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“I can’t believe classes started back up a week ago and all of you idiots managed to land yourselves in detention already,” Wymack says, not surprised when none of the aforementioned idiots are paying attention to him. Well… All but one.
“I’m pretty sure you can’t call us idiots,” Kevin says, his hand raised and everything.
“I can call you an idiot.”
Kevin rolls his eyes. “That’s different, dad. But you can’t call…” He looks at the back of the class in the least sneaky way possible. “...Everyone here that.”
“Uhu,” Wymack says. “I’ll remember that. Can we get back to how all of you managed to land in detention the first week back at school?”
Kevin looks away sheepishly. No one else is paying attention. Damn teenagers.
“Alright, you’re here for the next four hours. I don’t care what you do, but I’m sure the school board would love for me to tell you to do homework or some shit. Keep busy and out of trouble, and we won’t have any issues.”
With a last sigh, Wymack opens his laptop to a fresh game of Mahjong.
Monsters Inc.
Nicky: boys
Aaron: i told u to stop calling us that
Nicky: u didnt like brethren either
Aaron: correct
Nicky: or that time i made this gc and said ‘whats up sluts’
Aaron: why would u remind us of that
Andrew: what do u want nicky
Nicky: right
Nicky: i have a terrible idea
Aaron: when don’t you
Nicky: so you remember how Erik Klose, 17yo 6ft2 german exchange student, is the actual loml
Andrew: i’ve actively tried to stop remembering but you never shut up about him
Andrew: why
Nicky: maybe i forgot to mention
Aaron: uh oh
Nicky: we sort of made out last week
Andrew: you forgot
Aaron: i cannot believe
Aaron: you spent MONTHS talking to us about his ass
Aaron: unprovoked
Aaron: when did this happen?
Nicky: we met up in the library and went out for drinks
Nicky: and then he showed me what his drink tasted like
Nicky: by way of his mouth
Andrew: please stop
Aaron: remind me how to leave this chat permanently
Andrew: it’s locked. ive tried
Andrew: nicky. point.
Nicky: right. so we havent talked since
Nicky: i can only assume he regrets it or he does this to everyone, just goes around making out with everyone at the school
Nicky: oh god maybe there’s a list and i’ve been crossed off it
Andrew: have you tried
Andrew: and this might shock you
Andrew: talking to him
Aaron: is that a serious question
Aaron: this is nicky
Nicky: hey
Aaron: have you?
Nicky: u guys are no fun
Nicky: i cant just go ask him if he regrets playing tonsil hockey with me
Aaron: god. If u exist. End my suffering
Nicky: so instead
Andrew: oh no
Nicky: im going to be chaotic about it
Aaron: as long as u leave us out of it
Nicky created a new group chat ‘ bad bitches only ’.
Nicky added Aaron, Allison, Andrew, Dan, Erik, Kevin, Matt, Neil, Renee and Seth.
Nicky: whats up sluts
Nicky: welcome to the detention gc
Aaron: gdi nicky
Neil: how did u even get my number
Nicky: matt gave it to me
Neil: matt
Matt: hey bestie :)
Neil: tf man
Matt: im sorry!! he asked! nicely!
Nicky: yes thank u matt i can be very nice
Matt: uh
Nicky: people should know im a real catch
Matt: we spoke once
Matt: im sure you’re a nice guy but i don’t know u like that
Nicky: im not hitting on you mattholomew
Matt: hey no worries! Im just saying haha, im taken, right babe?
Dan: does anybody have tissues
Allison: triple layered
Dan: oh good, its just that i’m allergic to bullshit
Dan: and i feel a sneeze coming on
Matt: baby
Dan: Boyd.
Neil: oh man
Neil: i don’t know a lot but i know thats not good
Renee: why do you have triple layered tissues
Allison: my nose likes to feel fancy
Allison: they’re infused with aloe vera too
Allison: you wanna try one?
Renee: i’m allergic
Allison: to bullshit?
Renee: to aloe vera
Allison: ah
Nicky: why is nobody agreeing how much of a catch i am
Erik: I think you’re a catch, Nicky
Nicky: hm. u would say that
Erik: what?
Allison: is there boy drama here
Allison: if so i think we all deserve to hear it
Nicky: no drama :)
Monsters Inc.
Aaron: nO dRaMa
Nicky: shut up
bad bitches only
Allison: you’re a terrible liar hemmick
Allison: i saw you and our resident german making out outside starbs last friday
Nicky: oh
Nicky: haha
Erik: You should have come to say hi! Right, Nicky?
Allison: no thanks, you were kinda busy
Nicky: she should have?
Erik: Why not?
Nicky: i mean
Allison: yeah nicholas
Allison: why not
Monsters Inc.
Andrew: this is incredibly entertaining
Andrew: your face is so red
Aaron: should i get a nurse
Nicky: i hate u both
bad bitches only
Nicky: hang on
Dan: man i wish they served popcorn during detention
Matt: should i sneak out to get u some
Matt: where’s the nearest place i can buy some
Matt: Neil?
Neil: you’re asking me?
