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Luke knows that Marius is good at playing a role. On many cases, Luke’s seen that Marius’ go-to method for getting things done is by putting on the right mask and acting his frigging heart out to get the other person to slip up. It works wonders, and if Marius wasn’t horribly famous and constantly trending on social media, Luke would’ve referred him to the NSB as an undercover specialist. However, as time passes, Luke rescinds that last comment because he notices that all of Marius’ roles have something in common: they’re all the star of the show.
Marius can win an Oscar award when he’s playing the center of attention, but when he has to blend in? Well…
“You...can’t be serious,” Luke says when Marius meets him at the alleyway they agreed upon. Looking at Marius’ getup, he winces. Luke can only hope that the flickering light from the nearby streetlamp means that Marius didn't see Luke’s reaction.
“What?” Marius says, offended. Nevermind, he definitely saw Luke’s reaction. “Do I not look like a normal, run of the mill person?”
“You look like Marius von Hagen,” Luke gestures to his outfit. Jeans and sneakers that look simple but are still glaringly expensive paired with a navy blue hoodie and a black facemask. “You also look like how k-pop idols look in paparazzi photos.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Why do you have a detailed knowledge of what k-pop idols loo—”
“Not important,” Luke huffs. He leans in to remove Marius’ facemask and under it, he’s pouting. “Stop that.”
“Luuuuuke, I took the subway here,” Marius whines, as if public transport is the worst thing Marius has ever been through. The rich kid-ness of it all. “And nobody thought I looked conspicuous.”
“Check your Twitter hashtag later, I’m sure that’ll tell you just how well you really did on that front.” Luke sighs, running a hand through his own hair. “I mean, I guess I should’ve seen this coming. Telling you to disguise yourself was an error on my part. You’re too striking to look like anybody but yourself.”
Marius’ lips are tugged into a smirk. “I’m too striking, you say?”
Luke groans, placing a hand on his face as he shuts his eyes, “This time, that’s not a compliment.”
“Oh, so that means all the other times you commented on my looks were compliments?”
Luke’s face begins to warm up under his palm. “Not important.”
“No, no! Tell me mo—”
“New plan,” Luke interrupts him. He takes a deep breath and looks at Marius once more. “You can’t be anybody but Marius von Hagen so we’ll just have to make it seem like you’re here for normal non-shady business purposes.”
‘Here’ being The Abyss. Luke and Marius are a few blocks away, but in a few minutes, they’ll be heading over there. The reason is so that they can get some evidence on one of The Abyss’ regular customers, Adrian Walker. It’s not really an NXX case. Walker is currently a slightly sketchy client looking for a lawyer at Themis Law Firm, and Artem and Ria, after months of the NXX’s bullshittery, have grown slightly paranoid. Luke is proud of them—paranoia is great in small amounts—and so he agrees to tail Walker for a week. Luke finds out that Walker is a regular at The Abyss, the bar where you can hire hitmen, and Luke decides to multitask: find out what Walker does at The Abyss to see if he’s truly sketchy and also take this opportunity to teach Marius how to not stick out like a sore thumb.
Luke makes something up about how Marius was told about The Abyss by some business partner or whatever, how Marius’ cover story is him just scoping out the area. Marius listens intently to the end, focused on every detail but looking amused when Luke emphasizes that Marius’ job tonight is to be forgettable.
“Yeah, okay, the cover story’s plausible,” Marius nods, slowly smiling. “Though, I still don’t get why you’re so pressed about this ‘lesson'”
“Everybody else on the team knows how to blend in just fine,” Luke frowns and pointedly does not mention the finer details—i.e. how Vyn blends in by exuding such unnerving vibes that people deliberately try their best not to notice him for their own peace of mind, how Artem blends in by looking so goddamn stiff and uncomfortable to the point that others stray away from him to avoid making it worse. Ria, thank god, can blend in for normal, non-neurotic reasons.
“So? We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses. Why do I have to learn this one in particular?”
