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Prologue: See no evil
Darkness and dirt. The dank smell of potatoes and turnips, and the smell of earth underneath. He scraped at the ground and felt sand sticking under his fingernails. Dirty. A dirty little beast.
The tape across his mouth was itching. He rubbed at one edge, not too hard. If it came off he'd get his hands tied. He'd stay very still and quiet and they wouldn't forget about him and they'd come to let him out soon.
His eyes were open under the blindfold, seeing nothing.
There was a noise in his ears, like a soft humming. But that couldn't be. His ears were stuffed with cottonwool and there wasn't anyone in here with him. No one.
He sniffed and suddenly his nose and mouth were filled with a horrible stench. It was worse than shit and rotting garbage and dead things all at once. It hurt. His eyes ran, and so did his nose. He couldn't breathe.
He sniffled frantically. Snot ran down the back of his throat. The stench was unbearable. He threw himself against the heavy wooden door and hammered on the planks, sobbing and begging.
No one came.
Part 1: Creeple
October 30th
This was Dakota's second Halloween in Danville. He hadn't expected to be around, but it wasn't like he minded. He'd made friends here, and the 21st century had its points. He felt challenged in a fun way. Physically going to the supermarket to buy his groceries was some real hunter-gatherer shit.
In the supermarket he ran into Milo pushing a cart with bottles of soda and bags of chips and popcorn. "Hey, Milo! What's with all the snacks?"
"Hi Dakota!" Milo said. "I'm stocking up for movie night. Mom and Dad and Diogee are staying with Grandma for a couple days. While they're away we're going to watch scary movies and summon the spirit of Halloween at my house. Wanna join us?"
"Hell yeah!" Dakota said, eyes glued to the cart. "Whoa, back up. Summon who now?"
"Well," Milo said, "Zack and Melissa both seemed kind of meh on Halloween this year, and I think that's a shame, so we talked about it with Doctor D and he's built a device to evoke the spirit of Halloween in our back yard."
"Right," Dakota said. "I can tell you're gonna need more snacks."
Dakota liked giving advice, he just didn't get the opportunity very often. Milo was grateful to be told the optimal proportion of salty snacks to sweet ones, which brands of chips would get him the most bang for his buck and how to nurse a soda through a two-hour movie without a bathroom break.
"We've almost settled on The Shining," he said. "Zack likes a gradual buildup of tension and Melissa likes body parts. It's a compromise. Would Cavendish want to watch it?"
"Dunno, he's a giant wuss," said Dakota. That reminded him that the main point of watching horror movies together was to scare your partner into hugging you. "I'll talk to him."
He was going to ask some more about the summoning, but then a random springbok stampede knocked over the cart and he had to help Milo gather his stuff and forgot to ask.
Dakota took his groceries to the place formerly known as their office, currently their home. After twenty years he was sharing a home with Cavendish. A nice thought even if the place was a dump.
While he was unpacking his bags he told Cavendish about Milo's movie night and Doof's mood-setting machine. Cavendish wasn't too impressed. "What do scary movies have to do with Halloween?"
Having only experienced the trick-or-treat part of the holiday, Dakota couldn't say. "Beats me, I'm just here for the candy. But it sounds like fun, right?"
"Not particularly."
Boy, what a buzzkill. "What you need is a jolt of Halloween spirit."
"If you mean Doof's device, I'd like to see it safety tested first. He's an extraordinarily unlucky man," said the man who'd died 300 times. "Between him and Milo it's a wonder this city's still standing."
"Then you think we oughta go there and check out what he's up to?" Dakota asked cunningly.
"Well, I suppose so."
Dakota pumped his fist. "Yes! 'We're going to the movies, we're going to the movies, and there we're gonna see some. . . movies!'"
"Oh come on, that doesn't even scan!"
********
Dusk had fallen when Dakota and Cavendish reached the Murphys' house. The wind blew in their faces, pelting them with leaves from the big tree in the back yard. Rain-swollen clouds hung in the louring sky.
The kids had gathered outside the shed that doubled as Doofenshmirtz's lab. They wore body protectors and helmets with little pumpkin stickers on them, which Dakota thought was a nice bit of mood-setting. Milo handed him a spare helmet. "Are we ready? It's Halloween time!"
