Work Text:
In Tommy's dimly lit bedroom the glare of his phone screen was bordering on painful and he fumbled with the brightness slider for a second. A quarter before 6 pm, almost time for him to leave so he wouldn't show up late for dinner with his friends. But his excitement at the thought of seeing them all again after blowing them off for the past weeks was overshadowed by anxiety. The kind that makes your stomach feel like it's in knots and your throat feel like it's closing up.
This would only be his second outing with Wilbur after they'd started dating, something they still had yet to come clean about. Their relationship wasn't the most conventional, with Tommy adopting a caregiving role to Wilbur, who in turn regressed into a childlike and innocent mindset. They'd indulged in it quite a bit lately and it made an accidental slip up way more likely than before when Wilbur spent most of his free time repressing any part of him that might bring him joy.
Tommy on his own wouldn't have been all that worried. He was open about himself and his interests and saw no real reason to hide something so harmless. Wilbur was a different story though. Hypochondriac bundle of anxieties that he was, he'd probably rather cut off his own tongue than reveal something so embarrassing on anything but his own terms. And he wasn't ready for that, not so early on, so blowing off their beloved friends felt like the only option. Until now, when their excuses had run dry and they were forced to agree to dinner.
Most people would probably assume that if they were in any sort of dynamic, that it'd be compatible with their big brother Wilby bit they'd fall into on stream. That was the polar opposite of what came naturally to them though. Sure, when Wilbur had first explained everything to him, he'd been taken aback and at a complete loss for what being a "caregiver" would entail. But after a week of long, honest conversations and a lot of trial and error they'd settled into the idea and now he couldn't picture it any other way anymore. He already loved doting on Wilbur, making sure he got out of bed and ate and showered, and this allowed him to indulge in that on a whole other level.
Originally his focus had solely been on making Wilbur happy, so much so that it took him a while to realise just how much he was enjoying it. Not just the control, but also being able to play with Wilbur as if he was a little kid, experiencing the joys of parenthood minus a lot of the downsides. All of it had added a new layer of trust and understanding to their relationship. Getting to see a calmer, more relaxed Wilbur and knowing he was helping him felt amazing. Plus bossing him around was fun.
The point was, this dynamic was very new and very lovely and the idea of something even coming close to making Wilbur retreat into his shell again made Tommy feel sick.
He had to leave regardless though, else he'd end up late to a dinner their friends had planned out for at least a week now. Not a great look.
He got his shoes from their rack with one hand and unlocked his phone with the other, wanting to check if their group chat had any new messages. It didn't, but he did have three texts from Wilbur.
King
i don't think this is a good idea.
King
what if they figure it out
King
should we even go at this point
Tommy rolled his eyes. Great, thanks Wilbur, trying to cancel minutes before dinner.
Tommy
Everything’s gonna be fine Big man
Tommy
If you get really panicky just pretend youre sick okay?
Tommy
and if they really do figure it out we can just explain it.
Tommy
You Know them, you Know theyre fine
Not his best attempt at calming someone down from an anxiety attack but it'd have to do. There wasn't much else to say beyond complete lies. Technically they really could feign illness and cancel, but he knew that'd raise even more suspicion and tomorrow-Wilbur would be mortified. Ultimately he had to work through this fear else they might as well just cut off everyone and settle for a life in some random forest. It wouldn't be any less scary the next time, better rip the bandaid off.
Tommy
I love you
A pause and then three dots. He was already out the door when Wilbur's reply came through.
King
love you too
———
His own worries seemed silly once he arrived. Everyone greeted him like normal, excited to see each other after their weeks apart, and his anxiety eased once they were all seated inside with nobody bringing up his and Wilbur's absence. They really just seemed happy to see them, none of the suspicion or hurt he'd been expecting to be faced with after blowing them off as clumsily as he had. It became easier to think rationally. His hand found Wilbur's under the table and squeezed it, wishing he could somehow share what he felt.
Wilbur didn't look at him but he returned the squeeze, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was worried, of course he was worried. With zero experience on how to avoid or deal with slip ups, they were beyond under-prepared. And with neither of them ready to talk about it with anyone else there weren't many other options either. The age gap wouldn't be much of an issue, Tommy knew that much, but a lifestyle people widely considered weird at best and pedophilia at worst complicated things. At least for Wilbur, who was genuinely terrified and arguably the more vulnerable one in this situation. Tommy's caregiver headspace was personal to him, sure, but not all that different from his normal self. Wilbur's regression on the other hand…
Tommy let go of Wilbur's hand to reach for his glass. He knew at some point they'd have to come clean, at least about their relationship, but right now with Wilbur in such a fragile mindset he felt unwilling to risk it.
Even if it did mean he wouldn’t get to fuss over him when he got sauce all over his lips.