“You’ve been to The Abyss before,” Luke sighs, crossing his arms and looking away. “And given the nature of what we do, you’ll probably go back to The Abyss or places like it in the future. And places like this? You shouldn’t stand out. It’s dangerous to stand out and I—”
Luke’s words stutter to a halt. He just wants Marius safe.
But why does saying that out loud feel scary to him?
“Okay, okay, chill out, I think I get it,” Marius playfully shoves Luke in the shoulder, literally shaking him out of his thoughts. “You’re Mr. Overprotective and this is you showing your weird love language.”
Luke valiantly decides not to comment on those last two words, instead mumbling that they should get going.
They arrive at The Abyss without any problems and for an hour, things go smoothly. Luke and Marius take a seat at the bar and over their ordered drinks, Luke introduces Marius to the owner and bartender, Noah. While Marius chats with Noah using the cover story they had discussed earlier, Luke keeps an eye on Walker who is sitting at a booth in the corner. In that booth, Walker is deep in conversation with somebody Luke knows is a hitwoman. He knows because he’s seen her file in the NSB’s database. Of course, just chatting with a murderer for hire isn’t a crime—Walker might not know what she does for a living—so Luke will need evidence that confirms Walker’s actions.
Luke idly scratches at his neck and Marius sees it as the signal it is. He starts naturally wrapping up the conversation and follows Luke’s lead, leaving the bar and heading over to the back hall. This hall leads to a bathroom, but Luke leads them both further down to the storage room at the end. With the help of Luke’s new and improved lockpick (it’s magnetic, he’s very happy with how it turned out), he unlocks the door quickly and they both make their way inside, locking the door behind them, as Luke quietly explains to Marius to search for a Theta symbol, the hitwoman’s symbol. Quietly, they start searching.
Marius finds a little card on the floor, showing it to Luke. The Theta symbol is stamped onto the corner.
“This is it,” Luke smiles, taking the card. He pulls out a UV flashlight and starts reading the hidden text when he remembers how Marius’ lesson has been going. “Marius, good job back there, by the way. You were impressively lowke—”
Marius interrupts him, his voice oddly clipped. “The bar owner definitely knows you.”
“Um, yeah? But Noah only knows me as a detective, not an agent,” Luke is confused at his tone but too focused on the card to think about too much. “I’m no regular here but it’s inevitable for some cases I take, having to dip into the underground scene—Oh, wow, okay. That’s a surprise. Walker isn’t hiring that hitwoman. This is a wedding invite. They’re getting married and she’s retiring for him. Aww.”
Luke lifts his head, his heart oddly warm at this wholesome turn of events, but then he’s confused all over again because Marius has his arms crossed petulantly.
“You’re on a first name basis with the bar owner…” Marius grouses.
“I am.” Why does Marius sound vaguely upset? “Why is tha—”
But then Luke pauses for a moment, listening.
When he hears a soft creak, his eyes widen.
“Luke, wh—mmff!”
“Shh!” Luke presses his hand over Marius’ mouth. He whispers, “Someone’s coming.”
Marius bites Luke’s hand and Luke pulls back with a squawk.
“What! Ew! Why!” Luke reels back, incredulous. “What are you, 5 years old?”
“Don’t cover my mouth like that out of nowhere!” Marius huffs. “And be thankful I didn’t decide to lick you instead.”
“I’m revising my earlier statement, are you fucking 2 years old?”
“Who’s back there?” Calls out a voice from outside, very quickly reminding both Luke and Marius that they were supposed to be quiet. And had subsequently failed at doing that.
“Fuck,” Luke hisses. “It’s Noah. He’s got the key to this room.”
Marius’ expression goes tense, pensive. “We can’t leave through the door. He’s in the hall, he’ll see us.”
“And we don’t have any believable fake alibi for being here,” he frowns, fishing a gadget from his jacket pocket; a simple ballpoint pen that Luke created himself. And a press to the pen’s button... “I’ll just have to tranquilize him.”
