Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kedamono opened the door to the sound of yelling. The familiar screech that signified Popee about to throw a fit grated his ears as he rushed into the cabin. He found them in a stand-off, Uba with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed while Popee gripped fistfuls of her own hair and stomped her feet. Spread out around the room was fabric and the contents of Uba’s sewing kit, and Kedamono spied the costume Popee was beginning to outgrow draped over the desk chair. He approached cautiously, careful not to take sides until he knew what was going on.

Popee noticed his presence first. She whirled on him with wild eyes, and a moment later she was on top of him. Blunt nails dug into his arm, and Kedamono was grateful for his fur for protecting his skin from the half-moon indents that would surely be forming otherwise.

“C’mon Keda, let’s go play.” She tried to drag him from the room, but Kedamono hesitated, glancing back at an increasingly irate Uba.

“Where do you think you’re going,” she demanded. “We aren’t done here, young lady!”

Popee’s face grew red, but she didn’t look back to her nanny. Despite her clear anger, her eyes were filling with tears. “Please Keda, I wanna go somewhere else. She’s mean and I hate her.”

Uba gasped and took a step forward, expression thunderous, which was enough to spur Kedamono into action. His hand clutched at Popee’s as he pulled them both out of the house at a run. He was careful to slow his pace enough that Popee could keep up without being tugged off balance. They crossed away from the row of buildings, following the fence along another two turns before Popee yanked her hand free and bolted through the open gate towards the far side of the pasture.

Kedamono let himself slow down further. He kept Popee in his sight, but let her put more distance between them. Maybe a few minutes of self-soothing would be helpful, and besides, the freezing air was making his lungs ache awfully. He trailed after Popee, winding around mud puddles and slush that she’d surely run right through. From his memory she hadn’t been wearing shoes, and her socks were no doubt filthy and soaked through now. The worry started to filter in; she certainly wasn’t dressed for winter, and once she’d calmed down she would realize how cold she was. With that concern in mind, Kedamono headed for the half wall near the far end of the field.

And there she was, rocking back and forth on the stone wall with agitated energy. Kedamono frowned at the stiff, jerky movements, and the way she tore at her own palm with her nails. Popee looked up with a snarl on her face and tears overflowing onto her cheeks. Kedamono hopped up next to her, staring out at the pasture. It was pretty depressing right now, and probably would be until April came and the grass grew again. Of course, they would probably be gone by then, moved on to another tour. A shame, really. The horses would love to graze freely, but they were trapped in the barn until winter was over, and would be forced to perform another circuit again without a real chance to run wild and free. Kedamono felt sad for them, in the anxious way he usually did when he thought too much about how the circus treated their animals. Just another reason to make sure he was never caught without his mask.

Popee huffed beside him, both as a show of irritation and a plea for attention, for the careful listening and caring advice that she couldn’t get anywhere else. After a moment's pause to consider the best way to begin without making things worse, Kedamono spoke.

“I think you’ll like the new costume, once it’s done. Papi asked Uba to use more sequins. You’ll stand out even more under the spotlight.”

Popee’s hands fell to her knees, clenching and relaxing as she gazed down at her lap. “I won’t,” she insisted stubbornly. “She’s making me a tutu. I don’t want a tutu.”

“Oh. But all of the girls' costumes have tutus.” Kedamono rested his chin on one hand as he thought about it, trying to figure out the issue without prodding the volatile child next to him any further. “Do you not want to look the same as them?”

“No, stupid! You don’t get it, I don’t want to be a girl anymore!” Popee punctuated her words with a grab of Kedamono’s wrist, wrenching it closer to her.

He turned with the motion, looking across to his friend in surprise. Kedamono didn’t quite understand human customs and behavior regarding gender, and he felt very much out of his comfort zone in this particular conversation. “You don’t want to be a girl? Do you want to be a boy instead?”

Popee looked just as surprised as Kedamono was, though for her it was probably due to the reaction she’d just received. “I don’t know. I think so? I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be something, but I know I’m not a girl. That must make me a boy, right? I want to be a boy.”

Kedamono gazed at the kid in front of him, at the hopeful look he was being given. “That makes sense. I feel like I’m a boy and I’m a boy, so if you want to be a boy then you must be a boy too.”

