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“You could not take the time to make yourself somewhat presentable before coming here?” Hubert instantly regrets the question because his surprise guest instantly stiffens. He goes to take it back but Ferdinand turns around to face, and oh but he does look exhausted. He had just gotten back from going across the Great Barrier, he is one of the few men trusted to come back even after venturing on their own. But going past the barrier, especially on your own, comes with a few drawbacks. And Hubert can see each of them in Ferdinand’s tired face: eye bags, unruly eyebrows and beard, dirt, messy hair.
“My apologies Hubert,” Ferdinand says stiffly and it takes everything in Hubert not to flinch because Ferdinand hasn’t spoken to him like that since their school days. “I was just picking up the rest of my mail,” He holds up the bundle of letters and then lets his arm drop, “Now that I have them I will be out of your hair. If you will excuse me.” Ferdinand moves to sweep past him and Hubert grabs his arm, “Wait. Ferdinand, where are you planning on staying?”
“Since you made your opinion abundantly clear six months ago, I asked Dorothea if I could room with her-”
“That,” and Hubert’s grip tightens slightly before he forces himself to let go entirely, “Is not necessary. You know you are welcome here-”
“Am I?”
“ Yes ,” and Hubert stresses the word. He does not want Ferdinand to leave on a bad note, again. “I will be starting dinner-”
“I am not going to impose-”
“It is not imposing when I invite you.” Ferdinand stares into his face for a moment, searching for something Hubert doesn’t know if he has. He doesn’t know if he found exactly what he was looking for but Ferdinand's shoulders relax just enough for Hubert to know he won’t be eating dinner alone. “Alright. Allow me to go get cleaned up while you start dinner. When I get back I will help.” He doesn’t give Hubert time to answer before he’s walking out of the house. Hubert reaches out and braces himself against the doorway, and closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. This is not how he was expecting his evening to go but maybe, hopefully, he can fix the mess he made all those months ago.
Straightening up, Hubert removes his overcoat and drapes it on the coat stand just inside the door. He rolls his sleeves up to his elbows before walking into the kitchen. The quicker he gets started, the faster they can talk.
Ferdinand is gone for a little over an hour, apparently his hair was more stubborn than usual but Hubert takes in the tight lines near his eyes but doesn’t call him on the obvious lie. He will talk about it when he’s ready. Most of dinner is done by the time he returns so Ferdinand gets the table ready as Hubert finishes up. They move around each in a silence that isn’t necessarily awkward but is uncomfortable all the same.
Dinner starts out much the same and Hubert keeps looking up from his plate to look at Ferdinand but each time he’s frowning down at his food and it makes Hubert pause. This goes on for another ten minutes or so before Hubert finally caves and starts, “Ferdinand, about last time-”
“They want me to go on an expedition,” Ferdinand interrupts him in a quiet voice and Hubert completely freezes. Slowly he sets his fork down and raises his face to look the other man in the face.
“What-”
“An expedition. A year long. We would even over winter across the barrier. The invitation was in the mail I grabbed earlier.”
“And what,” Hubert laces his fingers together and props his elbows on the table, “Are you going to do?” He watches intently as Ferdinand’s jaw clenches, “I do not know. But I do not have long to decide because they intend to leave within the next two months.They have enough Circuit Magicians, I went and asked-”
“Then do not go, you just returned surely you need more time to recuperate-”
“It is not as if I have been hurt Hubert-”
“It does not matter. You have literally just returned from your circuit. You should-”
“The money will also be helpful-”
“Since when has money ever mattered?”
“Do you think I have forgotten about our argument? I will not remain somewhere I am not wanted.” Hubert’s next sentence dies in his throat and he almost chokes. Ferdinand’s face isn’t angry but resigned. “Ferdinand, I want you to know I did not mean anything I said that day. It was a truly awful day and I took it out entirely on you and for that I apologize. If I was able to, I would go back and it would never have happened. But it did and all I can ask is that you forgive me.” But Ferdinand is shaking his head and a lump forms in Hubert’s throat, “No, you were correct as you always are. I have imposed upon you long enough. That is why the money is important, I could use it to-”
“People die on these expeditions Ferdinand!” Hubert cries, gripping the table in front of him until his knuckles turn white. Their food is cold and forgotten. “And not necessarily from anything large like mammoths but the swarming weasels and the columbian sphinxes-”
“You know I know all of this, Hubert,” Ferdinand says hotly, his amber eyes flashing slightly, “I have spent the better part of the past decade being a Circuit Magician. I help the settlements keep their spells up and running to keep them out. I have lost a few horses to some of those animals. You know about the risks. Why is this-”
“Because I cannot lose you!” Ferdinand’s eyes widen and his mouth clicks shut. “I cannot lose you,” Hubert chokes out, “Not to yourself. Not to an expedition. And most certainly not to my own temper.”
“Hubert, I-”
“It is different because your circuit is familiar to you. But this? This would be the most dangerous thing you have done. If this is really what you want to do I will not stop you. But-”
“I do not want to go,” Ferdinand admits, “I am exhausted. But more than that I would like to spend time with those I care about before going back across. However, I do not want to be a burden on anyone-”
“You are not a burden, Ferdinand and I regret having ever made you feel like one.”
“It’s not just you,” He admits quietly, “Although that one really made it a reality. I have been called worse things by others.” He chuckles sadly, “But if you are certain…”
“I am.”
“Then I will stay.” And those four words finally made the anxiety in Hubert’s chest diminish and when Ferdinand smiles at him it disappears completely. With Ferdinand finally chattering away about all the things he saw during his circuit, Hubert knows this is as close to home as he’s ever going to get.