The shed looked a lot different than when Dakota last saw it. Black drapes covered the walls. The only light came from wax candles. On the drawing board there was a skull with a fat candle stuck to its parietal bone. Farther into the room Doofenshmirtz was a shadowy figure in a hooded floor-length robe, leaning over some covered object.
"So," Zack said. "Are we evoking Halloween or raising Satan?"
"The former." Milo didn't sound completely certain. "Doof says this is the Halloween decor of his people."
Oh yeah, Doofenshmirtz came from Europe originally. So this was how summer died in Frankenstein.
"His creepy people," Dakota said with a glance at the candleholder skull. "Creeple."
"That's not a -- " Cavendish began when a spotlight came on and lit up the mystery object. Doofenshmirtz whipped off the covering.
"Behold! The Halloweedy dater!"
The. . . dater was a kind of pole, wide at the base and narrowing to a point like a large dunce cap, standing on a metal base with a row of indicator lights. It had been provided with parts of a face: eyeballs on springs, large ears, a lower jaw with teeth and a long floppy tongue. You couldn't even call it creepy. This thing left creepy behind, barreled across the line to disturbing and kept going.
"What is that?!"
Doofenshmirtz threw up his hands. "It's for subbodick the spirit of Halloweed!"
"Oh, I get it. Halloweeny-nater. You're stuffed up!" Dakota said.
Doofenshmirtz glared at them. "I'b allergic to pupkid spice. Sue be. Adyway!"
He pulled a lever. The Halloweeninator began to rotate in the spotlight. The eyeballs quivered on their springs and the jaw made chewing motions. It made Dakota's skin crawl. He was this close to noping out of there, except that he was curious to know which bits would fall off first.
Doofenshmirtz flipped a switch, grinning. Never a good sign, that grin. The generator hummed and the cone spun faster. It was glowing. Was it supposed to do that? The indicator lights went from green to red. Dakota took a step backwards, pulling Cavendish with him.
"Everyone down!"
He tackled Cavendish to the ground a millisecond before the Halloweeninator blew and the lights shorted out. The next moment they were all coughing and retching. A horrible reek filled the room. It was the worst stench he'd ever experienced, and he'd smelled some shit.
Dakota acted on reflex. The nearest window was behind the drawing board. He tore down the hangings and hurled the drawing board through the window. A gust of wind blew in, extinguishing the candles. He stuck his head through the windowframe and breathed deep.
The Halloweeninator had disappeared. A few mutilated wires stuck out from the metal base. The rest of the ugly-ass contraption was gone as if it never existed. Only the stink lingered.
"What the shit?" Dakota said. Cavendish ignored him, coughing into his sleeve.
"That fucking guy," Zack growled.
Doofenshmirtz lay on his side with a dark smear across his face. His eyes and mouth were open. Melissa rolled him over with a kick to the chest. "Motherfucker's still breathing. Any ideas?"
"I know!" Milo said. "Let's bring him back to the house and --"
Dakota didn't find out what they were going to do next, because Cavendish pushed past him. "Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I'm off."
Dakota followed. The kids stayed behind them, whispering and snickering among the dead candles.
********
Sara's parents had left her in charge of the house. "I promise not to let the power go to my head," she'd said, and Dad said, "I have chosen well", because he somehow always managed to mix up Doctor Zone with Star Wars. They'd taken Diogee because dogs deserve to go visiting Grandma too. Sara had sole responsibility for Milo. Milo, the most mature and resourceful teen boy who ever lived. Even with Murphy's Law Sara wasn't worried about movie night.
She didn't see or hear the end of the Halloweeninator. Halloween wasn't her favorite holiday and summoning its spirit held zero appeal. She'd been preparing for the movie-a-thon, setting out bowls of snacks in the living room. Then she went to her own room for a quick yoga session.
She got a hunch that something had gone more wrong than usual when she left her room and saw Milo, Zack and Melissa lugging the limp body of Doctor D towards the foot of the stairs.
"What happened?" she called from the landing. On his best day Doofenshmirtz left her cold, but she didn't want him hurt. Not seriously hurt. Not on her watch. "Is he okay?"