Popee beamed at this response, tears forgotten at this easy acceptance and provided explanation. He began to kick his feet back and forth, heels knocking against the stone. It didn’t seem comfortable, but Popee looked happy, so it was fine. Kedamono fought back a sigh of relief as he watched. He’d done it right, despite being way out of his depth. He turned his attention back to the field, tail wagging cheerfully. The sun had almost crossed below the horizon, the sky painted in the gray-blue-orange of a wintery sunset. Fracticalized light filtering through the trees danced across the puddles.

A low creak came from the direction of the barn. Kedamono turned, looking back over his shoulder in time to see a shadow dart into the slightly ajar doors. His head tilted automatically, listening for more barely audible sounds. He could pick up on the distant sound of horses inside, then the squeal of a mouse as one of the half-feral barn cats caught it for dinner. The wind picked up a moment later, obscuring any further sounds.

Popee’s head landed on Kedamono’s shoulder as he shuffled close, feet tucked up under himself. The wolf returned his attention to the child, who shivered in the cold breeze and nuzzled against his soft pelt. Kedamono chuckled and wrapped an arm around him, tugging Popee closer. He cupped the small, trembling hands in his own paws, careful of his sharp nails. Practically radiating heat made the summers uncomfortable, but it had its advantages once the cooler weather started.

“Cold, huh? Do you want to head back?”

“Not yet.” Popee stroked the little puff of fur between Kedamono’s paw pads absently, restricted from moving around like he preferred to unless he wanted to extract himself from the warmth. He rubbed his cheek against Kedamono’s chest.

“Just a little longer, then.”

Chapter Text

The darkness that fell over the field dropped the temperature about ten degrees, and eventually Kedamono had to prompt Popee to move. He was only able to convince the boy to head back to the house with the promise of a piggy-back ride, though Popee protested the entire way, complaining into the side of the wolf’s neck. His exhaustion and frustration with his muddy, wet clothes combined into irritated fur-pulling. Kedamono leaned forward enough that the kid wouldn’t immediately fall to the ground if he got too annoyed and forgot to hold on. Luckily there were no issues as they rounded the last corner to the front door of the house.

Kedamono tried to put Popee down to open the door, but a bratty whine deterred him. The boy wrapped his legs around Kedamono’s waist, clinging on like a koala until they reached the bathroom. He allowed himself to be deposited into the tub, peeling off his clothes and tossing them to the floor. Kedamono winced at the smear of mud the garments left on the tiles. He gathered them up carefully.

“All good in here? I’m going to put these in the wash so they don’t stain.” And grab a sponge to scrub the sure-to-be-filthy bathroom, but Popee didn’t need to know about how much extra work he was causing.

“Mhmm!” Popee bounced a little, grinning, and Kedamono couldn’t be mad. The cleanup was worth it if the kid was in higher spirits.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

Kedamono heard the water turn on as he pulled the door shut behind himself, heading for the basement. The narrow staircase opened up into a large concrete room, noticeably colder than the rest of the house. Most of the space was used for storage, large cardboard boxes filled with summer clothes, practice equipment, and baby gear that Papi refused to throw out. The washing machine and dryer were in the far corner, while the one opposite the stairs was devoted to Kedamono’s own belongings. The cot was the only furniture in the house he was allowed to use, with a massive pile of blankets he preferred to shape into a nest. The few personal items he had were hidden underneath the pile. He had a few spare masks (all with the same blank smile), some shorts he wore every day and shirts he never touched, and a slicker brush.

He approached the washing machine, weaving through the precariously stacked boxes. Using it still confused him, so he was rarely the one in charge of laundry. Thankfully it was already empty, so leaving the soiled clothes inside wouldn’t get anything else muddy. Kedamono collected a few washcloths to bring upstairs with him. The chill of the concrete floor on his paw pads made his feet ache.

Popee’s bedroom was on the upper floor across from Papi and connected to Uba’s. Everything there was soft, themed to pastels. Technically it was meant to be a baby room, but Papi had claimed this house because it was one of the few in the cluster to have a dedicated kids room at all. It was hard to be picky when divvying up residences in whatever community the circus paused in between show circuits. This was definitely one of the better places they’d stayed, though he wasn’t a big fan of America.

Kedamono retrieved a onesie from the maple chest against one wall. It was one of Popee’s favorites, resembling a calico cat with little pointed ears included on the hood. Getting him to cooperate with getting dressed was much easier when the clothes provided were something he liked. The less bare skin the better, and anything without gloves was guaranteed to lead to a meltdown sooner or later. Kedamono didn’t really understand the pup’s aversion to bare hands, but he was very much used to it. Onesie pajamas were perfect because the soft fur inside combined with the mitten paws meant Popee could rub the fabric and calm himself down whenever he was overwhelmed.