Conversation was flowing freely at this point and Tommy made a valiant effort to focus on it and participate, even with his mind constantly drifting off to think about their situation. He had to make up for Wilbur who was extremely quiet, even with all the laughter around him, only giving short answers whenever he was asked anything. It wasn't really all that suspicious, he could be pretty silent sometimes, but right now it felt like a neon sign on his forehead.
At one point Jack spoke up, glancing at Toby. "Will, you've been kinda quiet, is everything alright? Y'know with sensory…" He trailed off and Tommy nearly swore out loud. Right. Sensory overload. His behaviour overlapped perfectly with one, only the discussed coping mechanisms would be terrible for him in his current state. He needed a solid, believable excuse and he needed one quickly.
"Uh…I think it's 'cause he's been doing so much with Lovejoy recently. I mean they just practised last night, his throat's probably sore." Tommy repressed a groan, praying he sounded at all believable.
Toby dissolved into a fit of giggles and Ranboo rolled his eyes.
"Ha ha, very funny," Tommy snarked back at him before glancing over at Wilbur.
He did his best to try and rest his hand on Wilbur's thigh comfortably without anyone noticing, his own little way of telling him to stop worrying so much, only moving his hand once he seemed a bit calmer. Things had a bit of a rough start but they'd be alright in the end, he knew they would be.
———
It happened near the end of the dinner, when everyone was at peak rowdiness and barely anyone was still paying attention to his strange behaviour. A loud thud, a quiet "oh no", and then Wilbur was whimpering quietly.
The wine had mostly missed him, only getting on the table and his sleeves, and Tommy dabbed at it with a napkin to soak up as much as possible. They were in their own little bubble for a moment. Even with all the laughter and Toby poking fun at him, nothing registered for him except for Wilbur's panic.
"I'm gonna go help Will clean off," he announced and pulled Wilbur upright.
The bathrooms weren't far but even the short trip made it clear just how much the poor guy was struggling to stay big. His steps were uncoordinated and he was hunched over as if to make himself smaller. Tommy's hand rubbed circles into his back in a weak attempt to comfort him.
Clean-up was methodical, and once his sleeves had been washed with water and dried to the best of the poor machine's abilities, Tommy gathered him into his arms. Wilbur slumped against him instantly, gripping at his sweater and mumbling barely coherent apologies into his shoulder.
So many things were going through Tommy's mind at the moment, but the only one he focused on was protecting both Wilbur and himself. What would he say when they get back to the table? He hoped nobody would say anything and everyone would just act like nothing had happened but he couldn't exactly rely on it.
"Wilby, it's okay," he muttered, holding him close. "Stop apologising, please."
Tommy knew how clumsy he was when he was small or nearing it, he was just glad he was here to help him. But he also knew Wilbur well enough to know he had to be feeling terrible. At this point he was probably not even fully able to process why this was bad anymore, only vaguely aware that he'd been bad and that the situation was scary. It hurt to think about but Tommy had no clue how to convey everything was fine when it technically wasn't.
All of this was his fault and he wished desperately he'd put more thought into this evening, that he'd brought something to help soothe Wilbur in case the inevitable happened, but he hadn't and he'd have to make do somehow.
"Wan' go home," Wilbur whispered, his words slurred together and voice muffled by the sweater. Tommy's heart ached in sympathy but he also knew big Wilbur would kill him if he did anything but try to get through dinner.
He thought for a moment before pulling out of the embrace. "I know you do, baby, but after dinner okay? Do you think you could try for just a little while longer to be big for me?"
Wilbur frowned a bit. He clearly didn't get why they couldn't just go home if he was small and tired, but Tommy had never put him into a situation he didn't like without a reason before and so he hesitantly nodded.
"M'trying," he whined. Why couldn't his Daddy just fix it? "Can't."
Tommy sighed, he knew that wasn't how it worked. The only way for Wilbur to ease out of being small would require being calm and relaxed, which was the polar opposite of how he was feeling. He'd just have to work around him being little.
He gave himself a moment to dwell on their options. They could go back out to their friends and hide this to the best of their abilities, they could just come clean to their friends, or they could waste dinner and leave under mysterious circumstances.
Tommy felt too guilty to waste dinner, and he wasn’t sure Wilbur wanted to come clean yet, so ultimately, their only real choice was to go back to their friends and hope nothing more obvious happened. This sucked.
———
Tommy rehearsed his answers to any questions that might come up on his way back, weaving through tables and fighting the urge to hold Wilbur's hand. He knew he'd have to deal with this mostly on his own, since as much as Wilbur clearly knew they had to be careful, he didn't have much of a filter like this and wouldn't be of much help. But that was fine. It was, in a way, Tommy's role in this anyway. Looking after his boy and making sure he was comfortable and safe.
"Took you long enough." Toby's smirk would've normally warranted an arm punch or death threat at the least but Tommy was too lost in thought this time.
"Yeah." He sounded as noncommittal as possible, shovelling food into his mouth to dodge any further questions.
