Work Text:
The worst part about breaking up isn’t trying to sit there and divide the clothes that you’ve shared for so long you don’t know what belongs to who. The hardest part is going to practice the next day like it’s nothing. Like Heechul’s heart doesn’t break every time he catches Jongwoon’s eyes in the mirror or they happen to pass each other in formation.
Like when they finally break for ten minutes, Heechul and Jongwoon both start to make their way to each other and then it hits them and they both turn away.
The most heartbreaking thing about it all is that they both don’t want it. They want to be together. Jongwoon heads home right after practice that night and pretends he doesn’t hear his mother asking why he’s home so early and doesn’t he still have work things to do.
Heechul heads home too and pretends he doesn’t see Kyuhyun trailing along behind him and just leaves his door open so Kyuhyun can come in behind him. If anyone is going to sit and babysit him while he makes bad choices, Kyuhyun is probably one of the better options. When Hyukjae shows up an hour later, Heechul knows it was Kyuhyun who called him, but he can’t bring himself to care that the two are conspiring against him.
It’s only three soju bottles later, when he’s sitting on the floor and staring blankly at it, that one of them finally says anything. “Hyung, what happened?” Hyukjae, always the braver of the two in moments like these, reaches over and touches his shoulder and seems surprised when Heechul doesn’t immediately pull away.
“SM made me break off a relationship,” Heechul says, his voice void of any real emotion. The stricken expressions are audible in the silence that follows.
“Hyung, no,” Kyuhyun breathes finally and he scoots over on the couch closer to where Heechul is curled up against the arm, backed into the corner. “Is- was she upset?”
“He,” Heechul corrects simple and soft. Neither of the other two blink; unsurprising, though, given they were the two to start his gay rumors in the first place. Them and Jungsoo. All three of them probably knew they were true when they started them.
“Yesung hyung?” Hyukjae asks. Heechul just lowers his head to his knees miserably and lets out a long sigh. It’s enough of an answer that they surround him and wrap him up in hugs and Heechul can’t even bring himself to swear at them as they wrestle him into hugs.
“Is hyung okay?” Kyuhyun asks when they’ve convinced him to go to bed and they, too, have crawled into his bed and, in Kyuhyun’s case, smothered him with a pillow when he made half-hearted protests.
“I hope so,” Heechul says into the darkness. He hopes, with every ounce of him, that Jongwoon is okay.
Jongwoon is not okay. He wants to lash out and throw a tantrum and cry. He wants to break everything in his room and break the mirrors in the practice room and burn every bridge connected to his career. He wants to-
It’s a dangerous road his mind wanders down and he just stares at the wall of his room in the dim light of his phone charger and hopes that he’ll fall asleep, eventually. It’s not so much to ask for, and yet it seems like he’s asking the world for the train of thought to end.
He shouldn’t be blaming Heechul. He knows it’s not Heechul fault. But there’s a part of him, deep down, that places the blame on Heechul. Jongwoon has always flown under SM’s radar no matter how many rules he’s broken, for the simple fact that he knows to play into the manipulation of the company when it matters and to make it seem like he’s oblivious to the inner politics of the job. Heechul has never been able to fly under the radar. Right from the day of his audition, Heechul has worn confidence and ego on his sleeve to cover insecurity and uncertainty and anxiety.
Jongwoon saw through it, through all of it. He saw the days when Heechul hesitated more, when he was quieter, when the façade broke and the real Heechul was present more than the idol. He had as good as lived with Heechul for the better part of three years; he saw the days when Heechul woke up in more pain than he could ever express and forced himself to swallow down as many painkillers as he could and to push himself to be ‘normal.’ Jongwoon had seen the days when Heechul came home from a day of shooting and just stood in the shower and cried. He saw the days when Heechul rolled over and pressed his face to Jongwoon’s shoulder and mumbled about not wanting to get up, he saw the moments, good and bad, when Heechul laughed and danced and cried and practically glowed with a real personality.
Heechul had said SM knew about them. He’d said that the company was telling him that either they had to break up or one of them would have to leave the company. They both knew that meant the end of Jongwoon’s career.
Jongwoon knows he shouldn’t blame Heechul for trying to make the choice he thought would be better for Jongwoon. That they wouldn’t have much in common if they didn’t have work. That, in his fear of losing Jongwoon, Heechul has lost both of them.
Jongwoon rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling with tear-filled eyes. Every instinct wants to throw his career up in flames. He knows it won’t give him Heechul back. He wants everything to go back to normal. To the days before. To everything before.
He lets out a shaky breath and rolls over onto his stomach and presses his face to his pillow to muffle his sobs. He doesn’t feel it when Jongjin enters or when he sits down on his bed, but when he leans over and presses a kiss to his head, Jongwoon feels it. “I want to die,” Jongwoon mumbles.
“No you don’t.” Jongjin brushes his hand down Jongwoon’s back before sprawling down next to him. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on, hyung?”
“I was,” Jongwoon starts and sniffles, hesitating. He looks at Jongjin, who watches him with gentle eyes. “I was seeing somebody.”
“You broke up?” Jongjin guesses.
“Not because either of us wanted to,” Jongwoon says. He can tell he sounds like he has a cold, and the wrinkle in Jongjin’s nose confirms that. “The company.”
“You were dating another idol?” Jongjin asks before shaking his head. “Not the point, that’s not the point, yup, okay.”
“We didn’t want to break up,” Jongwoon says and rolls over. “But they threatened my career and he- he chose my career over us.”
“Okay, hold up, back it up,” Jongjin says and Jongwoon’s heart stops for a minute. He’s unsure where they stand for all of six seconds before Jongjin speaks again. “Your ex- broke up with you, because he wanted to save your career. Not his. Your career.” Jongwoon nods, silent. “That’s romantic as fuck.”
“Get the fuck out,” Jongwoon mutters and kicks at Jongjin. Jongjin laughs, even when Jongwoon’s foot makes contact with his side.
“Look, hyung,” Jongjin says in a softer voice a few minutes later. “Give it time. Destiny will make it right, whatever right means.”
Jongwoon can only hope he’s right.