and would trust them with your life…but walking down the stairs? Blindfolded? That didn’t sound like such a good idea. But you could see that Levi was practically vibrating with excitement now, and Mammon had relaxed too and was eagerly waiting for you.
Well, at least they probably have magic to heal broken bones , you sighed to yourself as you covered your eyes and tied the blindfold behind your head.
“Alright, lead the way!”
To your great surprise, you did not fall down the stairs to your death. And besides a small little stumble when you transitioned from the back patio to the grass, everything went smoothly. Mammon and Levi were the perfect guides. Even if their hands were a little sweaty.
“Now close ya eyes while we remove the blindfold!” Mammon said. You nodded in understanding and let him untie the knot.
“Open them on 3!” said Levi.
“One!”
“Two!”
“THREE!” Mammon and Levi shouted in unison.
It took a few moments for your eyes to adjust to the glow of the torches, but soon things started to become clear. A large picnic basket sat in front of you on a red and white checkered blanket, with an even larger cake next to it. A smaller cooler was nearby, filled with your favorite beverages. And the blanket itself was covered in sparkling confetti.
“What…? What is all this…?” You were equal parts surprised and confused. Was there a holiday you weren’t aware of? A special event? Oh god….they weren’t asking you out, were they??
“It’s One True Friend Day, and we wanted to celebrate with you!” answered Levi. He sat down on the blanket and gestured for you to join him. “I made katsudon, and takoyaki, and onigiri, and…” Levi continued, rattling off a few more things that you hadn’t heard of before, when Mammon cut him off.
“Hey! Don’t go sayin’ you did this all by yourself! I helped too!” Mammon snapped, taking a seat on your other side, across from Levi.
“Well yeah, I guess so. He helped. A little,” Levi pouted, “BUT it was all my idea!”
You weren’t sure how to respond. One True Friend Day? You had never heard of it before. It certainly didn’t sound like a Devildom holiday. You wondered if it was perhaps a TSL thing that Levi celebrated, but surely he would have mentioned it to you before if that was the case. The two of you had already celebrated several other TSL related holidays such as First Release Day and even Henry’s birthday.
Mammon and Levi shifted uncomfortably next to you, waiting for you to respond. Had they messed up? Did you hate it? Did you hate them? Maybe you didn’t really consider them your friends at all?!
Sensing their rising panic, you tried to soothe their fears, “It’s great guys! Really! I just am not sure I understand why?” You gave them both an awkward smile.
“Well, you told me you didn’t like birthdays, so I wanted to find something else to celebrate with you…” Levi explained, “I know it’s stupid…!”
Mammon sent Levi a sharp glare, halting his self deprecating spiral in its tracks. That’s right. This was about you. He could hide in his room later and berate himself about what a stupid, yucky otaku he was.
“Um, what I’m trying to say is…I…well, we…we wanted to make you feel special. Because…becauseyoureouronetruefriend.”
“Yeah,” Mammon chimed in, “You put up with so much of Levi’s otaku crap ya deserve a medal for it!”
“And you put up with so much of Mammon’s stupidity, that you deserve a cake!”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the familiar banter, and Levi and Mammon both instantly relaxed. “Come on,” you said, “let’s eat!”
In a surprisingly coordinated effort, Mammon and Levi distributed plates, bowls, utensils and drinks before serving the first course. It smelled and looked so good, you were having a hard time believing that Mammon had contributed to any of this. He was known for his penchant to burn food and make dishes that rivaled Solomon’s. But this all looked absolutely wonderful. And you could tell that Mammon was proud.
With a smile on your face, you cut into your pork cutlet, taking the first bite.
You knew immediately something was wrong. It just didn’t feel… right. It seemed colder than you were expecting, but that you wrote off as a result of sitting outside so long. The texture however, was just… wrong.
Instead of crisp and juicy…it felt tender and a bit chewy? Rubbery? Realization dawned on you and your eyes went wide with horror. Everything looked so nice! It had to have been cooked properly too! Right?! RIGHT!?
You stopped mid chew and looked down at the bowl before you, stabbing your slice of pork with your fork and lifting it up to your face for a better look. Levi watched you, frozen, with his fork in the air, the color draining from his face. It couldn’t be. No no no no no. It was perfect! Everything was perfect!
Slowly Levi turned his eyes to the bite of pork on his fork that he was about to put in his mouth. There was no mistaking it. The pork was raw.