The door behind Kedamono’s back swung open. He jerked upright and spun around at the slight creak. Uba stared him down, eyes cold. His tail, which had been wagging at a slow, measured pace instinctively tucked itself between his legs at the displeased look he was receiving. Not knowing what he’d done wrong just made him more nervous.

“You’ve finally crossed the line. No way Papi will let you hang around here anymore after I tell him what you’ve been up to.”

Kedamono whimpered and ducked his head, clutching the pajamas to his chest. “I didn’t do anything bad, I swear!”

“Don’t try that with me, I caught you in the act. You’re corrupting my charge, and I won’t stand for it!”

“Corrupting-?”

Uba cut him off quickly. “She’s been awful lately, and now I know why. You’ve been indulging her bratty cries for attention, convincing her she can be something she’s not. I’m going to tell Papi, just you wait.”

“Popee said he wants to be a boy. Why can’t he be one?”

“Because you can’t just decide to be a boy!,” Uba shouted. “That’s not how it works."

“But why not?” Kedamono questioned, lost. Human customs like this were still unclear to him. He just hoped their conversation-turned one-sided screaming match wasn’t reaching Popee’s ears.

Uba quieted a little, eyes narrowed. “That’s just not how it works. Popee is a girl, and nothing will ever change that.”

A brief, tense silence fell over the room. Kedamono kept his eyes to the floor until he heard the woman leave, the door clicking shut behind her. Fear gnawed at his stomach; terror that Uba was right, that he’d messed up irrevocably. He had nowhere to go if Papi decided to throw him out. It wasn’t the first time he’d been threatened with it, but it was definitely the most in-danger he’d ever felt of the threat being carried out. This was not an ideal location for it to occur, either. They were in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country, he was underage, and he didn’t know any English.

There was a desperate need for him to make a plan, but he’d already been away from Popee for too long. He headed back towards the bathroom, trying to stop his hands from shaking as they balled into the onesie in his grasp. It wasn’t until he opened the door that he realized he’d left the washcloths in the other room. Too late to go back for them, considering the look on Popee’s face as he looked up from his position curled up in a towel on the bathroom floor.

“You said you’d come right back,” Popee whined, tears streaked down his face.

Kedamono whimpered in sympathy, dropping to his knees as he reached out to the younger child. Popee clambered into his lap immediately, burying his face in thick fur. Kedamono nuzzled the damp hair beneath his chin.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think it would take long at all.” He felt his gut twist guiltily. “I didn’t mean to leave you alone, pup, I promise.”

“Don’t do that again,” Popee demanded, the command somewhat weakened by the way his voice trembled. He pulled back to change into his pajamas. “You gotta sit with me until dinner now. That way I can make sure you don’t run away again.”

“That’s fine,” Kedamono assured him. “I’ll stick with you for as long as you want.”

He wouldn’t have enough time to clean the bathroom, but right now his top priority was making sure Popee was alright. Kedamono clambered to his feet, offering his paw to the other boy. They trailed back to the baby room, hand in hand.

Popee only let go a few steps away from the bed, before he launched himself on top of it with a laugh. He snatched up a book from the nightstand in the corner; despite appearing more comfortable while not alone, he clearly expected Kedamono to entertain himself. Usually he would be under Uba’s watch around this time, helping her prepare dinner or at least watching and learning. Kedamono wouldn’t send the boy to be in her presence after their confrontation earlier, but he did worry that them staying upstairs would just give her more ammunition for her discussion with Papi.

Kedamono sat on the floor with his head resting against the mattress, as close as he could be to Popee without actually being on the bed with him. He withdrew a small burlap bag from one pocket, with a set of six rubber balls about half the size of his palm. They weren’t the best thing to practice juggling with, but the prop master didn’t like him taking training equipment. Five at a time was pretty simple now, but he was still working his way up to larger counts. He didn’t toss them too high, not wanting to disturb the Popee from his reading. He almost lost himself in the cycle, distracted from his surroundings.

The door opened so fast it almost slammed into the wall, and Kedamono barely managed to catch the juggling balls. Popee made a surprised squeak, jolting upright. Uba stared at them, eyes disapproving.

“Dinner. Let’s go.”