Matt: you’re supposed to have my back
Neil: i don’t know where they sell popcorn Matt, ive never even had it
Matt: oh my god
Matt: we will revisit this
Andrew: we’re all hanging on Nicky
Nicky: are we dating?
Allison: i would say ‘take this to dms’ but i deserve to read this
Erik: Yes? Are we not?
Nicky: I
Erik: We went out on a date. And then we kissed a lot. And I drove you home. And then we kissed some more.
Allison: alright stop bragging
Nicky: you are 100% correct of course we are dating haha
Monsters Inc.
Andrew: Nicky you are literally so stupid
Nicky: yep
Aaron: genuinely the dumbest person i know
Nicky: valid
Private chat between Erik and Nicky
Nicky: so
Nicky: im sorry
Erik: Do I make you uncomfortable?
Nicky: oh god no
Nicky: if anything u make me very comfortable
Erik: Okay
Nicky: are we good?
Erik: Where’s the closest bathroom we can go make out in?
Nicky: i love u
Nicky: I didn’t
Nicky: i didn’t mean to send that
Nicky: how do i delete a message oh god
Erik: Nicky
Nicky: right yeah fuck
Nicky: follow me
bad bitches only
Nicky and Erik have left the chat.
Neil: wow u guys are really weird
Neil: bye i guess
Andrew: not as weird as the people lurking in this chat
Renee: im doing homework cause i have a kickboxing class later
Allison: ooohh haha is there an audience allowed
Renee: no
Allison: damn it
Allison: do u have to sign up or can u walk in
Andrew: they take walk-ins
Renee: Andrew
Andrew: what
Allison: sweet
Renee: be prepared to sweat through your clothes
Allison: oh my god
Neil: who else is lurking
Matt: Seth snuck out of the room ten minutes ago
Matt: i’m pretty sure Wymack saw and rolled his eyes
Matt: so that just leaves…
Neil: Kevin
Andrew: Kevin
Matt: hey jinx :D
Kevin: How do you turn group chat notifications off? My phone is going to vibrate straight off the table.
Andrew: keep it in your pocket
Kevin: But then it will
Kevin: Oh. Haha. Hilarious.
Andrew: just a tip
Aaron: or keep it open on top of your desk so you can just read along
Aaron: its not like your dad gives a fuck
Aaron: willing to bet that’d be more subtle than the way you hunch over your own lap now
Aaron: also the light from your phone reflects on your glasses
Matt: damn aaron u didn’t have to read him like that
Matt: now u made him take off his glasses
Andrew: Aaron
Aaron: what
Monsters Inc.
Aaron: don’t fucking tell me
Aaron: still???
Andrew: i don’t know what you’re talking about
Aaron: liar
bad bitches only
Aaron: Kevin put your glasses back on dude
Aaron: aren’t u like almost legally blind or smth
Kevin: What are you, pre-med or something?
Aaron: yeah
Kevin: Oh.
Neil: ha that’s funny kevin your face goes all blotchy
Kevin: it does not.
Dan: oh my god he forgot to capitalize
Kevin: Can everybody shut up?
Neil: naw it’s cute tho
Kevin: What?
Andrew: what
Neil: am i wrong?
Matt: …
Andrew: ig not
Kevin: What is happening.
Private chat between Dan and Matt
Matt: baby
Dan: what do u want
Matt: you
Dan: good god
Matt: can u tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it and then some? :( i love you
Dan: the fact that you don’t know
Matt: i know, i know im the worst boyfriend ever
Matt: what was it, i know i didn’t miss our anniversary or your birthday
Dan: what? you absolutely did miss our anniversary
Matt: no i didn’t
Matt: november 1st
Dan: no… it’s october 3rd
Matt: nah that’s not right
Matt: we started dating after Seth’s halloween party
Dan: we were together at Seth’s party
Matt: yeah as friends
Dan: we were wearing a couple’s outfit
Matt: i thought it was like a besties outfit
Matt: Neil was part of it
Dan: yeah it was weird the way you invited Neil
Dan: i love him but
Dan: that was weird
Matt: he was part of the outfit tho?
Dan: the plan was Ariel and Prince Eric
Matt: yeah and Sebastian
Dan: no sebastian
Matt: no sebastian?
Matt: oh
Matt: huh
Matt: that’s awkward
Dan: hmm
Matt: damn baby im so sorry im an idiot
Dan: i guess it’s a good thing i like himbos
Matt: idk what that means
Matt: is that a good thing?
Dan: for you it is
Matt: am i forgiven? pretty pretty pleaseeeeee
Dan: can you get us out of here
Matt: ooh hehe ofc babe
Dan: i really want that popcorn
Matt: oh.
bad bitches only
Dan and Matt have left the chat.
Allison: bye guys practice safe sex
Allison: don’t be silly protect your willy
Allison: i ofc mean Dan’s strap
Renee: charming
Allison: so why is everyone in detention
Allison: spill the beans
Andrew: smoking
Neil: trespassing on the roof :/
Aaron: andrew said he was me when they caught him smoking a second time
Renee: not having my shoulders covered
Allison: wth
Allison: since when is that a crime
Renee: they tried suspending me for having too colorful hair before, some people will try anything once they get a taste of power ig
Allison: damn </3
Allison: sidenote when was this uncovered shoulder moment
Allison: why was i not there
Renee: maybe you were powdering your nose?