"Hang on," Milo said. "Let me check if I give a shit. Hmm. . . Nope."
Sara thought she'd misheard. "What?"
"He's been bad," Melissa said. "His ass is getting a timeout." She giggled shrilly. Sara had never heard Melissa giggle. The shock of it froze her while the kids dragged Doofenshmirtz up the stairs, his head bumping on every step.
Sara shook off her paralysis and ran to her parents' bedroom, where they kept a first aid kit under the bed. When she came back the kids were hauling Doofenshmirtz into the guest room. Instead of lifting him onto the bed they dumped him on the floor like a sack of laundry.
"What's going on?" Sara said. Her voice was high and nervous. Milo smiled at her. "See no evil," he said and skipped past her. Zack pushed her roughly aside.
Sara got down and felt Doofenshmirtz's pulse. It was normal. He had a thick smear of black grease on his cheek, but she wasn't seeing any injuries. But those wide open eyes --
She shrieked. Without warning he'd caught her wrist in a bruising grip. He sat up with a jerk that almost pulled her on top of him. His head turned right, then left. She realized he couldn't see her. His mouth opened and closed, working desperately, but no sound came out.
Sara twisted out of his grasp and scrabbled backwards on her butt, making little gasping noises. Her back hit the closed door. She twisted the doorknob, then rattled it. The door was locked.
"Milo!" she screamed. "Milo!"
At the other side of the door all three kids chanted together, "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil!"
Doofenshmirtz was scratching at the wall, forming blurred, uneven letters with a finger dipped in grease. A single word.
FAUL
********
Outside the strip mall that Dakota called home a three-wheeled car had just been parked in the rain.
Cavendish slammed the outer door behind him and strode to the cabinet where they kept the medicinal liquor. He poured himself two fingers of Macallan's and tossed it off neat. The foul taste in his mouth and throat was finally diluted.
"Hey!" Dakota whined. "I wanted a highball!"
"Well, you can't have one. There's no more whisky." Cavendish dropped the bottle on the floor and sent it spinning into a corner.
"You're such a selfish asshole," Dakota said conversationally. "Would it fucking kill you to ask what I want every once in a while? Like if I'm invited to someone's movie night maybe I'd like to stay and watch the fucking movie. But do you care? No, 'cause you're a shit friend."
The familiar burn of rage replaced the whisky burn. "I'm a shit friend, am I? Have you got loads of friends who'd love having to tell you what to do every minute of every bloody day because you've got no bloody initiative at all? Unless I give the word you're hard put to wipe your own arse!"
Dakota clenched his fists. His olive skin was flushed red. "You order me around 'cause you get off on walking all over people! It's the only thing that makes you feel like less of a total fucking loser!"
Cavendish felt the blood drain from his face. "How dare you!"
"You know what? Fuck this shit and fuck you. I'm outta here."
Dakota was walking away from him again, and the rage felt (wrong) good! sweet like poison, like the finest Scotch. He seized Dakota with all his strength.
YES
********
Picking a lock takes time and patience. Sara wiped the sweat from her forehead and inserted another hairpin. It figured that the one time she needed Doctor D to blow up a door he'd be out of commission.
"Sara?"
She whipped round. Doofenshmirtz had got up from the floor and was staring at her. Right at her. He wasn't blind any longer. Thank God.
"Doctor D! What happened to you? What's wrong with everyone?" She got in his space, making him flinch. "Der Faul!" he squeaked, high-pitched as a kid. "Er ist wieder da!"
"You have got to be kidding me." She knew exactly one word of German and it wasn't, well, actually it was very much appropriate for the occasion. "Read my lips, okay? What -- did -- you -- do?"
There was a click behind her. Milo burst through the door. "Sara! Sara, oh my gosh, are you okay?"
Her baby brother was back. Sara teared up from relief. She held out her arms and they hugged each other fiercely. Zack and Melissa slunk in, looking sheepish. Doofenshmirtz waved hello.
Sara found that she was all out of patience. "Somebody explain what's going on before I lose my mind."