Marius, aghast, pushes Luke’s hand back into his pocket. “You can’t just tranquilize every problem you come across!”
“Yes I can,” Luke says, confused. “And I have.”
“Literally how the fuck are you the NSB’s top agent?”
And while they were squabbling, the footsteps got closer and closer. In another second, the doorknob is jostled, and Luke knows he and Marius are fucked. No exits and no explanations for why both of them are in a room they shouldn’t be in. Already, Luke is readying the compact tranquilizer gun in his pocket, but before he can pull it out, Marius shoves Luke against the wall, shocking a gasp out of him.
“Wha—”
“Can I kiss you?” Marius asks.
And maybe it’s the intensity in Marius’ gaze. Or the urgency in his voice. Or the fact that Marius has him pinned to the wall, their bodies pressed together, so close, too close. Whatever the reason, perhaps too quickly, Luke nods.
“Yes,” he says.
And that’s all the permission Marius needed, it seems.
There’s nothing slow about any of it. One second, Luke was living his life normally, and the next, he had Marius’ lips pressed against his. Luke squeaks, his body tenses, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, he’s frozen still because he’s never done this before. This is his first kiss and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do.
At Luke’s reaction, Marius presses Luke back against the wall even more, raising one of his hands to hold Luke’s hip, the other to hold Luke’s face. His touch is gentle and the way his thumb drags back and forth across Luke’s cheek is a welcome sensation that soothes Luke, relaxes him, and before he knows it, he’s beginning to melt against Marius’ body. The warm feeling of Marius’ lips moving against Luke’s clumsy ones has him sighing in contentment.
And then Marius’ hand grips Luke’s face, tilting his head to the side and—
Luke gasps when Marius’ tongue snakes out to lick at his bottom lip, and that gasp was the exact opening Marius was looking for, immediately diving in to deepen the kiss, to delve in and devour him. Luke feels dazed. He’s pretty sure he’s making some very embarrassing noises right now, but he’s not entirely sure. Luke can’t pick out the details anymore. All of it simply blends into a haze of pleasure; the warmth of Marius’ body pressed against him, the sinful slide of his tongue in Luke’s mouth, the way Luke deliriously wants this moment to never, ever end. He loops his arms around Marius’ neck, pulling him impossibly closer and holding on for dear life as he’s swept away by the torrent of Marius von fuckin’ Hagen.
And then the door opens followed by a soft cough from the side.
All points of contact leave Luke; the hand on his face, the strong hold on his hip, and Luke misses all of it already when Marius jolts away from him. Luke flutters his eyes open—and for a split second he sees the obscene string of saliva connecting him and Marius’ lips before it breaks. In the back of his mind, Luke finally figures out that the whole kiss was Marius’ idea for a believable alibi, but that train of thought isn’t so clear right now. How can anybody expect him to think clearly when Luke can see Marius’ face dusted with a blush, his lips wet and open as he catches his breath. All Luke can think about in this moment is how wrecked Marius looks like and how Luke is absolutely sure that he himself looks so much worse.
Another cough, louder this time, and now Luke is thinking ’kill me now’.
Marius and Luke turn to look at the bar owner, Noah, standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, his expression a mix of stern and amused.
“Gentlemen,” Noah says wryly. “I’m sure you two got carried away by the heat of the moment, but if you’re planning on taking this further, might I suggest another location?”
“Right,” Marius says, still slightly out of breath, looking away. “We should—go.”
“Yeah,” Luke croaks, his voice wobbly.
So they go. They don’t get any questions from Noah thanks to Marius’ quick thinking, they both leave The Abyss, they part and get back to their respective homes, and the entire time, Marius doesn’t touch him again.
Marius barely even looks at him.
-
See, Luke doesn’t actually know for sure what his and Marius’ relationship is.