Allison: im flattered! im an all natural beauty tho <3
Neil: why are you twirling your hair
Allison: shh neil
Neil: you look like you lost control of your fingers
Neil: are u turning red
Allison: neil shut your fuck
Neil: is there ust happening here
Allison: i regret teaching you about that
Neil: is the ST not U?
Renee: it doesn’t have to be
Neil: holy shit what was that noise you just made
Allison: shhhhhup neil
Allison: what do u be meaning
Neil: me?
Allison: NOT YOU
Renee: i’m getting kind of tired of waiting for you to make your move
Allison: you
Allison: I
Allison: wha?
Renee: months… i’ve been waiting for months
Allison: hang on
Allison: have i been flirting this entire time
Aaron: you didn’t know?
Neil: are you okay? that last head slam into your desk sounded painful
Allison: totally fine
Allison: i’ll just go and freshen up in the bathroom
Allison: if you hear screaming that’s just rusty pipes
Allison left the chat.
Neil: oh man she wasn’t kidding
Aaron: a surprisingly large set of lungs on this girl
Renee: maybe i’ll go check on her
Neil: u mean on the pipes
Renee: yes, i’ll go check out her pipes
Renee has left the chat.
Neil: and then there were four
Aaron: not for long
Aaron: my gf is picking me up
Neil: you have a girlfriend?
Aaron: obviously
Neil: and she knows? about you?
Aaron: i hate you
Andrew: aaron
Monsters Inc.
Andrew: aaron
Aaron: you’re on your own
Andrew: you can’t just
Aaron: ugh grow up aren’t u meant to be the older brother
Aaron: get your life together man
Andrew: i will get revenge
Aaron: im terrified
Andrew: i saw u rolling your eyes
Aaron: oh good that was the plan
Aaron: now excuse me while i go be stupidly in love OUT LOUD
Andrew: you disgust me
bad bitches only
Aaron: before i do my dramatic walk out
Aaron: i just saw renee and allison making out in the first floor hallway
Aaron: i doubt they’re coming back to detention
Aaron: good for them tbh
Aaron has left the chat.
Neil: i can’t believe your dad is letting all this happen
Neil: kevin i know you’re still reading this
Kevin: Fine.
Andrew: he speaks!
Neil: uhhhh
Neil: why is your dad packing up his stuff
Kevin: Uh.
Andrew: i thought detention was til 4
Kevin: It is.
Neil: sgsrgsv sorry it’s so cute the way you raised your hand and said dad
Andrew: he’s leaving?
Kevin: So… Haha fun story.
Andrew: go on
Neil: oh?
Kevin: Maybe I wasn’t really meant to be in detention.
Neil: OH?
Andrew: i figured it was weird to see mister top of the class kevin day here
Andrew: literally top of every class when i have an eidetic memory
Andrew: i know im cheating but thats not fair
Neil: pls explain kevin
Kevin: Maybe my dad told me you both had detention and then put me on the list so I’d be here too.
Andrew: now why would he do such a thing
Neil: someone explain why we’re still talking in this chat when we’re alone in the room
Neil: anyone? you’re still typing okay i see
Kevin: Maybe he did it because I’ve been talking about you a little too often
Andrew: which one of us?
Kevin: … Both?
Neil: sooooooooo
Neil: you chose to come to detention voluntarily
Kevin: Yes.
Neil: to see both of us
Kevin: Yes.
Neil: you see us all the time?
Andrew: this is true, we see each other all the time
Kevin: Yeah, but not like...the three of us
Neil: that can’t be right
Neil: we’re literally dating
Kevin: What
Andrew: I— huh…
Neil: are we not dating
Neil: did i misread that
Neil: i talked about us with Matt and he told me we were dating was he lying
Neil: i told him i kissed kevin and i kissed andrew and that i watched you two kiss and i liked that too
Neil: and that me and kevin went out on study dates and that andrew taught me to play mario kart and i swear i saw you guys at the mall once?
Neil: why aren’t u guys talking
Neil: i kept typing bc you seemed embarrassed to talk out loud but you’re making me uncomfortable with this silence lmao
Andrew: well
Neil: oh good
Kevin: I may have misinterpreted some things.
Neil: you misinterpreted your tongue in my mouth?
Andrew: to be fair
Andrew: i might have also been an idiot
Neil: can someone confirm we’re dating or not
Kevin: Andrew?
Andrew: how did this—
Andrew: i know why i’ve been an idiot but why have you kevin
Kevin: I thought we were all just fooling around! And I thought I was gonna mess everything up with my stupid feelings…
Neil: oh man if your feelings are stupid what are mine
Andrew: right so
Andrew: to round things up
Andrew: we’re all into each other
Kevin: Very much so.
Neil: can we stop this typing business
Neil: literally no one is in the room
Neil: i am in need of some kisses
Kevin: on it.
Andrew: not if i get there first
Andrew, Kevin and Neil have left the chat.
Seth: man this was so embarrassing to read