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Buffy hadn’t seen Faith around in a few minutes, but that was to be expected whenever they went to a bar or club. They were in LA to locate a specific Chosen and Faith insisted on going to a place called Lux. Buffy shrugged off going solo and went up to the bar and ordered a vodka-cranberry.
Chloe Decker stood at the bar, unable to locate Lucifer. Knowing him he could be literally anywhere but Trixie was with her Mom so she was going to have fun no matter what. She had already had some drinks with Maze and Eve. Chloe listened to the music as a song by The Weekend came on and she bent her arms in front of her and moved them from side to side, swaying as she did. “Are you doing your own version of The Carlton? Has Lucifer seen you dance like that?” Javier the bartender asked Chloe.
Chloe turned around and frowned. “Not sure,” she admitted. “Any chance you know where he is?” Of course Javier did not. “Just give me a rum and coke, please.” Chloe signed and sipped her drink. “Men.”
Buffy overheard from her spot at the bar and moved closer to Chloe. “I’ll drink to that one,” Buffy said. “Have we met?” she then asked.
“No, you must have seen Hottub Highschool.”
Buffy looked excited. “I have! You were in it. Chloe Decker, right? That’s cool. My friends and I watched it so many times. You look basically the same.” Willow and Xander both had a crush on Chloe but Buffy didn’t want to risk Chloe feeling uncomfortable. Buffy assumed it couldn’t be fun to have people you meet know what you look like naked.
“You must have had a lot to drink already,” Chloe laughed. “I definitely don’t, but that’s very sweet. And for the record I quit Hollywood and became a cop, parts didn’t dry up for me.”
Buffy took the stool next to her. “A cop, huh? That’s cool. I was given law enforcement on my career aptitude test in high school.”
Chloe finished her drink and ordered another at the same time Buffy did. “I take it you didn’t do it, though?”
Buffy shrugged and sipped her second drink. “I had a different calling. It’s complicated.”
“A calling. Yeah those are.” Chloe shook her head. “That sounded rude, I’m sorry.”
Buffy waved a hand dismissively. “Rude? It’s accurate.”
Chloe downed her drink and ordered another. She’d spent the last four weeks out of work to help Lucifer become God, a role he’d yet to assume. “I bet you handle it better than my boyfriend.”
“Ah. That’s who your ‘men’ was about?”
“Oh yeah. Javier, keep ‘em coming and put, ah,” Chloe turned to Buffy, “what’s your name?”
“Buffy.”
“Put Buffy’s on the house. My boyfriend owns the place and he won’t care.”
Buffy finished off her drink and furrowed her brow. “His calling is running a nightclub?”
“Oh no, this is just his business. His calling, well, his calling is… hard to explain.”
Buffy was starting to feel her drinks especially since Faith made her have a few before they went to Lux, “I’m a Vampire Slayer,” Buffy blurted out, before laughing.
“A vampire slayer? Vampires are real or are you putting me on?” Chloe figured if her boyfriend was the Devil and soon-to-be-God, Buffy probably was telling the truth. “I killed a demon last year in a demon uprising. My boyfriend is the Devil,” she announced rather loudly, but the music drowned her out to most. “He’s supposed to be God.”
“The Devil? I’ve met a few demons who said that.”
“No, he’s the actual Devil. But he’s not evil. He’s just... immortal -”
“Say no more,” Buffy cut off. “Immortal men. They’re the worst. And the best. And sometimes overgrown children. At least in my cases.” Buffy finished yet another drink. “The years of baggage but it’s like, you’re old enough to deal, y’know?”
Chloe slapped her hand on the bar after finishing off another drink. “Right? But no. I’ve been around for forty years and I have to sort out his eternity of issues and the family drama.”
“Let me guess he’s hot and cares so it’s worth it.”
“Yup. Most of the time.”
“And the other times you just want to tell him to grow up and get over it,” Buffy declared, projecting her own issues. “Just accept you have a dark past already and get on with your unlife and you’re different now.”
‘Unlife’ didn’t even register with Chloe. “And drop the ‘I’m not worthy’ thing already,” she added. “He is good looking though. And it’s a good British accent.”
“Oh, one of mine is British,” Buffy said. “Occasionally I see them on and off but never at the same time. I’m waiting to become cookies. It’s a thing.”
“I’m waiting for my boyfriend to become God so I can have a job again. Which he really needs to get on that. My ex-husband was murdered and is now in hell, because of the war he had with his brother and I died and went to Heaven but came back for it.”
Buffy’s interest peaked. “You did? I’ve been to Heaven. How is being back for you?”
“Okay. I wasn’t there for very long at all. I got to see my Dad and now I’m here, waiting for him to go through with it.”
“Be careful, not long after I left Heaven I had trouble adjusting and I was trapped in a musical.”
Chloe choked on her drink. “I was trapped in a musical before I died! Only I wasn’t aware of it but Lucifer swears it happened and I kinda felt off.”
“Lucifer?” Buffy questioned. “Lucifer Morningstar’s existence isn’t a myth?”
“Oh he’s all too real. So, your immortal guys, what makes them immortal? Demons?”
“Vampires,” Buffy corrected. “Yeah, a Slayer and two vampires. But they have souls.”
Chloe ate the cherry out of her drink. “My demon friend Maze recently grew a soul. Then she panicked about being tortured because of the stuff she did without a soul-”
“Yup. That’s how it goes.”