Everyone looked at Doofenshmirtz. He cleared his throat, having apparently rediscovered his English, and rubbed the back of his neck. "So, when I tried to summon the spirit of Halloween, I may have accidentally summoned something else. Still a spirit, though! A spirit of whatchamacallit. Schabernack, or do I mean Unfug? Mischief! That's it! Aaand you guys got a tiny bit possessed." He said those last words without meeting their eyes.
Melissa recovered first. "You summoned an April Fool's demon for Halloween?"
"For Mischief Night," Doofenshmirtz corrected her. "That's on October 30th. Today. Also technically it's two demons. You never get Faul without Finsternis. Faul's just a prankster, and also a potty mouth. Finsternis is the scary one. He makes you want to be your worst self. You know, spread enmity and hate, establish a world dictatorship and turn everyone's Halloween candy into Peeps." There was no response from his bemused audience. "Just me, then?"
"Nobody in this room likes Peeps," Zack said. "Not even ironically. And we're not dropping F-bombs. Please tell me that means all the demons are gone."
Doofenshmirtz waved his hand with a motion that apparently meant no. "Not how it works. They tried you all on for size and then stayed with whoever's the best fit. One of you is a demon's forever home."
The kids exchanged nervous glances. "Seriously, it's not me."
"Me either."
"Who else could it be?"
Milo snapped his fingers. "Cavendish and Dakota! They were at the summoning! You think --"
"Oh yeah," said Doofenshmirtz. "Definitely."
He didn't need to tell them to get moving.
They ran to the stairs, where Zack nearly tripped on the string that some joker had set up between the balusters and the wall. The others slid down the railing. Milo took charge. "Zack, Melissa, call Cavendish and Dakota and find out where they are! Doctor D, how do we get rid of the demons?"
Doofenshmirtz was running towards the back of the house. "Gimme a minute!" he called over his shoulder. "I think I've got the parts for a demon-banishing inator in my workshop!"
"Well," Milo said. "That's convenient."
Melissa nudged him. "Didn't we boobytrap his workshop?"
Now that he was free of Faul's influence Milo had forgotten most of what they'd been up to while it lasted. He sprinted through the dining room and the kitchen and had reached the back yard when he heard a yell and a crash from the shed. Melissa came running with a pile of towels just as Doofenshmirtz staggered out, soaked from head to toe. "Who keeps an entire bucket of cod liver oil in the house?" he spluttered.
Melissa threw a towel at him. "Or as I like to call it, karma oil."
Milo's phone buzzed. He got it out of his pocket and nearly dropped it when he saw who was calling. "Dakota!"
"Milo," Dakota's voice rasped. "Listen. Something's wrong with Cavendish. We had a fight and he took off. He's going to Doof's old place. Something about inators in the basement. I'm going after him."
The call ended. Milo tried immediately to call him back, but all he got was, 'The number you have called cannot be reached'.
********
Part 2: Darkness
The rain was coming down harder now. Water streamed down the windshield of Doofenshmirtz's car. The wipers swept back and forth. Doofenshmirtz hunched over the steering wheel, clearly uncomfortable driving in the rain after dark. But he had to know the way to his own house, Milo told himself.
He examined the demon-banishing inator. "You know, this looks just like a flashlight."
"Well, yeah." Doofenshmirtz smoothed away strands of oily hair from his eyes. "It is a flashlight. But! It's fitted with a high-intensity discharge lamp. You see, Finsternis and Faul are old-timey spirits from the heart of the Drusselsteinian forest. They're very sensitive to artifical light. Zap 'em in the eye with this bad boy and it's game over."
"Seriously?" Melissa said from the back seat. "A beam of light destroys them?"
"Destroy them? You can't destroy them!" Doofenshmirtz shrieked. Milo winced. "They find you in the dark. They're made of dark. Darkness and Foul. You're all alone and suddenly that stink is everywhere and you can't breathe, you can't scream, they're already inside you and they're laughing --" He broke off. Milo touched his arm. "It's okay," he said softly.
Funny, Milo thought with a small shiver. Being possessed hadn't felt as. . . intense to him, more like a dream state where pulling mean little pranks and cursing a lot was just how you rolled. He remembered the nasty feeling of not giving a damn if people got hurt. But he hadn't gone out of his way to hurt anyone either. Sara was fine. He'd always be grateful for that.
He wondered what Cavendish was doing now.
