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The first time Jinwoo and Jehyun kiss, it’s on the tiny little loveseat in the living area of Sebin’s cramped studio apartment.
It’s… cool, you know. The kiss. Out of the blue, yeah. Completely unexpected. Never been done before. But it’s cool .
Save for the fact that Sebin’s sitting between them on the loveseat when it happens.
He’s not entirely sure who initiated it. All he knows is that his two best friends in the whole wide world are laughing and leaning over him one moment--to the point where he has to sit up a bit to be able to look at the football game on TV over the top of Jehyun’s brightly dyed hair--then the two of them are laughing and leaning over him and kissing each other the next moment.
Not some quick, chaste cheek kiss or forehead smooch. They are mouth to mouth. And they make it look so fun. So easy. As if such a thing can’t possibly change the way their entire friendship works. Eyes flutter closed. Cheeks flush red. Tongues dart out and meet in a twirling dance. Their lips press together wetly and the sound of it makes Sebin take his eyes off of the television to watch. Jehyun can’t stop smiling. Can’t stop giggling. Can’t stop blushing. Like this is the happiest he’s ever been. Jinwoo leans further and further forward, as if he wants to catch every single one of Jehyun’s giggles and sighs on his tongue. They pull apart, just a little bit, only for a moment, but then Jehyun tugs on Jinwoo’s hair a bit and pulls him back in for another featherlight, orange-scented kiss.
Orange. Because it’s Jinwoo’s favorite flavor of lip balm.
Sebin gets so deep a whiff of the citrus scent that he gets dizzy.
What is going on here? What is happening ?
Sebin’s heart does something strange as he watches. Maybe it swells up with affection. Maybe it turns a little green with envy. Maybe it breaks into a hundred thousand pieces. He doesn’t know. He can’t tell. It all feels the same to him. Like he can’t get a deep enough breath. But he watches every moment of that kiss more intently than he’s ever watched any football game. He listens to the rhythmic smack of their lips. He listens to the way Jinwoo lets out a high-pitched gasp as Jehyun playfully bites his bottom lip. Sebin watches the way Jinwoo threads his and Jehyun’s fingers together. But, more than anything, Sebin is viscerally aware of the bony sharpness of his friends’ elbows as they lean onto his thighs for leverage.
Only when Jehyun’s giggles peter out do the two of them truly draw away from each other and it takes all of Sebin’s willpower to put his eyes back on the television screen as if he hadn’t been watching every second. He tries to maintain an image of calm. Tries so hard, so desperately, to play at being unaffected even though he’s watched his whole world change. But on the inside, his thoughts are a whirlwind and he is gnashing his teeth so hard that his whole jaw hurts.
And what is most surprising about this whole thing is that neither Jinwoo or Jehyun make a big deal out of it.
Jehyun leans forward towards the coffee table, lifts the box of Pocky--strawberry--and pulls out a stick. Jehyun nibbles at it, not offering the other end to either of them.
Jinwoo goes back to scrolling through Insta on his phone.
Sebin gulps and clenches his fists. He tries not to bolt upright and make a run for the door even though this is his place. He tries so hard to sit still and process the last three minutes as he mindlessly stares at the TV. He’s so out of sorts that he doesn’t even react when his favorite team scores a much needed touchdown.
Sebin can see Jinwoo staring up at him out of the corner of his eye now. Jinwoo watches him, cheeks still red, wet lips parted in a smile, like he’s just remembered something pleasant. Jinwoo stares at Sebin’s lips like he wants to kiss him too.
And Sebin wants him to. Just to see how it feels. Just to get a taste of the orange. But he doesn’t trust himself. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t meet Jinwoo’s hungry gaze.
Jehyun pulls out another Pocky stick and eats it with a satisfied hum.
Jinwoo turns back to the television screen.
🍇
Sebin wonders if he missed a sign.
He wonders if Jinwoo and Jehyun have always been a thing--a couple--and he just hasn’t paid enough attention.
It hurts. A little. Because he’s not sure they ever told him straight up. He’s not sure they ever sat him down and explained that they’ve been going out.
They are best friends. He should know this!