The boy made no move to leave his bed, and Kedamono turned to see him glaring at her. Clearly, he had not forgiven his other caretaker for their fight earlier. He turned the glare to Kedamono as the wolf stood and offered a paw to him, but he slid off the mattress to join him downstairs.

Papi was already in place at the head of the table, and he looked over as they reached the bottom of the staircase. His face was deliberately blank as he looked between the two of them, and Kedamono realized with a surge of fear that the man already knew. Uba took the seat to the patriarch’s left, and Popee dropped Kedamono’s hand to climb into the remaining one, completely oblivious to the tension. The boy did glance over as he went to the kitchen to help with the dishes. Cleaning up after food prep meant he got all the best scraps (aside from the ones Popee slipped into his pockets). Usually dinner was Kedamono’s favorite time of the day, but now his hunger was absent.

Chapter Text

Kedamono busied himself with chores as much as possible. It was better to turn his attention outwards than to wallow in nervous anticipation, and perhaps it would lessen Papi’s ire during their inevitable talk. Talks with Papi were never pleasant. The man was intimidating, almost impossible to read; he hid his true feeling behind a veneer of smiles, honeyed words, and uncomfortably-familiar touches. It was probably meant to psych out his conversation partner, and it absolutely did. Uba was a generally grating presence, constantly disapproving of everything Kedamono did, but it was far less stressful to have her in the room with Papi. Unfortunately, he turned around to find Papi directly behind him, blocking him in the bathroom.

The man tilted his head, giving a disarming smile that would have worked on someone else but just made Kedamono all the more tense. “Uba said you had an interesting time with Popee earlier.” He leaned on the counter, the picture of ease. “Is there something you feel the need to tell me?”

Kedamono stood up from where he was kneeling backed up to the wall. Papi tilted his head, eyeing his tactical retreat with a knowing look. His gaze was piercing.

“I’m not sure,” Kedamono replied. Playing dumb rarely worked, but it was still worth a shot. “Popee and I are usually together.”

“There’s nothing of note you did today? No encouraging Popee’s misbehavior?”

“There was a disagreement between hi-Popee, and Uba. I tried not to take sides.”

“And yet…”, Papi sighed. He hopped onto the counter, staring down at Kedamono. “I’ve always been patient with you. You’re given far more privilege than anyone else who works with and for me. You live here for free, you get to learn with Popee and the others, and I allow you to run around doing whatever you want with my child.”

Kedamono shifted uncomfortably, tail tucked far between his legs. “I appreciate everything you’ve allowed me to do-”

“As you should. It’s not like you had any skills that made you a desirable employee. I took you in, helped you escape your life as a roustabout. I bet you don’t even know how much I spent to buy you from the old circus.”

“I know it was more than I deserved.”

“It was.” Papi placed his hand on his forehead for dramatic emphasis. “And this is how you repay me. By stealing away my little girl.”

“I didn’t- I haven’t stolen anything! Popee’s still right here, he’s the same person as always.” At the silence from Papi, Kedamono continued on. “I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong.”

Papi eyed him in tense silence for a moment longer, before his body relaxed and he slid off the counter to his feet. “You really don’t, do you? Fine. Forget it. I’ll take care of this.”

Kedamono opened his mouth to apologize, but Papi turned his back and left with a soft click of the door. For a few seconds he just stared at the closed door, before he sunk to his knees. He returned to scrubbing the mud from the flood, hands shaking as he did so. He wasn’t in trouble, but Popee probably was, which was so much worse. It meant following the kid around as much as possible while still trying to finish all his tasks, in an attempt to stop conflicts before they started. Popee was not fond of being followed around all day; he didn’t enjoy being alone, but he preferred to seek out company on his own, like a particularly obstinate cat.

The wolf got up with aching knees, preparing to head to his nest for the night. A sliver of light shone in through Popee’s door, falling across the sleeping child’s face. A smile tugged at the wolf’s lips as he passed. He retired to the basement, which was almost unbearably chilly now that the sun was fully down. The towels were added to Popee’s muddy clothes in the washing machine, and then Kedamono wove his way around the boxes back to his bed. He buried himself in the blankets, curled up into a ball in an attempt to stay warm. Miserably familiar shivers wracked his small frame. He was exhausted, but sleep refused to come for several hours.

Eventually, he slipped into a sort of half-awake slumber, still fully aware of how cold it was. It almost seemed like he could feel the minutes passing in blackness, but sooner than expected he was fully conscious again. It was undoubtedly morning, with Uba’s light footsteps barely audible from above. Papi was most likely out of the house already, as he tended to rise before dawn and stay away until sundown. And Popee was definitely still asleep; he stomped heavily enough to wake them all when he was up for the day.