Doofenshmirtz relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. "As I was saying. Without a body they're blind and deaf and mute. They can only manifest as a smell."
There were so many fart jokes that nobody felt like making. Not tonight.
"Oh," Milo said, light dawning. "That's why you didn't get possessed with the rest of us! You were stuffed up from the pumpkin spice latte!"
"Guess that makes sense," Melissa said. "To protect ourselves we'll just do this." She pinched her own and Zack's noses shut.
Milo opened his backpack on cue. "Here we go. Nose plugs, spare nose plugs, Vicks Vapo Rub, and earplugs which should fit in your nostrils. Just don't push them all the way in."
"Well anyway, we won't have to smell cod liver oil much longer," Zack said, resigned. "Are we almost there?"
"Crap, I missed a turn!" Before Milo could stop him Doofenshmirtz made a U-turn. The headlights from an oncoming car blinded them. Everyone screamed. Doofenshmirtz swerved wildly, wrenching the car onto the sidewalk. A lamppost brought them to a bone-juddering stop. Doofenshmirtz snarled and tried to back up, but the engine was dead.
"Okay, okay," he said. "It's not far. We'll go on foot. Follow me!"
They raced along the black rain-beaten streets, following Doofenshmirtz's white coat like a beacon. He ran surprisingly fast, long legs keeping him in the lead. In mere minutes they arrived at Professor Time's building site.
The entrance to the lobby was behind scaffolding. In half a year they'd rebuilt less than half of the former DEI building. Milo didn't know if Doctor D was having trouble with the funding or if he had other priorities.
"Dot forget your dose plugs, guys!" The rain was drumming noisily on the plastic sheets that covered the building's steel exoskeleton, but Milo didn't raise his voice. Some instinct was telling him not to make a racket. He didn't know where Cavendish and Dakota were or what they were doing, but it was more than that. Something about the building itself gave him the creeps.
The lobby was darker than the inside of a whale. Milo switched on his demon-banishing inator and got a beam of light that could probably be seen from space. "Wow, that's really -- Dakota?!"
It really was Dakota right in front of him, shielding his eyes in the glare. His right arm was in a sling, clumsily splinted. He cursed. "Watch where you're pointing that thing, kid! You just about blinded me."
"Sorry!" Milo pointed the flashlight at the floor and dimmed the beam.
"Dude, what happeded?" Zack said, staring at Dakota's arm. "Did -- did Caveddish --?"
"No time!" Dakota hissed. "We need to get to the basement."
Doofenshmirtz crossed the lobby and unlocked the door to the basement stairs. Dakota ushered them down the stairs. "This way!"
They hurried along a narrow corridor. Doofenshmirtz halted by the first door they came to and opened it. They all crowded through and stopped dead as the steel door clanged shut behind them.
Doctor D's basement was full of machine parts. No surprise there. What was unexpected was that the basement area was lit by candles. Dozens of them, surrounding the empty space in the middle of the room. They cast a soft glow over unopened crates and boxes piled along the walls. A lumpy roll of tarp near a wall caught Milo's eye.
Doofenshmirtz came straight to the point. "Where's the old guy? And why is by basebet full of caddles?"
Dakota picked up a socket wrench from a toolbox. "Because," he said, "I hate these fucking things." He knocked Milo's flashlight out of his hand and brought down the wrench, smashing the bulb. Milo stared at him in shock. Doofenshmirtz gave a whining gasp and backed away. "Ogottogottogott. . ."
Dakota grinned. "Ich bin's, Heinzi."
"You're dot Dakota!" Zack cried.
"Shut up or I'll rip out your voicebox," not-Dakota said in an offhanded way that chilled Milo to the bone. He drew Doofenshmirtz towards him. "I've waited for you for such a long time. Remember the fun we had? The light in this city hurts me. Make me a machine that destroys all the lights so I can feed the way I used to. Give me back the night, Heinzi."
Doofenshmirtz wrenched away, furious. "Stop callick be that! You're a modster ad I despise you! Why would I help you?"
Not-Dakota bent over the roll of tarp and tumbled its contents onto the floor with a single yank. "If you don't I'll kill him."