But they are best friends. And the lines get blurred so completely when this much time has passed. When they’ve all been friends since middle school. When they’ve stuck with each other through thick and thin for damn near a decade. The feelings get so easy to mislabel and misconstrue when you spend so much time with someone. Right? Because of proximity. Like when people who go through frightening or dangerous situations together and mistake the surge of adrenaline and hormones for romantic desire. Surely, that’s what has happened here, Sebin reasons. When the hugs and hand holding and cheek kisses and ‘love yous' come so naturally, it’s easy to just go sliding right over the boundary. Sebin knows. He’s already had several late night chats with the popcorn ceiling of his bedroom, working through these churning feelings. Attempting to keep them at bay.
Emotions aren’t easy to lock away, however.
Sebin thinks over how easy it could be to let himself fall in love with his best friends.
Between the two of them, it is Jinwoo who is the touchy-feely one. It’s a bit of a surprise. And definitely something he attempts to deny when directly asked. Jinwoo always has to lean against someone. Drape an arm around them. Prop his head on a shoulder. Hold a hand. He has a habit of running his slim fingers along the length of Jehyun’s or Sebin’s arms, tracing their veins. He’s quick to cry. And whether it’s because he’s frustrated or angry or frightened or sad or just terribly happy, Jinwoo needs to be gripped in a deep, tight hug when he’s in tears. But it’s funny, now that Sebin thinks back on their most recent years, how Jehyun steers a crying Jinwoo into Sebin’s arms rather than hugging him himself. No, not to be rid of him. But because Sebin gives the best hugs , Jehyun had said that one time.
Jehyun functions differently. He’s so high energy. So bubbly and full of sunshine. Adorably naive, sometimes, and boundlessly curious. He expends that energy mainly through his hands. Through making and creating. Through giving . He tends to his mother’s garden and is always bringing over vegetables fresh out of the ground for Sebin to use in his cooking. He crafts and weaves and knits. Blankets and baskets and scarves. He makes beautiful jewelry out of resin. Most of the earrings Sebin wears, most of the bracelets Jinwoo is so fond of, they were lovingly hand made by Jehyun. And it is best to pay him back in kind. Sebin always shares the meals he cooks up with the ingredients Jehyun brings him. And Jinwoo will spend an hour at the crafts store, picking out supplies and materials he thinks Jehyun could make use of.
They fit together so well.
Yes. No wonder it is so easy to fall in love.
🍇
The first time Jehyun kisses Sebin, it’s two days later on Jehyun’s big canopy bed at his mother’s house.
The bedsheets are fluffy and white and the comforter is possibly too thick for the overly warm weather they’ve been having lately. The canopy hanging between the four posters is lacy and gossamer and tickles Sebin’s bare arms as he pulls it aside to lean over the mattress.
“You wake him up,” Jinwoo tells Sebin, poking him in the side. “He’ll just roll over and go back to sleep if I do it.”
“Fine,” Sebin huffs, but he’s smiling.
There’s a gentle drizzle falling outside and the smell of wet earth and fresh herbs floats into the room through the half-open window.
Sebin only intends to wake Jehyun. And he has done that with a firm hand on Jehyun’s shoulder and a gentle call of his name.
Jehyun rolls over towards him, the comforter falling off his slim shoulders. His bright bluish-purple hair is a bird’s nest of wild curls. Jehyun blinks open his small, pretty brown eyes and focuses on Sebin’s smiling face above him. He reaches up both arms in a stretch as his tiny mouth stretches open in a yawn.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Sebin coos. He runs a hand through Jehyun’s frizzy hair.
“Mornin’,” Jehyun croaks, his voice still tight with tiredness. Then he wraps his arms around Sebin’s neck, pulls and pulls and pulls until Sebin’s face is right in front of his.
Then they are kissing.
Gentle. Sweet. Easy. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world to kiss your best friend on the mouth. Sebin pushes forward immediately, as if all he needed was for Jehyun to make the first move. Jehyun’s tongue is warm against his own and pushes past his to drag across the roof of his mouth. Sebin bites down--softly--on Jehyun’s tongue and manages to pull a low, sleepy moan from Jehyun’s throat.
The kiss lasts too long yet doesn’t last long enough.