In the beginning, they were merely colleagues who worked together in the NXX Investigation Team. Luke came into the team with both a solid respect for the other men—they were all accomplished and competent people in their respective fields—and a healthy amount of skepticism for them in regards to how they were as people. Ria trusted all of them though, and trust from her is an indicator of somebody with a good heart, so Luke kept an open mind.
(And in Luke’s mind, Marius von Hagen decided to waltz in and make himself known. Marius was a little weird when Luke first joined; he would always get strangely angry at Luke everytime Luke did something nice for him. Whatever the hell that was thankfully ebbed away with time though, leaving a Marius that made more sense; cocky, confident, never shuts up. Everything about Marius seemed to scream “I’m here! Look at me! Pay attention to me!” and Luke was helpless but to follow those demands.)
Then the team had slowly grown closer to each other, they became friends with each other, they saw each other better. The Kenders Case, the Nosta Trip, the Vesper Box. Every case they worked on let them all see each other more clearly. Luke already knew about Ria’s unwavering dedication to the goodness of people and seeing that in action was a sight to behold, but everybody else...Luke had seen Artem’s intense drive to achieve justice for all, he’d seen Vyn’s determination to protect and heal those who are vulnerable, and he’d seen...Luke had seen Marius’ hope. He’d seen that under the devil-may-care smirk, Marius is somebody who believes things can change. With new evidence comes new deductions, and so Luke’s mind stops to wonder.
(In his mind, Luke remembers how upset Marius had looked during that last meeting investigating the Vesper Box. Marius clenched his fists as he spoke about Medilla’s sacrifice. Luke could see that Marius hated it. Not the fact that there are people out there willing to give their entire life up for the greater good, no, Marius hated the fact that the world was built in a way where martyrs have to exist. Luke wonders what kind of person Marius sees him as. He wonders if to Marius, Luke is just a symptom of a world that needs to change.)
And things were okay with the other guys. They were all friends, they all started hanging out with each other outside of business. Luke had come to Vyn’s house with a potted plant Ria gifted him, panicked at how the plant looked very dead, and Vyn had calmly walked him through how to water a potted plant correctly, the both of them nursing the poor Calathea back to life. After Luke gave Artem a slight heart attack with his lighthearted anecdote about setting a kitchen on fire trying to cook an omelette, Artem had invited Luke over to his apartment regularly for cooking lessons, the both of them shuffling around the kitchen making food in a safer, non-flammable manner. And Luke loved it, he hasn’t had this many friends since...ever, actually. He accepts the odd brand of care from the others with open arms but…
Things with Marius were a bit...of something else.
It came as a surprise to Luke, the fact that Marius was lonely. He’s surrounded by so many people and always in the limelight, but it turns out that Marius’ social life was the first thing to go, when Marius took up heading PAX. Of course, he’s got friends now, he’s got the NXX now, but the way Marius acted with Luke...It reminds Luke of how he is with Ria; comfortable and playful, a well-worn kind of home that’s easy to slip into. Luke has known Marius for a lot less time than he’s known his childhood best friend, but the way Marius lightheartedly bumps shoulders with him, the way Luke lets himself laugh his lungs out around Marius, the way they come together, it feels like something they’ve always known.
Or maybe something they’ve always wanted.
Officially, he and Marius are friends. Whenever anybody asks Luke who Marius is to him, Luke says that he’s a friend. And that’s somewhat true. They are friends.
They’re friends but sometimes Luke catches Marius looking at him with this gentle kind of yearning in his gaze, sometimes Luke’s casual hugs and touches linger far longer on Marius’ body than Luke should let them go. They’re friends but sometimes Marius comes over to Luke’s place complaining about work before complaining about how Luke must have rigged the second game controller to have some kind of lag time because there’s no way Luke should be winning all their matches in Smash Bros. Sometimes Marius stands up and stretches and says he should go home but Luke sees the exhaustion he tries so hard to hide from everybody, so Luke urges him to stay the night, it’d be too dangerous for Marius to drive like this. Sometimes Marius actually agrees and then Luke is left with Marius von Hagen asleep in his bed, he’s left with his own desire to ensure that Marius can always find rest here, with him.