Traditionally, Popee was expected to wake up on his own. This was rarely how things worked out. Uba woke him up most mornings when breakfast was ready, and Popee complained endlessly about her less-than-pleasant methods. With how angry Uba was yesterday, it was probably wise to get him up before she went after him.

Kedamono braved the journey to the main floor on all fours, slipping past the kitchen where Uba was hard at work, and up the stairs. Popee stirred slightly as he entered the room, but didn’t wake. The wolf laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Come on, pup. Time to wake up.”

Popee whined in response and tried to turn himself away. Kedamono sat on the edge of the bed to lightly tug the blanket from his grasp.

“I know, Popee. But you need to get up now, or Uba will be angry-” His words were interrupted by Popee hauling himself up, but he just as quickly collapsed with his head in Kedamono’s lap. “Please, sweetheart, I don’t want her to come after you.”

Finally, Popee spoke. “You won’t let her anyways.”

The words from Popee sounded genuine, but Kedamono could only think of the times he’d failed. His sweet pup with red scratches or rising bruises on his cheeks, hand-shaped marks encircling his wrist like a bracelet, and hammering headaches from the impact or his tears or both. It wasn’t often, but it should have been never. He felt so guilty that he might just break through the floor from the weight of it. Kedamono brushed back blond hair, letting his fingers graze Popee’s cheekbones.

Popee got fed up with the contact, as he tended to do, withdrawing to stretch and yawn. “Is she still being a bitch?”

“Popee!” Kedamono hissed in shock. “Don’t use words like that. It’s not nice.”

“It’s true, though,” he huffed back. “But whatever. I gotta go pee. D’you know what’s for breakfast?”

“I didn’t stop to check. Smells like eggs. Save some for me?”

“Don’t I always?” Popee smirked. “Just wait in the kitchen for me.”

Once the boy was up and off to the bathroom, Kedamono jumped up to make his bed. He also laid out clothes, because Uba was strictly against Popee wearing his pajamas past breakfast. At least it kind of made sense; it was easier to learn tricks when they were in more fitting clothes, though he doubted that was Uba’s reasoning. He finished just as Popee came out of the bathroom - “Popee, wash your hands” - and they headed downstairs together as usual.

Kedamono immediately headed to his post in the kitchen to help ‘clean up’, while Uba waved Popee over to the table. He did his best to listen in case he needed to intervene, but the pair were silent (normal for Popee, not at all normal for Uba). His talented ears were quick to pick up the front door opening, and he stood stiffly at attention. A glance out the doorway revealed a less-than-pleased Papi. The man looked over his son and the nanny, and then he waved the old woman closer. The two of them exited the house with a slam.

Popee turned to look at a bewildered Kedamono as he peeked out through the door frame. The boy was significantly less concerned; when the adults didn’t immediately return, he shrugged and turned back to his food. When Kedamono didn’t approach, he looked up with a mouth full of toast.

“Come on, they’re not here. Just eat at the table with me.”

“I’m not supposed to,” Kedamono reminded. But the smell of food drew him closer.

He stood frozen at the edge of the table, powerless at the banquet set out before him. Popee huffed at his continued silence and pushed a serving plate of toast towards him. He tried to hold back- he really did!- but everything smelled so good and warm food was a luxury he hadn’t had in years. Before he knew, he was shoveling it in by the handful.

Popee’s head jerked up again. “If Uba’s gone, can I stay in my pajamas?”

Chapter Text

In the end, Popee did end up changing again; only to a less obstructive onesie, because Kedamono insisted on going to their class for the day, but as long as he was wearing something he could move in, the wolf wouldn’t protest. They headed to a clear area separated by the group of trailers where the less accomplished performers lived. Most of the amateurs and newcomers were gathered there already, waiting for the senior clowns to arrive and begin the lesson. The others tended to circle up and converse beforehand, but Kedamono and Popee were rarely included. Kedamono, because they could tell he didn’t really belong, and Popee because he was half the age of the next youngest and just generally hard to get along with. The wolf always tried his best to keep Popee from noticing their relative isolation. He guided the boy through stretches off to the side.