Toby glanced over at Ranboo who tilted his head a bit in response. Dumbass boyfriends with their dumbass nonverbal communication. For the life of him he couldn't figure out if that meant they knew something was up or if it was just them being lost in their own world.
George made an uncomfortable face. "You two okay? You're both kinda…" He trailed off and made a vague hand gesture. It didn't look like he was particularly invested in getting an answer though.
"Yeah, we're fine."
Toby raised a knowing eyebrow and he swallowed down the urge to groan for what felt like the hundredth time that night. "Yeah, I'm sure you are."
Tommy's leg was practically vibrating under the table by now and he was struggling to stay calm. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
Toby giggled and raised his hands in defense. "Nothing! You're just- You're very…"
"Brotherly?" Ranboo finished for him before cackling.
He knew Wilbur was panicking even without looking over and when his hand found Tommy's he squeezed it as tightly as possible, trying to convey they'd be fine without speaking. He allowed himself a quick side glance and caught Wilbur biting his nails. Out of habit he brought his hand up to pull the finger out of his mouth.
"Baby, you-" Tommy cut himself off, cheeks burning. Fuck.
The silence that spread across the table was agonising. He closed his eyes for a moment, doing that stupid breathing technique he'd taught Wilbur, and when he opened them again he couldn't bring himself to look anywhere but his hand.
"Hey Tom, can we talk? In private?" Toby's voice was kind but his eyes showed the opposite. George rolled his eyes into his drink and Jack looked torn between annoyance and discomfort.
Tommy shrugged weakly. "Sure." They knew. At this point delaying the inevitable was useless - He'd fucked it up irreparably, the least he could do was try and defend Wilbur.
Toby and Ranboo shared one of their stupid looks before dragging Tommy over to the men's rooms. Not ideal, loitering near the bathrooms like a bunch of weirdos. Tommy hoped it wouldn't be a long conversation.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Ranboo sounded hurt. A bit weird, considering that no matter now non-sexual this was for them it was still a kink. Although Toby did openly discuss his preferences in porn, so maybe their boundaries were just very different.
It felt a bit silly now actually, keeping something so massive from his best friends for so long while Toby proudly overshared his own decidedly not non-sexual habits. Tommy let out a breath, shoulders losing some of their tension. Maybe they'd be fine.
"I dunno. I guess I just didn't know how to bring it up? S'kinda weird, innit, and I wasn't sure how much you two…knew about…" He made an awkward gesture. "Yeah."
"Tommy," Toby grinned at him in the way he only did when he was convinced Tommy was the biggest idiot to ever walk the earth. "You're our friend. 'Course we don't care. I mean, it is weird," he conceded with a look at Ranboo. "And it does reframe some stuff, but y'know. You're happy. I don't see the issue."
"So you don't have like a list of questions or something?" Too good to be true, no way it'd be that easy.
"Nah. That's your business."
It was that easy.
A breathless, giddy laugh, an eye roll from Toby and a fist bump from Ranboo to congratulate him on something he wasn't sure he understood right, and then they were back at the table. Wilbur's leg immediately accidentally-on-purpose brushed against his and Tommy grinned over at him sheepishly. Conveying what had happened through facial expressions alone proved impossible so during a particularly loud moment he nodded at him and mumbled “They know, it’s fine” under his breath.
Dinner became a more quiet affair. Toby still couldn't resist the occasional comment but overall seemed to understand neither of them were in the mood for joking around so soon after. Obviously the rest of their friends would have to be told eventually but Tommy wasn't worried about that for now, content to just enjoy his time with them before everyone had to part ways again. Well, part ways until tomorrow when they'd vlog. A dinner alone wasn't worth lining up everyone's schedules, rent had to be paid.
———
"You know I'm proud of you, right?" Tommy asked into Wilbur's neck as the credits to Infinity War scrolled endlessly. A good movie. Very worth the rewatch, especially without Wilbur's constant criticising comments ruining the action.
He could feel his smile against the top of his head. "Yeah? How come?"
"You tried your hardest tonight," Wilbur stiffened underneath him at the reminder, "and it must've been really scary. I'm proud of you for not, like, panicking and denying it or some shit. I mean, it wouldn't have worked, but. I'd have understood it if you had."
"I love you," Wilbur told him, very matter of fact, and it sounded so natural that Tommy took a moment to realise it'd been the first time he'd said it in a romantic context.
"I love you too."
———
Waking up the next morning with Wilbur curled into his side and a plush whale hanging halfway off the bed he realised that maybe he should thank his friends properly for being so normal about everything.
Big Man
Hey, just wanted to say thanks for being so cool about the whole cgl thing :)
ranboob
cgl?
toby
wait your what thing
toby
whats cgl
Tommy froze. Fuck. Did they not know after all? Had he misunderstood? Or maybe they just weren't aware of that specific term? He wasn't about to ask over text, not when it came to something so complicated. He knew what he had to do.
Big Man
Cock gaming lovers LOL
Big Man
Got you