“What’s up with you guys?” Mammon asked, stuffing his mouth with his first bite of pork, followed by a forkful of rice. You and Levi watched on as Mammon proceeded to rinse it all down with a glass of Demonus, “I cooked the katsu…katsu…the pork stuff. The recipe said to cook ‘em for like 15 minutes…but I’m such a pro I did it in half that!”
“Mammon! STOP!” you shouted, just before Mammon was about to take another bite, freezing his arm midair.
“What the hell! If you want more you can just ask! You don’t have to steal mine ya know!”
“No one is stealing your food, idiot! It’s RAW! You didn’t cook it long enough!” Levi was using all his self control to not leap across the picnic blanket now and throttle his stupid brother. How could he do this?? After Levi had worked SO HARD to make sure everything was perfect for you. It was going to be RUINED!
“Mammon, you can’t eat it. Please,” you said between gulps of water, desperate to rinse out whatever germs you could. Surely one bite isn’t enough to give you food poisoning? Or trichinosis? You decided to check with Simeon tomorrow, just to be safe. Your half chewed mouthful sat in the middle of your bowl, exactly where you had spit it out. Your mother would probably be disappointed in you for being rude and wasting food, but there was no way you were about to eat undercooked pork!
“But it’s ok guys! There’s still more to try!” you said, trying to sound excited and get everyone back into the cheerful mood from earlier.
Levi peered into the picnic basket to see what was left. The katsudon had been the main course, which still left the onigiri and a few other sides. The rice balls should be safe at least, since he made those all by himself. He didn’t trust any of the other foods Mammon had helped prepare. So Levi offered an onigiri to you. And, reluctantly, offered one to Mammon as well.
Just as you were about to take a bite, however, you caught some movement out of the corner of your eye. Thinking perhaps it was one of the other brothers spying on your little picnic, you turned to see who it might be.
Only no one was there.
“Whassup?” Mammon asked, mouth, once again, stuffed with rice.
“Did you see that? I could have sworn I saw something,” you shrugged and took a bite of your rice ball.
“Maybe it was a ghost!” Levi suggested, smirking at his brother.
“SHADDUP!” Mammon replied, sputtering and choking on his food.
Having finished off your rice ball, you reached for the picnic basket to help yourself to another. And that’s when you realized that it wasn’t a ghost you had seen at all. No, a ghost would have been preferred to this. This…this was a very angry looking ant that was the size of a small cat. It seemed to look at you for a moment, onigiri in its mandibles, before turning away and scurrying into the darkness.
You sighed in relief that it had chosen to leave. It made sense that even Devildom Picnics would have some unwanted visitors of the insect variety. But that relief was short lived when yet another absurdly large ant appeared over the edge of the basket.
And you did the only thing you could.
You screamed.
Panting heavily, your heart still pounding in your chest, you laid down in the middle of the entrance hall to the House of Lamentation. Nevermind the fact that Lucifer would surely yell at you for choosing such an inconvenient spot.
Mammon and Levi were both collapsed beside you, equally shaken. Yeah they knew about native Devildom creatures, but neither of them were exactly the outdoorsy type. This was the first time they had ever seen a Devildom Hell Spawn Ant up close and personal, and certainly the first time they ever saw one make off with a picnic basket.
This was exactly why Levi didn’t like leaving his room.
After catching your breath, you sat up and watched Mammon and Levi. You could tell Levi was trying hard not to cry, his special surprise totally ruined. And Mammon was just a disheveled mess, who clearly discovered a new phobia he had been, up until this moment, completely unaware of. (And would have loved to go back to his life of ignorant bliss where gigantic ants weren’t going to haunt his dreams.)
You fought back a laugh, not wanting to hurt their feelings when you knew they had tried so hard to do something nice for you. But the moment your eyes met theirs, you lost all semblance of composure, laughing loudly and wiping tears from your eyes.
Every time you tried to calm yourself down, you pictured the look on Mammon’s face as he darted towards the house leaving you and Levi in the dust. And the sight of poor Levi, desperately wishing he could save his picnic basket before you grabbed his arm and forced him to come with you, only moments before the blanket was swarmed.
It didn’t take long for Levi and Mammon to join in, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. First the raw pork, and then the Ant Invasion. The only thing that had gone right, it seemed, was that they managed to safely escort you outside.
Seeing your best friends laugh, of course, only made you laugh more, collapsing once again beside them.
If anyone had passed by just then, they probably would have assumed the three of you had completely lost your minds. And maybe that was partly true. There was definitely something odd about the three of you that brought you all together. Mammon and Levi could deny it all they liked, but you knew they enjoyed spending time together. And you? There’s no place you’d rather be than with them by your side.