Lessons were usually shifted between various experienced clowns, usually two or three each day. Occasionally, Papi was even responsible for the teaching. He was a notoriously strict and impatient instructor, so there was always a collective sigh of relief when he wasn’t one of the approaching faces. Today it looked like two of the female clowns - the cousins, Petunia and Parsley if Kedamono remembered correctly, but it was hard to keep track with how many people came and went each year - who preferred tumbling and acrobatic stunts over prop-based tricks. Popee didn’t acknowledge their presence, so Kedamono turned to listen to their instructions so he could guide the kid through their activities.

Sometimes they learned as a group, circled up with the teachers in the middle, but luckily they were told to split up into smaller groups. It was better for activities where they had different skill levels. Also, Popee didn’t do well with everyone able to see his performance, in case he made mistakes. It was hard enough to convince him that Kedamono needed to watch and play spotter. With Parsley guiding the runaway they’d picked up at their last show and Petunia occupied with the animal keepers’ attempts at cartwheels, Kedamono and Popee were left to themselves. Popee spent a while walking on his hands, occasionally glancing up at Kedamono (who followed him anxiously, ready to catch him if he tipped over) for praise. To be honest, it wasn’t something he should have been working on as he was already pretty good at it. Kedamono didn’t protest, though. It was nice to see him smiling and happy after the previous day.

Parsley eventually circled around to check in on them. Popee narrowed his eyes at her, as if daring her to give criticism. She just smiled, nodding to Kedamono.

“Looks like you two don’t need any help. Feel free to switch to flips or cartwheels if you want, dear. As long as Kedamono watches, it’s fine.”

Popee let his feet return to the ground. He didn’t give an answer, but instead grabbed Kedamono’s arm and looked at the ground. He often chose to ignore statements and suggestions aimed at him - or at least, to abstain from any verbal response - so Parsley didn’t seem particularly surprised; she just looked expectantly at the wolf standing by. He rushed to answer.

“We will, thank you so much! You can go back to helping the others.”

With a nod, she moved on, and Popee let go. He huffed at the change in activity. Kedamono tried to focus on him, but his mind wandered to Uba. Papi was very strict with his daily schedule; today was the first interruption that he could even remember. Whatever he wanted the nanny for, it wasn’t likely to be good. For any of them. Or more specifically, for any of them except Papi himself.

Kedamono narrowly managed to catch Popee before he smacked his head on the hard dirt, having lost his balance at the end of a roundoff. The kid snarled and ripped himself away, stalking over to the water jug. Even with years of training, he still didn’t know how to handle mistakes.

Eventually Kedamono coaxed Popee over through a sort of game where the boy held up a random number of fingers and Kedamono would try to see it as he flipped. From there it was easy to switch roles, because Popee grew bored of standing still. Soon the pup was giggling again, the previous mis-step forgotten. They continued on with their little group practice for another hour before circling up for Petunia to guide them through calisthenics, then yoga as a cooldown. Petunia showed mercy as the sun beat down overhead, calling for a lunch break.

Kedamono winced as Popee turned expectantly towards him. Usually, Uba prepared a fresh lunch for her charge (sometimes Kedamono was lucky enough to get leftovers from the night before, not that it mattered because he and Popee always pooled their food together anyways), but she hadn’t done so before she left that morning. And Kedamono had been too busy trying to get Popee ready to leave the house to make anything. Avoiding eye contact with the other students, the wolf waved Popee along and they started back to the house. It was lucky that the others were used to them going off to eat alone, because no one seemed particularly suspicious. If someone asked about why they hadn’t brought anything to eat, Kedamono wouldn’t know what to say.

Popee huffed, falling back a few feet as they walked. He made his displeasure known, kicking small rocks at Kedamono’s legs and feet. No doubt he wouldn’t be happy with whatever Kedamono made, either; cooking was not his strong suit.

There was a small group of senior performers standing in front of their house. Kedamono halted suddenly, catching Popee’s hand and squeezing to get his attention. The boy cooperated for a few moments, but he grew impatient before long. He stormed towards the house, his approach quickly noticed by Papi’s favorite drinking buddy. Guilty eyes followed them, and an uncomfortable silence fell heavy. Despite their abashment, none of them bothered to move away.

The front door was hanging wide open. Papi leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, face drawn in a very slight frown. He glanced over wordlessly at his son as they entered. Kedamono was so busy trying to read the man’s expression that he didn’t notice Uba until she was on him. She threw a mug at him before he had the chance to brace; it shattered on impact and knocked his mask askew. He hurried to fix it, feeling it nearly come up to his nose.