They’re friends but Marius means something more, something different to Luke than what friendship is.
The mind is incapable of handling cases like this, so Luke’s mind passes this case off to his heart.
(And in here, there aren’t any clear thoughts or concrete hypotheses. There’s just this steady pulse, each of his heartbeats laced with yearning and a single, simple question:
What do I mean to you?)
-
Two problems, right off the bat:
First problem: Luke can’t stop thinking about the kiss, and believe him, he’s fucking tried not thinking about it. It’s been three days since it happened and any moment he isn’t focused on a task, his last brain cell grabs him by the scruff of his neck and strolls back to the storage room of The Abyss. Luke remembers how Marius’ lips felt against his, how Marius’ touch felt against his body, how Marius’ tongue—oh god. Luke has zoned out so much these past three days thinking about it. He’s even dreamt about it and that—Luke isn’t going to talk about that, no siree, his point is that he’s never going to be able to forget it. Marius von Hagen’s job that night was to be forgettable but then he kissed Luke—he took Luke’s first kiss—so well that the experience is permanently etched into his soul. He’ll never be able to forget it.
Second problem: Marius is acting as if he forgot about it. Which is bullshit, unless Marius bashed his head against a wall and recently acquired short-term memory loss, but that definitely didn’t happen, what with how Marius complained to everybody in the NXX group chat about how mean Luke was to him that night, dissing his great disguise. So Marius obviously remembers that night. Which means that he’s actively pretending as if him kissing Luke stupid was something that never happened.
And that’s...Luke is not letting that happen. What happened that night made the question in Luke’s heart beat out louder, more insistent for an answer. Luke and Marius are friends but guess what? Even if it’s for a fake-out make-out alibi, friends don’t kiss that goddamn deep.
That kiss meant something and Luke wants to know what.
(And in his chest, he lets himself hope just a little bit that it means what he wants it to mean. That maybe they’re past being friends. Or that maybe Marius wants to be past that just like how Luke wants the same thing.)
Cornering Marius is a bit difficult though. While Marius isn’t acting differently, these past three days he’s been giving out a lot of convenient excuses. It’s always: no, he can’t meet up. Or: sure, they can hang out but he’s also with Ria or Artem or Vyn. Marius is an attention whore, Luke knows he’s always jumping for the opportunity to spend time with another person while also being the only one around that that person can pay attention to, so Luke is once again calling bullshit.
Marius von Hagen is avoiding him.
And that concept...hurts. Luke tries not to dwell on it, though, and instead focuses on getting the slimy bastard alone so they can talk.
He finally gets the chance today when Artem calls for an NXX meeting at HQ to filter through some cases and plan out the next month’s workload. The meeting goes alright, it’s productive. All of them come prepared with cases of interest to check out and then they put their heads together and decide on which ones to take. The meeting ends in an hour and Marius is the first one to announce that he’ll be leaving now, that he’s got a thing he has to go to, and jesus, his excuses are getting shittier by the second so Luke is not letting him slip away again.
“Marius, wait!” Luke jogs after him. Marius had made a few long strides towards the front door, but Luke grabs his wrist, stopping him. At Luke’s touch, Marius flinches, and the reaction is so out of character that Luke lets him go. Are...are they not allowed to touch each other anymore? “Can we talk?”
“We’re talking right now, aren’t we?” Marius smirks, but the expression is hollow. The mischief doesn’t reach his gaze.
“I’m serious,” Luke says softly. “Please?”
Marius sighs, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “Fine.”
Ria, Artem, and Vyn are still in the meeting room chatting, so Luke and Marius head over to the file room for some privacy. Once they’re both there, Luke doesn’t know how to start and Marius doesn’t look like he’s going to do it either.
Luke says the first thing on his mind.
“I’m sorry,” he says. Marius is immediately confused and so he explains. “Um, for grabbing you, earlier. You obviously didn’t—I won’t do it again. I promise.”