Sebin comes to his senses. He makes himself twist his head away until their mouths separate. “I’m not Jinwoo,” he whispers against Jehyun’s cheek, wondering if the early morning hour is to blame for the mistake.
Jehyun laughs against his mouth before lightly kissing him again. “I know,” he says back. Jehyun unwraps his arms from around Sebin’s neck. Lets him stand to his full height. Sits himself up.
“You didn’t forget we were coming over, did you,” Jinwoo asks from Sebin’s side. “You told us to be here at 7AM sharp but you aren’t even awake .” He cackles and points at Jehyun’s poofy bed hair.
Jehyun crawls across the mattress, grips Jinwoo’s shirt collar and cuts off the man’s raucous laughter with a kiss.
For some strange reason, Sebin turns away.
🍇
The first time Jinwoo kisses Sebin, it’s the weekend and they are in the back seat of Jehyun’s car.
All three of them are out eating dinner, the car parked in the lot of a fast food joint because Sebin’s not in the mood to cook.
It feels good. Like this is what life’s supposed to be about.
The windows are down. Jehyun’s got the radio turned up a little. He doesn’t recognize the song but the singer’s floaty voice sounds so familiar that Sebin can’t believe he can’t recall her name. Outside, the sky is gold with sunset and the mountains in the distance are violet with shadow. The burgers--though a little greasy and with too much mayo dripping off the bun--taste great and Sebin’s so high on life that he doesn’t complain when Jehyun reaches into the back seat to grab Sebin’s bag and steal his fries.
Jinwoo reaches out a hand and drops it onto Sebin’s thigh and his fingers drum out the beat to the song.
That’s how it happens. That’s how it starts.
One song morphs into another and Jinwoo’s fingers increase in tempo on Sebin’s thigh.
Now it feels less like he’s keeping time with the music and more like he’s trying to get Sebin’s attention.
So Sebin swallows his mouth full of Angus beef and lettuce and bacon and cheese and tilts his head towards Jinwoo.
Jinwoo’s already looking at him, of course, and even though they’ve known each other for so many years, it feels like Sebin’s looking at him for the first time. The burning gold sunlight just does something to his eyes. Lights a fire in them. Does something to his skin. Makes him glow. Sebin’s gaze trails down Jinwoo’s long, skinny nose and traces the round, fat curve of Jinwoo’s bottom lip. When he drags his eyes back up to meet Jinwoo’s stare, he doesn’t look away. He doesn’t blink.
Jinwoo wastes no more time. He crawls just a little bit forward, leans up, puts a hand on Sebin’s broad shoulder for balance, and, at long last, crashes their mouths together.
Their lips misalign. Sebin’s twisted too far to the right. Jinwoo’s tilting his head too far back. It’s an almost painful clash of teeth. But they pull apart, laugh at each other, and try again to greater success.
It’s a fiery kiss. One that burns brighter and hotter as the seconds tick by. The flames are fanned higher by the hot summer evening and by the sweat on their skin. By the breeze passing through the open window and the heated lyrics of the song buzzing through the car’s shitty speakers. By the sunset warming their skin. By the ketchup and salt Sebin licks and swallows off Jinwoo’s tongue.
Jinwoo slots his bottom lip between Sebin’s and Sebin gratefully nibbles and sucks on it, pulls on it with his teeth until Jinwoo shudders and whimpers and pulls himself away.
“Two fries left,” Jehyun sings out from the front seat. “Open.”
Jinwoo turns his head, swings open his mouth. Jehyun puts a fry on the tip of his tongue and Jinwoo bites into it hungrily.
Then Jehyun turns to Sebin. “Open.”
Obediently, Sebin tilts forward off of the seat and lets Jehyun feed him.
Just like they’d do on any other evening like this. As if making out with each other changes nothing. As if they can keep being best friends after this.
Perhaps they can.
🍇
It is strange how little the kissing changes things between them.
They still get together at Jinwoo’s place on Wednesday evenings and play Tekken. They still keep up with the football playoffs at Sebin’s apartment. They still have big dinners at Jehyun’s mom’s house on Sundays afternoons.
The things they talk about do not change.
But more importantly than that, the love that they’ve always had for each other doesn’t change.
In fact, it seems to grow.