Uba shoved him hard. Her accusatory howl of “you” was surely loud enough for their audience to hear. Popee cried out in fear, doing his best to hide behind Kedamono as the wolf put himself between his pup and the irate woman. Her face twisted with wrath even as tears poured down her face.

“You miserable, wretched creature. You should have been out with the animals, but he-”, she whipped an arm towards Papi, who was watching passively, “let you in. You ruined my life.”

Kedamono sent Papi a pleading look, but the man just shook his head and walked away. As he did his best to shield Popee, he heard the older clown start up his truck outside. Uba seemed to hear it too. With a half-feral scream, she fell to her knees in front of them.

“I hate you,” she sobbed. “You ruined everything. You made him decide to send me away. I’ve taken care of her for years, and now I’ll never see her again.”

Popee whimpered, but stayed firmly behind Kedamono. The sound seemed to catch the nanny’s attention.

“Come here, sweetie. Please? Can’t I have a hug?”

Kedamono flinched as Popee clung to him. He was holding on so tightly that his fingers were turning white, pulling out some fur. It hurt, but the wolf wasn’t about to refuse Popee any comfort he was drawing from the action. He was shaking like a leaf as it was, big blue eyes filled with confused tears.

“Get up,” Papi spoke from the doorway. “It’s time to go. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Uba climbed slowly to her feet, still crying. She dusted off her apron, and pushed past Kedamono to leave. It wasn’t until after she crossed the threshold of the house that Popee seemed to realize what was going on.

“W-wait, where are you-”. He tried to run after her, but his father caught his wrist, holding the child in place. “Don’t leave, please, I’ll be good!”

Kedamono stepped forward as well, desperate to change the man’s mind. “Papi, why are you doing this? We need Uba, she runs the whole house.”

Papi barely spared him a glance. “I told you I would take care of things. She’s overstayed her welcome. But if you think you can’t take care of Popee on your own, I’ll be sending you out with her.”

Popee managed to kick his father in the shin, and Papi backhanded him without hesitation. He grabbed Popee’s chin and forced him to look up. Popee glared at him, tears spilling onto his cheeks.

“Stop it before I make you.”

Kedamono grabbed Popee around the waist and pulled him free. The boy screamed and thrashed, trying to free himself to run after his nanny. Unintelligible pleas fell from his lips. Kedamono didn’t dare let go, too afraid that Papi would follow through on his threat. Papi seemed satisfied with this, because he started walking back to the truck where Uba was waiting without another word.

The small group of bystanders had grown to a crowd, whispering and pointing and giggling; not for a moment caring that their entertainment was a child’s family falling apart. Kedamono had never hated his colleagues before, but something dark and ugly built up as he watched them mock Popee’s meltdown.

The truck pulled away, and Popee’s hysteria reached new levels. He turned his aggression to Kedamono, aiming for whatever he could reach. Kedamono let him. He held his pup as close as he could, crying himself beneath the mask. The fight grew weaker as the minutes passed. Eventually, as the onlookers grew bored and began to leave, Kedamono was able to loosen his grip enough to turn Popee and pull him into a real hug. The boy refused to give up, still scratching weakly at Kedamono, but he leaned further and further against him until he was barely standing on his own. Finally, Kedamono managed to lead him into the now-silent house.

Chapter Text

The next few days passed in a blur. Kedamono felt pulled in every direction as he struggled to complete his usual tasks on top of Uba and Papi’s. It was a small mercy that Popee was behaving himself, but even that left a sour taste in the wolf’s mouth. The boy switched between sulking around in his room and anxiously trailing behind Kedamono like he was about to disappear. He was far too quiet as well - Popee never really felt the need to fill the silences, but now he went hours or even whole days without speaking a word.

Papi returned on the sixth day, which meant he’d probably stopped to visit Marifa at her mother’s circus. He didn’t help out much around the house, not that he really did before. The whole group was getting ready to move on for their next circuit, which meant Papi spent most of each day out with the other performers and only came home to sleep. Popee probably should have been at lessons, but Kedamono was too busy around the house to attend and he didn’t want to send the boy without him.