“You don’t have to apologize for that,” Marius shakes his head. His voice is soft and cold. It doesn’t fit him at all. “I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“Yeah? What for?” Avoiding him for the past three days? Pretending nothing happened?
Marius looks away. “For kissing you.”
And Luke’s heart begins to crack.
“I was pressed for time and I used you. That was a dick move for me to pull,” Marius continues, his words frigid and empty, so unlike the fiery disposition Luke always sees in him. “I’m sorry.”
“So,” His words are starting to go a little cold now too. “You...you regret it?”
Marius’ body is angled away but Luke can still see how he shuts his eyes. “That doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” Luke says. He wants Marius to look at him, he wants Marius to give him something to help both of them out, but Marius seems unreachable right now. “Marius, what did that kiss mean to you? Because to me—”
“Don’t,” Marius interrupts him. Just one word, and all the fire is back. It’s not a nice warm feeling though. It’s the kind of fire that burns everything in its wake. “Just—don’t say it. I kissed you for the alibi, that’s it, that’s all it was. It—it didn’t mean anything to me.”
It’s as if Luke’s heart stopped beating.
It didn’t, of course it didn’t, but it still feels as if it did because Marius answered Luke’s question.
It didn’t mean anything to him.
You didn’t mean anything to him.
“Right,” Luke says, and he can’t stop the jagged, humorless laugh that follows. “I—I guess I should’ve expected that.”
Marius looks up, finally meeting Luke’s eyes. There’s regret in his gaze as he starts to backpedal, probably to soften the blow, but Luke doesn’t need that. “Luke, I—”
“It’s fine,” Luke interrupts him, urging a smile back onto his face. “I should’ve figured it out earlier. When does anything ever mean something with you, right?”
And with those words, the regret in Marius’ eyes shifts to pain, plain and simple.
Luke doesn’t get to see it though. He’s already turned away, leaving the room as fast as he can.
-
Him running out of HQ with his metaphorical tail between his legs didn’t go unnoticed by the others. The moment he’s calmed down enough to check his phone, Luke sees that he’s got texts from all of them, none of them he opens, so he only sees the beginning. Ria’s is “Are you okay? I can come ov…”, Artem’s is “What did he do. Do you need to tal…”, and Vyn’s is just “I can make him suffer.” They’re all incredibly sweet, but Luke can’t deal with any of it right now, so he doesn’t reply to them yet. Not a single text from Marius. He shoves his phone down his pocket and goes to the first place he can think of.
Luke has gotten through one and a half beers at The Abyss right now. And he chose The Abyss because all the other bars in Stellis have bartenders who know Luke too well in the nosy kind of way where they’ll ask him what’s got him so down and he’d rather avoid bursting into stupid tears tonight. It seems that this decision though was yet another mistake Luke made because when the orders from other customers reach a little bit of a lull, Noah walks over to where Luke is sitting at the bar, a curious look in his eyes.
“You know, not many people come here to drink their sorrows away,” Noah hums thoughtfully.
“I’m not—” Luke traces the rim of the bottle. “—doing that.”
“Of course you aren’t, detective,” Noah rolls his eyes, fetching another glass and pouring another drink. He slides it over to Luke. “Whiskey for your thoughts? On the house.”
Luke’s not saying no to a free drink but he squints at Noah. “Why do you wanna know?”
“The Abyss is a place where dreams come true,” he says simply. “I can’t make that happen without understanding the customers who come here.”
Luke breathes out a soft laugh, taking a sip and savoring the warmth it brings. “Where dreams come true, huh…”
He’s perceptive, though. Luke figures he has to be, owning a place like this. “It has something to do with the von Hagen kid, doesn’t it?”
“It’s fine,” he shakes his head. “It...didn’t mean anything.”
“And you wanted it to mean something.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Luke echoes what Marius said earlier.
