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I always thought that I could keep all of my life's pains to myself; that maybe, just maybe, if I didn't talk about it nor acknowledge it, it would eventually disappear as if it had never even existed in the first place.
Most of my troubles had happened a long time ago. I thought I had moved on. But I guess, the truth had a way of uncovering itself, leaving me with no other choice but to face it head on.
"There's no running away now, Gyeoul." I repeatedly told myself with each day that had passed. It was getting tougher and tougher, having to deal with all of my personal problems while working at Yulje, but I had to get it together. I had to be strong both for my family and for myself.
I thought I could keep that mentality going, but every time I saw Jeongwon... every time he would simply smile at me or just ask if I was doing okay, I always had this urge to run towards him and hug him... to break down right then and there and tell him that "no, I wasn't doing okay" and that I was sorry for having hid all of this from him.
I knew I was being selfish and unfair when I had decided to keep all of this to myself, but I just wasn't ready yet and truth be told, I didn't even know if I was ever going to be ready. I wasn't quite sure if he needed to know this side of me, that the woman he swore to love forever had such a dysfunctional family background that was often frowned upon by society.
Deep inside, I feared that what had happened to my younger brother Gaeul would happen to me, so I tried my hardest to keep it all in... until I couldn't, until the weight of the world was too heavy for my shoulders that I needed someone to help me out. I needed someone to be there for me, to tell me that everything was going to be okay and I knew that person was Jeongwon.
"Where were you? I called you a bunch of times." I remember Jeongwon telling me, the moment I entered the Room for General Surgery. "Let's go, everyone has left already." He added, casually glancing at his wrist watch.
As he stood there, patiently waiting for my response, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I knew this was going to be that moment I had long been imagining in my head.
I quickly rushed to his side, wrapped my arms around his waist and cried like there was no tomorrow. After so long, I had finally decided to let my guard down in front of the person who meant the whole world to me.
Though confused and fully of worry, I appreciated Jeongwon's silence as he embraced me. His arms felt like home. His entire being felt like home, and I was more than relieved to be loved by someone like him.
It's been a couple of months now since that night, and I can definitely say that we are stronger than ever.
"I might just melt if you continue to stare at me like that." Jeongwon smiled. We had just finished having dinner together and now he was driving me home.
"Mianheyo (Sorry)." I smiled back, redirecting my eyes back to the road ahead. Sometimes, it was so difficult not to get caught up in my thoughts when a handsome man was sitting just a few centimeters away from me.
Noticing the embarrassment that I must have felt, Jeongwon let out a soft chuckle as he gently held my hand and planted a kiss on it. The simple gesture was enough to make my heart beat erratically.
"Gyeoul ra," He said. "There's this park I've always wanted to go to for quite some time now. Would it be alright if we swing by for just a couple of minutes?"
"Neh, gyosung- oppa." I replied, giving myself another mental note that when it was just the two of us, it was always oppa. Jeongwon oppa.
We were on the road for ten more minutes, before Jeongwon had parked the car by an empty curbside. I had wondered why there wasn't that many people around, considering the fact that the park was definitely a treat for the eyes. There were tons of beautiful flowers in different shapes, sizes and colors, waiting to be appreciated, held even, and I was so happy that Jeongwon had brought me here tonight.
"Oppa-" I was just about to say, but found myself stopping dead in my tracks as my eyes focused on the man who was kneeling on one knee before me, his hand that held mine felt cold and clammy.
I didn't really know what to do or say in this very moment. My mind was completely blank.
"On this day last year, I remember being introduced to this awkward and emotionless resident." Jeongwon began. "I thought to myself, I would never get along with this girl. As a matter of fact, I even told my friends that she wasn't my cup of tea. But little did I know was that she would change my life forever."
"Because of her, I realized that my true purpose in life was to be a doctor, to continue helping others to the best of my abilities. She also made me realize that two of the best feelings in this world is to love and to be loved." Jeongwon said. "And I was just wondering... if it would be alright with her... to allow me to love her forever. I know she's been through a lot, but if she will let me... I promise to make her the happiest woman for the rest of her life."
"Gyeoul ra," Jeongwon said, slowly opening the green box. "Will you marry-"
"Neh." I nodded.
"Neh." I repeated.
"Neh." I affirmed once more as tears rolled down my eyes.
From today and a million other lifetimes, it was always a yes.
Tears fell from Jeongwon's eyes as well as he beamed with happiness. With shaking hands, he opened the box and gently placed the beautiful ring in my ring finger.
"You're sure about this, right?" He teased. "There isn't an undo button for this moment anymore."
I smiled back.
"If there would be any buttons for this moment, I'd like to ask for a repeat please. Maybe even a fast forward." I said.
"A fast forward?" Jeongwon's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Mm," I nodded gently. "A fast forward to the life that we would be spending together. A life full of love and laughter... one that we would live so beautifully that all the pain I had gone through would no longer matter."
"Oppa, saranghaeyo." I said, all the words flowing out so easily.
"Thank you for being my safe haven, my home, my everything." I uttered.
Jeongwon then caressed my cheek as he pulled me in for a long and passionate kiss, something I had and will never grow tired of even if our hairs turn grey and our bones go brittle. He is the love of my life and I will always be thankful that our paths had met at Yulje.
"Before I forget," He said when our lips parted. "If she will let me... I will also make sure to supply her with unlimited choco pies forever."
"Oppaaa..." I blushed, burying my face in his jacket.
Jeongwon let out a hearty laugh that was music to my ears.
Despite my painful past, I must have done something right to deserve this man. He was love, happiness and peace in human form; the best blessing the great deity had sent me and I promise to protect and treasure him with my whole life.
I may not be able to re-write history, but I'm glad I had been given this chance to start a future that I will be proud of. A future with Ahn Jeong Won. A future I have always dreamed of and truly deserve.
After all, of all the places I had gone to, it is right in his heart and in his arms, that I want to be.