“I feel like I’ve rambled a lot about myself and Lucifer. I’ve just been so bored from being out of work and it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”
“It’s fine. It’s seriously not everyday I get to meet someone else who’s been to Heaven, got trapped in a musical and has to put up with immortal boyfriends.”
Chloe patted Buffy’s shoulder. “Tell me more about yourself.”
Buffy shrugged. “I became a Vampire slayer when I was fifteen. I died twice before I was twenty-two. There used to only be one Slayer at a time but my friends and I made it so there are many Slayers so I’m more of a manager. We find them, offer them training, monitor if there are any prophecies involving specific ones. That’s what I’m doing in LA now, another Slayer, Faith and I are looking for someone. But she wanted to let off some steam.”
“And what’s the thing about you being cookies?”
Buffy finished off yet another drink. “By the time I was twenty two I had three relationships, two were with vampires and one the guy took off in the middle of the night for a secret ops mission. I realized I need to find out who I am before I can really be with someone. I didn’t choose to be a Slayer. Most of my life has been dealing with my own calling bullshit. So, one night I told my first immortal boyfriend, Angel, I’m cookie dough and when I become cookies, I’ll be better suited to be in a relationship. So I'm a forty year old cookie dough, but I like it. I’m doing my own thing, I make my own schedule, I freelance as private security for money, and I have my friends, my sister and her husband and between them all some nieces and nephews I can be fun Aunt Buffy with when I want then leave before the actual parenting has to happen.”
“Ah, fun Aunt. Yeah every time by daughter acts up I think about how that might be the better deal,” Chloe said. Chloe felt loose for the first time in a while. “You wanna dance?”
Buffy shrugged. “Sure.”
As the two headed to the dance floor, Lucifer finally came down the stairs. “De-Chloe,” he yelled out. “Sorry I’m late,” he headed towards her and stopped in his tracks. “No way,” he gasped. “Buffy Summers?” he pointed at Buffy.
Chloe looked back and forth between them. “You know her?”
Lucifer grabbed Buffy’s hand and shook it. “Lucifer Morningstar. I'm a big fan of your work. It’s no Hottub Highschool, but still, the hell loops you play a role in,” Lucifer clapped. “I even played you a few times for the man you knew as Principal Snyder.” Lucifer shook his head. “I have to tell Maze you’re here, she’s played you for Maggie Walsh. Sunnydale has its own section of Hell.”
“None of what you said is surprising,” Buffy said. She’d heard there was really a Devil named Lucifer, but no one told her he was that good looking. But he was Chloe’s boyfriend, so that was one immortal she wouldn’t be dating.
“What brings you here?”
“To the club? My friend Faith wanted to come. To LA? we’re looking for a Slayer about a prophecy. We haven’t made contact with this Chosen yet at all.”
A new Slayer in LA? “Any chance her name is Trixie?” he asked.
“What?” Chloe questioned.
“No, her name is Joanna.” Buffy answered. “Why?”
Lucifer shook his head. “I’ve had suspicions that her,” he pointed at Chloe, “spawn could be one but it’s also easily explained by over exposure to Maze. But anyway, Slayer, I love what you did with-” Lucifer started to say.
“Oh no,” Chloe slurred, pointing at him. “She’s my friend. And you were late so we’re gonna dance.” She put an arm around Buffy and Buffy returned the gesture.
Lucifer laughed at how drunk they were. “Have fun ladies.”
Buffy and Chloe hit the dance floor where suddenly Faith appeared standing between Maze and Eve, all linked arms. “B, these two are bounty hunters, that’s Maze and this is Eve, first ever chick. They’ll help us tomorrow. We’re gonna hang tonight.”
Buffy looked quizzically at Faith. “We don’t need bounty hunters, we have her address, she just wasn’t home. Don’t act like this is a work thing,” Buffy rambled, “You clearly look like you’re gonna have an orgy.”
“It’s not cheating in a threesome,” Maze pointed out quickly. “And you’re Buffy! You’re a big deal in Hell. So is Faith, the place was buzzing when you two closed the Hellmouth. The demons were pissed but buzz is buzz.”
Buffy was feeling pretty good about herself. “Lucifer said.” Buffy looked at Eve. “You’re Bible Eve?”
“That I am,” Eve answered.
“Are we gonna talk or are we gonna dance?” Chloe asked the women.
Three hours later Lucifer went up to his penthouse to find Chloe and Buffy still drinking in his living room. “This isn’t mean?” Buffy asked as they looked at her phone. After several more drinks and discussions about their ex-boyfriends and boyfriend, Chloe thought it would be hilarious if Buffy sent Spike and Angel a cookie basket each.
“Pfft after what you’ve said they’ve done, they more than have it coming,” Chloe countered. “And they do look good. Send them.”
Any momentary doubts Buffy had went away and she went ahead and sent the baskets. It did sound funny.
“What is this?” Lucifer asked.
Buffy stood up and pointed at Lucifer. “You better be good to my girl here. I will fight you to the death if you don’t.” Buffy got up but stumbled back down. “I’m usually good at that.”
“Lucifer, while I was making movies as a teenager, Buffy was saving the world,” Chloe announced.
“Yes, I thought I established earlier I knew that,” Lucifer replied. “You do remember earlier, right?”
Lucifer didn’t get a reply because the two women had fallen asleep. Lucifer took his jacket off and went to his bed, only to find Faith, Eve and Maze passed out in his bed.