There’s a beat of silence. For a moment, the only sounds are the faint conversations of the other customers, the calm music of the bar.
“You’re a Sherlock Holmes geek, right?” Noah breaks the silence. Luke decides not to complain at getting called a geek, he just nods, and Noah continues, “How’s that one line go again? The quote? When you’ve eliminated the impossible—”
“—whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Luke recites the rest of it. Then he quirks an eyebrow at Noah. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I think you miscategorized some of your evidence as foolproof, thus eliminating the wrong thing as impossible.”
“You—you don’t get it.” Luke shuts his eyes. He can’t let his heart hope again. “He told me—”
“A bartender’s job, at its core, is seeing what people want,” Noah shrugs. “And that von Hagen kid? Moment I saw him, it was clear as day that all he wanted was you.”
“I—”
“Anyway, you can figure out the rest yourselves, I guess,” he smirks, eyes darting to the front door. “Because the person you’re running from is here.”
Luke turns to look towards the front door in a jolt and just as Noah said, Marius is here. He’s here and Luke feels his heart ache just seeing him, it aches so much Luke doesn’t realize Marius is walking towards him until he’s close, too close all over again. Luke stands abruptly and he’s a coward, he knows he’s a coward, but he runs once more. Through the back hall, past the room where it happened, all the way to the back exit’s door. Once he’s through, he takes in a deep breath of the outside air only for that breath to catch in his throat when the door opens and Marius is here and—
“Luke—” Marius starts and Luke looks away. He doesn’t want to see that empty look in Marius’ eyes again. “Stop running, I’ve been a stupid asshole, and I’m sorry. I need to tell you—”
“It’s okay,” he grits out, shaking his head, as if that’ll shake the hope out of his mind. “We talked about it. You gave me your answer. I got what you said loud and clear.”
“Well, I said it wrong,” Marius says, stepping closer to him, reaching out for him, and Luke doesn’t understand. They aren’t allowed to touch anymore, right? “Can you—Can you look at me? Please?”
Typical Marius behavior. He’s here, look at him, pay attention. And in typical Luke behavior, he can’t help but give in. He turns to look, and what he sees doesn’t make sense. It’s Marius like he always is, handsome and striking and impossible to ignore, but the fire of him flickers like it’s afraid. Like he’s afraid. Tentatively, Marius reaches out and holds Luke’s wrist, just like how Luke had held him earlier, but neither of them flinch. In the silence of the night, Marius holds him and Luke lets himself be held.
“It did mean something,” Marius admits, not breaking eye contact. One night, Marius had confessed to Luke that he’s sometimes scared of eye contact. Like a painting, he said, they can show the emotions the artist is hiding. Marius keeps his gaze open and in it, Luke sees fear but he also sees that bright little thing Luke saw months ago: hope. “It—I asked to kiss you in the spur of the moment because I’m an idiot, yeah. I didn’t think it through, I went with what would work but also what—what I wanted.”
“What you—” Luke says. Hope is infectious, and some of it starts to spill into his heart as well. “You wanted to kiss me?”
“I did,” Marius laughs, slightly abashed, and yet he steps closer into Luke’s space and Luke has missed him so much. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a long time, Luke.”
His heart begins asking the question once more and Luke has to say it out loud.
“What do I mean to you, Marius?” He asks softly.
“A lot of things,” Marius answers. His fingers around Luke’s wrist move to his pulse point, as if speaking the answer straight to his heart. “You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had but I—You mean more to me, something different to me than that, at this point. And I’m willing to mean anything to you. Friends, friends who make out sometimes, or...something else, something different that scares me, not gonna lie, but. I’ll be happy to mean whatever you want so long as I don’t lose you.”
“You won’t lose me.” And this time, Luke steps forward. This time, it’s Luke who lets himself hold Marius, sliding his hand to hold Marius’ arm and walk him backwards to the wall of the building. This time, he lets himself be bold, raising his other hand to place atop Marius’ chest, to feel the beats of his heart and to give his answer to him back. “Because you mean something different to me as well.”