Cavendish lay at their feet, sucking in air. His face was purple with bruises. His nose had bled and one eye was swollen shut. They knew now which one would win in a fight, not that anyone had been wondering.
"Actually we're dot close," Doofenshmirtz was saying. With a shrug, not-Dakota grabbed Zack by the throat. "Then I'll kill the others, one by one, until I find one you do care about."
"Stop it! Let hib go!"
Not-Dakota bared his teeth in a satisfied grin. He dropped Zack and gave Doofenshmirtz a shove, propelling him towards the toolbox.
Milo and Melissa bent over Zack. He was rubbing his throat. "Cad I talk to Faul istead? I like hib better," he wheezed. Milo could have hugged him.
"I dot thick there is a Faul," Melissa muttered as she assessed him for damage. "He keeps sayick 'I'. I thick Faul's just that jerk playick gabes."
It made sense. That's why Faul's effect on them faded so quickly. A single demon, who could affect lots of people but only possess one at a time. That ought to make it easier to get rid of him. But how? 'Zap 'em in the eye' -- then why hadn't the banishing inator worked when Milo shone it right in not-Dakota's face? His tinted glasses! They'd protected him! Get rid of the glasses and a regular flashlight might do the job. It was worth a shot.
They couldn't risk trying to get the glasses off of him. Even with just one functioning arm he was strong and viciously fast. But what if --
Milo had a plan. It was improvised, adrenaline fueled and more than a little nuts. In other words, just another day with Murphy's Law. They'd saved a planet once. They could do this.
He removed his nose plug. "Hey!" he called. "Finsternis! How are you going to operate the inator with a broken arm?"
The demon swiveled its head. The look in its eyes almost made him regret his idea. But it only said, "What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Look," Milo said, at his most cheerful and polite. "Doctor D's inators are all built to the same pattern. You need both hands to work the controls. Right, Doctor D?" He saw Doofenshmirtz preparing to explain how wrong he was and went on loudly. "I think you should possess me instead of Dakota!"
"No."
They all turned, even the demon. Cavendish was on his feet. His hair was matted with blood, but he held himself ramrod straight. "I'm the one who's supposed to keep him safe. Take me."
Milo didn't move a muscle as the demon approached Cavendish. This would work better than his original idea if Finsternis took the bait.
"I like you, old man," the demon said. "More than the boy. You have a lot of anger in you." It paused. Milo held his breath. "On your knees!"
Cavendish gaped at the demon, then sank to his knees. Finsternis seized him.
It was a horrible sight. Movie vampires were nothing like this. Finsternis fell on its prey like a spider and attached itself to Cavendish's mouth. Cavendish writhed, but the demon held him effortlessly in place with one hand.
Very quietly Milo opened his backpack while Melissa and Zack shielded him from sight. He hunted around without taking his eyes off the demon. When it left Dakota he'd have less than a second to act. His fingers closed on the unmistakable scarred shaft of his diving lamp. One more moment --
Dakota's body went limp and fell to the floor. Cavendish surged up.
"Hey asshole!" Melissa shouted. The demon's eye flickered towards her. She'd bought them half a second, no more, but that was enough. When it looked in Milo's direction the narrow beam of the diving lamp stabbed it right in the eyeball.
The demon screamed inhumanly. Milo held the flashlight with both hands, wishing he'd plugged his ears. He thought he might lose his eardrums. Then everything went silent. Cavendish swayed and collapsed on top of Dakota.
Milo trembled. His ears were buzzing. He had to make an effort to lower his arms. Zack gave him a shoulder hug. Melissa took the flashlight gently out of his hands and switched it off.
"Whew!" Doofenshmirtz said on a long exhale. "He's god! He's really god! We did it!"
"Uh huh," Melissa said. "'We' did it."
Milo gave the diving lamp an affectionate look. "Guess it's true what they say, 'It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness'."
"What about when the darkness lit the candles and also is cursing at you?" Zack quipped.
They gathered round the pile of bodies on the floor and lifted them away from each other. Both of them were coming to. Dakota sat up with a groan. He tried and failed to clutch his head. "Ow! Fuck! Who busted my arm?"
"We're not sure," Milo started to say, but Dakota had just spotted what the mystery assailant had done to his partner. "Cavendish! Are you okay?"