That day in particular was a long one. Kedamono had woken up before the sun rose, and he was still trying to get everything done after Popee was in bed for the night. The majority of the day had gone to food prep, changing the sheets, washing dishes, and then cleaning the entire kitchen after Popee accidentally dropped a glass bowl of sauce. Now he was desperately trying to get through the laundry, which was not easy because he still didn’t understand how the washer or dryer worked. Well, the washer at least. The dryer wasn’t too complicated. He’d resorted to washing each piece of clothing by hand, soaking them in a soapy bucket before tossing them into the dryer. It was made much more complicated by how tired he was. He was dead on his feet, eyes drifting closed for a few seconds before snapping back open as he swayed from side to side. He was just toweling his arms dry when the door at the top of the stairs slammed open.

Popee tore across the room and slammed into Kedamono full force. He was heaving shaky, gasping breaths as he clung to fistfuls of the wolf’s fur. Kedamono tried to draw his attention, immediately questioning what was going on, but Popee wouldn’t respond. He twisted in Kedamono’s arms to stare urgently back at the staircase, like he was being hunted. His paranoia, combined with the odd smell hovering around him, spurred Kedamono to action.

Kedamono charged up the stairs on all fours, slammed the door shut, already searching for something to keep it shut. Popee hovered anxiously from where he’d been left, watching silently as Kedamono returned for a few of the metal tent stakes, wedging them into the narrow stairway against the door. Back down the stairs, back to Popee, who stumbled into his arms and collapsed.

Lowering them both to the floor with care, Kedamono took a moment to look over his pup. With a jolt, he realized Popee was in a different set of pajamas than he’d been wearing when Kedamono put him to bed. His hair was down, almost covering an oddly shaped bruise on his neck. Popee jerked away when he tried to investigate. He avoided eye contact as he slumped forward against Kedamono’s chest.

“What’s going on, Popee? What happened up there?”

Popee hummed a tense note that was mostly muffled by Kedamono’s fur. The wolf frowned, frustrated; it felt like all the clues were there, but he had no idea how to piece them together. And Popee was clearly in no condition to explain, mostly nonverbal as he seemed to be for the moment. Kedamono half-carried, half-dragged him to the blanket nest in the corner, where he snuggled down. The distress continued to roll off him in waves, partially covered by the unfamiliar, musky scent that still clung to him.

A knock came from the door. Popee’s eyes squeezed shut, entire body stiffening in anticipation. Kedamono growled low in his throat, tossing a spare blanket over Popee to shield him before returning up the stairs. He held the doorknob so it couldn’t be turned. Just in time, too; a moment later it was being fiddled with.

Papi’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Kedamono, let me in. I know Popee’s down there.”

“What did you do to him,” Kedamono demanded. He held on tight as the man tried to pry the door open.

“I think I made a mistake. Can you let me in?” Papi managed to overpower Kedamono, pushing the door open, but it only opened a few inches before it hit the stakes and jammed. “Let’s talk about this.”

“No way in hell, until you tell me what’s going on.”

The older man had wedged his hand in the door, trying to push more of his arm through, but he fell still and silent for a few seconds as he processed Kedamono’s words. “Popee didn’t tell you?”

Kedamono tensed up, sensing that he’d made a mistake, but Papi continued on quickly. “I told you I would take care of things. I just showed her how fun it is to be a girl. She liked it, she simply doesn’t realize it yet.”

“I’m not letting you in here,” Kedamono warned. “I don’t know what you did, but you hurt him.”

Papi’s honeyed words faltered just slightly, frustration creeping in. “You might want to think twice before you refuse me, Kedamono. You’re in my house, and you work for me.”

A whimper came from the bottom of the stairs. Kedamono’s lips pulled back in a snarl behind his mask, defensive at the sight of his terrified pup peeking around the corner. He turned his attention back to the door, leaned back, and then slammed his full body weight against it. There was an audible crunch as it crushed Papi’s fingers. Papi screamed out in pain and yanked his hand free. Mostly unintelligible swears and insults fell from his lips, mixed with demands to be let in. Kedamono didn’t bother with an answer. It was disturbing to hear Papi so completely unhinged, but he was too angry to care. He left the man to scream at the door.

Popee was easily led back to the nest. Kedamono laid down with him, tucking the blankets around them. Eventually, the shouting stopped. There was the distant sound of the front door slamming, then nothing but silence. He shifted to look at Popee after a few minutes. The child was laying motionless, eyes wide and staring at nothing. His face was completely blank. Kedamono stroked his cheek; no reaction. It was like he was in a different place entirely.

“I’ve got you, pup.” Still nothing, but Kedamono kept talking in hopes that Popee could hear him. “I won’t let him get you. Everything will be alright.” Even as he said the words, he knew nothing would ever be the same.