“Luke—” Marius cups Luke’s face, a warm fire that feels like home.
“Can I kiss you?” Luke asks.
And Marius, so quickly that it makes Luke laugh, nods.
“Yes,” he says.
So Luke leans in to kiss his answer against Marius’ lips.
This kiss is slower. Luke still has no idea what he’s doing but he can’t give a shit about that, not when Marius sighs contentedly, wrapping his arm around Luke’s waist to pull him in, to meld their bodies as close as they can possibly be. He kisses Marius the only way he knows how to, pressing his lips to him over and over and over again, savoring the sensation yet knowing that there will be a next time, many next times, if both of them learn how to be less stupid. He kisses Marius and Marius kisses him back. The seconds go syrupy slow, dripping into the moment, giving them all the time in the world.
Luke pulls away eventually though, just to give them both a chance to breathe, and the smile on Marius’ face is something Luke wants to see for as long as Marius will let him.
“Once again, gentlemen—” a voice rings out, shaking both Luke and Marius from the moment. A few feet away, Noah stands at the curb smoking a cigarette amusedly. “Might I suggest another location? Somewhere less public? Unless you two are into this kind of thing, of course.”
“We’re not!” Luke blurts, his face surely going redder than it was before.
“We’re...not?” Marius tilts his head pleadingly.
“Marius, oh my god.”
“Alright, probably too early to bring that up. My bad.”
“Yeah, please put a pin on that for...a long while.”
“...Which means it’s still up for discussion after that long while?”
“Marius.”
“Okay, seriously,” Noah cuts in. “Get a room.”
“Sorry,” Luke says, pushing a snickering Marius away to the main road. “Going now!”
Noah offers a lazy salute as they both walk away.
“So, uh,” Marius starts once they’re making their way to where Luke’s motorbike is parked. Marius had apparently taken the subway here again and Luke is way too touched at that than he should be. “Are we boyfriends or something?”
“I sure frigging hope so,” Luke gestures to how they’re holding hands. “Or else I’d really wanna strangle you for the mixed signals.”
“No more mixed signals from me, babe,” Marius winks and Luke may just strangle him anyway. ‘Babe’?...Why does Luke like how that sounds? “From here on out, I’m never shutting up about how you’re the light of my life, my sun and stars—”
“When have you ever shut up in the past?”
“Never, but this time I’ll be romantic about it! You’re not getting rid of me now!”
“I’d never want to,” Luke says earnestly and it’s incredibly endearing how Marius blushes at that, coughing softly. “Do you—” And there’s still hesitation, but Luke pushes forward. Some things are worth the risk of bravery, worth casting aside the safety of cowardice. “—want to come over to my place? And maybe, uh. Stay the night?”
Marius blinks at him and Luke immediately starts adding on more word vomit.
“Only if you’re okay with that! No pressure! This is all really new so we could, uh, take things slow, is the term, right? Or take things in, er, whatever pace you’d like. Or—”
Thank fucking god Marius shuts him up with a kiss. A quick one, a soft one, but one nonetheless that has Luke chasing his lips when he pulls away. Marius doesn’t go too far though; he presses his forehead against Luke’s, the action speaking volumes of contentment.
“I’d really like to come over,” Marius smiles and Luke can see so much in his gaze; hope, awe, maybe a scary word that starts with the letter L, but they can figure that out later. His smile shifts to a sly smirk. “And I’d really like to stay the night as well.”
At that, Luke is helpless but to laugh and pull Marius’ forward, leading him back home. Marius follows, and when Luke looks to him, the delight is obvious, spilling out of him in waves. Luke’s pulse is fast, excited, and the question his heart has been asking is finally answered. Luke knows now and Marius does too; they mean the same thing to each other.
That answer settles as a warmth in his chest, as a warmth in Marius’ as well. They both stumble through the night with their hearts beating new words. No more questions, it beats out a soft declaration: it’s you, you, you.