"Think so," Cavendish croaked. He rose, boosted by Milo and Melissa. "My head's rather painful."
"Mine feels like an animatronic dinosaur stepped on it," Dakota said, which was too weirdly specific not to be speaking from experience. Time travelers had the best job.
Doofenshmirtz was happy to explain. "That's the demon hangover. Don't worry, we banished him."
Cavendish blurted, "Is he really gone?" and Dakota said, "Oh crap, what did I do?"
While Doofenshmirtz filled them in it occurred to Milo that none of them had the full picture of Finsternis's reign of pranks and violence. Doofenshmirtz had spent part of the evening in some kind of fugue state and everyone's memories of being possessed seemed patchy. Probably for the best, Milo figured. Even if it meant he'd have to look high and low for half forgotten booby traps before his parents and Diogee came home.
He called Sara to tell her the demon was gone and they were mostly fine. She promised to come and get them in her car. Then he set and splinted Dakota's broken arm by the light of a diving lamp and a lot of candles. Cavendish held Dakota's hand the whole time without saying a word.
When they were finished and had blown out the last of the candles Zack said, "If he's gone, where did he actually go?"
Doofenshmirtz spread his hands. "Heck if I know. Like I said, creatures like that can't be destroyed. But we kicked his butt! For now."
Melissa spoke for all of them. "We'll take what we can get."
********
Aftermath
They didn't have any more Scotch, but that didn't mean the medicine cabinet had been entirely cleared out. Cavendish poured himself and Dakota a glass of rum over ice. They sat sipping it on the couch next to each other.
"I'm terribly sorry about your arm," Cavendish said. "I was only trying to immobilize you. Him, that is. When I realized it wasn't really you."
"Eh," Dakota said. "I beat the shit out of you, plus I won't have to vacuum or do the dishes for weeks. We're even." He raised his glass, then set it down again. "I can't remember. Was I, you know. Did I curse you out?"
"He did swear a lot. Par for the course with demons, I gathered. I'm drawing a blank on the details." That wasn't precisely true, but Cavendish knew it was important to distinguish between his friend and that monster. The demon had induced them both to say and do things which would not have been said or done without its influence. Neither of them had been in his right mind, and that was that.
Dakota wouldn't stop fiddling with his glass, clinking the ice cubes against each other. "'M sorry if I called you a loser. You're not --"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cavendish said firmly. He had the satisfaction of seeing Dakota finally relax and sample the rum properly.
"Needs Coke," he said predictably, leaning back with a yawn. "Nice to be out of Doof's basement. Waking up among all those candles I thought I was at my own funeral." He chuckled. The thought struck Cavendish like a blow to the chest, how very easily that could have been true. "Don't!" He caught Dakota's face between his hands. "Don't say that!"
Dakota reached up to touch Cavendish's fingers. His eyes were wide. "In the basement -- Did we kiss?"
Cavendish swallowed, finding his collar suddenly too tight. "In a sense," he said, startled at how breathy his voice sounded. "The -- the execution was sorely lacking. We ought to try again."
Dakota stroked his bruised face, so gently. "It's all right," Cavendish whispered. "It doesn't hurt." As their lips met he tensed, but this was the real Dakota and the taste of him was nothing like the darkness. He opened his mouth willingly.
When they drew apart to breathe Dakota's pupils were blown. "I've wanted to do that for years." He pulled down the zipper on his jacket. "You know I only invited you to Milo's movie-a-thon for a chance to cuddle?"
"With four teenagers getting an eyeful? Not likely."
Dakota traced the outline of Cavendish's ear. "When you say it like that it sounds stupid."
"We do have a TV," Cavendish said, sliding his hands into Dakota's jacket. "No reason we couldn't have our own movie night."
"You're right," Dakota said. "Only let's skip the movie part."
********
Epilogue
On the morning of October 31st Martin and Brigette Murphy came home with their dog. After they'd greeted the kids, who were overjoyed to see them, Martin went to use the downstairs bathroom.
"Funny," he said afterwards. "Toilets back up all the time, and we do have a lot of cod liver oil in the house, but I still don't see how it happened."
". . .yeah," his son agreed. "Funny."